The Coming of the Aragog and the Were-Wolf
After Leto's last humiliation in front of Frodo and Gandalf, he was sure to keep all his personal documents and things well out of view. Smeagul was behind the counter again. The last person that had tried to short-change him had been a student from the Hogwarts Fanfiction Academy. She left without her hair; it was almost as if she didn't know what a mini-balrog was capable of.
By the time that that mess was cleaned up, Leto had applied to adopt a mini- Aragog. Its name was Pheonix, and it had the nasty habit of blowing up at times and coming out of the ashes as a full-grown Aragog instead of a newborn one. That was lots of fun with the fangirl that tried to pass him and get into the chocolate section. The stains took a week to wash out. But it was worth it, just for the look on her face. Pheonix's other habit was not as pleasant. He liked to produce the sounds of a city, and that was noisy in a small space.
The people who came to the store were from all over the place, and they had some interesting requests. Angel, for instance, came here from time to time, looking for new and interesting gadgets, Neelix from Trekverse looking for strange food to feed the crew, and Grima regularly came asking for Ye Olde Poisonous Poison.
One of the problems that Leto had was his policy on chocolate. Specifically, the policy on who was allowed to buy it. Originally this was only the staff members of the various universities and the PPC agents. The Lord of the Rings canon characters were not allowed any because it was not natural for them to have, but this was not true in all continuums. The list of who was allowed chocolate had to be revised daily, which only added to the hassle that the Hobbits had made. The Hobbits constantly looked for loopholes in the rules. Leto Leto was not about to let them find one, though; he still had the scars from when Sauron got his hands on some chocolate a while back.
But another day, another dollar, to abuse the old maxim.
Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, this was not going to be like any other day. Leto had just met up with an old friend of his, who was looking for work. This friend was not the usual sort of friend either, and for a human an unlikely one.
The minis noticed the difference in Leto's behaviour also, which just made things worse. Because when the minis were distracted, they let stuff slip, and when stuff slipped bad things happened.
Today was the day that Chiad was to start working.
Now, don't underestimate Chiad. She is an intelligent person who happens to like things that can kill her, Leto thought. He made a mental note to put the silver swords under glass and keep the key on his own person. Before he could put action to thoughts a customer came in.
"Hello, can I help you?" Leto inquired.
The gentleman in question was not from the usual places. He wore a leather jacket and was very blond.
"Hello chap, I was wondering if you could help me out with a small problem that I have."
"Of course, but what would a person of your stature, a vampire ghost, have?" Leto inquired.
"You are not up to date on any of the current events on the planet Earth, are you, my fine storekeeper?"
"No, sorry, I am not. I am kept very occupied here, Spike."
"Well, it is this Wolfram and Hart building. I keep running into the odd fangirl and spilling whatever I am holding. And then there are those girls that offer to carry everything for me, and the most annoying girls try to give me back my body though witchcraft. It is all rather disturbing."
"Well, I could recommend you to some of the assassins at the PPC headquarters, but I think that you want to take care of yourself."
"Damn right, you are," Spike said emphatically.
"Well, do you want to play with the girls' minds, or just get rid of them?"
"You have something in mind, don't you?"
"Yes, I do."
Spike followed Leto as he walked over to one side of the story and pointed out a marker. A stone girl was reaching for a book. The book was canon's canon.
"Spike, if you could give me a hand here for a second?"
They moved the stone girl out of the way. The girl--who had once been real-- was no loss; from her dress she had been one of the elvish Sues from the Middle-earth continuum. Once the girl was out of the way, Leto picked up the book that she was trying to get.
"Now, this is a special book. I keep it for only the most desperate situations. Basically, its power is to change any person that is not supposed to be in the continuum of question into stone. All you have to do is give them this book to hold and poof, problem gone." Leto was more than a bit proud of the book; it was one of his own creations. The only problem with it was that it was so powerful that the PPC agents could not use it. The only reason that it did not affect him was that he did not try to enter any continuum he was not native to.
"That is all well and good, but there is a problem there," Spike pointed out.
Leto looked crestfallen. He had no idea with what would be wrong with his book.
"What problem is that? Leto asked, hoping that Spike was mistaken.
"Well, the presence of a new statue. I don't want Angel to get wind of this; I want to see him suffer under these girls' gauntlet."
"Hmmm. Lets see if I can." Leto thought a moment. "Aha! Got it!" And he pulled another book off a shelf.
"This book will transport any person that holds it to the nether world of your choice," Leto explained, keeping the book well out of Spike's reach. "The only problem is that there is no distinction among characters. It will transport anyone who touches it, unless they are keyed to it. And there can only be one person keyed to it at a time."
Spike mulled over the point for a second. "Will the book transport the rock statues?"
"We can only try," Leto responded.
Touching the book to the statue of the girl that they had moved, Leto and Spike watched it disappear to nowhere. At this result, Spike looked very impressed.
At that moment Leto heard a dingle from the front of the store. "Excuse me Spike, but I need to check on this next customer. You are welcome to browse, but please do not touch any of the books. They are dangerous and anyway, the titles will tell you everything you need to know."
Retreating from the book section, Leto went towards the front counter. When he saw who it was, he stopped in his tracks.
"Chiad, you finally made it here!" Leto said. "How are you doing? How was the trip?"
"Good! I like what you have done with the place, but I think that I coulllllddddd.." Chiad's jaw dropped and the drool started flowing.
After Leto's last humiliation in front of Frodo and Gandalf, he was sure to keep all his personal documents and things well out of view. Smeagul was behind the counter again. The last person that had tried to short-change him had been a student from the Hogwarts Fanfiction Academy. She left without her hair; it was almost as if she didn't know what a mini-balrog was capable of.
By the time that that mess was cleaned up, Leto had applied to adopt a mini- Aragog. Its name was Pheonix, and it had the nasty habit of blowing up at times and coming out of the ashes as a full-grown Aragog instead of a newborn one. That was lots of fun with the fangirl that tried to pass him and get into the chocolate section. The stains took a week to wash out. But it was worth it, just for the look on her face. Pheonix's other habit was not as pleasant. He liked to produce the sounds of a city, and that was noisy in a small space.
The people who came to the store were from all over the place, and they had some interesting requests. Angel, for instance, came here from time to time, looking for new and interesting gadgets, Neelix from Trekverse looking for strange food to feed the crew, and Grima regularly came asking for Ye Olde Poisonous Poison.
One of the problems that Leto had was his policy on chocolate. Specifically, the policy on who was allowed to buy it. Originally this was only the staff members of the various universities and the PPC agents. The Lord of the Rings canon characters were not allowed any because it was not natural for them to have, but this was not true in all continuums. The list of who was allowed chocolate had to be revised daily, which only added to the hassle that the Hobbits had made. The Hobbits constantly looked for loopholes in the rules. Leto Leto was not about to let them find one, though; he still had the scars from when Sauron got his hands on some chocolate a while back.
But another day, another dollar, to abuse the old maxim.
Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, this was not going to be like any other day. Leto had just met up with an old friend of his, who was looking for work. This friend was not the usual sort of friend either, and for a human an unlikely one.
The minis noticed the difference in Leto's behaviour also, which just made things worse. Because when the minis were distracted, they let stuff slip, and when stuff slipped bad things happened.
Today was the day that Chiad was to start working.
Now, don't underestimate Chiad. She is an intelligent person who happens to like things that can kill her, Leto thought. He made a mental note to put the silver swords under glass and keep the key on his own person. Before he could put action to thoughts a customer came in.
"Hello, can I help you?" Leto inquired.
The gentleman in question was not from the usual places. He wore a leather jacket and was very blond.
"Hello chap, I was wondering if you could help me out with a small problem that I have."
"Of course, but what would a person of your stature, a vampire ghost, have?" Leto inquired.
"You are not up to date on any of the current events on the planet Earth, are you, my fine storekeeper?"
"No, sorry, I am not. I am kept very occupied here, Spike."
"Well, it is this Wolfram and Hart building. I keep running into the odd fangirl and spilling whatever I am holding. And then there are those girls that offer to carry everything for me, and the most annoying girls try to give me back my body though witchcraft. It is all rather disturbing."
"Well, I could recommend you to some of the assassins at the PPC headquarters, but I think that you want to take care of yourself."
"Damn right, you are," Spike said emphatically.
"Well, do you want to play with the girls' minds, or just get rid of them?"
"You have something in mind, don't you?"
"Yes, I do."
Spike followed Leto as he walked over to one side of the story and pointed out a marker. A stone girl was reaching for a book. The book was canon's canon.
"Spike, if you could give me a hand here for a second?"
They moved the stone girl out of the way. The girl--who had once been real-- was no loss; from her dress she had been one of the elvish Sues from the Middle-earth continuum. Once the girl was out of the way, Leto picked up the book that she was trying to get.
"Now, this is a special book. I keep it for only the most desperate situations. Basically, its power is to change any person that is not supposed to be in the continuum of question into stone. All you have to do is give them this book to hold and poof, problem gone." Leto was more than a bit proud of the book; it was one of his own creations. The only problem with it was that it was so powerful that the PPC agents could not use it. The only reason that it did not affect him was that he did not try to enter any continuum he was not native to.
"That is all well and good, but there is a problem there," Spike pointed out.
Leto looked crestfallen. He had no idea with what would be wrong with his book.
"What problem is that? Leto asked, hoping that Spike was mistaken.
"Well, the presence of a new statue. I don't want Angel to get wind of this; I want to see him suffer under these girls' gauntlet."
"Hmmm. Lets see if I can." Leto thought a moment. "Aha! Got it!" And he pulled another book off a shelf.
"This book will transport any person that holds it to the nether world of your choice," Leto explained, keeping the book well out of Spike's reach. "The only problem is that there is no distinction among characters. It will transport anyone who touches it, unless they are keyed to it. And there can only be one person keyed to it at a time."
Spike mulled over the point for a second. "Will the book transport the rock statues?"
"We can only try," Leto responded.
Touching the book to the statue of the girl that they had moved, Leto and Spike watched it disappear to nowhere. At this result, Spike looked very impressed.
At that moment Leto heard a dingle from the front of the store. "Excuse me Spike, but I need to check on this next customer. You are welcome to browse, but please do not touch any of the books. They are dangerous and anyway, the titles will tell you everything you need to know."
Retreating from the book section, Leto went towards the front counter. When he saw who it was, he stopped in his tracks.
"Chiad, you finally made it here!" Leto said. "How are you doing? How was the trip?"
"Good! I like what you have done with the place, but I think that I coulllllddddd.." Chiad's jaw dropped and the drool started flowing.