I am Robb Stark.

One day I was not Robb Stark and then BOOM, I wake up inside the body of this naive little shit.

Now, being your typical self insert, I had entertained the thought of myself being in such a position previously.

Still AsoIaF was not exactly on my list of "shows I would want to end up in" but what can you do, eh? You gotta man up, eat the excrement presented to you with a smile on your face, thank for it and order some more.

What a beautiful metaphor for this whole situation.

I mean hey, at least I am not some no name peasant, that would have either gotten raped or killed within a year for no reason at all. Probably between some lords warring with each other. Even with my knowledge it would have been hard as fuck to raise myself in power and ensure my survival, let alone try to change the plot in some ways. Really not a fate I would wish onto many.

Or some small noble that would have to appease his Lord Paramount and as such would have to watch his back on the rise of power or be taken care off at some point or another for being too ambitious.

No, instead I am that fucking Lord Paramount biatch!

Yes, when I learned that I had woken up inside this body right after the day my "Father" had left with the fat whore-king, I did not know what to do.

Do I storm right behind them and fight my hardest like the good little self insert that I am, all for the sake of "correcting" the plot and saving all the poor souls? Do I warn my father? Maybe even tell the King all the truths so the fat bastard can kill the three children and the twins in his mad rage? Maybe immediately storm outside the wall to try and prove the walkers are a real thing and we ought to finally play together and believe in the power of friendship and beat the evil out there?

But eh, Fuck em!

Daddy dies for his stupidity and I get the whole North. A fair bargain to me.

But for all dem haters: Eddard never wanted the realm to go to war and had even confessed to the sins he did not commit just to avoid it.

So when his retard of a son went to war right after that and destroyed the realm with the whole King of the North shit, I can only imagine that he was the biggest disappointment in the whole history of Starks.

With that conclusion by me not doing shit, I am doing hell of a lot of good.

Good on me.

So here, I am doing everyone a favor by... not doing a fucking thing.

Well, that is not the whole truth, but once again, I am not exactly straining myself to save my father so eh?

Still gotta be careful and keep my dumb bitch of a mother here and not run off and start the war.

"Sooo..." I sat in my fathers (my) study with the Maester sitting before me. Like so many good little self inserts before me, my first idea was to MAKE THE NORTH GREAT AGAIN. We even have a fucking wall mate! .

So I had some half backed ideas back inside my head and wanted to explore them with the man. "What about plows?"

The old man sighed once again. "Yes Robb, they do exist." He then searched for a while and showed me the designs of some half decent for the middle ages plows.

"Fuck. Okay, but you will help me later in the design of some seed drills... And you are sure that steel has long since been invented and is very common?"

The man sighed annoyed but still explained it to me in an as little condescending voice as possible."Yes Robb, our northern steel is even among some of the best in all of Westeros. As you know we have some decent mines in the mountain ranges to the south west of the Northern region and they produce all the iron we need. Though as most Lords in the north view trade as a necessary evil, our export despite this is still very... low. The North mostly only uses it themselves."

Man, those people have no fucking clue of economics! Fucking degenerates have 0 export and only ever import other goods, such as food and whatever out of the other Kingdoms.

As in it is actually a wonder there is still any money at all in circulation in the North!

"Okay okay, but what about and get this, Cement! Liquid rock that you can shape into bricks to then build structures far easier than we do now, with building them with rocks." I wiggled my eyebrows. "Eh, eh? How about dat?"

He looked thoughtful at that. "Well, we have something similar that we use to hold the stones you spoke of together, but I do not believe there has ever been something you have described."

"Ha! Finally! Got you there old man! Okay write that shit down. We will need Lime, lots of fucking Lime and finely ground clay which we will then heat the shit of. Then we take that shit and add Gypsum to it, only very little, like 3/100. Then once that is done, we add sand and water and mix that and boom, you got Cement."

I briefly wondered if I should dispose of the man that raised me. I knew that the knowledge would soon end up in the Citadel, the maesters were sneaky like that. But then realized that it was not all that hard to find out how to make the cement as any idiot would be able to create it. So he gets to live for a little while more.

There is also the whole maesters conspiracy and how he fucked over the Starks by driving them to the war against the Targaryens to begin with, but whatever. Sins of the past and all that.

They were cunts anyway, the targaryesn that is.

Luwin just looks at me oddly. "Where in the seven hells have you found that out?"

I just shrugged, a smug little grin on my face. "I kind of did not want to brag, but I am kind of a big genius myself."

Now that I think about it, I should totally travel to both the Tyrells and Lanisters and sell the secrets for Cement for a fuckton of money to them before the war starts. I've got like one more year, right? Gonna milk that shit for all that it's worth before those fucks end up stealing it in the future anyway. Martells as well, if only because they have lots of both sand and lime.

"Okay, then next. Tell me what the north grows in our wast fields. Because with the metric literal fuckton of import we do from the Tyrells, I refuse to fucking believe that our farmers do ANYTHING even remotely right."

He rolls his eyes and lists me a very long list of different things.

By the end of it I just stare stupidly at him.

"So you are telling me..." I rub the bridge of my nose and refuse to believe what I am told. "That we do not grow Potatoes? That the wast swamp lands in our south do not grow any rice? You people retarded?"

Luwin sputters for a while and then goes into a long rant on the dangers of Potatoes from the far east of Essos and how they once tried but then they often turned venomous for some reason so they stopped. They also never really tried growing rice as well.

I just shook my head and explained to him why that was and all the ways of storing potatoes right so they do not turn fucking poisonous. Ordered him to get me them so we can start planting it and gave him a list of other vegetables out of the top of my head that would do well in the north like pea greens and salad burned.

Did potatoes not just grow naturally in lands such as these anyway? Man, I just need to find them and really get going!

"You know the best part about Potatoes Luwin?" I asked him smugly. "We are going to create a new kind of alcohol out of that shit and we are going to call it Vodka! Strong stuff and makes you warm inside, much better than the wine that is everywhere or the expensive shit from Essos. When I am done with it, the whole north will drink it ha ha!" I exclaimed in triumph. "We are going to make the whole north into alcoholics yet."

Oh man, pretending like I am the genius behind all of those inventions.. Fucking get shit on, my previous earth! Me genius now!

Then it suddenly hit me. "We are going to make the whole north into alcoholics?"

Luwin just shrugs. "The small folks life's are shit. They already are, if you really think about it. Only difference they are drinking wine the quality of horse piss. Might as well give them something better."

"Yes, exactly. What you said, we are doing them a favor." I thought about it some more things to "invent."

Really gotta reinvent glass. What was is again? I remember getting an A+ for that shit in chemistry.

Very fine sand without any impurities plus washing soda. Is there already washing soda invented here? Plus once again lime. Lead oxide if I want to really make it good. Maybe add other chemicals for color. Then heat that shit and do the other.. stuff...

I will think on it once I get there.

But man, with glass I ought to be really careful as there is only one city that produces any in Essos and they guard their secrets jealously and would destroy and competition.

I also do not want the cunts from the citadel to get the recipe.

"By the way, I want all my men to look for small children in the north who had their tongues cut out but who can write and read. Those are the spiders spies. Do not kill them or anything, I believe their skills could be useful to the north, I mean how many men can write and read as well as them? I bet even the Lords would be hard pressed. Find them and get them things to do, be it to work under Maesters or whatever, we may speak later on this more.

But also make sure people will be on the lookout for other spies, be it from Baelish, Boltons or even the fucking Queen. Look for brothels for Baelish's spies."

With that I ended my discussion with the Maester and sent him to order all the things we talked about.

There is going to be a revolution in the north baby!

But as for now?

I look down onto the Direwolf puppy of mine who lies on his back and presents me with his open belly with the cutest little look on his face. "Who is the cutest alpha predator of them all? Yes you are! Yes you are!"

Three weeks later

"Soo.." Luwin stands beside me as we watch the fields being prepared not far of Winterfell with our newly designed machines. "Why exactly are we leaving one of the four fields empty but prepare it anyway?"

"It's called crop rotation you uneducated plebeian. Gods dammit, get your shit together Luwin."

I pay him no further mind as we walk away and I watch the first few buildings out of cement still in the process. Ohh what I would not give for some good old fiber glass for the insulation but instead I have to do with... whatever the fuck they are using. Mud and hey?

Fucking normies.

Nothing new or groundbreaking, simple design with a typical triangular roof top so that snow will not be gathered on top and a chimney. Nothing new except the fact that it was built with unprecedented speed and low costs. Once the builders get some experience it will become even easier and with my plans they will get lots and lots of experience by the time I am done with them.

Not to mention that it provides for lots of new and for the small folk well paid jobs.

Soon I would send them south to Moat Calin to rebuild it. Why? Fuck me if I know.

But I read fanfictions where it was an important castle and shit. So it gets rebuild.

Add to that my plans for simple things such as saunas and bathhouses but also many plain houses for the small folk and there would be lots of work in the north.

We've got like 2 more years before winter? I remember all saying it is going to be the longest winter till yet, the long night and all that jazz. I also remember how there was a huge food shortage in all of the North.

Really gotta speed the food production up in this motherfucker. Cut the taxes and spend all of our money. Not like gold will be worth shit once a 10 or so year winter will come to these lands.

I also briefly thought on my "sisters." and the fates that await them.

Arya gets to be a little psycho assassin, how fucking cool is that?

Man, she comes with the hound to the north, I'll still fucking send her to the house of black and white, I don't give a fuck.

She wanted to be a little warrior? She gets that and then some!

We are now all for some women empowerment in the north and shit, totally.

And Sansa does not get to stay a useless little cunt and gets to learn politics from Cersei and Littlefinger.
Good on her.

I mean she does get abused and such.. but eh, whatever. Did not like her anyway.

Then there is Jon Snow, who I do not think is really a secret Targaryen or whatever. There is plenty evidence in the books that a baby swap had taken place and that Jon is most likely than not the son of Brandon Stark and Ashara Dayne or something like that, while Daenerys is actually the daughter of Lyanna.

Why? Daenerys childhood is shrouded in mystery and when Robert Baratheon threatened to have her assassinated, Ned only ever thought of his promise to Lyanna and how he needed to keep Daenerys safe.

Does not sound like much, but it was much better explained in the theories videos I watched.

I just hate Jon Snow being a secret Targaryen because it is so fucking obvious.. The writer must have put those logic threads there on purpose, a red herring. I also fucking despise that reveal in the show where Jon turned out to be Azor Ahai, the King and the savior of the world who will ride a dragon and wield a flaming magical sword and kill all the whites (Phrasing, lol.) and get to pork his beautiful Targaryen Aunt and they will all get to have beautiful babies together and live happily ever after.

Oh no wait, bitch is barren.

Incest is still Wincest though, yo.

I had watched the lord of the rings, Star Wars and Harry Potter. I do not want to have the same shit story once more with that one special hero, favored by the fates chosen savior.

Fuck that.

So instead I really think Jon Snow has some other parentage. I also found it curious how Luwin wanted Jon gone for some reason and was responsible for convincing Ned that he wanted to go to the wall. Almost like there was a reason for why he wanted Jon to denounce his name and lands and such..

Anyhow!

I get to be the Lord Paramount thanks to that, so good on you, Luwin. I will give you some more years before I have you killed.

Fuck the chosen one or whatever bullshit and fuck Jon Snow. I mean he is cool for a downer, but I'd not want to hang out with him.

Bran was far more important.

The question is now though: Do I send my crippled little brother beyond the wall to meet that strange corpse dude? One that will feed him strange substances that will make him tripping balls?

Sounds legit.

Man, why don't I get me some of that paste from Bloodraven for... academic purposes.

But one thing I did find curious in the books. Bloodraven was really described as a corpse that was only held together by the Weirwood trees. Why that is important?

Because it leaves some ambiguity as to if Bloodraven is really even still there or the Children just wanted him for his unique and powerful greenseers genes. If they did not just possess his body in what Martin has described as the greatest abomination of all: The skinchanging of a man.

Bran did after all go through a Heroes Journey monomyth. He was a simple boy, had his fall and a got information of a rising evil that threatens the whole world. Had this old man who appeared as a kind mentor and a younger companion that teaches him lots of stuff. He traveled, went through many difficulties and finally reached the old man who promised to teach him all sorts of cool as fuck magic.

The thing is, we already had such kinds of stories in the A song of Ice and Fire and every single time they ended differently from what we expected. Differently from what we got used to getting.

Robb is this amazing heir of the north, honorable and leads a war to fight against the injustice his father suffered. He gets too meet his love and wins one battle after another.
We all expected him to win that shit, right?

Except the North turned out to be filled with rapists and raiders that pillaged the lands of the reach and further, hated equally by the smallfolk just as with the Lannisters.

Except Rob is not this heroic war hero that will go down in Legends and is instead this entitled heir that believes he can start a whole war for his families drama, not paying attention to what history taught him.

Except he is young and inexperienced and the enemy uses that little thing dangling between his legs to fuck him completely over and make his story into a tragedy.

So excuse moi if I do not believe bloodraven is this kind white wizzard of Dumbledoor and has instead some far darker motives.

Is he really a puppet for the children? Or is he maybe only out to steal Brans body?

I do not know and the only clue we ever got is that G.R.R. Martin came out and said that Bran is one of the 5 characters that will survive the bitter sweet ending of the story.

But as we all know, just surviving does not have to mean all that much..

So question: Do I send Bran beyond the wall?

Jojen Reed was this bright young lad that got his mission to accompany Bran there, but as he arrived at his final destination, he got sickly and depressed. All until he disappeared and Bran got to eat a bloody paste that was said to make him stronger.

Could it be that Jojen was tricked and only used by Bloodraven? Could it be that Bran was no different? Only of more importance than the stepping stone that was Jojen?

But even if that, does humanity stand a chance against white walkers? Without such a power as a taught Bran that could travel time?

It could, after all turn out to be that Bran is going to be THE one to do something that will save the whole world.

As in the real chosen one or whatever.

I would think on this.

Right now the time line was still so that the assassin did not attack the sleeping Bran with a dagger of Valyrian steel.

The piece of shit also burned down our library for a distraction, one of the largest in the whole world with books that would forever be lost thanks to that.

Degenerate...

He was sent by Joffrey, by the way. In case you were wondering on that mystery.

All because Joffrey is a cruel little shit that earns for the approval of his whore king of a father and heard him say that death would be more merciful to the boy.

I remembered him sleeping in the barns, hidden away from everybody and had armed men find and imprison the assassin.

He was swiftly killed after I had all the needed info tortured out of him.

And now I was the proud owner of a Valyrian steel dagger! Yuhu!

This of course had as a result that Catelyn Stark did not up and march behind her husband to reach Kingslanding. She would not imprison Tyrion and would not cause relationships between Staks and Lannisters to spike.

My father would not fight Jaime and get wounded heavily, he would not as a response create the brotherhood without banners to send them after the mountain.

Which by the way was a total cop out. The people that reported the Mountain raiding their lands were full of shit. They reported that the mountain only raped and killed them for no reason at all, did not even take their money.

But as we meet them later through the eyes of an imprisoned Arya, all they do is torture and kill people all for the sake of them telling where their hidden riches are.

The mountain may be a cruel cunt, but he cares a great deal for money. So this whole situation was created by Littlefinger just for more tension between them.

Would my father still get to die? Fuck yeah he would.

Robert would still get killed by his dumb fat ass, a boar gutting him. The boar will totally be a skinchanged Bloodraven.
Eddard Stark would still find the same clues as did Lord Arrys. He would still confront the queen and in that totally get killed as he is an honorable idiot.

He trusts Bealish, what a fucking degenerate! I am ashamed to have the same genes as him!

Why does he trust him? Because Catelyn would sometimes talk about him as a good friend.

So he decides that man is trustworthy. But what does he know else about Littlefinger?

Littlefingers love for Catelyn, his obsession. His reasons to hate Eddards older brother, who nearly killed him. How he has no honor as he deals with whores. Finally how he could hate Eddard for getting to marry the woman he lusted after.

He even finds out how Littlefinger claimed to have stolen the virginity of both Tully sisters.

Why he decided that man was trustworthy, is just beyond me.

Fuck, Varys wants to install a Blackfyre onto the Iron throne and he is a thousands times more trustworthy than Baelish!

But whatever: Lord of the North. The south can go fuck itself. Not going there, they can all kill each other for all I care.

I have ties to the Tullies and the Riverrun, lands which boarder ours just bellow the Twins and the Freys. So maybe if it came to war, my mother would demand me helping.

But I would only limit that to a defensive war. One where I would prioritize us waiting for the Winter and getting as much crops from the lands as I possibly could. Nothing else mattered.

And as for now? I had maybe 2 years tops and I wanted to use every single second of it.

"My lord!" I was brought out from my thoughts by a maid. She came in rushing into my open room and I just raised an eyebrow for her to get on with it. "Lord Tyrion Lannister had arrived at Winterfell."

My mouth opens up and splits in a massive grin. If it is not the everyone's favorite little imp of the series!

"Good... sent him here, to me. I want to have a little chat with him."

Now that I think on it, I should invite more of the awesome people to the north. Like Qubyrn and... Bron?
Though he is a man of Varys, so I don't want him anywhere near me.

Mance Reyder? Yeah, I like that guy. Even if he is a scheming player of the game that cares for his people most and foremost. We could still come to an understanding. In fact, I had some plans that depended on it and would use the free folk in ways nobody would ever thing of.

Anyone else? Nah..

Well, I will be sure to invite Qubyrn, that guy is cool.

"Lord Rob?" I was brought out of my thoughts by the arrival of the little, waddling forwards Tyrion.
And I really had to say that Peter Dinlkage is like a dwarf Bred Pitt compared to the ugly little fucker before me.

But whatever, I could easily hide that thought as I cared not for Tyrions looks, but his brains.

"Tyrion, sit, please." I offered him a seat before my table. "We have much to discuss."

"Do we?" He asked with the sort of infuriating little smirk that his sort of people got down to an art form.

"Yes.. I will be blunt with you Tyrion. Why? Because I respect you, if not as a person, then for your intelligence. I know that your brother Jaime fucks your sister Cersei." I told him, very bluntly and right to his face.

He actually jerked back as if slapped. I think nobody ever put it That bluntly, not even him himself. Maybe he had his suspicious, but always thought it batter to close his eyes and ears and yell "LALALALALA!" As loud as he could, all for the sake to not see the obvious.

"What makes you think that?" He asked as delicately as possible.

".. Not only that." I continued, ignoring him as he ignored my plea for honesty. "But he also managed to cuck the king and is the actual father of all three royal, very blond and very lannister children."

Now Tyrion was sweating heavily. "W-what? That is ridiculous.."

"Aha and your father actually loves and cherishes you... but now that we are talking about your father, did you know that this girl you once married? Tysha?

That she was no actual whore and that Jaime and your father lied to you? That she actually loved you and was threatened to do... what she did at the end? That the girl you once loved was in fact just a terrified daughter of a farmer, brutally gangraped by some 10 men plus you yourself?"

Now Tyrion just stills. His greatest trauma and greatest shame thrown right before him, his greatest nightmare turned true.

He just stares at me in horror "What?"

"Yes, see, your father was enraged by your action. He remembered that one time his own father fell for some woman who was only after his money and Tywin immediately concluded this must be the case once more.

He threatened her, her family and if fact, you yourself and forced her to suffer the humiliation of that day silently.

Forced your brother to lie to you and lied himself."

Once more, Tyrions brain just shuts down and he begins to quiver in his seat. Some tears escaping his eyes.
"Wh... How, why, what?"

"Yes and now your own sister fucked up in her own pathetic life by doing the one and only thing that was required of her: She did not provide an actual heir to the throne. How absolutely pathetic, what a sad little existence she turned out to be.

Joffrey? That insane little shit? He will drive the whole realm into chaos and war.
Jon Arryn? He found out and had to die for it. My father? Well, he is not exactly blind or stupid. So time will come where he will find out the truth and confront the queen with it. Can you guess what will come out of that?"

Tyrion did not care for that though and hit my table with all the rage inside of his little body. "HOW! How could you possibly know this!?"

I calmly sipped on some wine. "Tysha or the future?"

"Tysha!"

"Ahh, easy. But truth be told, you would not believe me even if I told you, so I won't. You could ride for Kingslanding and ask your brother. Could demand an answer of your father, he is vicious enough to just straight up tell you the truth.
But you are a smart guy, Tyrion. Question is: Do you even care at this point?"

"What?"

"Do you even care to be a Lannister any longer? Let's be brutally honest here: You will never inherit your fathers lordships. He would rather burn it all down... But beyond that, the Lannister name has only ever brought you pain. Do you even care for it any longer?"

"I-I.. I don't know..."

"Your sister is a vicious little cunt, you had just found out that your brother and father did something unforgivable to you and that the Lannister family will go down hard. All thanks to Cerseis own paramount stupidity.
Should you even stay in that cursed family any longer?
Join the North Tyrion, we got milk and cookies."

He actually barked a quivering laugh at that. "H-how the fuck do I even know you speak the truth?"

"Ask you heart, Tyrion. You know it to be the truth..." You can never go wrong with a Star Wars quote.

"..Fuck..." He said, still numb. "And the Lannisters will fall?" He asked after a good few minutes of silence.

"Stannis knows, he will lead an army against them. The Tyrells are a bunch of overtly ambitious cunts, so they could either join Stannis or the Lannisters. The rest of the realm despise them, with the Martells having their own plans for the future. Ones that will result in the certain downfall of the Lannisters.

Now is just the right time to jump the ship."

"What about your father though?" He finally asked, far more calmly now. "Will he not die, if you are to be believed?"

"Hmm, sure. He made his bed, now he gets to lie in it."

"And the north? Do you go to war?"

I laugh. "Fuck naw! We declare our fucking independence and those southern degenerates can get fucked trying to invade us, Ha!"

He too chuckled, though it was a tint incredulous. "For real? What would you even need me for?"

I grinned at him, a sharp grin. "Well, first I'ma need you to write your cunt of a father and denounce your family name. No worry, if things are good, I will give you your own lands and all that shit. Then I will show you a few things my mind came up with and you, my dear Tyrion will use that beautiful brain of yours to help me. To get to help me implement and turn those ideas into reality!"

Two months later

Turned out two years were far too little to really change anything major.

Seed drills and tools to work the brittle and cold ground of the north were forged by the hundreds every week. I had all the smiths and young people in the north work overtime in all castles to create as many of them as possible.

Then cut the taxes and promised any man or woman anywhere that as long as they could just work the lands, any land in the north not used by the lords, then they would be able to just keep those lands for as long as the Starks ruled the north.

The North was fucking huge. Half as large as the rest of Westeros. So even with all that, only maybe 10% of the land was used right now.

I had my men travel south and explain to the people my plans, how I would welcome any of them up here as long as they were willing to work for their food.

One year would be more than enough for a family to travel here, build a home and a farm and work their lands to plant whatever.

So while I could not revolutionize the north, I sure as hell could make sure the North had lots of food by the time winter came about.

"What about Vodka? Whiskey?" I asked Luwin in my study. Well, Neds, but he might as well be dead, so I took it for my own.

"Just like we predicted, it is doing absolutely great. People, lords and farmers alike love and drink it pretty much every day. Especially after a hard days of work.

Keeps them warm, hits hard and fast and makes the worlds hardships go away. Most are already alcoholics.."

"How much coin do we make from that?"

He gave me his lists and raised an eyebrow. "Enough to forget the rise of Wife and child beaters among the drunken low borne?"

I just stared at the number. The big, beautiful number on the paper I taught them how to make.

"Hell yeah it does! Woho! We are rich baby. Finally time to start with the export baby! Dry them other Lords dry of their gold and keep it circulating in the North. That's the way we do it baby!

What I would not do to get enough time to create an actual Bank... "

Economy might as well be a foreign word in this world. I would be the fucking Emperor of all moneys, if I was given the chance.

"What about the sumps south on the neck?"

"Indeed, just like you said it would... The rice from Yi Ti is growin fabulously there and the Crogmen sent letters, claiming they would never need to buy food from anywhere else. They in fact asked us to buy some rice of them."

"Hmm, good on them.. Do the fucking Freys give them any trouble?"

"They do indeed.. As you know the hatred between the houses of Reed and Frey dates back hundreds of years and this is no exception. They have proven to be quite a hindrance."

"Hmm, kay. This is what we are going to do: We write that fucking shmuck Walder Fray that I will march my fucking armies to his twins and burn that piece of shit he calls a castle to the ground. All unless he stops. The Kingdoms despise his house and not even his own liege Lord would care one single fuck for him and the hundreds of his spawn."

"..." Luwin just blinked. "... are we really going to do that?"

"Fuck yeah we are! Remember the canons I showed you? We gonna test them on his ass if he dares to step out of his piece of shit castle. In fact, I fucking hope he will.

Just like those Iron Borne cunts.

Or the Boltons.

Or those Karstarks.
...fuck me in the ass and call me all sorts of beautiful names, I am surrounded by enemies on all side, Luwin! Fucking get to work, we have a country to rule!"

"Ok.." He turned around and went to write the letter.

"Fucking Luwin, I swear.." I then barked out to Tyrion, who was staying in a few rooms beside me. "Tyrion! You better be fucking done with the black powder by now!"

One Month later

"Lord Rob." One of my men greeted me. He just came from a long journey that I had sent him months ago to Kingslanding.

Why? To warn my father? Naw.

More like to imply that he was in danger and it may be a smart thing to do some smart things. Like to get Arya and the families Valyrian sword out of there.

I was mostly kidding with me sending her to become a little psycho assassin.

To get Sansa out of the capital would be hard, especially as the little twat would fight the attempt itself and go running to the queen. She was also to marry the prince, which would cause all sorts of questions.

But Arya? She hated the place and could easily come back.

"The mission was a success." The man presented me with an overtly large sword, far too large to really be used for real battles.

Still, dat Valyrian steel though!

Looked like my father agreed with my idea. The tension in the capital must have been plenty high by that point.

Maybe I could have sent more men to leave them there to aid my father when the time came, but nope. He will die.

"Robb!" A little girl jumped out of carriage and jumped me in the arms.

Oh, right. Arya was here as well.

I just hugged her halfheartedly. "What's up?"

She looked at me and my easy smile. "You changed."

I shrugged. "You as well.. Now come inside and tell me how much of a shit hole Kingslanding is."
She grinned and started her stories of how she got to chase after cats and pigeons.

6 weeks Later.

Year 298, the twelfth month, seventh day.

December sevenths, in non retard.

The letter from Kingslanding arrives. Written in Sansas handwriting but only telling of Cersei's poisonous words.

My mother cries, I am all out of fucks to give and pretend to care. What a hard job that was.

Write letters to all of the Northern Lords, calling them to come to me.

I read that letter once more, as I did often in the last days. "She does not even mention you in that letter once.." I tell Tyrion. "It's almost like she does not care for you! Say whaaat?"

He rolls his eyes at me. "Cunt.."

"That is Lord Cunt to you." I then add in jest. "What did your father reply again to you denouncing his name and calling it a piece of shit?"

We both barked a laugh at the memory of that. "He did not answer at all." But then laughed even harder and needed to get the rest out through his wheezes.

"So I wrote another few letters, to the 6 other Lords regents of the seven Kingdoms and informed them how the mines of Casterly Rock have dried up by now and asked them politely to ask my Lord Father for a reply to my last letter!"

I broke down laughing. "Rumor is, Oberyn Martell himself rushed to travel to the Castely rock and asked Tywin personally! Never before has Tywin Lannister been as mad as in that single moment!"

"Priceless." Tyrion agreed to me.

"Is there still a bounty on that oversized head of yours?"

"Lands, tittles and riches." He nodded.

Luwin comes in through the door and calls for us. "The Lords are gathered and ready, my Lord."

I nod and the both of us stand up to go and meet all the northern lords. One that came in here, hearing about my father being imprisoned and probably expecting war.

And man, were my halls filled. There were like 60+ noble houses in the north, so many people showed up when I wrote to them.

Who was I? The genius of the north, whose inventions and advancement brought much happiness to the north.

Never before has there been such an abundance of food in the north, with more and more farms being opened daily. The lands were massive enough for that to not really matter as only about 14% of them were covered and had people living in them.

"What is he doing here?"

The lords all stood up in respect and quieted down as I walked inside, but then saw the infamous Tyrion and exclaimed in shock.

"Peace, peace my lords! As some of you might have heard by now, Tyrion has renounced his names and named his father a Cunt Paramount!" I pointed back to him. "He is cool now!"

Tyrion on the other hand, coughs, looks over to me and sees me nod. He lifts his right fist and bumps it a few times against his chest and put it to into the air. "North Power, yall!"

I just spread my arms and pointed to him. "See?"

A few laughed awkwardly. "Well, I found it funny, fuck yall." I grumble to some more laughter.

But I walked over and sat in the place of the Lord of Winterfell. "Okay, so we all know why we came here. My father got his ass captured by the prince and now you all probably expect me to go to war to free him, yes?"

"Yes!" The 60 plus men all hit their tables and exclaim loudly and eagerly. Far too eagerly for my tastes, but what can you do?

"Okay, I got some other plans, but let us just start in with filling you all into the stuff that is relevant to the situation, yes? Good, first thing first: The queen had her husband cucked as she hated him and his whoring. The children of hers are full Lannisters and have no claim to the throne. Eddard Stark found that out and confronted the queen with it. She then had her husband poisoned and killed, took the power and imprisoned my father with claims of treason."

The Lords all start to talk, shout and rage at that. Most of them spitting on the ground and crying out for Lannsiter blood.

I continued. "I saw some conflict coming and had our families sword and my little sister Arya." here I pointed to the little shit, who just grinned and waved happily to the lords. "Brought back to Wintefell. I wanted my father to go back himself, but he is a man of honor and told me he needed to do his duty."

Here I made a pause and the other lords followed suit. As a sign of respect, ya know?

"But the queen and Paetyr Baelish betrayed him and us and imprisoned my father. Now he stands to be executed at worst and be sent to the wall at best. You all expect me to go to war for that, right?"

They all shouted a loud yes.

"But my Lord father cautioned me against it. As one who lived through the last great war, he would rather go before the seven Kingdoms and admit to something he never did, all for the sake of his stupid little daughter, who is now imprisoned in Kings landing and to save our people of he horrors of war.

And you know what? I wholly agree with him!"

Now the lords got angry, started to demand of me I show them I had balls and other macho shit. Booring.

"Shut The Fuck Up! Did I say we leave those cunts? That we do nothing as response? Fucking no! We will respond to that and how we will respond to it!
North is a mighty region, the mightiest of them all, are we not?" I asked them and got an expected cry of yes. "Did we not single handily brought the last King to power over the Targaryen cunts?" Anotehr yes. "And yet! It would be pure stupidity to go with our 40 thousands men against the rest of the Kingdoms. No, if history has taught me anything then it is that every time the North goes south, it is our good peopl thate get fucked over. But the opposite is the case as well! We are the fucking North baby! No fucking Lannister will ever get to conuqer us! So my brothers, how would you like to declare independence of the southern cunts and leave them to their scheming, backstabbing ways!"

Now I got them. The even started to chant the cheesy King of the North.

"Yes, we will not go south but wait for those degenerates to come North and see them getting fucked over by us!"

They chanted more and louder.

"In fact, I'd rather have the free folk beyond the wall as my neighbor than those backstabbing bastards!" Another round of yeah!

"So let me tell you of a little plan I have cooked up. One that will get the north lots of new farmers and get the south fucked over real hard!"