Pairing: HeraxLoki (Queen of Disaster)

She had adapted surprisingly well to the Norse Pantheon.

Probably because she was a beast in her own right. Hush you, Loki snickered.

His eyes, red like rubies, followed her as she engaged in a flyting match with Thor. It was especially funny to see that she was winning, the third time this week.

Ha.

Did he forget to mention he was the cause of all this?

Yes reader, you're probably going like Of course it was obvious!

Now, you're probably wondering how this all came about right? Well, it was all very simple really.

He had simply "slipped up" to her that Thor thought she was weak, as a woman AND as a God. She had been FURIOUS.

Understatement, she looked ready to-

Quiet, you're interrupting!

Oh, F-

Moving on! Where was I? Oh yes, she was furious. Capital letters. It had taken everything within him to not let that shit-eating grin appear on his face, and Gods was it worth it!

Ten certified ways to survive your marriage with Her Majesty, Hera! [As brought to you by Loki. Actual results may vary and Loki, Co. is not liable for any damage done to your persons including (but not limited to) turning into cows, being eaten by snakes, holding a pregnancy for centuries, being torn by women, madness, disease, plague, failure of marriage and a runny stomach.]

Never…

- Insinuate that, my, she does so look fat in wolfskin and patchwork furs. Or even allow her to breach the topic for that matter. Poor, poor Odin. That was so awkward even I feel for you.

- Claim that you have absolutely no idea where those children came from. Just. No. Don't even try.

- Forget that how vindictive and jealous she is. You know it is time to run when she smiles and calls you "Dear Loki".

- Allow her to know it was you who replaced all her undergarments with snakes. In fact, make sure your pranks absolutely do not trace back to you, not if you want a visit from Death. How she got Hades to extend his influence is beyond me.

- Turn into a snake, or fill her room with snakes. Damn witch can control the damn things. I once saw her actually conversing with bloody Jormugandr, of all things!

- Insinuate that she looks like a cow. Oh Thor, you shouldn't have (But it was oh-so-very funny).

- Forget that she rules the Dominions of Family, Women, Legitimacy, and Childbirth. Damn, when she made that entire kingdom rip that one king limb-to-limb I was genuinely terrified. No wonder Freyr likes her.

- Forget that she is not only vindictive, but a true monster when provoked. Especially when it comes to her children. See above.

- Allow her, under any circumstances, to get you drunk! I know you helped her Sigyn!

- Forget to remind yourself that inspite everything, you love her absolutely and cherish her. Because she will make your life a living Hel otherwise, Hell, Hel, get it? [Ugh].