- By Fall Out Boy

- By Panic! At The Disco

For context, scroll down. Screw you if you think I'm putting that informative crap in my personal, free-writing space.

It's like, 1:00 in the goddamn morning, alright? I'm not normal. Can't even make it to 3:00 anymore; we all know the best ideas come during that ungodly hour.


Jaune didn't want to know. He couldn't imagine why he would ever want to know, but now he did.

Mercury Black, his teammate, was holding a damn dabbing contest.

No, really.

It was in the cafeteria, and Mercury was his usual self; cocky, obnoxious, full of shit, and bored out of his little sociopathic mind.

"Look, rules are simple," Mercury announced to the many students in the cafeteria, standing atop a lunch-table. "Who can keep dabbing the most wins. It's not as if Oobleck is fucking judging this or anything like that."

Ren, Jaune's other teammate, stood beside him, eyeing the whole thing. "So... he left his prosthetics on the entire night?"

Adam Taurus, the last member of team Alabaster, or ALBT, grunted after taking a bite out of his sandwich. He glanced at them, features hidden behind his shades.

Only douches wear shades indoors Jaune thought to himself.

"He was charging it all night," Adam muttered. "Tried to unplug the damn thing. Grey-haired asshole kicked me in my fucking gut." Ren smirked, "Being nice doesn't exactly work for you, huh?"

"Say shit like that again, and I skewer you. I'm a decent person." Adam replied.

"I'm vegan now."

Jaune rolled his eyes at that statement. "Gods, Taurus. You really are a pompous ass." The blonde huntsman-in-training threw his hands up in the air. "I mean, someone who calls their ex darling is probably missing some screws up in there."

A new voice joined their conversation; "The dude probably head butts everyone with those horn-heads of his, right Red?" Mercury asked.

"Fuck off, daddy issues."

"Hah! Says creepy stalker ex over here."

"I ask you to check up on Blake one time-"

Ren immediately cut them both off. "Adam, we all know it was at least ten times. And you," he pointed to Mercury, " why in the gods' good names would you hold a dabbing contest?"

Mercury's face lit up with delight at the question, and his three teammates knew what that look was about. " Well, I had this brilliant idea last night-"

Adam scoffed at that.

"And I first thought to myself, 'wow, Adam has a surprisingly soft gut', and second, 'how fun would it be if I recorded the whole school acting like idiots?'."

Jaune sighed in frustration, wondering where in life did he go wrong to get these guys as his team. "Okay, fine," he the team leader responded, " say you got the entire to school do... that, how exactly did you convince them to even join you?"

Mercury laughed and sat himself down on the table, earning him a cussing out by Adam, demanding he take his 'fat ass away from his food.' " Oh, dork of little fate. I just offered them all something they would never, ever refuse in a thousand lifetimes."

"And that would be?" Jaune immediately regretted asking the moment the words left his mouth, but for completely different reasons.

Any answer Mercury would have had was cut off when an explosion shook the entire cafeteria. The four teammates were able to grab on to the tables, since now all school furniture were glued to the table.

Glynda said it was because of some food fight incident. As if team Alabaster had anything to do with that!

Sure, they (specifically Mercury) had instigated the fight between RWBY and PNNK, but c'mon! It was all good fun. Okay, so there were major damages, like the how there was still a huge gaping hole in both the ceiling and the east wall, and yes, many of the students were still recovering from hearing problems because Flynt decided to break the holy laws of food fighting and decided to use his trumpet and the surprisingly advanced sound system of Beacon to his team's advantage, but that was all on them.

ALBT still took most of the blame.

The miniature earthquake ended, allowing the team to see the ensuing carnage that Mercury's 'contest' had caused.

There, in the center of a bunch of knocked-out Beacon students, were the two most fearsome freshmen duking it out for their just rewards.

Pyrrha Nikos, leader of PNNK, and Nora Valkyrie, here right hand woman, were locked in a heated battle, their arms practically a blur as they dabbed relentlessly, neither giving an inch.

The redheaded champion was so singularly focused on her task that she had failed to realize that her Semblance was out of control, her dark aura encasing her full body. Any and all metallic objects were shaking, vibrating. Cans and utensils orbited around Pyrrha, rotating faster and faster by the second.

Similarly, Nora was in the same boat. She too was dabbing, but unlike her leader, who was dabbing at a quick, precise tempo, she opted for powerful, flashy dabs. Every dab shot out an arc of lightning from her person, causing thunder and shaking the room.

Both women wore fierce, concentrated looks on their faces. Off the the side, RWBY , Neon, and Flynt were cowering behind a lunch-table, terrified of what was happening .

Jaune shook himself from his stupor and grabbed Mercury by the shoulders, his ever-present smirk never leaving his face for even a second.

Blue eyes bore into gray ones. "What. The. Hell. Did. You. Offer. Those. Two?!" He wildly gestured to the two monsters at the center of the storm.

Mercury shrugged. "A date with anyone on our team, duh."

Jaune was confused for a second before realization hit him like a soda can hurtling at Mach speed.

Ow.

Their leader rubbed his forehead, his aura thankfully protecting him from any lasting damage. He immediately turned on his teammate, but a blur of red tackled Mercury before he could do anything.

"What have you done?" Adam shouted in Mercury's face, terror evident on his face, even with the shades. "Have you gone mad? Tell me, Black! Tell me!"

Mercury cackled under the grip of his friend, madness filling his stormy gray eyes. "What I was born to do, Horn-head! To ensue chaos among the masses, destroying this gods-forsaken place and taking everyone, including us, along with it!"

He pointed to the two huntresses-in-training, a manic grin plastered on his features. "Look upon them, my brothers! Watch as these two forces of nature do what they're supposed to do!"

"Allow them to finally fulfill their destinies! Ahahahaha!"

Adam Taurus, mouth agape, rose from the floor. He turned to Jaune, tears streaming down his eyes. "Jaune... what do we do?"

Jaune had already conjured up a plan during the chaos.

"Adam, help me get Ren to Nora, now!" The boy in question was held tightly by Jaune, struggling to free himself from his fate.

"Let me go Jaune! We can still make a break for it!" Ren pleaded, his voice filled with fear and desperation. "Nora will never catch us in the forests!"

Adam marched up to the both of them and punched Ren right in the face. "It's not about escaping, damn it! Everything we've worked for, gone because we ran."

The bull Faunus grabbed his two friends, bringing them overhead. "Jaune, Ren. I'm sorry, but I refuse to have my work towards equality dissolve because those two girls are thirsty!"

Jaune, now just realizing what states he's in, practically screams like a woman. "Adam no-!"

"Please, Adam, don't do this!"

Adam refused to give, but he was still being affected by their pleas.

What am I thinking?! These are my brothers!

Adam shook himself, removing any trace of pity in his heart and steeling himself for the task at hand.

"Forgive me, brothers. But the hardest choices require the strongest of wills."

"Fuck you!"

"You stole that from a movieYIEEEEEEE!"

Adam chucked them both, his aura granting him the strength necessary to do the deed.

He cupped his hands in front of his mouth and yelled. "It's a tie! There's your reward!"

Both girls immediately stopped, their predatory eyes locking on to the two young men sailing overhead, screaming their heads off as they gripped each other, realization dawning on them as they neared the open arms of two very beautiful, very powerful, very terribly smiling women.

"NOOOOOOO!"


"And that's how I saved the school, my beauty."

"Shut up, Adam."

"Okay."

RWBY and the halves of teams PNNK and ALBT were huddled around a mostly intact table, enjoying the cafeteria food.

Classes were suspended due to the destruction caused by Pyrrha and Nora in the contest, but Adam had overheard from the halls that apparently, Ozpin had won some bet that concerned 'ships' and 'porking', which the Faunus did not want to get into.

Yang sighed, setting aside her bowl of noodles. "So, Taurus. What happens now?"

Adam shrugged. He had done his part. He had saved the school and tied up the madman that was Mercury Black, surrendering him to Glynda Goodwitch for punishment.

He could still hear the shrill cries of pain and humiliation from across the school.

"Enough about that. I'm just glad it's over." Adam drank from his cup, enjoying the refreshment.

"My teammates have got it all under control."

No. No they did not.


ALBT AU. Jaune ARC, LIE Ren, Mercury BLACK, and Adam TAURUS.

I've been wanting to write these four, and ideas are definitely there. Just need time, motivation, and Mercury's fucking semblance.

PNNK - Pyrrha, Nora, Neon, and Flynt. Since, apparently, their teammates don't exist and may never exist at all. Thanks RT.

Yeah. It's bad. No Beta, I'm dying like a man.

Thanks for reading. You must be completely brain-dead for reaching the end.

Congratulations.