Sorry about the delayed update and the crazy writer's block I've been experiencing. However, one of the good things about living alone and not seeing anyone for weeks is I have started writing again (maybe). I may even have a new chapter of Hemlock in the works soon. I hope you are all doing ok and being safe! And I hope you enjoy this little tidbit of a chapter. Please leave me reviews and let me know how you are doing too.

I still remember those late nights before we were dating when you would drunkenly knock on my door seeking refuge. I remember how I would let you in, like a stray cat coming in from the cold, in a world full of losers, or so you liked to tell me. I remember how you told me I wasn't people. I remember your eyes, so warm and trusting, as you would curl up on my couch with your head on my lap, and the secret smile that I could swear you only wore for me. And then I would cover you with the soft fleece throw and you would tease me about before telling me everything about what you were running from; your failed blind dates, or your roommate boys, or sometimes snippets about your parents or childhood in biting, ironic stories that came out in tiny bits and pieces, like extracting slivers of glass, or shrapnel from a wound before you fell asleep.

Traci motioned to Seamus the bartender as I found myself sinking into the empty bench of her booth. I remember her giving you the same wide-eyed, soft, motherly look when she thought you were being an idiot about our relationship.

"So… you're back." She said bluntly, before looking up and nodding as four more drinks materialized on the table before us.

I quickly swallowed what was left in my glass and reached for another.

"It's nice to see you too, Traci." I replied, clinking glasses with her.

"You could have let me know you were coming, you know." She scowled as she said it, but then kicked me under the table and smiled. "I am still your friend too."

I sighed and drank more.

"I'm sorry." I knew I sounded defeated, "It's.. it's just so.."

"Yeah, I get it, but Gail isn't the only one here who misses you." She replied with a tilt of her head. "And I hear your old boss may be retiring. Could that have anything to do with this visit?"

Damn! Traci is always on top of work gossip and that second Jack and Coke was strong!

"Are you trying to get me drunk and pump me for information?" I laughed at her, trying to cover my growing inebriation.

"Detective." She pointed at herself, "They don't pay me the big bucks for nothing."

I remember how Traci was the one person you never said anything even remotely bad about. I remember my surprise when you tried to cancel our weekend together, and even greater surprise when you finally admitted it was because you had agreed to watch Traci's son Leo when a case she was on suddenly sent her out of town. I remember how sweet, and patient you were with him as you helped him with his schoolwork. And I remember the sappy warm glow, as you would call it, that I felt when I realized that was how you were with all children. I knew you would make an amazing mom someday, but I guess I hadn't thought it might be so soon.

"Hey! Holly!" Traci bumped my arm, pulling me from the rabbit hole that I had just gone down , "Where did you go?"

"Sorry Traci." I managed.

"Well?" She arched her eyebrows at me expectantly.

I drank again, and then caved in, "That may have something to do with it." I conceded, "Look, I should really be getting back to my friends." I continued in an attempt to get away from Traci's shrewd eyes. "And I'm sure you're here to meet up with Steve or someone."

She looked sad for a moment, and I realized that I didn't even know if they were still dating.

"I'm actually here to meet Gail." She finally answered.

"Oh." My heart neatly stopped as I squeezed the word out around the lump in my throat. "Is her girlfriend meeting up with you too?" I hoped that I succeeded in hiding the bitter taste the question left lingering on my tongue.

I remember the way you quickly threw up your walls and shut me out with the smile that didn't reach your eyes when I told you I had accepted my current job, and that I was leaving.

"Who?" Traci looked confused.

I couldn't help the spark of hope, or the way my voice trembled slightly when I asked, "That woman she was here with las night. They looked… intimate. She isn't her girlfriend? "

"Oh!" Traci laughed and shook her head, "You must mean Frankie! No!"

But the relief I felt was short lived when she continued.

"No! She and Frankie kind of have a lust hate relationship." She shook her head again, "They occasionally hook up when neither one of them is seeing anyone, but I swear it brings out the worst in both of them. Mostly they just drink and bitch about how much they hate each other."

I never knew jealousy until that moment. The chill in my blood at the thought of someone else's hands on your body, and the hot rage in my belly, burning my heart just thinking about you kissing her. I knew it was stupid, and unfair. After all, I hadn't exactly been a nun since I moved to San Francisco. But still there was no one in my life, no one in my head, no one haunting my dreams but you.