A/N: This is mostly fluffish crack...or maybe crackish fluff. It's just wisdom teeth getting pulled. Okay. (Reposted from AO3.)

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Alfred pulled up the curb in front of Witek Dentistry and put the car in park, automatically unlocking the doors so both of his passengers could get out for their appointment.

Bruce got out, then leaned back into the car. "This should take about an hour, Alfred. You don't have to wait here."

"Very good, sir. There are a few errands I planned to take care of while we're in town. But I shall be back in this very spot no later than eleven."

"Sounds great, Alfred. We'll look forward to seeing you then." Bruce shut the door and jogged over to Dick who was waiting by the stairs. He was leaning back on the railing with his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants.

"You don't really think this is gonna take a whole hour. Do you, Bruce?" Dick asked as they climbed the six stairs leading up to the door.

Bruce grabbed the handle and put his hand on Dick's back, ushering him inside. "Yes. I really think it will take a whole hour. It'll take a few minutes to get you prepped for anesthesia. And their removing all four of your wisdom teeth. Each individual thing won't take long, but together it'll be about an hour."

"I don't see why I have to get them removed in the first place." Dick pouted and leaned against the wall by the front desk. "They don't even hurt."

Bruce gave him a withering look before turning to the receptionist. "Good morning, Angela," he said, smiling brightly at the blond woman.

"Welcome back, Mr. Wayne," she said back, just as brightly with a slight blush. The duo had been in here just a week ago for a check up prior to being notified the surgery was needed, and she relished every opportunity to see Bruce Wayne in person. He was very photogenic, but the pictures in the tabloids paled in comparison to seeing him up close like this. She quickly composed herself and grabbed a pile of papers and a clipboard to give him. "If you could please fill these out, I'll take them whenever you're finished."

"Of course." Bruce tapped Dick on the arm and they sat down near the front of the waiting area across from a mother and her sleeping toddler.

Dick slouched in his seat with a heavy sigh. "This is so dumb. You know, my mom kept all her wisdom teeth?" he said indignantly, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Dick...I know you don't like the dentist. And I understand you don't want your wisdom teeth taken out. You have been very vocal about that for the past week." He quickly checked the same boxes he'd checked last week and wrote in a few answers about family history. "But they have to come out. Your mother probably had the room for her wisdom teeth, but yours are growing in sideways." He looked at Dick out of the corner of his eye as he signed the bottom of the document. His charge was still slouched in the chair with his legs kicked straight out in front of him. "Sit up," Bruce chided, elbowing him in the side gently. "You're setting a bad example."

Dick groaned loudly, but sat up nonetheless.

"Here." Bruce handed him the clipboard and papers. "Go take these back up there. It'll give you something to do."

"Fine." Dick snatched the papers and gave them to Angela. Then he came back and dropped back down next to Bruce and heaved a heavy, forlorn sigh.

Bruce felt a twinge of guilt, just like he did every time they came here.

Dick had been terrified of the dentist ever since their first visit, and it was partially Bruce's fault.

They'd gone to Dr. Hampton for an initial screening and cleaning when Dick had been nine. It was the same dentist Bruce had been seeing since he was young. The man was extremely thorough. Made his teeth shine like the whitest pearls. But he was not gentle. Dr. Hampton had rightfully pulled a cavity ridden baby tooth but Dick had not been happy about it. After the appointment, Bruce had had no choice but to carry a hysterical, crying Dick away from the office and that was when he decided maybe they needed to find a more kid-friendly dentist.

Which was how they ended up finding Dr. Witek and his brood.

Unfortunately the damage had already been done. Even now, at seventeen years old, Dick loathed going to the dentist, even for something as simple as a cleaning.

Knowing that he was going to be put under and have teeth surgically removed? It was the lad's worst nightmare come true. All he'd been doing for the past week was research on what the worst possible side effects were going to be.

Bruce put an arm around Dick's shoulders. "Dick, just relax. I know you're scared. But it's gonna be okay."

Dick relaxed for all of a few seconds before tensing again when the anxiety returned in an instant, twirling around and around. He thought of everything that could go wrong and looked up at Bruce with mild terror.

"But….what if? What if I can feel them pulling them out? What if they don't give me enough anesthesia? And I wake up? You know Bobby in my biology class? He said his cousin's friend's sister woke up during hers and it was like a horror movie come to life. What if that happens to me?"

"Dick…" Bruce let out an exasperated sigh. The scenarios this kid came up with….He gave his son's shoulders a squeeze. "That's not going to happen. They know what their doing. They've done this procedure hundreds of times."

"Richard Grayson," a woman in teal scrubs called out to the waiting room.

Dick wilted and gave Bruce a pleading look.

Bruce felt a twinge of sympathetic pain. "You're gonna be alright, chum. I'll be here when you come out."

Dick had a look of betrayal on his face as he got up and walked up to the technician. He gave one last look at Bruce, looking like he was walking to his death.

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Just under an hour later Bruce was still sitting in the waiting room, reading one of the newspapers that had been on one of the side tables.

"Mr. Wayne?"

He looked up at the door to the back rooms. It was the same technician who had taken Dick back earlier.

He stood up and walked over. The brunette smiled at him. "He's all done, Mr. Wayne. Can you come back to retrieve him?"

Bruce raised an eyebrow.

Retrieve him? Why didn't they just send him out? Had something gone wrong after all? Was he incapacitated?

Bruce felt his heart rate increase thinking of all the reasons they would possibly need him to physically retrieve the boy.

She walked them to room four and knocked before entering. "Hi, Dick. Look who I brought with me," she said, suppressing a snicker.

"Broooooooooooose," Dick slurred out happily around the gauze lodged between his back gums. "I knoooooow you."

Bruce exhaled through his nose to cover a laugh.

Ah. This would be why he needed to retrieve him. Of course.

He walked over to where Dick was lying in the reclined dentist's chair and put his hand on Dick's forearm.

"How you feeling, Dick?"

Dick spread his arms out into a giant 'Y' shape. "I don' even know anymore." He dropped his arms. "Am I alive?"

"Yes, Dick. You're alive. You survived getting your wisdom teeth out."

Dick's eyes grew wide. "My whaaaaaaat?" He looked over to the lady in teal. "Miss Shell!" he said with an accusatory lisp. "You took my teeth?!"

"It's Michelle, Dick. And yes. We're sorry, but we had to take a few of your teeth," Michelle smiled at him, amusement displayed freely on her face.

"Well….I guess you prolly needed 'em more 'an I did," Dick reasoned.

"You can keep them if you want, Dick," Michelle offered cheerily.

Dick looked up at Bruce. "Can I, Bruce? We should keep 'em!"

"I don't know..."

Dick put a floppy arm on Bruce's shoulder with a suddenly serious look on his face. "But Bruce. The tooth fairy."

Bruce rolled his eyes but relented. "Alright. That's fine. Whatever you want, Dick."

"Yesssss. Miss Shell! Fetch the tooths!" Dick shouted like he was the captain of a pirate ship, pointing up at the ceiling. He then started to study his arm and wave it around in front of him slowly with an entranced sort of look on his face.

"Here, Mr. Wayne." Michelle handed Bruce a container with the four teeth, already prepared for this scenario. "He's free to go now, if you're ready. He'll be a little wobbly though so be careful."

Bruce took the container and nodded, stuffing it in his pocket.

"My arm feels weird..."

"Oh, yeah?" Bruce put an arm behind Dick's back to help him sit up. "How so?"

"It's like...liiiight….but it's heavyyyy...and look at it." Dick held it out for Bruce to look at.

"Hmm. Yep. There it is." Bruce got Dick to stand up and they started to walk out to the front area.

Dick brought up his other arm. "And look at that one! There's another one!"

Bruce swallowed down a chuckle. "Yep. Look at that. You've got both arms. Good job."

Dick went full noodle for a second and Bruce quickly caught him and pulled him back up into a standing position while Dick's feet caught up.

"I have two arms, Brooooose! Oh my gosh! They look sooo weird!"

"Uh-huh. Super skinny." Bruce opened the door.

Alfred was already there, sitting in idle, right where he said he would be.

Bruce put Dick's arm around his neck and quickly picked him up instead of trying to navigate the stairs.

"I'm flying! Aaaaaaah!"

Bruce put him back down at the bottom and they slowly dragged over to the car door where Alfred stood waiting with a twinkle in his eye.

"Master Bruce. I assume everything went alright?"

"Well…" Bruce wasn't sure how to respond, so he just trailed off and helped Dick into the car and got it next to him.

"Broooose."

"What?"

"My face feels poofy."

"Okay. That's fine."

"My fathe ith poofy!" Dick poked at both of his cheeks as Alfred pulled away from the curb.

Bruce was quick to pull the hands down. "Stop poking, Dick. You're gonna loose the gauze."

Dick flopped over onto his lap. "Broooooose..."

"Wha-aat," Bruce asked, unable to stop a laugh from bubbling up.

"Bruuuuu~uuuuucie~! Bruuuuucie, baby~!" Dick started singing in a high-pitched voice to the tune of Sherry by the Four Seasons.

"Oh goodness," Alfred said from the front seat checking the rearview mirror.

"Shhh," Bruce softly covered Dick's mouth.

Dick sat up suddenly and looked out the window. Bruce just barely got out of the way in time.

"Oh my gosh!" Dick rolled his window down and shouted at a woman pushing a stroller, "I LOVE BABIES!"

"Dick!" Bruce pulled Dick away from the window so Alfred could roll it up from the front and put the lock on.

"I love babies," Dick told Bruce seriously. Then just as seriously he said, "I wanna have a baby."

Alfred coughed in the front seat.

Bruce held a fist to his lips to compose himself. "Well….Dick…." He petered off. Unsure what to say here.

"We should get a baby at the baby store," Dick said, grabbing Bruce by the shoulders.

Bruce pried the hands off and held them softly. "Dick...That's not how babies-"

"I want a BABY!" Dick cheered defiantly.

Bruce put a hand on his face. "Alfred…"

"Master Bruce, Master Dick has made his desires very clear. I can stop by East Ave. if you wish."

"Please no. No more children. I don't think I can handle another round of this."

"Alfreeeed! Ooooooo! Sauce…." Dick howled suddenly, surprising Bruce who just raised his eyebrows as high as they could go.

"Yes, Master Dick?" Alfred asked patiently.

"I dunno." Dick frowned and looked out the window again as they stopped at the last red light until the highway home.

"Very good, Master Dick." Alfred pressed on the gas when the light turned green and Dick's eyes widened.

"Woah! We're going sooo fast!"

"We are going 25 mph, Master Dick."

"Oh my gosh. That's so many. Bruce!" He turned to his mentor. "If we die, I want you to know...I love Barbara."

"Yes. I know, Dick. You tell me every day."

"Oh. Okay."

A few minutes went by where Dick didn't say anything, which was a miracle. And then out of nowhere he said, "I love you too though." Dick patted Bruce on the shoulder.

"I know, chum." Bruce smiled and grabbed his hand again. He just held it, petting it like it was a small mammal. Within seconds, Dick's head lolled to the side and Bruce pulled him over so he could rest his head on his shoulder and they continued the rest of the drive in relative silence. Aside from the random mumblings that came from Dick.

Alfred pulled up to the manor and stopped near the front door so Bruce wouldn't have to lug Dick up the additional set of stairs from the garage to the first floor of the manor.

Bruce gave Dick a quick shake.

"Dick. We're home. Wake up."

Dick snapped up. Almost as if he had been aware just seconds prior. "Where are we!"

"Home, Dick. Come on." Bruce got out and pulled Dick with him.

The boy was in awe.

"We have a home?" he asked.

"Yes. It's right there." Bruce pointed to the manor.

Dick looked at the house and then at Bruce and then at the house and back to Bruce. "WE LIVE HERE?!"

Bruce patted him on the shoulder. "Yes, chum," he chuckled and squatted down in front of Dick. "Here. Get on my back."

"Woah…" Dick said in awe as he slumped forward and put his arms around Bruce's neck. "It's soooo big."

"Yep." Bruce hooked his hands under Dick's legs and stood up. He kipped him up a little higher on his back for a better hold. "There we go. Let's get you to the couch. How does that sound?"

"I like the word couch." Dick said. "It's fun." Then he rested his still numb cheek on Bruce's shoulder with a hum and closed his eyes.