Darkness envelops the house, blocking out all remnants of light. Even moonlight dare not encroach here. My husband is asleep. It is well past midnight. My children should be sleeping, and I shuffle from room to room and make sure they are. I am the only one awake in this house. I hear it breathe and creak and moan. Age takes a toll on houses. Just as nightmares take a toll on people. But my nightmare, it never ends. I can never tell if I'm awake or asleep anymore. Hallucinations and delusions plague me in a never ending cycle. Time means nothing here. Everything is suspended, unable to be influenced one way or another.

I am here, in the darkness. I make my way down the stairs. I am dreaming again. I make my way to my reading room. I already made myself some tea before I made my rounds to check on my children. Steve, Shirley, Theo, Nell, and Luke are all sleeping soundly. They usually do. But sometimes Nellie has nightmares, so I keep half an ear out for her, in case she stirs. I sit down in my favorite chair, and listen to the soothing sound of hearing an old book spine crack open. I sigh, reveling in my second of peace.

And then, the second ends.

"How are you doing, Dollface?" She asks. I know her voice. It's Poppy. Poppy Hill. She appears often in my dreams.

"I'm fine, Poppy." I say, not looking up from my book.

"You sure about that, darlin'? You look like you just had a screamin' meemie." She says.

"No. I haven't had any tonight."

"Then what is keepin' you up at this hour?"

"I can't sleep."

"Why? What are you afraid of?"

I take in a shaky breath. I shut my eyes and set down my book. "Every time I close my eyes, I see them lying there. My babies… Every time I look, they're dead. And I just… I can't see my life without them." When I finish the words, I'm shaking, trembling with fear. "I don't know what to do to make it stop."

Poppy comes over to me, puts her hand on my shoulder, and for a moment it's as if I'm awake.

"Oh sugar, I understand. Really, I do. Let me ask you a question, then. What is the difference between a screamin' meemie and reality?"

"I don't know anymore." I say, and I realize I am crying.

"There is one difference. Love." She says.

"Love?" I parrot, confused.

"Screamin' Meemie's don't understand love. Tell me somethin': Do you love your children?"

"More than anything."

"You would do anything to keep them safe, wouldn't you?"

"Of course."

"Would they feel safe if they saw you right now?"

I stop. I freeze. She's absolutely right. "No…" I say. "No they wouldn't."

"That's right." She says. "Keep telling yourself that it's just a screamin' meemie. Because the love that you have for those kids will keep them away."

I can breathe again. "You're right. You're absolutely right." I say. Poppy smiles.

"Of course I am, love." She puts a hand under my chin. "Now go on off to bed. No more screamin' meemies tonight."

Suddenly I'm tired. But I can't be, because this is just a dream. Still, I follow her instructions and climb into bed.

It's a few nights later, and I'm running. Running as fast as I can. I check each and every room, but they're gone. They're all gone.

Shirley? Gone.

Theo? Gone.

Nell and Luke? Both gone.

The last room is Steve's. I reach for the doorknob. And then Poppy is there. She tells me they're in there. Hugh and Steve. I turn the knob, but then I hear another voice. I turn to see Hazel Hill laying there in her bed. I ask her for her help. And then I hear the footsteps down the hall. My leg is hurt, but I keep pressing on. But Steve is gone. I feel my sanity beginning to splint. I make it to the window, and I see Hugh loading up the car with my children. I want to look away, but I can't.

"He's killing them." Says Poppy. And suddenly I'm relieved. This is all just a dream.

"I want to wake up." I say.

"It's just another Screamin' Meemie." Poppy adds. And then suddenly I'm off again. I'm heading to the stairs, one phrase repeating over and over again.

It's just another Screamin' Meemie

It's just another Screamin' Meemie

It's just another Screamin' Meemie

I'm at the banister of the stairs. I almost go down them. But…

There's only one way out of this. One way out of this hellish dream.

I have to die.

The thought doesn't terrify me. Not like it would most people. Dying doesn't scare me anymore. What truly scares me now is the thought of my children dying, like I've been dreaming of constantly for weeks on end. There is no respite from those dreams. And those dreams make death feel like a release. Better me than them.

I go back up the steps, toward the banister. I climb over it onto the scant bit of flooring left before the seemingly endless drop to the ground. I'm shaking, trying to muster up the courage to go. I keep reminding myself that this is just a dream.

It's just another Screamin' Meemie

I shut my eyes, picturing my children safe and snug in their beds. I can feel Poppy behind me. I can practically hear her silent encouragement. I hold fast to it. I need it. Then, I shut my eyes.

"I just want to wake up." I say.

Then, in a moment of courage that has never failed to amaze me, I do it. I jump. My hair begins to fly. Moments of my life flash before me. My childhood, my wedding, the births of my children. I hold their faces tightly in my mind.

I'll be there soon, my loves.

And just before I make impact, I hear the words one last time:

It's just another Screamin' Meemie.

Then, there is nothing but darkness.