His Need

The soft sizzling and smell of bacon and eggs cooking was what awoke everyone the next day. They were all beat and too tired to walk home after the whole experience with rescuing Ban. No one said a word last night when Meliodas had eventually come downstairs with his shirt soaked by tears. No one said a word when he poured out drinks for them all. No one said a word as they drunk themselves into oblivion.

Meliodas gave a soft hum as he peeked into the kitchen, expecting to see Elizabeth or someone cooking. What he didn't expect was to see Ban cooking and standing up straight in a new red suit. What shocked him most was seeing the big smile plastered on Ban's face.

It didn't reach his eyes.

Ban kept his grin as he dished out plates of his delicious food to everyone. They all stared at him in shock. No one else seemed to notice. He hummed softly as he cleaned up the slight mess he made while cooking. He liked to keep his work space tidy after all. He knew they were staring but he didn't turn to face any of them. He was fine.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

It was raining that night. No one but the sins and Elizabeth were around the Boar Hat anymore. To Ban that was fine. Everyone kept giving him sympathetic and pitying looks. He couldn't stand it. Diane and Elizabeth couldn't even look at him without crying, Merlin would bite her lip and tried to hide her watering eyes, King was walking on tip toes around him, and Escanor and Meliodas were getting overbearingly protective whenever he even wanted to go outside. Even now he could feel their eyes on him through the Boar Hat's windows.

Ban was sitting, with his knees drawn up to his chest, outside in the rain just staring at absolutely nothing. If you looked into his eyes, you would see nothing but an empty void of darkness, they didn't hold any of the mischief or happiness usually known to Ban. They held...nothing. The man of greed had a small, watery smile plastered on his face. At least Meliodas and Escanor wouldn't be able to see the tear tracks on his face in this weather. That was a bonus at least.

On shaking legs Ban stood and began walking towards the forest. He wanted to clear his head, he wanted some alone time. He was walking aimlessly through the forest until he came across a small stream. The crystal clear water made him think of how...how dirty he is. He wanted to be clean. He needed to be clean.

Ban hesitated a lot more than he used to before removing his clothes and folding them neatly on a nearby boulder.

The rain was cool but the water was cooler. It felt good against his skin. It made him want to just let the stream carry him away into nothingness. A soft sigh escaped his lips as he waded deeper into the stream, the water stopping just above his waist. Ban wrapped his arms around himself and smiled as the rain soaked the parts of his body not submerged under water. A quiet sound of someone clearing their throat caught Ban's attention. He didn't even jump, just casually tilted his head back and to the side to cast a glance over his shoulder.

It was Meliodas, standing there soaked to the bone from the falling water droplets. He didn't seemed fazed by the rain in the least with his hair matted to his head and a small easy going grin on his face.

"Hey..." Meliodas spoke quietly, almost as if to a frightened animal.

"Hey Cap'n..." Ban's voice was small and broken. He had been trying to keep up his ruse of being fine around them so no one would worry, but it seemed like he just couldn't around Meliodas.

"Mind if I join you?" A shrug of his shoulders and Meliodas was wading out towards him, clothes and all. He stopped behind Ban and just stood there. Neither made a move to speak or do a thing. They just stood there in silence, listening to the rain hitting against the water and the stream rushing between rocks. The frogs croaking and the birds chirping from where they took shelter in their nests, the loud snoring in the distance that could only be Diane.

It was such a beautiful night and Ban felt tears sting his eyes and unwillingly fall down his cheeks. The small trail turned into a river which turned into a flood which turned into a tsunami which resulted in Ban choking and gasping out sobs. His body began shaking violently, whether from the cold of the rain or not neither Sins knew. His tears fell and mixed with the water around them. Surprisingly warm arms wrapped around his midsection and Meliodas laid his head between Ban's shoulder blades. His captain didn't say anything, but he didn't need to either. Meliodas could always say a thousand words to Ban, with just the simplest of gestures.

They were all there for him. Meliodas was there for him.

He was going to fine.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

He was fine. He was fine. He was fine.

Ban repeated this to himself as if it was a mantra everyday, all day. He was fine. He had to be, he just had to be.

Everything was okay, he was okay. He was safe here with his captain and friends.

No one was going to hurt him like that again.

Captain wouldn't allow it.

Escanor and Merlin wouldn't allow it.

Diane and King wouldn't allow it.

Even Hawk and the princess wouldn't allow it.

He was fine.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Meliodas and the others had gone to a festival in town, but Ban had refused to go with. He still felt uncomfortable around so many people like that after what happened. Meliodas had surprisingly closed the Boar Hat for the festival so that Ban didn't feel overwhelmed by working alone. He was laying upstairs in his and King's room just staring at absolutely nothing when a loud knock nearly knocked his door off its hinges. The fox sin scrambled to his feet and stumbled to the door before another knock COULD knock it off its hinges. Ban swung the door open and stared up at the hulking form of Escanor. In a few hours, that hulking form would be gone though.

"Escanor?" Ban frowned. "I thought you were at the festival with Merlin?" The prideful man smiled gently.

"She was worried about you and insisted that I come and check on you. I'm glad I did to. Are you quite alright my friend? You look pale." Escanor had an earnest and endearing expression on his face as he asked this that Ban couldn't help but smile.

"Of course I am Escanor." Liar. You know you aren't. "I'm fine, really."

Escanor looked like he didn't believe him and Ban didn't blame him. But it was true, he was fine.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

He was cornered in the kitchen next by King and a currently small Diane. Ban glanced at them over his shoulder from where he was preparing that day's bar special: Cheese Baked Migratory Birds.

"Can I help you two," Ban drawled his words out in a sing-song voice. "Hungry? I could cook ya'll something up when I'm done with this."

"No," King paused. "We just...wanted to see how you are? Everything...okay?" King's airy voice was quiet and he adverted his eyes from Ban. Diane's eyes were already watering. Ban hated the looks on their faces at that moment. He absolutely HATED IT! He kept an indifferent look on his face and in his tone of voice.

"I'm fine guys." No, I'm not. Help me, please.

Just like with Escanor they looked like they didn't believe him but they took it as an excuse to leave the awkward atmosphere.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

It was the Merlin who got to him next.

"Hello Ban." She gracefully sat down next to him at the Boar Hat's bar and gave him a tight lipped smile.

"Hey Merlin, ya need somethin'?" Ban glances over at her and downs the rest of his Logres Ale before slamming the stein on the counter. Merlin didn't even look fazed by the loud sound as she looks Ban up and down with her calculating eyes.

"No, I just came to see how you are doing." Ban groans loudly. Not another person.

"I'm fine." He sounded exasperated and reached over the bar counter to grab a bottle of Bernia Ale this time and fill his stein up again.

"Are you sure Ban?"

"Yes! I am fucking sure that I'm fine!" Merlin looked startled by his outburst and her mouth hung open. Ban stood up and downed his whole stein of ale in one go before storming out of the Boar Hat. Why must you lie and take it out on others? Merlin was just worried for you. She didn't deserve that. You should have told her the truth. Negged for her help. You know you need it.

Ban goes into town in an attempt to get away from all this pity. He HATED pity.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Princess Elizabeth and Hawk approach him in town as he's walking.

"Ban~!" Que Master's high pitched voice. It never really bothered him before, but, with his recent encounter with Merlin and all the ale he had drunk, it just fueled his already forming headache.

Neither of them asked how he was or if he was alright and Ban was grateful for that...but he still wanted someone to notice he was hurting more than ever.

"Hey guys."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Ban was sitting alone, again, on the steps of the Boar Hat, just watching the dark clouds go by.

"It will be raining shortly."

Ban nods and barely acknowledges his fellow sin. Gowther tilts his head and walks closer to stand behind Ban.

"I do not understand..."

"You don't understand what Gowther?"

"You. You keep saying you are fine, but in reality you are not. You're hurting and hurting but you don't ask for help to ease that hurt."

Ban said nothing and lowered his head so his hair could cover his eyes. He's going to need to cut it soon.

"The captain is hurting too, you know."

The fox sin's head snapped around to stare at the goat sin. "Wh-what?"

"They all are. Hurting because no one has any idea how to help you through this. The captain feels helpless. He cares for you deeply and he can't help you because you won't let him." Gowther pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "We all want to help, but we can't...We can't because you will not let us in." Gowther slowly sits down next to the silent man. "Ban, we are your comrades, we are your friends and we want you to be fine. But you aren't fine, are you?"

Time passes before Ban answers.

One beat. Two beats. Three beats. Four beats...Five beats.

"No...I'm not fine...I'm really not." Tears well up in his eyes. "Please..." He stares at the ground as his tears splash against it. "Please help me."

"We'll always help you Ban." Familiar arms circle around him from behind, just like before and Ban took a deep breathe, enjoying the scent that was purely his captain. More arms wrapped around him and pretty soon Ban was being crushed in the center of his fellow sins and the young princess of Liones. Hawk even managed to squirm his way into the center and into Ban's lap. They keep telling him comforting words about the future and how they'll help him and how everything was going to be okay.

And Ban believed them.

A soft kiss was pressed against his hair and Ban turned his head to face Meliodas who smiled warmly at him.

He was going to be fine.

"We love you Ban and nothing is going to change that."

I love you too Captain.