Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Harry Potter and Boku no Hero Academia.

Full Summary: A body is only a container for the soul. Eyes can see how the body degenerates over the years but not inside it. When Harry's soul is once again placed into a new body, he wondered how much of his soul had already deteriorated, chipped and cracked over time. Fem!Tired!MOD!Harry

General Warnings: AU, language, gender bending, slow burn, unhealthy coping method

Author's Note: Hello. Another fanfic was born while I'm on hiatus. Again. I'm distracting myself. And no, I'm not abandoning Alese Yeager. Now I understand why authors write so many stories — it is so that they can alternate from one story to another when they get writer's block.

Harry is an unreliable narrator in this, so just bear with it when it is in Harry's POV, which is a lot.

I'll be posting Gaining Innocence after this, so check it out later.

Enjoy. And please let me know what you think about this story.

Chapter 1: Again

Birth was messy.

Birth was loud.

At one point somewhere (sometimes before), it had been a traumatizing experience. Not now though. Nowadays, instead of confusion and fear, he was filled with dread and apprehension. Exasperation. Once again he was awake and aware, shoved into the living world by Death.

(Wasn't that just ironic?)

He was used to this, unfortunately, squeezing sensation around his body. A pinch on his skin and then a breezy wind on his naked form. He was lifted off by the hands of either a doctor or midwife like some kind of precious treasure. He was expected to cry. He should since he needed to breathe.

He didn't.

Not because of a suicidal tendency (though he had them too, or so he was told) but the mucus had clogged up his nose and mouth. He thought about his life ticking to death if nobody assisted in cleaning his airways.

Sometimes he wondered if he had ever died immediately after his rebirth. Not that he remembered. Counting his past lives became a moot point since ages ago.

(When he was still young and hopeful and wondering if this would ever stop.)

The doctor was quick to smack his naked butt when a moment passed without him making a sound after cleaning up the mucus. The baby him which had no control over the body whatsoever cry at the unexpected pain.

Again, he was, unfortunately, used to this.

He let the doctor washed him up, feeling the sticky goo and blood being wiped away before he was wrapped into a soft fabric. They settled him into a crook of someone's arm.

His current body's mother.

Even if he opened his eyes, he couldn't see. His ears could barely hear. Newborn was blind and deaf to the world. The first few times it happened was horrifying. He was exposed and he was vulnerable. A slight mistake and he could have died.

(He didn't mind dying though — if only he would stay dead.)

He felt himself being jostled a bit, there was a gentle prodding on his cheek. The woman that gave birth to him had just poked him. He snuggled closer, despite struggling with his own limited mobility, and heard a soft garbled noise that sounded like a laughter.

A dull pain throbbed in his heart when chapped lips kissed his temple. He went still as water droplet—tears—fell to his face, warm and cold at the same time. The embrace around him went tighter before loosening. Weakening.

'Oh,' he thought as loud blaring sound resounded in the background, 'she has one of those fate.'

He was lifted off again, taken away from the comfortable warmth that he knew he would no longer get. Even if he couldn't see, he knew what was happening.

The woman that gave birth to him was dying.

As he was placed into the cot, he thought of the fate of those who became his host's mothers. They either died or abandoned him after birth. The later occurred more than the former. It had been crippling the first few times, a crack in his self-esteem when the women didn't want him.

It had been a while since he got a woman that did want him.

Her kiss on the temple would be the last time he would be able to feel her.

Past him would've cried at the realization. Not him though. Now he was just numb. The guilt and sadness and longing washed over as quickly as they came.

Even if the woman had survived, he would still outlive her. Then she would just be one of those faces that were supposed to be important but one that he couldn't remember.

(Like her—bushy-haired and clever—and her—blonde and dreamy—and him—black haired and serious—and her—kind and warm—and everybody else.)

Death didn't let him get too attached — and he let it be.

(What would the alternative be otherwise?)

~X~

Apparently, his current body was a female.

It worked like that sometimes. Him being a girl. The only consistency of her rebirth was that she would have black hair and green eyes. And that scar on the forehead.

The lightning scar: the proof that she had been someone else before Haruka (and before that before and before that before).

Haruka was his—her—new name.

Just Haruka.

(Just Harry.)

She had no surname this time. Nothing to ground her existence to this world since she was just a passer-by, never staying. Like her name. Far away. Distance.

(How fitting.)

~X~

The first few years of her life she handled it on autopilot mode, dissociation, or whatever terms that they used in this world. She perfected it ages before, perhaps even when she was Just Harry.

(Just Harry was an innocent, naïve, hopeful thing that wasn't tainted by Death.)

Awareness came later during the childhood — when she was a toddler, when mobility was no longer a concern.

If the caretakers were suspicious of the changes in her behaviour, their opinions were well concealed since they still treated her roughly the same as others; with kindness and patience. Most kids in the orphanage didn't mind her presence except complaining that she was a little too quiet.

Haruka could work with quiet.

(It was better to be called shy rather than a monster after all.)

The world she currently resided in was a bit peculiar though.

Initially, she had assumed that this world was a bit more advanced than the previous one since she saw races—blue skin could only be considered as alien after all—that shouldn't be classified as humans. But she never saw a spacecraft flying overhead. Her assumption was shot down when she asked one of the caretakers.

Earth, he said.

That was the same for most worlds that Haruka had been reincarnated into.

But all Earths that she had reincarnated into only had humans in it.

Then she thought of mutation and the curiosity died down. At least mutation here didn't get bad reception among humans.

(That young, charismatic man would've been pleased with this world.)

Death had always let her kept something extra in her reincarnation; some useful, some painfully annoying and some became an indirect cause of her death.

(Humans had always been afraid of something that they didn't understand.)

Perhaps they wouldn't try to kill her for being able to do something freaky later.

She didn't want to be drowned to death again.

~X~

Children could be observant sometimes.

Haruka had kept a low profile through her stay in the orphanage. She stayed inside, helping the caretakers with simple chores when the children were busy playing outside. She read books in the shared bedroom when they watched TV in the living room. Nobody had noticed that she didn't step outside of the orphanage for years until a child pointed it out.

Then, it was chaos. Gone was her leisure days.

Apologies were given to her by the caretakers, their faces riddled with guilt. It was a strange occurrence to see such honesty on adults' expressions. Haruka was more familiar with hostility thrown on her way.

This world was truly strange.

Somehow, the apology escalated into an excursion to the zoo with Haruka being the main guest.

The younger children were excited about the trip and the slightly older ones gave a lukewarm response. Though all of them were happy for her. Children similar to her age were telling her about how there was going to be a surprise at the end of the trip.

Haruka wasn't bothered to ask for clarification.

(Just Harry once visited a zoo, hadn't he?)

On the day of the trip, the children woke up earlier than usual. The caretakers divided them into small groups and Haruka was left under the care of the Glasses Caretaker. Haruka wasn't exactly in a friendly term with the children but today all of them treated her as one of their own.

Their familiarity was uncomfortable. It brought something out of her. Something that was long forgotten. Whether it was a good or bad thing, Haruka didn't know the answer because the feeling had vanished as quickly as it came.

The children were enjoying their little trip. An awed sound here and there like most children did when discovering something new.

It was all the same to Haruka. Here or anywhere else. There was nothing new to see, nothing more to learn. The picture remained constant wherever she went. The sun was still the sun. An animal was still an animal.

The animals here weren't all that different.

There were elephants, lions, giraffes — normal looking animals that didn't make her look twice.

Haruka wasn't quite sure what to feel about that.

While the children gushed about the cute rabbits and cool tigers, Haruka found herself staring at a horse. It was eating. It was brown.

It didn't have wings.

Normal ones didn't.

Haruka wasn't quite sure but she remembered enough that there was a species of horse that was touched by Death, all skeletal and ethereal. It had wings. This world didn't have a horse with wings.

(Just Harry saw that kind of horses. He knew its name. Not Haruka. Never Haruka. Never the others.)

Sometimes, Haruka chased the ghost of her memories. Some stuck while some left her as if she was grasping at air. The ones that remained she kept close.

Like the horses with the wings.

Glasses Caretaker was chasing after one of the children when there was an earthquake. The ground shook so bad that the road cracked. People were screaming. The animals got loose.

It was chaos.

What the children said about a surprise sprang to her mind then. It was after she looked at the paled faces of the caretakers and the crying children that she realised that this wasn't the surprise.

Something, a person, emerged from the crack. His smile got crooked as he yelled and laughed, destroying paths and seemingly revelled at the sudden increase of screaming.

'Mutants uprising?'

"Haruka-chan…!" Glasses Caretaker yelled out, his hand trying to reach hers as he kept the other children close to him. Haruka realized that she got separated quite far from the group. "Come here quick! It's dangerous!"

Haruka walked, one foot after another, only to feel the ground beneath her gave out. She stumbled forward. Pain blossomed on her knees kick-started her automatic response. Dissociating from the pain, Haruka barely heard the screaming of the Glasses Caretaker calling for her name.

His face was a mixture of surprise and panic, one that was full of anguish. Haruka thought that she had seen that kind of expression before. But it was on a woman.

She remembered laughter and green light.

The same colour of green was heading her way. Not of light, but of liquid — and all she could think was dying. And Death.

When the liquid was mere seconds from landing on her face, she remembered chapped lips gently kissing her temple and she froze. Icy cold dread chilled her bones to the core at being reminded that it could happen again.

Her heart squeezed viciously, unforgiving.

Haruka had braced herself for the incoming pain, for her soul getting ripped out of her body and shoved into a new one. But she never felt any of it. Instead of pain, something firm and warm enveloped her from behind and took her away from the danger. The rush movement made her mind blanked. Sounds of rustling wind rushed into her ears, whistling loudly and piercing.

"Fear not!" A loud booming voice resounded overhead, "Why, you ask? Because I am here!"

Haruka blinked.

"…eh?"

When black hair fluttered to her face, Haruka realized that she was high above. From this vantage point, she could see the Glasses Caretaker. His distress was replaced by astonishment and relief. Something fluttered inside her then, flickering like the candle of the flame.

Haruka didn't know why her heart ached.

"Jou-chan, I need you to do something for me," she heard her saviour said in a surprisingly soft voice. It was quite a contrast to the loud, booming one. Haruka nodded, wondering if the good mutant even noticed her movement. "I need you to close your eyes and cover your ears. Can you do that?"

Haruka nodded again before doing what he asked. She heard the good mutant thanked her before feeling her stomach plummeted.

The sensation was familiar. Like when she was being catapulted into the air, a broom in her hand.

Due to their close proximity, Haruka could feel how the mutant's muscle tense. For a moment, Haruka braced for an impact, for anything. Then, there was a sudden great pressure, a backlash of something that whipped her hair into the air.

There was a silence, then a muffled cheer.

Callous, big fingers gently pulled her hand away from the ears. The cheering got even louder.

"You can open your eyes now."

Haruka was greeted by the sight of a man grinning at her. His eyes were impossibly blue and vibrant with life that she was taken aback at the sheer force of it.

For one ridiculous moment, Haruka thought about how Death had to fight to retrieve this man's life.

(He wouldn't win, Death always prevail in the end.)

"All Might! That was so cool!"

"The number one hero is seriously too awesome! Only one punch!"

"Kyaa! All Might!"

"All Might!"

The good mutant turned to address the crowds.

"Now, now, citizens. Please, calm down. I believe this Jou-chan here needs a medical treatment."

Haruka expected a voice of complaint or even a protest, but the crowds had surprisingly quietened down. Most of them were jittery on their feet but they didn't do anything untoward. Perhaps it was due to the presence of polices, but their sheer numbers could easily overtake the officers.

If anything, the crowds almost seemed familiar with this.

'Was a fight between mutants a regular occurrence?'

When the good mutant got closer to the waiting ambulance, Haruka tapped his shoulders.

"I'm not hurt."

"Really?" The man said, his voice returned to being soft just like when they were high above. "You hurt your knees though."

Haruka blinked then stared at the white sundress that was smeared with blood.

She had forgotten about her knees. Looking at the bleeding injury, she realized that it was worse than the usual scrap. Normal children would've cried in pain.

Haruka wasn't a normal child though.

She always had a high tolerance for pain.

(She had to if she wanted to survive.)

"Maybe it's the adrenaline."

That startled a laugh from the man though his blue eyes still showed concern. Haruka wondered if the good mutant was worried about the destroyed road. It was the bad mutant fault though.

"You're a smart Jou-chan, aren't you?"

Haruka blinked.

A male EMT disinfected her wound, carefully wrapping them with clean bandages. For some reason the EMT's hand was shaky, eyes unfocused, as he stared at the good mutant who was still keeping her company.

"Haruka-chan…!"

It was that Glasses Caretaker. Haruka saw him trying to squeeze through the excited crowds, body sandwiched between strangers.

That looked uncomfortable.

"Haruka-chan!" Glasses Caretaker finally caught up to them, his breath ragged and his glasses askew. "Thank God, Haruka-chan."

Haruka stiffened when the Glasses Caretaker hugged her fiercely, hands limped on her sides. She could feel his rapid heartbeats, his warmth, and that made her stomach clenched.

She recalled being hugged by a bushy-haired girl, as vicious and desperate as this.

The good mutant was smiling at them, expression soft and relieved.

Glasses Caretaker sniffled, letting out a watery chuckle, and turned to Haruka's saviour. His expression reverent and grateful.

"Thank you, All Might," he said honestly, "Thank you for saving her."

"I'm just doing my job," the man laughed loudly. Haruka noticed the blue eyes flickered to her and her knees. There was a hint of guilt in those eyes before they vanished from sight. "I'm sorry that I could not get to your daughter faster."

Glasses Caretaker spluttered, "Ah, I-I'm not her father." The good mutant seemed curious at that answer. "I'm her caretaker. Haruka-chan here is an orphan."

If possible, her saviour looked sadder than before.

She recalled a similar expression on another man. A brunette with a facial hair. He was trying to save her. Haruka couldn't see the tears in his brown eyes, but she remembered how his fingers trembled as he told her to hold on.

(He couldn't save her. Her body was impaled by steels near all of the vital organs.)

Haruka couldn't remember the man's face, what she did remember was his anguished scream as she died.

The man could've left, but he stayed for her.

Similar to that man, the man before her had expressive eyes.

"You don't have to be sorry," Haruka said softly.

(You don't have to be sorry, _.)

"You don't have to be sorry," Haruka repeated as she stared at those mesmerizing blue eyes, trying to convey as much as honesty as she could. "You save me —"

(You don't have to be sorry. You stayed. You stayed with me until that end.)

"—and that's enough."

Haruka disliked it when people felt guilty over her. It wasn't worth it. She would be gone soon anyway.

The man and the Glasses Caretaker stared at her in surprise. Something flickered underneath the blue eyes.

"You're really smart," the man chuckled softly. His blue eyes softened.

"You already said that."

The good mutant laughed again, his boisterousness returned with vigour.

"A-ah," Glasses Caretaker stammered, "Please excuse her, All Might. Haruka-chan is just a child."

"Excuse? Whatever for? She merely spoke the truth," he grinned and kneeled to her eye level. Haruka wondered if he did that to make himself less intimidating. "If I may ask, Jou-chan, did you enjoy seeing the animals before the villain attacked?" Haruka nodded slowly. "What's your favourite animal?"

"Wolf."

Haruka remembered a kind wolf that had scars on his face and gave her chocolates when she was Just Harry. The wolf always had a sad face. Death took her before she could fix him though.

"That," the man blinked, "…this zoo doesn't have any wolf isn't it?" Haruka shook her head. "That's too bad."

"It's okay," Haruka replied, thinking back to the brown horse that didn't have wings. "I saw horses."

Both men chuckled at her response.

"Actually," Glasses Caretaker spoke, "today's her birthday. We were supposed to have a surprise birthday party later," he trailed off unsurely, smiling as he patted her head. "Though, I think being able to see the number one hero is a pretty good surprise too."

Haruka didn't realize that it was her birthday.

The date of her birth was meaningless to her. There was nothing to be celebrated for nor anything to be grateful for.

It was just another reminder that she was brought back to life.

"A birthday? How exciting! How old are you, Jou-chan?"

"Four."

The man grinned, and Haruka was confused how the man could do that so earnestly each time. "Are you excited to get your quirk?"

Haruka blinked at the expectant look of the man.

"…eh?"

~X~

Sometimes, Haruka chased the ghost of her memories. Some she kept close to her heart. And some, when it came latching on her, she pried open its claws and let it sunk to the bottom of the sea.

Some things are better left forgotten.

Haruka means "remote" or "distant". Jou-chan means "young lady".

This story is going to be slow burn. The timeline is before the starting of the manga. Haruka/Harry is older than Izuku.

This is going to be a Mirio/Haruka (Harry) fic, because I love Harry and I love Mirio. They need more love in my opinion. Mirio is a good boy.

And though this is an on-going story, I'm planning to make DekuMight as a side pairing, but that will not appear in a long while — at least not until Izuku is older. If you wanna fight me about the age gap, I'm going to point out that there is Harry/Snape and Harry/Voldemort pairing. XD