Death Is Not The End

"KARA!"

Within the myriad of ways Lena had pictured herself finally discovering Supergirl's true identity, never, in her wildest dreams, had she ever imagined it happening by virtue of listening to Alex Danver's scream, in a tone she can only describe as absolute and total broken-heartedness, her sisters name from three paces away, as they watch the alien invader plunge a Kryptonite spear straight into Supergirl's chest.

The two pieces of monumental information; that her best friend in the world is really Supergirl, and that Supergirl has just be killed in front of her eyes, clash so violently within her that Lena doesn't know how to process the overload of emotion that washes through her, and she feels frozen in place.

She sees Alex collapse to the floor, as if every muscle in her body has suddenly stopped working, into a hysterical mess of tears, and feels grief flow through her like lava. It is so hot and thick that it threatens to drown her in it, but then anger; so cold it makes her shiver, washes over her, and stems the tide before she can go under.

Around her there is still chaos.

J'onn, badly injured from his attempts to fight the Beast, is doing his best to comfort Alex. Brainy is unconscious, having been short circuited trying to overload the Beasts neural pathways. And James is barely able to stand after being caught in a building collapse while trying to free victims from an earlier fall. The police, army, and DEO forces are trying to keep an exclusion zone around the invader set up, while the Beast itself rampages through National City, Kara's body dangling from it's hand like a forgotten hanky.

The sight makes Lena feel angrier than she's ever felt in her life and, without thinking, she marches straight towards it, shrugging off the hand that tries to hold her back, not caring if she hurts James' feeling in the process.

As she strides towards it an idea pops into her head, and her fingers are suddenly busy on her watch, tapping out a series of commands that will ensure that her last stand honours her friend as much as she can. Once she arrives as close to it as she can get without being stomped on she stops and raises her chin defiantly.

"Give her to me".

The Beast, fourteen stories tall and seemingly impervious to all Kara could throw at it, looks down at Lena contemptuously. "You dare to demand from your God?"

"You are no God". Lena's voice is so cold it could cut glass. "You are just another pathetic creature intent on destroying the good in this world instead of protecting it. The only person on this planet that was ever worthy of that title would never accept it, and you just murdered her. So you will give her to me, or you will DIE!"

Lena is shaking by the end of her sentence, her rage at seeing Kara hanging from it's fist, so broken and lifeless when she had always been so strong and vibrant almost bringing her to her knees, and she feels her eyes fill with tears.

A booming laugh causes Lena to tear her eyes away from Kara and look up, only to find a condescending look on the Beasts face. "You are brave, little one, I will give you credit for that. No other human has dared to face me, preferring to hide behind this...hero-" he waves Kara's body around like rag-doll "-yet I cannot take your threats seriously when even she was not enough to stop me".

The sight of Kara being manhandled is the last straw for Lena, and she gives him an icy glare as her jaw sets with determination. "Remember, I asked first".

She then presses her watch again, initiating the last part of the sequence, before folding her arms over her chest.

The Beast stares at her like she has lost her mind, then laughs heartily. "You are funny human. Now you are dead".

He starts to lift his right leg, intending to squash her into the side-walk, when he suddenly stops. He frowns in confusion, not understanding why but knowing that something is not right, and looks down at the tiny human in front of him.

"What have you done to me?"

"I'm sure a God can work it out". Lena lifts her right eyebrow while keeping the rest of her expression neutral, but inside she is grinning cruelly.

"AHH!"

The Beast buckles at the waist as pain tears through his insides, and he instinctively flexes his fingers in reaction. Kara's body, no longer supported, falls from his grasp; but Lena had anticipated this. She sprints over to the spot she knows it will land and uses her own body as a barrier between Kara's and the ground. The impact is harsh, knocking Lena clean off her feet and dislocating her shoulder, but reduces the damage done to Kara dramatically.

The sounds of the Beast retreating, crashing haphazardly through the city as he heads back to the ocean to hide register faintly to Lena, but she doesn't care as her attention is captured by the sight of her best friend laying in her arms. Kara has cuts and contusions across her face from her fight, and blood seeps from a cut on her lip, but to Lena she still looks as if she could be sleeping.

With the Beast gone Lena knows she only has a few moments before everyone will be here, so uses them to say goodbye to her best friend privately. With a shaky hand she smooths down strands of Kara's hair, though had always associated them with 'Supergirl' rather than Kara before.

"I guess you weren't as bad a liar as I always thought you were". Lena lets out a hiccupy laugh as tears bubble up in her eyes, realising what a fool she'd been to not see who her best friend truly was.

Her gaze then lowers to the crest covering Kara's chest, the House of El symbol that Supergirl had once told her meant Hope, and Lena realises that Kara had been her hope. From the moment Kara had entered her life Lena had found a patch of sunlight in an other wise dark and forbidding world, but now that light had been taken from her.

Lena buries her head into Kara's chest and weeps hard, her cries of anguish loud and unashamed as she mourns the loss of the one true friend she had been lucky enough to find, completely unaware of the member of the public that is taking pictures of her in her moment of grief.

There are three funerals.

National City holds one for Supergirl.

Midvale holds one for Kara Danvers.

And Argo City holds one for Kara Zor-El.

Alex ignores the one in National City.

She drinks through the one in Midvale.

And the one on Argo City she barely survives.

Lena attends all three funerals even though two of the caskets are empty, so understands why Alex bailed on the first and passes out drunk midway through the second.

She is a wreck after each one, so can only imagine what they are doing to Alex, and she doesn't even have to deal with all the well meaning mourners that keep coming up to her with their tales of woe about their own feelings of grief, or be her own AND Kara's mom's support system.

Lena stands next to Winn and Sam as the traditional Kryptonian burial rites are given, once again feeling the guilt lay heavy on her heart that she hadn't thought of her nanite technology earlier in the fight against the Beast. She wishes to Heaven and back that she'd been smart enough to save her best friends life, because even though the Beast had been impervious to all external attacks, it had only been as Lena had marched down to retrieve her friends body in a fit of do or die mentality that she'd suddenly wondered if he could be attacked from the inside. The only thing small enough to penetrate the thick amour covering his body had been nanites, which Lena had programmed to search for any biological openings and infiltrate, using her watch.

It had been a total Hail Mary, and had only worked as a distraction for a day and a half, but it had been long enough for Alex to round up Kara's super-friends from Earth One who had all rallied around and taken the Beast down in Supergirl's honor.

"Do any of Kara's human family wish to say a few words?"

Lena is drawn from her thoughts when she sees Alex, or the shell of what used to be Alex, move to the podium the Kryptonian Priest has just vacated. Lena's heart aches at the toll this has taken on the stalwart young woman, as the ill fitting clothes and dark circles under her eyes speak of a troubled soul. Alex's hands shake as she lifts a piece of paper to rest on the podium, and when she speaks her voice is so frail Lena can scarcely believe it is the same woman she watched go toe-to-toe with a Worldkiller not so long ago.

"Kara meant a lot of different things to different people, but to me she was always my...she was always my sister first".

The last part of the sentence is virtually a whisper, as tears have started streaming down Alex's face in earnest, and she is shaking so much Lena fears she may collapse at any moment. She looks around to see if someone is going to step in, but everyone seems too transfixed by their own grief to realize the extent of Alex's .

"Oh for the love of..."

Muttering under her breath, Lena gives Winn a sharp look and a curt "Move", which he jumps to obey, then marches straight up to the podium.

Without pausing she wraps her arms around Alex, and the distraught woman instantly dissolves into her embrace. She feels Alex bury her face into her neck, the fabric of her shirt dampening with tears immediately, and Lena takes a moment to stroke gentle hands across Alex's back, not caring that they are in full view of the whole congregation, as she croons reassuring words into her ear.

Once she feels Alex start to calm, the shudders running through her body beginning to lessen, Lena whispers a question, to which she receives a small nod in reply. Lena rubs her hand over Alex's back encouragingly, and gives her a warm smile when Alex lifts her head to meet her gaze. The height advantage that Lena's heels give her mean that Alex is the shorter of the two today, and Alex has to arch her neck slightly to gaze up at her, but Lena dips her head down to ensure that their conversation remains private as she whispers something else. The question makes Alex glance at the podium, to where her speech lay, and she draws her bottom lip up to worry between her teeth as her eyes start to fill with tears again.

Lena feels Alex's body tense, and she knows that it is too much for her. "Would you like me to?"

Watery brown orbs turn to her in surprise. "You would do that for me?"

In answer, Lena gives Alex a soft smile, the one that used to be reserved for Kara alone, and reaches for the speech.

"Kara meant a lot of different things to different people, but to me she was always my sister first. Over the years we had our ups and downs, like any siblings, but I knew that no matter what Kara always had my back, just like I always had hers".

Lena feels Alex press back into her shoulder as she reads, knowing she has begun to cry once again, and she uses the arm wrapped around Alex's waist to hold her secure against her body.

"Watching her grow into her powers as Supergirl was an amazing experience, but watching the world grow to love her as Kara Danvers was even better one. She always strove to do more, be better, and was so terribly hard on herself when she felt she'd let people down".

Lena has to stop for a moment as the powerful words Alex has written, coupled with the feeling of the woman herself clawing at her back in desperate despair are straining even her infamous Luthor reserve of stoic detachment. She drops her head and whispers a few words to Alex, feeling the nails digging into her back retract slightly, then takes a deep breath before continuing.

"Kara wasn't from my planet, but she was a better human than any one of us. May Rao's light on her for all Eternity".

As the congregation echoes the final sentence, a sweet touch Lena knows Kara would be honored Alex had added, Lena carefully leads Alex out of the religious chamber and away from everyone.

Five weeks go by before Lena speaks to Alex again.

Lena is a full time consultant for the DEO now which means she sees Alex plenty after the funeral, but Alex always says she's too busy to stop and talk.

Don't take it personally, she's told. Alex has cut pretty much everyone out of her life since Kara died, Winn tells her one day when he stops by to drop off an upgrade to one of the gizmo's he has patented and sold to the DEO.

Winn, who in his flashy suits and $100,000 car, is giving Maxwell Lord a run for his money now that his inventions aren't proprietary owned by the Government, says that even Maggie tried to reason with Alex. He had lowered his voice, like he was imparting gossip over the office water cooler, as he'd told her that all Alex had done was pin Maggie to the wall, angry fuck her, then kick her out the door before the night was over.

Lena had scoffed at him, not wanting to believe it, but Winn had confessed that J'onn knew it for a fact as he had resorted to reading Alex's mind when she refused to talk to him any more.

"She does her job fine. She stays professional as a way to honor Kara, I think". A cloud had passed over Winn's face at the mention of her name. "But as soon as she's off duty all she does is go to the dive-bar over on Fifth and drink".

It's a coping method. Lena recognizes it as she had one very similar to it for a long time after Lex was arrested, and she doesn't judge Alex for it. She does, however, know that it isn't a very good one. Alex though, doesn't want anything more to do with her. Not after the way they left things at the funeral.

The choice of whether to see Alex or not is taken out of her hands two days later when she gets a call from James, who she hasn't heard from since she broke up him with over a month ago, asking if she had seen Alex.

"Alex and I are hardly friends, so why are you asking me?"

"Yeah, well it sure didn't look like that at the funeral". The jibe in James reply is exactly why Lena had ended their relationship. Every since that day he had made comments about their 'closeness' and 'connection', and eventually his constant, groundless, jealously about Lena providing comfort to Alex in her moment of need had driven her to the point where she had walked out of his apartment and hadn't bothered to return.

"Is there a point to you call or am I going to hang up now?"

The sharpness in her voice stings, even through the cordless phone, and James grits his teeth against it. "J'onn is worried. Alex didn't report into work yesterday or today. So we're calling everyone she knows hoping to find her".

"She's not with me".

The dial-tone ringing in his ear informs James that Lena has ended the call, and he shakes his head as he ends the connection his end.

The second she cut the call Lena jumps out of her seat, heading for the door. "Cancel all my appointments".

"For how long, Miss Luthor?" Her assistant stares at her retreating form with wide eyes.

"Until you hear otherwise".

The click of the beer bottle on the metal roof as Alex sets it down is the only tell-tale noise.

Otherwise the night is silent, with only the whisper of the wind every now and again as it passes to tickle the short hair on the back of Alex's neck disturbing the contemplative woman. With eyes raised to the skies, Alex feels more at peace then she has done in weeks, since...that day, but there is still a huge disquiet in her that she doesn't know if she will ever be able to quell.

"I wish you were, Kar".

Her words float on the wind like a wish, ephemeral and translucent, but barely a moment later Alex hears a twig snap in close proximity that signals someone is nearby. Body stilling like a stone, Alex scans the forest clearing, straining her eyes against the dark as she tries to make out where the noise came from. From her position on top of the Observatory she knows she could be a target, though her dark clothes will help her blend in, and the gun strapped to her thigh will help even the odds should whomever be out here be looking to do her harm.

There is another twig snap, which allows Alex to get a bead on her targets location, but just as she is about to draw her weapon the figure mutters something that stops her in her tracks. "Damn it Danvers, you better be out here".

Alex's hand slides away from the gun, but she remains tense as she call out.

"Go home, Lena".

"Alex?" The sound of stumbling, and multiple twigs snapping, sound as Lena comes tumbling out of the forest.

The sight of C.E.O Lena Luthor wearing hiking boots, jean shorts, a red flannel shirt and a backpack is almost enough to make Alex laugh, almost, though it does inspire a small smile, as she takes in the normally unflappable woman's mussed hair.

"Call your car. They''ll pick you up and get you back safely".

"I left my phone at the office". Lena tilts her head, trying to pinpoint where Alex's voice is coming from. "I assumed from your disappearing act that you didn't want to be found, so my coming to you with a GPS tracker in my pocket wouldn't really be fair of me now would it".

The thoughtfulness stuns Alex into silence for a moment, and she frowns down at the perplexing woman. "Why are you here?"

"I was worried about you".

"How are you here?"

"A wing and a prayer really". Lena chuckles. "I haven't done orienteering since school".

"I mean how do you know about this place?" No one knows about this place except..."

"Kara". Lena says the name that Alex can't, and hears the gasp of surprise it causes.

"She told you?"

"She told me a great many things". Lena finally manages to spot Alex, disguised amongst the shadows, sitting atop the Observatory. "Are you ready to come down, or can I come up?"

"The view is better from up here".

Lena finds the ladder that leads up to the roof of the Observatory without hassle, and soon finds herself staring at the ground fifty feet below. A wave of vertigo washes through her, and she has to grip the edge of the ladder tight as she feels her stomach start to churn and roll.

"What's the matter Luthor? Too high for you?"

Taking several deep breathes, trying to regulate her breathing so that she doesn't vomit, Lena hears the sarcasm in Alex's voice, but nods anyway. "Little bit".

"You're kidding, right?"

Alex stares at Lena in shock, finally noticing the death grip she has on the ladder and how pale she's gone. She rises quickly and walks the few paces needed to close the distance between them, placing a secure hand onto Lena's waist when she does. "It's okay. I've got you now".

The words, an echo of the ones Lena had said to Alex when she'd wrapped her arms around her at Kara's funeral, cause Lena to open her eyes in surprise. Panicked green meet wary brown, the questions in each held behind doors neither are yet ready to open, so instead Alex indicates for Lena to place her hand on her arm. "Hold on to me and we'll go across together".

Flashing her a grateful smile, Lena swaps her death grip on the ladder for clinging onto Alex's shoulders, and the pair walk back over to the center of the dome. Once sitting Lena manages to recover her composure quickly, and apologizes to Alex for freaking out.

"I don't get it". Alex waves off the apology, but frowns in confusion. "L-Corp is a literal skyscraper, from what Kara's has told me your apartment is up in the clouds, and you regularly use a helicopter or private jet to travel. This should be nothing in comparison".

"Ever since I could remember, I was terrified of heights". Lena looks down at her lap, as if admitting this secret is painful. "It used to define me, and I let it rule every choice I made for far longer than I should have, but then I realized something. Something that changed my life".

"What did you realize?"

"I realized that the fears we don't face become our limits". Lena looks up, straight into Alex's eyes. "So I force myself to spend my days working in a skyscraper, my nights in an apartment that happens to be on the twenty third floor, and travel in planes that I loathe, simply to ensure I never reach my limits".

"That takes a lot of courage". Alex lifts her bottle of beer to her lips and takes a mouthful, slightly astounded at the revelation.

Without being offered Lena takes one of the unopened bottles and twists the lid off, taking a healthy swig of the contents before wiping the extra suds from her top lip. "I guess I don't seem to have a lot of it left at the moment, hence my...moment".

"You have way more left than I do".

The seemingly offhand comment makes Lena feel sad. "I don't believe that".

"It's true. Why else am I hiding in the woods?"

"You're not hiding. You're seeking".

The words are enough to halt the trajectory of Alex's bottle, and her head swings to look at Lena curiously. "Explain".

"This is where the pair of you came, year after year, so Kara could feel closer to her parents. This spot is the closest Krypton would have been to Earth as it passed through the solar system, had it still been there of course". Lena speaks softly, as she knows Alex already knows this information, but maybe just hasn't worked out the reason she is here now. "You miss Kara, and even though her body resides on Argo, this is where you feel closest to her spirit. You came here seeking the connection you miss".

Astonishment shines clear in Alex's gaze, and her mouth opens and closes several times before she is able to speak. "You...you didn't even know she was Supergirl until after she...How?"

"Kara once told me she came here to feel closer to her parents, though she said it was because they were scientists who had used this Observatory a number of times. After I found out she was Supergirl it wasn't hard to work out why she really came here. She also told me she was always at her most fragile on those days, and it was you who kept her strong".

Lena can't take the look of pure vulnerability on Alex's face any longer, as she aches to reach out and wrap her up in her arms like she had once before, so instead turns her own eyes upwards.

"I'm sorry".

"Grief doesn't require an apology..."

"I'm sorry for trying to kiss you".

That stops Lena in her tracks, because after so much time she didn't think Alex was going to acknowledge the awkwardness that happened after they'd gone outside at Kara's funeral.

""Your apology is accepted".

"Is it?"

"I just said it is didn't I?"

"Then why won't you look at me?"

Lena swallows the lump in her throat and tries to summon some of her legendary Luthor ice queen facade, before turning to face the one subject she was not prepared to handle tonight. "You acted impulsively while dealing with the grief of losing your sister and tried to seek a moment of comfort from the nearest source. I understand your actions and do not blame you in any way. You need not feel any guilt over it".

"Really?" The is an edge to Alex's voice as the shame of her trespass crawls through her. "Because the almighty slap you gave me kinda indicated otherwise".

"I do not take violations of my person lightly". Something passing across Lena's eyes tells Alex that she is not the first person to test Lena's boundaries. "Make sure I want to be kissed before trying to kiss me".

"I'll never lay my hands on you again, I can promise you that". Disgust at herself has Alex slumping back and draining the last of her beer. "I can't even get the woman that wanted to marry me to touch me these days".

"That's not exactly what I meant..." The end of Alex's sentence distracts Lena. "What do you mean, I thought you and Maggie slept together again?"

"How the fuck would you know who I'm sleeping with?"

Lena blushes under Alex's intense stare, not having meant to voice her thought out loud. "Well..I..err...you see...".

Lena finds herself going to pieces as she tries to find a way to explain, without saying the actual words 'Winn told me J'onn read your mind and saw you and Maggie hate fucking', when Alex lets out chuckle.

"J'onn wouldn't have said it, not to you as you don't have that kind of relationship, and I'm going assume James is a hard no, so by process of elimination I'm thinking Winn?"

Lena lets out sigh and nods, happy to be off the hook, then frowns as she still doesn't understand. "Winn said J'onn read you mind and saw you and Maggie...together, but then you guys fought and you kicked her out. Yet you're saying that didn't happen?"

Alex reaches for a new bottle, opens it, and drains a quarter of it in one go. "Maggie came over, told me a few homes truths-" Alex lifts the index and middle fingers of each hand into speech bubble shapes "-then when I tried to kiss her, pushed me off and left, leaving me on the floor crying my heart out and begging her to stay".

Lena's heart aches for how broken Alex sounds, wishing she could fix her, but knows that the normally feisty woman is the only one that can do that for herself.

"It sounds like you're making a habit of trying to kiss women without their consent, Agent Danvers. Think you should maybe work on that?"

The unexpected response forces a chuckle to bubble out of Alex, and she tips her bottle towards Lena in salute. "Touche".

"You planted the fake thought in your head when J'onn came to see you because you didn't want him to see what really happened. Why?"

Alex lets out a heavy sigh. "Because even though I'm still pathetic and lonely in either one, at least its by my choice in the fake version".

"You're not pathetic". Lena's voice is soft as she speaks, full of genuine warmth and honesty. "And you're only lonely because you're choosing to isolate yourself. There are plenty of people that are worried about you, right this minute, who would love to spend time with you if you let them".

Alex is quiet as she stares out into the vastness before her, though her mind is churning as she struggles to process everything she is feeling.

"I'd like to show you something, if you don't mind?"

Alex looks over to find Lena holding a tablet, a questioning look on her face.

"What is it?"

"Something Kara had been working on for your birthday".

The stab of pain she feels at the knowledge that Kara will not be there to wake her up on her birthday this year, bouncing about on her bed with a glowing smile and candle jabbed into a cupcake, the same way she had every year for over ten years, is like a sharp knife sliding between her ribs just below her left lung. It hits her hard, and Alex has to suck in a deep breath of air as she clutches at her chest in shock. Lena is by her side in an instant, one hand pressed over Alex's to hold her steady, and the other against her cheek, gently cupping the side of her face. "It's okay, Alex. You're okay. I got you. Just breath".

The pain is gone almost as quickly as it came, but leaves Alex slightly shaky at the intensity of it. She lets out a slow breath, feeling her equilibrium begin to return, then looks up at Lena kneeling beside her. She gives her a small smile, feeling grateful for her support. "Thanks for coming to my rescue. Again".

"Anytime, Agent Danvers".

Lena knows she retreats behind Alex's formal title whenever her feelings for her best friends sister start to become more confusing than she can deal with, something that is happening more and more often as of late, but can't stop herself from stroking her thumb across the soft skin of Alex's cheek. The impulsive action causes Alex to go very still, her eyes turning almost mahogany with whatever thoughts swirl within them, and Lena see's them drop to linger on her lips for several long seconds.

Aware that she is in very real danger of having to slap Alex again, something she desperately doesn't want to do, Lena forces herself to pull away from Alex with a quick "Sorry, you had a little dust or something on you there" as a explanation for her otherwise unexplainable gesture, and turns to retrieve the tablet she had dropped in her haste to get to Alex.

Alex blinks a few times, as if coming out of a daze, then nods mutely and accepts her excuse without comment. She watches as Lena sits down next to her, leaving a slight gap so that their bodies are not actually touching, and switches the tablet on.

Aware that she should look away while Lena types in her password but curious as to whether she would be asked to, Alex remains looking, then finds herself confused when she realizes she recognizes it. "Your password is Streaky?"

"Kara's password was Streaky". Lena looks up at Alex. "When she came up with her idea for your present she asked me to be the keeper of it because she knew you'd never find out about it as we weren't friends".

"Yes we were".

"Give me one instance where we spent time together, just the two of us-" As Alex goes to respond, Lena clarifies "-that didn't involve looking for a cure for Sam or babysitting Ruby".

Alex goes to speak again but Lena shakes her head gently. "It's okay that were weren't. You were my best friends big sister, an acquaintance that helped save my friends life, and a member of an organization that helped saved the world. I couldn't expect you to be more".

"Are we friends now?" The news that they hadn't been friends, which probably shouldn't be such a huge surprise to her, bothers Alex more than she likes.

"We're...on the road to it".

Lena feels a warm glow at the knowledge that Alex wants to be her friend, and tries to ignore the part of her that secretly hopes for more. Instead she clicks the button on the tablet to bring up the folder that contains all the video files Kara had been creating before she'd passed away, then hands it over to Alex.

"Before you pass judgment on just how pathetic and alone you are, maybe you should see yourself through the eyes of those that care about you the most".

The files are simply labeled in number order, so Alex starts at the top and clicks on number one.

J'onn, in his Hank form, appears on screen, and Alex immediately feels guilt suffuse her at the way she'd treated him the last time they'd spoken. The background of the video shows they are in Lena's office, a place Alex would never been able to enter without prior permission (unless she had a warrant, which Kara would obviously know about in advance) so would never accidentally stumble across them filming.

"What can I say about Alex Danvers?"

J'onn's eyes sparkle as he looks into the camera, proud Papa-bear grin lighting up his face. "Not only is she the best Agent I have ever worked with, but she is also the sweetest, kindest, and most loving daughter a father could ever ask for. Alex always puts everyone else before herself, and never hesitates to risk her own life when there is someone in trouble. She is a brave warrior, and a true hero".

The words makes Alex cry softly, her heart aching with longing to hug her surrogate father and tell him how sorry she is for all the mean things she said to him.

The next is Winn, his goofy grin beaming out at Alex through the screen.

"Alex...Whew! Alex got me to tell her who Guardian was in about three seconds by throwing me up against a wall and warning me that she knew six different, very painful, ways of getting me to talk..." He rubs the back of his neck and bursts into a fit of giggles, then gestures towards the screen. "...sorry James".

Despite the tears quietly creeping down her cheeks Alex can't help laughing too, remembering how pissed she'd been at Winn at the time, though had loved recounting the story to Kara later.

She clicks through them all, surprised at the sheer volume, and finds that it is because Kara had gone to the effort of universe hopping for it.

"Alex Danvers? Yeah I know her".

The knowing smirk of Sara Lance has Alex suddenly squirming where she sits, uncomfortable about what she might reveal about their time together.

"Our time together was brief, but from it I discovered that she can handle her scotch like a pro, kick Nazi ass even in skirt and heels, but isn't so great in the mornings".

Sara's smile turns genuine now, and the way she is looking directly into the camera, to Alex, feels like she is looking directly at her.

"More importantly, I learned that not only is Alex kind, loyal and courageous, but she is dedicated to the ones she loves with a passion and bravery that most can only envy. I would be proud to call Alex Danvers a Legend, and there is a spot on my ship available for her any time she wants it".

Sara's clip leave Alex slightly stunned; the Time Captains glowing words, and job offer, more than she had ever expected, and she shakes her head in disbelief.

"My impression of Sara was it would be more than a spot on her ship that would be available to you, should you want it". Lena tries and, mostly, succeeds in keeping the jealous tone out of her voice.

"Oh, umm...". Alex runs a hand through her hair then rubs the back of her neck awkwardly. "...we kinda had a drunken one night stand when I went to Earth One for The Flash's wedding".

"Ah, so that's the lucky girl".

At Alex's questioning look Lena elaborates.

"Kara used to tell me as much about her life as she could, but obviously she had to change a number of things given that I didn't know that she was Supergirl. She told me about your drunken encounter, but said it was a woman she didn't know, and I had always wondered who had been the one to catch your eye that evening".

"You thought about it? Me?"

"For someone watching a series of videos where people are saying extraordinarily nice things about them, you still seem to have a rather low opinion of yourself Agent Danvers. Why do you think that is?" Lena raises an eyebrow at her, trying not to let herself be affected by the way Alex seems genuinely baffled as to why Lena might ever think about her.

"Well they kinda had to, Kara told them to say nice stuff". Alex lets out a small chuckle. "You don't exactly say no to the Girl of Steel".

"So that's the only reason, because Kara told them to?"

"She wanted to make me happy".

"Shall we find out what the girl herself thought of you then?"

Before Alex can answer Lena plucks the ipad out of her hands, scrolls down to the last number, and clicks play.

"My sister is the best on any planet, I can tell you that for a FACT".

Alex feels her heart constrict in her chest, and her breath completely disappears the moment the ray of sunshine that is Kara fills the screen. She lets out a strangled moan at the sight, simultaneously delighted and tormented by sight of her beloved sister's bright smile beaming straight at her, and she has to squeeze her eyes shut against the pain it sends racing through her body.

Lena, seeing the reaction Kara's image is causing, silently reaches over and presses pause on the tablet. She then lifts the device from Alex's nerveless fingers, places it down on the roof of the Observatory next to them, and when she turns back she slips her left arm around Alex's shoulder, gently guiding the quietly sobbing woman in to her body.

Alex goes willing, her fingers seeking out the material of Lena's shirt to hold on to, trusting the younger woman to act as her anchor while she is lost to the storm that rages within her.

They sit that way for a countless amount of time, with only the stars to witness as Lena holds Alex in her lap, arms wrapped tightly around her body while Alex sobs into her shoulder, as Lena does her best to absorb some of the pain Alex is releasing. Her hands gently stroke Alex's back as she whispers reassurances to her, making sure Alex knows that she will look after her for as long as she needs, and backs up her words every so often by planting small kisses into Alex's hair.

Even after Alex has cried herself out she remains nestled in Lena's embrace, feeling safer than she can remember being in a long time, comfortable enough to let herself be held properly for the first time since Kara's death. Her hand rests just over Lena's heart and the steady thump beneath her palm is reassuring, but it is the feel of Lena's fingers running through her hair, so gently that it feels like heaven to Alex, that causes her to let out a contented sigh.

"You'll make a great mom".

The out of the blue comment, which triggers many of Lena's own insecurities, startles the raven haired woman, and her hand stills instantly. "Excuse me?"

"No, don't stop. Please". Alex feels ridiculous for pleading, even more so for burrowing deeper into Lena's body in an attempt to get her to start her ministrations again, but the pang of loss she feels the moment Lena stops what she is doing is almost unbearable. She lets out a little whoosh of air in relief as she feels Lena hesitantly start to stroke her hair again, and she whispers a small thank you in to her collarbone before explaining her words.

"The way I was before, when I fell apart. You knew exactly what to do. You didn't hesitant, or have to think about it. You knew I needed help, even though I've done nothing but act like I don't need anybody, and you offered it without asking for anything in return".

"Everybody needs somebody sometimes".

"J'onn, Winn, my mom; they all tried to be there for me, but they just kept making things worse".

"Worse how?"

Alex closes her eyes for a moment and lets Lena's scent surround her, the faint smell of her perfume mixed with the clean smell of her skin soaking into her senses, and she feels the tightness in her chest when thinking about her family relax a little.

"They kept telling me that everything was going to get better, that I would get over this and be happy again. They meant well, but all I could think was 'How can I ever be happy with Kara?', and then they would talk about her. They'd say 'Kara would want you to live your life', or 'Kara wants you to be happy'. 'We mustn't let her have died for nothing', and my personal favorite, 'Think how disappointed Kara would be if she could see you now'. That one was a hoot to hear". Alex sniffles as the pain of remembering Maggie snap those words at her, as she lay on the floor begging her not to walk out the door, flares inside her.

Lena's arm tightens around her in response and she presses her lips to the top of Alex's head as she murmurs. "Unfortunately well-meaning doesn't always mean kind".

"But you-"A small smile appears on Alex's lips despite the tears in her eyes "-you never said any of those things. At Kara's f...on Argo, all you did was wrap your arms around me and say that you had me. You told me that I was safe, I could let it all out, and that you wouldn't let me go. You said that you had enough strength for the both of us, and that you would do whatever I needed to help me through it. You gave me strength instead of taking it, and when I still wasn't able to do my speech, you did it for me".

"Anyone would have done the same..."

"Yet they didn't". Alex doesn't let her dismiss her actions so easily. "My entire family, and every single one of my friends stood and watched me crumble up at that podium, but only you had the heart to do something about it".

"They were grieving too. You can't be too hard on them".

Alex finds it ironic that Lena 'dysfunctional family' Luthor is defending hers so strongly.

"You make it sound like you weren't. You forget, I saw that picture too".

"The whole damn world saw that picture".

Alex feels Lena tense beneath her at the mention of the photo that had gone global.

The one of her cradling Kara's body, head lowered against her chest as she cried in anguish at the death of her closest friend. It had been titled 'A Luthor Mourns A Super – The Picture You Thought You'd Never Live To See!'

Lena had tried everything in her power to try and get it pulled, horrified that her private moment had been splashed across international media circuit for all and sundry to see, but by the time she had become aware of it there had been nothing she could do.

"You loved her too".

Alex's soft voice, slightly roughened by alcohol and emotion, pulls Lena from her introspection.

"Kara was the first person that cared enough to look past the Luthor name and see me for who I was, not what I could do for her". Lena remembers all the times Kara had refused to give up on her, even when everyone else, Lena herself included, had. "I may not have known her as long as most of the people at her funeral had, but I loved her just as deeply".

"I'm sorry I never thanked you for what you did. Getting her body back like that".

"You don't need to thank me". Lena shakes her head slowly, her chin softly brushing across the top Alex's head as she does so. "Kara had saved my life so many times it was the least I could do".

"Why didn't you tell someone about the nanites instead of going down there by yourself? It would have been a lot safer".

"That wasn't really an option. I didn't come up with the idea until I was already halfway there".

"WHAT?" Alex pulls herself out of Lena's arms and twists herself onto her knees so that she can turn and look at Lena fully.

Lena's crosses her arms over her chest to try and shake how empty they suddenly feel, and lifts her chin to look at Alex. "I didn't know I was going to use the nanites until I was already on my way there".

"But you had a plan in place before you left to go face that thing, right? The nanites were just a better one you swapped it out for?"

Empty air hangs between them, as Lena knows better than to lie to Alex, and she watches as the truth sends the redhead to her feet. Alex paces the length of the Observatory roof, which is only six steps each way, as a wave of anger and fear surges through her.

"You're honestly telling me that when you went down there you had no plan, nothing, with which to fight that thing with?"

"Logical thought wasn't exactly my highest priority in that moment".

Alex stops to stare at Lena, the cavalier way she is speaking about what she did almost as shocking as the news itself. "You could have died".

"But I didn't".

"Did you know for certain the nanites would work?"

"They hadn't been tested and I was working on a hypothesis, so no".

"Then why in the name of unholy hell would you go down there?!" Alex can't stand how calm Lena seems to be about her near death experience any longer and feels anger start to stir in her belly as she raises her voice. "Were you trying to get yourself killed?"

"I think maybe I was".

"What...?" The honest answer leaves Alex gobsmacked. "Why?"

Lena lets out a humorless chuckle as she hugs her knees to her chest and rests her chin on them. "Why not? Kara was the only that would have genuinely mourned me if I had and she was already gone so..."

"Lena?"

Alex walks over to the now silent woman, who is refusing to make eye contact, and drops back down to her knees, an apologetic expression on her face.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you, I shouldn't have".

"I've had plenty of people yell at me over the years, it's water off a ducks back. Or a demons, if you believe what some of the papers say".

Alex hates the pain she can hear in Lena's voice, despite the attempt to mask it with her ice queen facade, as she knows how much the false stories and lies the media fabricate about her hurt the sensitive woman. Kara used to tell her about all the times she'd felt useless, despite having more power than anyone else on Earth, because she couldn't change the worlds perception of her best friend despite having witnessed firsthand, again and again, all the good that Lena put out into it.

Placing her hand on Lena's knee gently, Alex tells her. "Just because something bad happens to you a lot, it doesn't mean you should ever have to get used to it".

Emerald green eyes lift to meet Alex's gaze, confusion swirling in them.

"I turned my fear at the knowledge that I could have lost you too into anger, and then turned that back on you. It was a selfish thing to do, and I shouldn't have done it. I'm really, really sorry".

"Why were you afraid when you found out I could have died? We've already established that we weren't friends then".

"We may not have been friends like you and Kara were, but I still cared about you". Alex squeezes her knee affectionately. "I've been around you enough to know that you are kind, clever, generous, fearless, gracious, confident but never cocky, a little bit of a bad-ass, and a hell of a scientist".

Heat creeps up the back of Lena's neck as she listens to Alex compliment her, the intensity in her voice leaving no doubt in Lena's mind that Alex means every word she says, and she feels unusually shy in the face of such flattery.

"You're a heck of a woman, Lena". Alex smiles sweetly at the blushing woman, finding it endearing how humble she is despite being so incredibly amazing. "This world has already lost Supergirl. It can't afford to lose you too".

With a warm glow in her chest and a lump in her throat from such an avalanche of emotion, Lena doesn't quite know how to respond, so says the only thing she can think of.

"Aren't I the one that's supposed to be making you feel better?"

With an accompanying smile that seems to trigger about a million butterflies in Lena's stomach, Alex lets lose a laugh that echoes out into the night and startles a flock of birds from their roost. She rocks back onto her heels, the belly laugh catching her by surprise just as much as Lena, and she has to dab at her eyes to capture the moisture the intensity of her laughter has triggered.

She takes several deep breaths to try and compose herself again, rubbing at a sore spot high on the right side of her ribcage when she feels a stitch from her exertions, and gives Lena a soft smile. "Trust me, you have. I was in a bad way earlier on, and if you hadn't come along, well...lets just say it's a good thing you managed to make me forget I have a gun strapped to my thigh".

Lena's eyes goes wide and immediately drop to the weapon, which she had noticed earlier but had dismissed because Alex and guns were practically synonymous with each other, seeing it as if for the first time. "Alex..."

"I won't. At least, not tonight". Alex doesn't want to promise Lena anything more than she can deliver, because she knows she is still very damaged. "You were pretty much the last person I expected to turn up here tonight, but as it turns out you were the very person I needed".

The words touch Lena tremendously, though her heart is yet to recover from the shock that Alex had been thinking about ending her own life tonight, and she knows she needs to prove to Alex that she can count on her whenever she needs.

"Earlier this evening you asked me if we were friends yet, and I said we were on the road to it".

Lena stands and walks over to Alex, holding her hand out to help the slightly taller woman to her feet too. Once facing each other Lena gently places her hand on Alex's cheek, her thumb against stroking without being given permission, as she smiles softly at Alex.

"Tonight I have had the most raw, open, and honest encounter of my life. What I've shared with you, Alex, I've shared with no other, not even your sister, so I definitely consider us friends now. You saw what losing one friend did to me, and I really don't want to lose another-" Lena knows the words are a low blow by the way Alex sucks in a sharp breath, but the icy terror that runs through her at the thought of being without Alex as well as Kara forces her to continue "-so I will make you this promise. I promise that I will be there for you, whenever you need me, no matter what time of the day or where in the world I might be. If you need me, I will be there. Do you understand?"

Alex opens her mouth to protest, Lena can read it in her eyes and the set of her shoulders, so stops her before she can begin.

"This is a promise I am giving to you. One I will not break. Do you understand that?"

Alex studies her for a moment, seeing how deadly serious Lena is, before letting her shoulders fall in quiet resignation at the acknowledgment that she is not going to win this argument.

"I understand".

"Can you then promise me in return that, if you ever again feel like you did tonight, you will call me before you do anything...permanent?"

Because she is looking directly at her when she says it, Alex sees the pain that flashes across Lena's face at the thought of Alex harming herself, and she feels guilty for lumbering Lena with all her baggage when she clearly has a ton of her own. "It's very kind of you but you really don't have to..."

"I want to".

The depth of emotion in Lena's voice gives Alex pause, and she finds the thought of Lena being there for her, no matter how bad things get, incredible reassuring. So, instead of coming up with more reasons to say no to her again, Alex simply nods. "I promise".

The look of relief that comes over Lena's face is not lost on Alex, and she feels glad she is able to give her some peace of mind.

"A deal is never official until you shake on it, Agent Danvers".

Lena holds out her right hand, the serious tone of her voice offset by the sparkle in her eyes, and Alex can't help smiling at the unexpected irreverent side she's discovered in the normally serious woman. Biting the inside of her lip to try and hold back the smile that wants to break free, Alex takes the proffered hand in her own.

"I made you a promise Miss Luthor, and a promise made by a Danvers is unbreakable".

The feel of of Alex's hand in her own, the work roughened palm against her skin, sparks a shiver to run down her spine as she pictures the capable hands on other, far more sensitive parts of her body, and has Lena fighting to keep her thoughts from showing on her face. "That is very reassuring to know".

Seeing the shiver but mistaking its intent, Alex drops her hand so she can indicate towards the ladder. "It's pretty late and the temperature is dropping fairly rapidly, we should probably get your tent set up".

"Tent?"

A sinking feeling settles in the pit of Alex's stomach at the questioning look Lena gives her. "Yeah. The tent you clearly brought with you because you knew you'd need it to sleep in, as there are no habitable residences within tent kilometers of here, which is exactly why this Observatory was built all the way out here".

"Oh". Lena looks sheepish. "Does it make it better or worse if I say that I didn't even pack a torch, let alone a tent?"

"You came all the way out here, totally unprepared, not knowing if I was even going to be here. You could have been in real trouble".

Alex wants to chastise her for her rash actions, but Lena's next words make it hard for her.

"When I heard you were missing I didn't really stop to think. I knew the others would have looked in your usual haunts and this was the first place that popped into my head, so I literally just stopped at home to change clothes and grab Kara's tablet before coming straight here".

The thought that Lena was so concerned about her that she didn't stop to think about logistics long enough to even pick up a torch is both endearing and exasperating to Alex, and she can't decide whether to be cross at her or not. In the end she simply shakes her head in frustrated befuddlement and holds her hand out. "Looks it's going to be a cozy night then, roomie".

She helps Lena across to the ladder and ensures shes able to descend without problem before returning to clear up the bottles, leaving no evidence of their presence behind, then quickly shins her way down too. Once on the ground she looks up to find Lena observing her with an amused smile on her face, and quirks an eyebrow at her. "What?"

The way Alex had slid down the ladder: fingerless gloved hands loosely cupping the bars to keep her steady, knees slightly bent, and with her weight braced so that the inside seam of her boots run down the metal, is such a carefree little moment to witness that it fills Lena's heart with hope that all is not lost for Alex.

At the question, Lena inclines her head towards the ladder. "Forever the action-hero, huh Agent Danvers".

Alex, unaware that she'd done the exact thing she and Kara used to do every time they'd left here until Lena had pointed it out, runs a hand through her hair self consciously. "Mom banned Kara from flying because there was too big a risk of people finding out about her, so I taught her how to slide down ladders as a way to try and get a little of that feeling back".

The memory brings a smile to Alex's face but, to her surprise, her tears remain at bay.

It is the first time she has been able to think of Kara without crying, and she feels slightly startled by the development. On the one hand it gives her hope that maybe she can move forward with her life and find a day where she can actually not want to self destruct with every waking moment, but it also feels slightly disloyal to Kara to be thinking about being okay without her.

"...and I told Kara straight out how badly I wanted to take you".

"You, er...what? You...you wanted to take me?" Alex is pretty sure she zoned out for the first half of Lena's sentence, and feels a flush of embarrassment as the words she hears send a spark of arousal straight through her.

"As a sibling". Lena clarifies. "For a while. But I no longer feel that way about you now".

"Oh. I see".

Alex doesn't see anything, totally clueless as her mind spins in confusion about her unexpected reaction to Lena's innocent comment, but knows that she needs to say something to try and cover up the fact that she is suddenly picturing her sisters best friend in a whole new light. Of course, Alex has no way of knowing that the only reason Lena no longer wants her as a sibling is because the feelings she's developed for the older Danvers are anything but sisterly.

"So, you mentioned you have a tent?"

Lena is looking at her expectantly and all Alex can do is point in the general direction as she groans internally at the image of sharing her, very small, two person tent with the woman she has just realized she has feelings for.