When Kiba returned to the campsite the rest of the Konoha candidates had set up, the sun was busy struggling to rise. From what he could hear around him, he could assume that no one was awake at the moment. There were no rustles of movement or even whispers of conversations. All he did hear were the soft hums of sleeping bodies and small animals walking around. None of his fellow shinobi were awake.

Unfortunately, he was still unable to breathe correctly- the stinging of clawed skin along his neck barely an afterthought. His sinuses felt as if lined with dry sand and his chest panged with a sharp pain with every breath he took. Thankfully enough, his throat was now reduced to smoldering, barely a lick of fire reaching up from the depths of his lungs every now and then. When compared to the sensation of hot coals utilized as throat lozenge, Kiba considered this an improvement.

Tugging self consciously at the bandages lining his throat, Kiba made his way towards the campsite. Kakuzu had wrapped them over them and told him that while most were superficial, there were a few that had gone too deep and the bandages were not to come off under any circumstances. While the masked man had done this, Hidan had spewed profanities and promises of vengeance to the bastards that had managed to catch them by surprise.

Kiba had sat motionless as both men vented in their own ways, much too terrified of the implications he was facing to even try and listen to them.

The person or people that had ambushed them had known that he was there. Someone knew he was part of the Akatsuki. And if someone knew, it was only a matter of time before the Hokage herself found out... He could not have the Hokage finding out. All of his hard work with the Akatsuki, all of the sacrifices he had made to ensure the success of their plans… Reliving the worst moments of his life... It would have all been for nothing if anyone found the truth. Everything he had lived through and all the things he had learned… He would have gone through all of it for nothing.

This thought chilled the first in his lungs for a moment, only to be replaced by burning fury. Within the confined of his mind, he had raged and cursed the world.

Lecherous grins and phantoms pains plagued his body. Splatters of crimson blood forced out of a monster's body were permanent fixtures in his nightmares. The memory of his own hands tearing through a despicable throat as a dead eyed woman stared listlessly at the sky nearby played in his mind, over and over again. He was haunted by the experiences that had shaped him into an agent the Akatsuki had seen promise in. They never left him. But right now, he could think about nothing other than them.

There were monsters out there, throughout the elemental notions, that were poisoning the ground where they stood- free to destroy and desecrate because there was no one to stop them.

He didn't register his movements until well after he had caused himself damage in his fit of impulsive rage. The scream that had been ripped from him had come from deep within and reignited the fire that had sizzled out in his lungs. His knuckles weren't broken by the punch he had crashed into a tree trunk, but Kakuzu had scolded him for being an idiot- was there not a brain within his skull?

Hidan had merely nodded as he commented on his remarkable killing intent.

He offered them no explanations. They did not question him. Kakuzu merely grunted out a plausible excuse for the bandages around his neck before barking at Hidan to get a move on- they needed to get back to the Leader to inform them of their failure.

Failure.

Kiba hated that word.

After that, they had parted ways and Kiba had made his way back to the camp set up by his fellow shinobi.

If someone really did know he was part of the Akatsuki... All of the Akatsuki's plans would be dashed away and he'd be hunted down for being a traitor. And that was only if he didn't get locked up as soon as he returned to Konoha in a few days.

"Did you spend all that time in the forest?"

Kiba was forced out of his thoughts by Shikamaru's voice suddenly filling up his ears. The teenage Nara was leaning against a tree trunk on the edge of the clearing they had chosen to camp in. His eyes were drooping slightly, a sign that he had most probably just woken up, and his arms were being used by his head as cushion against the trunk.

"Uh…" Kiba faltered for a moment under the Nara's lazy stare, suddenly feeling extremely guilty, but soon shook any reservations away and shrugged. "Yeah. I had nightmares." He replied almost lamely, "Didn't want to wake anybody up."

Him having nightmares would not be a surprise to Team 8 or Shikamaru. They all knew just about everything they needed to know about what had happened to him three years ago. But the rest that were traveling with them at the moment were none the wiser. Sakura, Ino, Chouji, and all of Team Guy had no idea as to what had happened during his absence from Konoha. And, quite frankly, Kiba wished to keep it that way. The less people that knew what had happened, the less that would doubt his skills as a ninja.

Even though what they knew was a very much censored and highly fabricated version of events, it was still much too close to reality for him to be comfortable with many people knowing about.

Shikamaru's eyes still seemed heavy with sleep, even as his lips formed a displeased frown. "You didn't have to spend the night alone."

Kiba smiled sadly at his words, but offered a noncommittal shrug. Then he thrust his hands into his pockets, turning his gaze over to the shrubbery to his left. "Ain't right to wake anyone up when I've got shit to deal with. 'Sides, I'm fine."

"You call your neck fine?"

Kiba had known that the obvious wounds he had mysteriously suffered would cause suspicion in his friends. But he was prepared with quite the believable explanation thanks to Kakuzu.

"I felt like I was getting choked." The Inuzuka lied with a heavy sigh. "I know it was a nightmare; but it felt so real… When I woke up, it was too late to stop the damage."

The Nara's eyes were wholly focused on Kiba after he'd said this. And, really, Kiba couldn't complain. He had been there for him from the beginning, helping him heal and reintegrate to the life he had left behind. Shikamaru, just like Shino, Hinata, and Akamaru, had been an integral part of Kiba getting better and healing rather than just being able to go through the motions of what had once been his life. And for this, Kiba called him a true friend; called them all true friends.

He didn't like lying to Shikamaru. Just like he didn't like lying to any of his friends. But he knew that there was a reason for all of the lies and deceit, and that helped him sleep somewhat easier at night. He didn't sleep amazingly, his nights were still fitful and uneasy, filled with nightmares that threatened to chew him up and consume him completely. The knowledge of having true reasons for all of the pain, though, helped him sleep just a tiny bit better.

"I wouldn't have been bothered if you woke me up." Shikamaru grunted as he slowly stood up from his spot, rolling his shoulders to stretch, "Wouldn't be the first time. Wouldn't be the last."

The reminder of all the times that he had wound up in the Nara Compound, terrified for his life because the specters of his past loomed over him to destroy him, made Kiba wince. Even though he knew that relying on others wasn't a weakness, he certainly didn't thrive off of seeking others for help. He had done it once with the Akatsuki and while that hadn't ended badly, he just wasn't inclined to growing too close to anyone else.

Being a kind of double agent, working for someone that kept their work hidden under the shroud of darkness, made Kiba feel like a lowlife. But he also wished that everything he did truly was for the good of the world. He didn't think he'd be able to live with himself if he wasn't right in believing all of the Akatsuki's tenants.

"I could have stopped you from hurting your neck." The Nara walked up to him in a sedated pace, keeping his eyes directly on Kiba's.

His body language read of complete relaxation, even though no longer did his eyes have a single shred of tiredness within them.

After having dealt with Kiba's fragile mind for years now, the Nara was more than knowledgeable as to what to do when Kiba felt threatened. He would always seem as relaxed as possible, as little as a threat to Kiba. The Nara was more than aware of how fragile Kiba actually was, no matter how much he tried to hide it, and that scared the Inuzuka. He didn't like people knowing how close he could sometimes get to breaking. But, quite frankly, he was lucky that it was just Shikamaru that knew this. The other male never abused of this knowledge; never made him feel smaller than he already did.

"Can I see?"

The Nara was now in front of Kiba. He kept his body looking as calm as possible, more than aware of how Kiba would normally be after a nightmare.

In all honesty, Kiba was kind of happy that Shikamaru had been around in some of his worst moments to not question him now. Anyone else, following proper shinobi code of conduct, would be grilling him as to why he had left camp in the middle of the night and why he had not returned until now. But Shikamaru, more than aware of everything that had happened, most probably believed that Kiba was currently recovering from a dangerous nightmare that had left him frazzled and terrified.

Kiba weighed his choices carefully.

Shikamaru would be even more worried if he didn't allow him to see the scratches. And he already knew that they were self-inflicted, so there shouldn't be that much trouble to let him see… But it just didn't feel right to have him so close by.

The reason why he didn't want Shikamaru close to his neck was because of his basic instincts screaming at him that he'd be leaving himself open to damage. But that screaming came from the darkest recesses of his mind, where the memory of his time in hell was still fresh and raw.

There was also the fact that Kakuzu had growled at him that the bandages were not to be pulled off... But... Well, he could always rewrap his neck after Shikamaru was done.

"Just…" Kiba swallowed, then shifted his gaze towards the lightening sky. "Be careful, okay?"

Shikamaru didn't say anything after that. But soon Kiba felt light touches on his neck, slowly unwinding the bandages snuggly wrapped around him. With each layer that was unwrapped, Kiba felt his heart clench even tighter. But soon enough his wounds were left bare for the world to see. And when he looked over at Shikamaru, he found his friend frowning heavily.

"You should have asked for help." He chastised softly, eyes going over every single scratch on the Inuzuka's neck. "If not from me, then from someone from your team. Kiba, this was completely avoidable."

The Nara had always been able to give blunt commentary without being overly rude. Just like with a lot of other things about the Nara, Kiba was grateful for this.

"I know." He sighed, crossing his arms over his chest while the other teen continued to look over him. "I just didn't want to bother anyone."

Shikamaru grunted at the explanation, but soon began to wrap the bandages around Kiba's neck once more. And once he'd finished with that, the Nara crossed his arms over his chest and gave Kiba a thoughtful look.

"The rest is going to ask why you're wearing them."

Kiba grunted softly at hearing this, "I know... But I don't want to tell them the truth."

The truth Shikamaru now knew was a lie. So what Kiba would be doing was creating yet another lie: a lie to a lie. This was what his life had come to. Creating so many different lies that if he didn't sometimes stop himself to write everything that had come out of his mouth down, he would have been found out long ago.

The scroll he currently held within the hidden pockets inside of his jacket was one of the many he had written on over the past few years. After the twentieth one he had begun on a year ago, Kiba had stopped counting them. He couldn't be bothered with keeping up the true number of scrolls he had filled up. Especially not when he burned them up every time the small lies he had told were considered unimportant. Keeping such proof of deceit near him was just another way of getting caught if he wasn't careful.

The bigger, more important lies, were documented within scrolls that were hidden inside of his puppet, far from wherever any prying eyes might be able to find.

Shikamaru closed his eyes as he allowed a grunt of annoyance to leave him, then he opened them up once more to look Kiba directly in the eyes. "If not the truth, then what'll you tell them? What's so bad about them knowing what really happened?"

If not the truth... Kiba had stopped trying to stop himself from feeling guilty whenever this phrase came up in a conversation. He'd had to be so dishonest with everyone he deemed important to himself that he couldn't be bothered with feeling bad anymore. The guilt was still there, it would always be. But it was overshadowed by the knowledge of doing all of this to make the world a better place... Most of the time.

His dreams were to help the Akatsuki fix the world- make it a place where genin would not have to give up their bodies to keep their teammates safe. Most days, that was enough of a goal to keep him going.

"I'm already under strict surveillance, Shika." Kiba frowned at his friend, "The Hokage doesn't want ninja that are a danger to themselves on the front lines. And if I told the rest about the nightmare I had that caused me to hurt myself, I'd be taken off active duty and placed in an asylum or something."

"You were cleared by Morino and Inoichi. And the Hokage knows you're going to suffer from nightmares, all ninja do." Shikamaru fired back, irritation etching into his features.

"But not all ninja hurt themselves."

Neither teen was going to back down. And for a moment, Kiba was struck by the total absurdity of this discussion. He was standing up about not being honest about a story he had fabricated to keep Shikamaru from questioning him too much. Well, he would have been able to think about how this might have been funny if not for the severity of his whole life.

Eventually Shikamaru spoke up once again.

"Fine. Don't tell Team Guy or Team Ten. But your team is going to worry. And they can help you."

Shino, Hinata, and Akamaru... That was his team. They were supposed to be the people he could lean on no matter what- they could be his rock when he could not weather the storm that was life.

He didn't dare.

"Kiba, I wish to speak with you."

The Inuzuka quirked an eyebrow at his teammate's tense words, placed the kunai he had been sharpening back in his weapons pouch, and stood up from the stump he had claimed as his own.

He looked around the training ground, took note of Kurenai-sensei and Hinata working on some new taijutsu techniques, and looked back at the Aburame that had spoken to him. It had been months since that disastrous mission that had torn them apart... And Shino had never looked so different.

"Alright. Come on."

He knew that this was going to be a serious conversation. Shino's voice was tense, yet confident, and his whole body read of confrontation. Kiba didn't run away from it this time around. He didn't have any believable excuses, unlike all the other times the Aburame had tried to approach him.

They made their way towards the edges of the clearing and then walked a bit farther into the foliage, just to make sure that neither of the other two shinobi could hear them without flat-out trying to eavesdrop. Once Kiba was sure the distance was far enough, he turned back to Shino and nodded at him.

"We have not discussed what happened. Because of this, we have not yet reached any semblance of closure, so we cannot possibly begin to even think about moving on and trying to return to our regular lives."

Shino had a point. Kiba was more than aware of this. But he couldn't bring himself to talk about anything that dealt with their time in captivity. And it wasn't as if he could confess to having become a double agent during his time with the Akatsuki- that would just lead to his death. No, if it was up to him, he would not talk about any of this and leave it at that; closure be damned. But Shino clearly needed something.

"You know that none of this was your fault, right?"

Even behind all of his garments, even obscured by those dark sunglasses and high collar, Kiba was able to see the shock of surprise that hit the Aburame.

It was a very dirty trick, he knew. But it was a perfect way to distract Shino from whatever it was that he wanted to discuss.

"You were held captive just like the rest of us. You were bound with chakra draining seals and they kept you with a sword at Hinata's neck if you tried to do anything. If you had tried to escape and help, she would have been killed. Then you would have been murdered." Kiba frowned at his Aburame teammate, "I was the one to make the deal. I didn't give either of you a choice in what happened. All the blame falls on me- stop beating yourself up over it."

From surprise, Shino's face hardened into anger. "It does not. You did what you could to keep us safe- it was those bastards that kidnapped us. It isn't your fault that they abused of you. And it certainly isn't your fault that you were kidnapped by those Akatsuki brutes. You did not know that they were missing-nin when we first met them. And you thought they would have actually helped us when they offered to aid you."

Oh, how little Shino actually knew...

Kiba schooled his features into a small frown instead of the heavy, extremely bothered one he actually felt like using. The fact of the matter was that everything he had gone through had been his own making- as soon as he had opened his big mouth to the bastard mercenaries, he had dug his own grave. Everything that had happened after that had been his own accidental machination. There was no way he could avoid this truth.

With a small sigh, Kiba crossed his arms over his chest. "We aren't the same kids, Shino. I don't think I can even think of myself as a kid anymore... I'm not even fourteen yet and I feel so... very... old."

It couldn't hurt to admit this to his teammate, right? It wasn't a detail that would impede on the Akatsuki's plans. And it was a confession that would throw Shino off even further... It would help Kiba from having to straight up lie to the Aburame about what had happened to him after he had left with Itachi and Kisame.

"I don't want to talk about what happened. I don't want you to know more about what happened- what you already know is enough." With this, Kiba crossed his arms over his chest and closed his eyes, "The fact of the matter is that I was used by the Akatsuki as a tracker for a couple of months until they decided to release me because I was not good enough for what they needed. What happened in the time that we were apart doesn't need to bother you."

Shino schooled his features until Kiba could barely read him once more. Frustration, though, rolled off of him in waves- inundated his scent.

"But it bothers you."

It was as if all of the oxygen in his lungs had been punched out.

Kiba was stricken by the honesty in Shino's voice- how worried he sounded. He stared at his teammate for a couple of seconds, then coughed softly and forced himself to smooth his surprise and seem as unbothered as possible.

"Of course it does." He grunted, cleared his throat, and glanced away, "And that's why I don't want it to bother you..." The Inuzuka squinted his eyes at the foliage surrounding them, the vastness of the trees and the brightness of the green, and breathed out. "Listen, Shino... If it'll help in any way, my time with the Akatsuki was heaven compared to what I went through with those bastards. They were decent enough, alright?"

Everything was silent around them for a moment.

Then Shino questioned, "Then why won't you tell me about it?"

Kiba outright glared at him, "Because there are some things you've got to go through alone, Shino. Teammates or not- I'm not telling anyone."

With a soft sigh, Kiba made his way over to his bedroll. Akamaru was laying on top of it, looking at him through half-lidded eyes.

Kiba smiled softly at the animal, crouched on the balls of his feet, and patted his head. Akamaru closed his eyes completely and just allowed his partner to pet him.

The fact of the matter was that only Akamaru knew about what had happened with the Akatsuki- the actual truth. Kiba had not wanted to tell him about it at first, just to keep him safe from any possible repercussions if he was ever found out. But he couldn't harbor such a heavy secret alone and he found himself telling Akamaru almost everything after only a month back in his home.

Akamaru had not been pleased at first. He had hated Kiba for having abandoned him and left him in the care of Hinata, Shino, and Naruto. The dog had loathed the fact that he was far away from his human and could do absolute nothing to help him in case anything happened. And it had taken a lot of groveling and explaining himself to get Akamaru to even begin to think about forgiving him.

Now the dog was slightly on-board with the idea to save the world. He still didn't like the Akatsuki or what they had done- how they had supposedly forced Kiba into learning how to fight instead of allowing him to progress naturally. But he could at least see that the group of dangerous criminals had a justifiable-enough reason to want Kiba's help.

That didn't mean, though, that he agreed with Kiba being part of their plans or using his age and connections into tricking Gaara, Naruto, and Fū into friendship to 'help them'. And he certainly called bullshit on the chakra monster explanation. And he did not agree with the need for secrecy and manipulation on the Akatsuki's part.

… At least the dog had agreed to keep quiet about the Akatsuki as long as Kiba kept him well informed...

"Sleep well, boy?"

Akamaru yawned and huffed, before questioning him about what lie he would feed his teammates this time.

Kiba frowned at the large dog, shook his head, and stood back up. He didn't bother to answer his partner and instead looked over the campsite to make sure that everything was alright.

Team Guy were all hidden within their tents and only Lee seemed to be stirring. It was pretty early and they had just been promoted to chuunin, so they all had a right to want to sleep in some more. But Lee, with his exuberant and tiresome energy, seemed to be on the precipice of waking up. On the other side of the barely burning fire they had made the last night were Ino, Sakura, Chouji, and Shikamaru's tents. They were all sleeping- with Ino and Chouji snoring rather loudly. And, finally, on either side of him were his own teammates.

He was the only one to use a bedroll alone rather than beneath a tent.

Nobody questioned it after Shikamaru had allowed him to use the bedroll alone at the beginning of their trip to Suna.

It was only a matter of time before everyone else woke up, breakfast was eaten, and they would get back on their way to Konoha.

Once again, Kiba sighed. Then he sat down on his bedroll, his back touching Akamaru's own, and began to roll bandages around his wounds yet again.

~/~

He had made sure to wear his hood over his head and bring up his jacket's collar as high as it would go while being zipped closed. This had ensured that only a bit of white peeked above the dark fabric, crossing right over his Adam's apple.

The rest of his outfit was normal- black pants, black sandals, and a bandage wrap to his right thigh. Not even wearing the hood was out of character for him, seeing how he had enjoyed having the fur lined piece on his jacket. What was different was wearing the jacket zipped up so high. But, if he was lucky, the teenagers around him would not question it and merely attribute it to Kiba-brand oddities.

Supposedly, he had a lot of those that not many questioned. And the reason why not many did so was out of fear of accidentally affecting him in a harmful manner with their questions. Which, he hated... But appreciated. If no one questioned him out of fear of harming him, then he didn't have to give too many explanations. If he didn't have to give many explanations, then he didn't need to lie as much.

"Alright. We're still two days away from reaching Konoha. We should eat and then get moving." Shikamaru instructed after Chouji had finished cooking up their breakfast.

Kiba smirked at how truly disinterested Shikamaru sounded in returning to their home, but soon frowned when he began to think on the word: Home.

Konoha was his home. The Inuzuka Clan was his family. Team 8 was his pack. They were all supposed to be important to him... But the Akatsuki was above them all, in a way. Yet he did not have a proper word to describe them. They weren't a pack. They certainly weren't a family. And their base of operations could never be a home.

With a soft sigh, Kiba thanked Hinata for bringing him his food. Then she sat down beside him and began to quietly eat and Kiba could smell the worry rolling off of her.

He scowled for a moment, then watched Shino as he sat down on Kiba's other side and began to eat his own breakfast without offering a single word.

The Inuzuka's eyebrows narrowed and scrunched up. And he just about scowled when Akamaru made a show of lying down behind the three of them, as if encompassing them.

… He hated when they did this... But he also loved it.

Internally, Kiba mulled over his choices.

Shino and Hinata were giving him the chance to tell them whatever was bothering him without them having to ask about it. They were giving him the power to say whatever he wanted to say. And they were trying to be as subtle as they could be when surrounded by a small group of teenagers that could barely even begin to understand their actions.

Maybe he could give them the version of the story in which he'd gone through a horrible nightmare. They weren't strangers to his episodes of fear and were more than willing to try and help. The only reason he kept them at arms' length was the very reason why he kept lying to Shikamaru: Because the truth was too dangerous for them to know.

He took a small bite of the tasty porridge Chouji had concocted and breathed out heavily. Then he closed his eyes and murmured, "Alright. I had a shitty nightmare. Kinda hurt my neck... Happy?"

They didn't say a single thing. Instead Hinata scooted closer to his left side, softly pressing her arm against his own. And Shino continued to eat in silence, even though he allowed one bug to fly out of his hive and onto Kiba's head.

..~..~..

So sorry for the delay on the update, Christmas was insane! Huge thank you to RedFaux for helping me out with this chapter and being a great consultant!

Please review and tell me what you thought of this chapter!