Disclaimer: I don't own HTTYD

A/N: I just want to say a huge, massive thank you for all the reviews, follows and favourites : ) This might be the darkest story I've ever done, I wasn't sure if it would go over well, and the fact that it's been so well received means a lot.

I'll return in the new year with Book Eight of the Heart Bind Saga, and I wish you all a happy holiday whatever you celebrate ;)

Chapter Sixteen – Hearts Healed

After dinner that night, Hiccup excused himself and went upstairs to his room with Toothless. Stoick sat in his chair and whittled, humming to himself; Valka cleaned up the dishes. She might have been a terrible cook, but she could do that much at least. A feeling of peace settled over them. It felt as if this was how things had always been, even if they knew that wasn't the case.

It wasn't long before Hiccup's door opened again; but rather than come out, he simply tossed a piece of parchment, folded in such a way that it glided like a little dragon down to the floor. Before they could ask him what he was doing, Hiccup shut the door again. "What has gotten into that boy?" Stoick wondered.

Curious, Valka went over and picked up the parchment. There was writing on it; she smoothed it out and read…Valka gasped, eyes wide. Her reaction startled Stoick, who narrowly avoided whittling his fingers. "What is it, Val? What's on there?" he questioned. Irrationally, he feared that the note said that Hiccup was leaving with Toothless, that he was flying off again, but he wouldn't, surely…

Hand over her mouth, pale, she handed him the parchment. Stoick read the same words and his mouth fell open in shock. It was worse than he thought…

Mom and Dad,

There's something I need to tell you. I couldn't bring myself to say it out loud, so I wrote it down.

I know you know I've been having nightmares, but I never said what they were about. The truth is, I tried to escape from Hauke, but I failed and…

They raped me. This line was even shakier, as if he'd struggled just to write it.

I was cutting.

I nearly slit my wrist.

I should have told you sooner, but I was scared. Ashamed. I'm sorry.

Hiccup.

Slowly, he looked up at Valka. Her face was ashen. So too was his, he imagined. Without a word, they both climbed the stairs to Hiccup's room. It took all of Stoick's self control not to barge in right then and there. He knocked on the door and called, "Hiccup? Your mother and I want to talk to you."

"Yeah, come in!" the reply came back. Stoick turned the handle and stepped inside, closely followed by Valka. Hiccup was sitting on the other side of the bed, with his back to them. He'd taken his tunic off, and the scars from being flogged were on full display. Silently, Valka moved to sit on his left side, gracefully climbing over Toothless, who was lying with his head in Hiccup's lap.

Stoick sat down heavily on his other side. For a long time, none of them spoke. Hiccup stroked Toothless, eyes fixed onto the top of his head. Valka reached out and placed a hand gently over his, rubbing her thumb over it. Stoick couldn't take his eyes off the lash marks. Against his will, he counted them. Thirty. Thirty lashes, a brand, the scars all over his forearms that he'd put on himself.

"You should have told us sooner" he said finally. It came out more gruffly than he meant it to, and Hiccup shrank in on himself. "What I mean is", Stoick went on pointedly, "you should have told us so we could tell you that you have nothing to be ashamed of. What they did to you; it wasn't your fault, and it doesn't make you weak, or any less of a man. Do you understand, son?"

Hiccup swallowed. "It wouldn't have…if the plan had worked, I'd – if I hadn't been stupid enough to tell Onarr. I tried to help him and he betrayed me!"

"Perhaps" his mother said calmly, "but he was trapped in that terrible place for much longer than you. You still had hope; he had lost his. That doesn't mean what he did was right, but there's no use holding on to your anger at him."

"Aye, your mother's right" Stoick agreed, "Holding a grudge, or blaming yourself…it feels necessary, but it just weighs you down. It poisons you. I'm not saying you have to forgive and forget, but you need to let it go."

Hiccup took a deep breath. "Toothless killed them" he said, strangled. "The men who…who raped me." He never stopped stroking the dragon, who gazed up at him with soft, adoring eyes.

"Good dragon" Stoick remarked.

"He made me swear I wouldn't try to escape again" Hiccup revealed. There was no need to ask who 'he' was. "And I did. I just wanted to be with Toothless…"

"A promise made under duress is no promise at all, son. Remember that."

Hiccup breathed harder. "They wouldn't let him eat…to punish him. For three weeks…a-and Hauke said…he said he'd g-gouge my eye out if I disobeyed again", the confession tumbled out in a rush, "and I was scared. Toothless was in a coma and I missed him so much and I – I was melancholic – I started thinking about just, y'know, ending it. But I couldn't…I couldn't do that to him…"

Tears fell from his eyes as he clutched Toothless to his chest; his other half shifted and pressed his snout between Hiccup's collarbones, purring deliberately. Hiccup pressed his face to dark scales and trembled. His mother ran her fingers through his hair; his father laid a hand on his shoulder. Neither of them pushed him, but simply waited for him to get it out of his system.

When he recovered enough to continue, Hiccup raised his head and revealed, "That's when I cut myself. I was helpless, I just…wanted to feel in control. One night…I must have fallen asleep before I could stop the bleeding, and I just – if Adulfr hadn't found me, I might have…" He gulped. "If Toothless hadn't been there, I would have died for real. He took such good care of me…"

"Oh, Hiccup" murmured Valka, still stroking his hair, "Do you even know how strong you are? You've come so far in the last couple of months. We are so proud of you" she declared. Stoick wholeheartedly agreed with her. "Is there…anything else you want to talk about?" Valka asked delicately.

He swallowed. "My nightmares, not all of them are about…that. Half of them are just – Sigurd, staring at me. Sometimes he's headless, sometimes Onarr is there…" Hiccup looked up at his dad, feeling small and vulnerable. "I know you said what happened to him isn't my fault, but…if I hadn't been captured, he wouldn't have died. How can I forgive myself if he wouldn't? Onarr never did."

Stoick sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "It's not easy" he conceded, "Thor knows I've lost people over the years and wondered if they'd forgive me. But the sad truth is that you can never know. You just have to try to forgive yourself. It's hard, I know – but like I said before, clinging to guilt and shame does nothing but hurt you more. Sigurd was given a warrior's funeral; whatever he suffered as that wretch's thrall is over now, and he's been laid to rest."

Hiccup took a deep breath. He had considered that, and Toothless had pointed it out, but somehow it felt more certain when his father told him. "I'll try" he murmured. "I'll try to forgive myself." His tunic was draped over his knees; he pulled it on, wincing slightly as the material caught on scarred skin. Then he yawned. "Thank you" he smiled gratefully at his parents, "I love you both."

Stoick and Valka put their arms around his shoulders; he slipped his arms around their waists. "Aye, we know. And even if we don't always say it…"

"We feel the same way."

Hiccup and Toothless went to bed soon after. He'd gone so far as to bring his bed straight to the slab, so he could sleep with Toothless every night. As he lay there covered with a blanket and a wing, deep dragon breathing close by, Hiccup repeated the nightly mantra. This is just a dream. This is just a dream. This is just a dream. This is just a dream. This is just a…

He opened his eyes. He was standing – somewhere – and Sigurd was right in front of him. Hiccup panicked for a moment, but then he remembered – This is just a dream. "This is just a dream" he felt himself say aloud. "Just a dream, just a dream…I'm sorry, Sigurd. I never wanted you to die. I would have saved you if I could. But Hauke can't hurt you anymore. Can you forgive me?" he whispered.

For the first time he could remember, the ghost of Sigurd smiled. "Yes" he replied. It was the first time he had spoken. "You can fight them" he said, before fading from view. Hiccup was in a ring – just like the training ring.

He took a deep breath and steeled himself. Hauke appeared and advanced on him. Hiccup stood his ground, raised his fists. "This is just a dream. You're dead, and good riddance. But that won't stop me from beating you. I am not your prisoner anymore. I am not your thrall. You want me? Come and get me!"

Hauke lunged at him. Hiccup dodged and struck out, hard and fast, darted away. Just like he'd practiced over and over again with Astrid. Hauke cursed him. "Brat! I'm going to flog your hide off!"

"You'll have to catch me first" Hiccup taunted. He felt faster, stronger, more alert; even though it was a dream. "Whip me all you want; these scars are not who I am." He got a couple of good blows in and wrapped his hands around Hauke's neck. Hauke did the same to him, and they struggled, both trying to choke one another. "You tried to break me" Hiccup gasped out, "but you just made me stronger!" He put all his strength into squeezing the life out of Hauke.

With a sudden bang, like a sheep-bladder ball popping, Hauke's head exploded. "Augh!" Hiccup screamed, lurching backwards. The corpse crumpled to the ground like a bloody rag doll. "Eugh" Hiccup grimaced. He closed his eyes and breathed slowly, calming himself down. Just a dream. Just a dream.

When he opened his eyes, the corpse was gone, but the men who raped him were there. Hiccup braced himself. "I just squeezed your crazy boss' head right off his shoulders. I'll do the same to you if you come any closer" he warned. They advanced on him anyway. He closed his ears to their taunts and raised his sword. Where had he gotten the sword from? Oh, right. Dreaming.

Occasionally, Astrid had enlisted Snotlout and the twins help to teach Hiccup how to fend off multiple attackers. This was no different, he told himself firmly. Besides, the monsters weren't armed. He dodged them, circling, never staying in one place and striking out with the weapon whenever he could. They cursed his name. He cursed them back and kept moving, kept fighting with all he had.

The first monster fell to a blade through the throat. Awake, Hiccup would only kill as a last resort, but this time he didn't hold back. "I'm not your victim anymore" he growled as he lopped the arm off the second monster and stabbed him, "I'm never going to let myself be hurt like that again. I'm not afraid of you! I. Am. Not. Afraid!" he shouted as he slashed the third monster's head off.

The corpses suddenly disappeared. Just like that. Hiccup fell to his knees and panted, as if he'd just run a marathon, or stayed in the high thin air too long. Shakily, he stood up and walked over to the gate into the training ring. He pushed down the lever to raise the portcullis, and slipped underneath it. Hiccup closed it again, and then he snapped the lever so it couldn't be opened again.

*Hiccup.* He heard that most beloved voice behind him and spun round.

"Toothless!" Hiccup cried out in delight, rushing to embrace his dearest one. His other half nuzzled him back and purred. *You did it, Hiccup. You fought your demons and you won. I'm so proud of you* Toothless warbled, smiling at him.

He felt proud of himself, too. At last, he'd found the strength to let go of his guilt over their capture and Sigurd's death; to let go of his fear of Hauke and what he and the monsters did to them. "Thanks, buddy. It's…it's okay that I killed them, right? It's just a dream. It doesn't mean that I'd really do that to my enemies…right?" he inquired, wanting, perhaps needing, the reassurance.

*It's okay* Toothless soothed, *That's not who you are. Striking fear into the hearts of our foes and threatening to tear them to shreds is what I'm here for.*

Hiccup chuckled. "Over-protective reptile" he thought aloud – literally.

"Woah! That's new."

"Are we gonna hear all my thoughts? I hope" – "not, okay, that's gonna get annoying really fast."

*I think you might have lowered your mental walls a bit too much.*

"Well, help me change it back!"

The next morning, Toothless-Hiccup clattered downstairs after a nice lie-in. "Morning, mom. Morning, dad" Hiccup said cheerfully as he smeared a slice of bread with honey and bit off about half at once. His parents looked bemused.

"Good morning; well, you seem very chipper today" Valka noted, though she couldn't help but smile. It was good to see him happy, especially after last night.

"Toothless and I finally connected again" he explained, voice muffled by bread.

"Don't talk with your mouth full" Stoick chided him.

Hiccup swallowed and inquired, "Dad, can I get a tattoo?"

"What- a tattoo? What in Thor's name do you want one of those for?"

"To disguise the – the brand. Please, dad? I'm even asking permission! Even though I'm technically old enough to just get one…" he said pointedly.

"Hiccup, you know getting a tattoo hurts, right? Especially if you do it near a scar like that."

"Yeah…but it wouldn't be a very big tattoo. And I'm not a weakling! I mean, come on, if I could handle getting whipped I can handle this. And besides, I have to disguise the brand. For…for my own safety. You don't want someone thinking I'm a slave and carting me off again, do you?"

Stoick looked at his wife and remarked, "He's definitely feeling better."

Valka smiled, amused, and turned to the Night Fury in the room. "What do you think, Toothless? Do you know what a tattoo is?" she wondered. He nodded.

"Do you know how they're made?" Stoick challenged. Toothless shook his head.

Hiccup cringed. "Err, y'know, we don't need to get into that"- he tried to protest, only for his father to shush him like he was a little boy. Stoick told Toothless how tattoos were made, and the dragon's eyes went wide. Then he glared at Hiccup and growled. "Oh, come on! This is why I didn't tell you, cos I knew you'd freak out….I was gonna tell you, just…when we were there…"

Stoick and Valka couldn't hear Toothless' thought-speak, but his body language was clear as day. "It won't be that bad" Hiccup insisted, "And you can't stop me. I only asked permission so I wouldn't get lectured…err…" He grinned sheepishly when he remembered that his parents were right there. "Heh, heh…"

"Can you afford a tattoo? Thornbush won't do it for free, you know, even if you are my son" Stoick informed him.

"I'll use my allowance" Hiccup answered straightaway, "Or I'll trade him something, I don't know. I just really want to make the brand look less…obvious. I'm sick of looking at the damn thing" he grumbled, glaring at his shoulder as if he could see the brand through his clothes.

"Did you have anything particular in mind?" inquired Valka. "After all, it would be permanent. You don't want to get a tattoo you dislike."

"I know. Maybe I can sketch something out for him; I was thinking of trying to make it look like Toothless, and the mark would be his tail…oh, hush, you" he said dismissively to the dragons' grumbling.

"It's no good, Toothless" Stoick huffed, "You know what he's like when he gets his mind set on something." Toothless rolled his eyes in exasperated agreement. "Son, you're old enough to make your own decisions. If you really want to get a tattoo, then go ahead. Just don't complain if it doesn't turn out right."

Hiccup nodded. "I won't. And it will. Thanks, dad. I'll see you both later, bye!" he called as he slipped out of the door with Toothless.

"It's good that he's recovered so much."

"Aye. At least he's trying to behave himself…"

Hiccup sketched out a design for the tattoo in his notebook and showed it to Thornbush, the tattoo artist on Berk. He wanted two tail fins at the lower end, wings spread out from the upper curve, and a stylised Night Fury head on top. Coloured in black. Except for the tail-fin on the left, which would be red.

Thornbush warned him it would hurt. A lot. "I'll be fine" Hiccup insisted, "I've felt worse. You should see my back, it's a mess." His talk with the twins the day before made it easier to pull off his tunic to lay the brand and scars bare.

Whilst the tattoo artist prepared his tools, Toothless grumbled *I don't like this. It was bad enough when you hurt yourself on purpose the first time.*

Hiccup stroked his head and whispered, "This isn't like last time. I'm not hurting myself out of despair…I'm not even going to hurt myself. He is." Toothless' glare spoke volumes about what he thought of that little joke.

"You ready?" Thornbush asked him. Hiccup took a deep breath. "I'm ready."

Well, hurt it certainly did. The pain reminded Hiccup of when Toothless was blasted by that Scauldron, but not quite so intense. He focused on breathing, his knuckles turning white as he gripped the table edge. With his other arm he held onto Toothless, partly for the comfort and partly to keep him from shoving away, growling at or otherwise distracting the tattoo artist.

It was totally worth it, though. "Wow, Hiccup, that looks amazing!" Astrid complimented, when he showed the tattoo off to his friends later.

"Turning the slavemark into a dragon-mark, that's ingenious" Fishlegs added.

"Actually, it was the twin's idea" Hiccup smiled at them. They looked surprised to be acknowledged. "I can't thank you guys enough. Everything you've done for me…your support" he said to Snotlout, "your training", to Astrid, "your advice", to Fishlegs, "your…talk" to the twins, "It all helped me get over the mental block I had and connect with Toothless. I won't have so many nightmares anymore."

"You are very welcome, my good sir!" Tuffnut declared, bowing exaggeratedly. The others agreed wholeheartedly, and they shared a big group hug.

Astrid smiled and gave him a kiss. "You've really come a long way. So does this mean you're putting what they did to you behind you?" she inquired.

"I'm ready to" he nodded, "I spent so long being afraid…and well, now I don't feel afraid anymore. It's time I accept what happened and try to move on."

Snotlout asked, "So what does Toothless think of your tattoo?"

"Don't you mean, Tat-Toothless?" Ruffnut grinned. "Get it? Cos it looks like" –

"Yeah, we get it" Snotlout insisted, rolling his eyes.

"Well, let's just say he wasn't pleased when I was having it done" Hiccup confessed, "but he's flattered that I made it look like him, right, bud?"

Toothless' response was to lick him repeatedly. Spluttering, he held the dragon back with one hand whilst trying to wipe his face off with the other. Then he smeared the sticky spit over Toothless' face in revenge and laughed at his indignant expression. "Serves you right" he teased, grinning.

"Uh, wait, so does he like the tattoo or not?"

"Yeah, Tuff. Or at least he likes that I like it" Hiccup smiled, peeking at the mark again. The dark scar of the brand blended in with the jet black ink, and he felt much better with it there. A mark he had chosen, a mark of pride instead of shame, was just what he had needed.

"Cool. I'm gonna get a tattoo; I wanna get flames across my back!"

"You idiot, you already have a tattoo."

"I told you, that's a birthmark!"

"What sort of birthmark looks like that?!"

"You can't even see it, it's under my clothes!"

"But I know what it looks like, and it's a tattoo." Ruff stuck her tongue out.

"Argh!" Tuffnut looked ready to jump on her, but Astrid batted them apart.

"Would you two muttonheads give it a rest? You're almost twenty, for Thor's sake" she huffed in exasperation. Were these two ever gonna grow up.

Hiccup laughed. He was probably going to be frustrated by the twins again at some point, or annoyed by Snotlout, but he didn't care. At least he was around to be driven crazy by them. "Toothless and I were gonna go check on our subjects out on Dragon Island" he said aloud, "Do you guys wanna come? We could, y'know, hang out, like old times."

"Good idea."

"Like you've gotta ask."

"Last one there is an egg-for-brains!"

Hiccup couldn't have stopped smiling even if he'd wanted to. He'd never thought he'd come back here, to Myrkr, but it was better this time. His friends were flying alongside him, and they would look out for each other.

It had been six months since he and Toothless were first taken prisoner; but that was in the past. Their hearts were healing. Hiccup no longer had nightmares, he had let go of his guilt and shame. He felt stronger than ever, both his body and his mind. Now, they were returning to that mysterious land in order to complete the quest they'd set out on in the first place – finding Night Furies.

Before coming up here, they had travelled further south to visit Raudabein, Adulfr's home village. His first act as the new chief had been to declare the thralls to be freedmen. Many of the newly emancipated slaves had gone on to court and even wed the widows of the hunters who had been killed.

The dragon riders were there at Adulfr's invitation, but there was still some trepidation on their part. They were, after all, the same people who had attacked this village the year before…and gotten a lot of their people killed…Hiccup was especially nervous about meeting Adulfr's mother, Kalda. Would she blame him and Toothless for her husband's execution?

She didn't. In fact, she apologisedto him for the terrible way her ex had treated him. That wasn't the only unexpected apology he received. Onarr came up to them – Hiccup didn't even recognise him at first, with his new clothes and longer, curly hair – and nervously said "Hiccup? I, I'm sorry. I was a fool, I thought there was no other way, but that's no excuse for I did" –

"Onarr! It's alright. I forgive you" Hiccup interjected.

"Y-you do?"

"I forgave you a long time ago" Hiccup admitted, "Someone much wiser than me once told me that holding a grudge was like poisoning yourself. I understand why you did what you did. Can…can you forgive me?" he asked cautiously.

Onarr took a deep breath and nodded. "I think I can. So…truce?" he suggested, holding a hand out to shake.

Hiccup smiled and returned it. "Truce." He offered Onarr a ride on Toothless (*You could have asked me first!*), but it was declined.

It was whilst they were in Raudabein that Hiccup suggested they have a look for Night Furies. If they were here at Myrkr anyway…it meant they'd be a bit delayed getting home, so his father wouldn't be happy about that, but he'd understand. Probably. He'd half expected the others to protest, say it was too dangerous, but they were all on board.

They had made camp in the foothills of a mountain range, not far from Hauke's now abandoned campsite. The remains of which they may or may not have had a lot of fun burning to a crisp and filling up the pit with boulders. Hiccup was taking first watch, too excited by the prospect of encountering more Night Furies to sleep. Toothless stayed awake with him, watching the sky.

It was a clear night, so their first glimpse of Night Furies was just that – a glimpse. A shadow flitting across the sky, briefly covering the stars. It was over so fast that they weren't sure what they'd seen, but then came the unmistakable high pitched screech of a Night Fury diving to the attack. Toothless covered Hiccup with his body and fired a blast to intercept it.

The explosion of two fireballs colliding above them, and his roar of *Wake up!* had all the dragons startled awake, and their riders too. "Stay together!" Hiccup warned as they gathered in a defensive circle. One by one, dark shapes dropped from the sky. Soon they were surrounded by three Furies – one with orange eyes, one with yellow, and one with green. All three of them were snarling.

The other riders made noises of amazement at the sight of them. Hiccup listened to the thought-spoken conversation and translated it for his friends. "Toothless is telling them we're no threat…they don't like humans…I don't believe it!" he breathed, staring at the green eyed Night Fury that Toothless was talking to in surprise. Both his dragon and the wild one looked shocked as well.

"Hiccup? What is it?" Astrid questioned nervously, patting Stormfly's neck to calm them both down.

He pointed at the wild Fury that was staring Toothless down, and revealed, "That one…he called Toothless 'Midnight' and…Toothless called him brother."

A/N: And everything comes full circle! Hiccup and Toothless are Alphas, Astrid is going to be Chief of Berk, and now they're going to meet Shadow, Selena and the other Night Furies of the Myrkr nest. All the loose ends are tied up ;)