Author's Note: I know, I haven't updated the other stories in awhile; because I got caught up in my Halloween story and then plenty of people helped douse that flame and real life stress cropped up and I found it difficult to write until this idea for my Christmas story came along. As you can tell from the summary, I've gone back to my niche with Johanna; the place I belong and I'm happy with that. You're getting a peek into the future of Reflections with this tale; I hope you'll enjoy it.

Chapter 1

December 1983

Johanna Beckett sighed deeply as she drove toward home late that afternoon, a Christmas song playing on the radio.

"…It's Christmas time in the city…"

Another sigh crossed her lips. It was definitely Christmas time in the city…the fifteenth of December and the last minute countdown had begun. She couldn't exactly say that she was in the Christmas spirit…in fact her spirit was at an all time low; but the little girl in the backseat made her put on the show of holiday excitement; or at the very least, she was doing her best to do so. Katie needed a happy Christmas no matter how her mother was feeling inside, Johanna thought to herself. She could muddle through…and surely by the time the holiday actually got there, she'd be feeling more like herself again; of course some of that would depend on Jim.

She glanced at her daughter in the rearview mirror; her usually chatty four year old was quiet and looked sleepy. Apparently her daughter didn't sleep well with her father being out of town. It was a feeling she could sympathize with…she didn't sleep well without Jim either. She missed him; his warmth and love…and the security he provided with his presence. She didn't feel as secure and safe when he wasn't there. Another sigh. Her husband had been out of town for two weeks now; and he still hadn't given her an estimate of when to expect him home. Christmas was ten days away…and they'd already been without him since the first of month.

"…In the air there's a feeling of Christmas…"

The feeling was definitely in the air, Johanna agreed; temperatures had plunged below freezing and everywhere you looked there was a multitude of lights, tinsel, and jingle bells; holiday music pouring from speakers in every department store and Santas covering the city in a sea of red suits. It was all around them but instead of the usual feeling of joy the season usually brought her, she felt somewhat beaten down. It had been a difficult year. The law firm had done its cute little downsizing, shuffling, refocusing trick…which had resulted in her getting that equally adorable pink slip that was doled out to select members who were no longer wanted. She frowned, the sting of rejection still rippling through her; along with the memory of Stanley's gleeful sneer. It had hurt…she had given them the first nine years of her career…good, successful years; and they had cast her aside, barely batting an eye in the process. Oh they had given her a reasonable severance package; Sharon too; and had acted graciously un-offended when her loyal, established clients decided to go with her.

Her colleagues, Mark and Cathy Montgomery had also been given their walking papers and had decided to start their own firm. They asked her and Sharon to join and she had accepted…but it meant being off the entire summer until things had been arranged and the firm opened in September. She had enjoyed the time off with Katie; she wouldn't have traded it for anything…but she had felt the uncertainty of starting over. She had started at Roche just weeks after finishing law school; she had begun her career there, met the love of her life, got married, had a baby…she had never dreamed of leaving; nor had she wanted to. Starting over somewhere else hadn't been easy…nor was it easy to get used to the fact that her husband wasn't right down the hallway and that their lunch dates seemed to have dwindled. She had taken some of her client list with her…and they were paying their retainer fee but not all of them were in need of her services at the moment. Business was slow…and she was starting to worry that it always would be.

Jim, on the other hand, had gotten to stay at Roche…he had also gotten promoted. She figured that must be the compensation they gave when they fired a man's wife…after all, Maggie had gotten axed too and Jeff found himself with a promotion as well. She scoffed quietly, it was definitely a man's world, that was for sure; but she was proud of Jim. She liked seeing him succeed and gaining more stature; but it did feel like his added responsibilities had changed him a little. Things didn't feel as stable between them as it usually did. She had the sinking feeling that they had entered a rough patch in their relationship.

"Mommy," Katie said, breaking into those bleak thoughts that threatened to consume her.

"What, baby?"

"Is it going to snow again?"

"Not today."

"What about for Christmas?"

"I don't know, sweetie; we'll have to wait and see."

"Grandpa said it's cold enough for snow."

"Did Grandpa come home for lunch?" Johanna asked. Her father-in-law hadn't there when she picked Katie up from Elizabeth's.

"Uh huh; he said he needed Grammy's soup and my hugs to warm him up."

Johanna smiled; that sounded like Robert. "What kind of soup did Grammy make?"

"Chicken noodle."

"She didn't save me any?" Johanna asked. If there was one thing she could say about her mother-in-law, it was that she made damn good soup…in several different varieties.

"She only made a little bit," Katie replied. "She said she's going to make more and give us some."

"I'm glad to hear that," she said with a laugh.

"Grandpa wanted to know when Daddy's coming home."

"I know, Grammy wants to know too," Johanna said as she pulled up in front of their house.

She shut off the car and set about gathering their belongings before she got out and moved around the car to get Katie out. They made a quick stop at the mailbox to get the mail, shivering as they did so and then made the trek up the sidewalk and the steps of the porch.

"Hurry, Mommy," Katie pleaded. "I'm cold."

"I'm hurrying sweetheart," Johanna said as she fumbled with her keys, trying to locate her house key as she juggled briefcase, purse, mail and her daughter's small pink backpack that she carried to the babysitter every day. "Can you take your bag? Maybe I can get the key in the door if I didn't have so much to hold."

Katie took her little backpack and hooked it over her shoulders. "I can hold the mail, Mommy."

Johanna smiled and laid the stack of mail in her daughter's arms. "Thank you, that's a big help."

"We got lots of mail today," her daughter stated.

"Yes, we did," she agreed as she finally got the front door unlocked. "Go ahead, Baby," she told her as she pushed the door open.

"Is Daddy home?" Katie asked as she moved into the entry way.

"No, he won't be tonight."

"Why?" the little girl whined pitifully.

"Because he's still out of town, honey," she said gently, her own loneliness for him making her ache.

"It's taking forever."

"I know," Johanna replied as she sat down her briefcase and purse.

"Is he ever coming home?"

She gave a soft laugh. "Of course he's going to come home, silly."

"When?"

Johanna sighed as she shrugged out of her coat and hung it up before taking the mail from her daughter and laying it aside. "He'll be back when his work is done," she said as she pulled the pink and lavender knit hat off of Katie's head and then helped her take off the matching gloves.

"I wish he'd be done soon," Katie said as she shrugged out of her purple coat that her mother had unzipped.

"Me too, sweetheart; I miss him too," she told her as she hung up the coat. "Let's take our boots off and leave them here to dry, they've got a little bit of slush on them."

They kicked off their boots and sat them under the stand to dry but Johanna noticed the forlorn look on her daughter's face. She missed her daddy more every day. He was only supposed to be gone for four days…and then it was a week…and now they were on week two. She felt that lingering sense of annoyance…the one that had gnawed on her ever since she found out that he had known about the trip since early November and hadn't bothered to tell her until three days before he had to leave. It was definitely a sore spot…but she missed him and wished he would wrap his case up and get home. Another flicker of annoyance as she recalled him saying that they were heading into a period of time where he would be traveling a lot…news she hadn't been thrilled to receive as an early Christmas gift.

"Can we turn the Christmas tree on?" Katie asked.

"Of course we can," she replied, moving into the living room and going to the tree. She picked up the cord and plugged it into the outlet, smiling as the colorful lights came to life. "There you go."

"Do you think Daddy will like our tree?" her daughter asked as she stood in front of it and studied it.

"Of course he will; why wouldn't he?"

"Because he didn't help us," Katie replied. "I wish Daddy could've helped us."

"I know…but I think we did a pretty good job on our own," Johanna stated. "It's a beautiful tree, Santa will like it."

"But Daddy didn't put the star on."

"Well…it's okay; I put the star on…I got it straighter than Daddy does," she laughed.

"But Daddy said it was his job to put the star on."

"Then Daddy should've been here to do it," Johanna said before she could stop herself; a touch of bitterness seeping into her tone.

Katie frowned at her and she felt instantly remorseful. "I'm sorry, honey; Mommy's just tired. I think our tree is perfect…and even if Daddy was home, you and I would've done most of it anyway because Daddy doesn't like to take his time and do it right. That's why he just puts the star on…and the lights if Mommy complains enough."

"I like our tree, Mommy," her daughter stated, turning to wrap herself around her legs.

Johanna lifted her into her arms. "I'm glad, sweetheart. I know you miss Daddy, I miss him too and I wish he'd hurry up and get home so everything will feel right again."

"How come it's taking so long?" Katie asked, sinking into her mother's hug.

"I don't know, Baby; he hasn't really told me, other than that his case is having problems," Johanna answered. Truth be told, she felt like Jim was holding back and not telling her everything but she tried not to dwell on it. After all, she knew there were some things that he couldn't discuss, things that fell under attorney client privilege…but still…she couldn't help but feel like he was somewhat distant lately and it wasn't a feeling she enjoyed.

"Why don't he just fix the problem?" Katie asked.

She smiled and ran her hand over her daughter's back. "Sometimes problems aren't simple to fix, sweetie. I'm sure he'll get it worked out as soon as he can."

"I hope so…Santa won't be able to find him if he don't come home."

"Don't worry; everything will be fine."

Katie frowned. "We don't have pretty lights outside like everyone else…cause Daddy had to leave."

Johanna sighed as she put her child down; she didn't relish the idea of decorating outside this close to the holiday but her daughter had been fussing about the lack of Christmas lights on the porch. "I'll see what we can do about that tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah," her daughter said, picking up her small backpack from the couch where she had put it. She unzipped it and pulled out her pink bunny, clutching him to her chest tightly.

She looked sad, Johanna thought; and the idea came to mind that maybe they needed a pick me up. "Hey," she said, kneeling down in front of her daughter; "How about we order a pizza for dinner, would you like that?"

Katie's face brightened. "With ronis on it?"

Johanna smiled. "Yes; we'll get extra cheese and pepperoni on it…as always."

"And breadsticks?"

"Of course…and tonight we can watch Christmas shows on TV and we'll make popcorn."

Katie smiled. "What are we going to watch?"

"Well, I looked in the TVGuide last night after you went to bed, and tonight we get to watch The Grinch and A Charlie Brown Christmas and Frosty the Snowman."

Her daughter grinned. "I like those a lot…I liked the ones from last night too."

"They were good," Johanna agreed. "How about I order the pizza and then we'll go through the mail and see if we got any Christmas cards?"

"Okay, Mommy."

Johanna picked up the pile of mail and headed for the kitchen, her daughter on her heels. She turned on the lights and tossed the mail on the table before going to the phone, ordering the pizza as she watched her daughter open the fridge to get herself a juice box.

"Do you need help getting the straw in?" she asked after hanging up the phone.

Her daughter frowned. "Yes."

"It's okay to need help," she told her; "You'll get the hang of it soon…and Mommy likes helping you."

Katie smiled. "I like helping you, Mommy."

"I know and you're so good at it."

"Is the pizza coming?"

"In a little while. Let's sit down and look at the mail."

Katie climbed up on one of the kitchen chairs and Johanna sat down next to her, pulling the stack of mail forward.

"What's in the box, Mommy?"

"I don't know," Johanna said, pulling the box out from the bottom of the pile and quickly scanning the label to make sure it wasn't a Christmas gift that she had ordered. "It's from your book club."

"New books!" Katie exclaimed.

"That's right," she replied as she worked the flap loose on the box and pulled out the four glossy storybooks that were inside. "They're Christmas stories, isn't that nice?"

"Uh huh, can we read them tonight?"

'We'll read two tonight and two tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay."

"Let's see what else we have," Johanna said. "This is Daddy's sports magazine; we'll start a pile for Daddy."

"I'll put it on his desk when we're done," her daughter declared.

She smiled. "Okay, that will be your job. Here's more mail for you."

"For me?"

"Yes, it says, 'Miss Katherine Beckett' on the front; that's you."

Kate's nose scrunched up. "Why did they call me Katherine?"

"Because that's your name, silly goose."

"My name is Katie."

Johanna opened the pale pink envelope that bore numerous marks from overseas travel. "I've already explained your name to you several times; but this is your birthday card from Uncle William and Aunt Lucinda."

"My birthday is over," her daughter replied.

"I know, sweetheart; but Uncle William and Aunt Lucinda live in Germany and that's far away. It takes awhile for the mail to get here."

"What does the card say?" Katie asked.

"Well…it's written in German," Johanna said, showing Katie the front of the card that showed a cupcake and a kitten; "But it looks like Aunt Lucinda included translations."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, in Germany, people speak German so their cards are written in German...just like here in America, we speak English and our cards are written in English. Different countries speak different languages and some people speak more than one language…language is another word for talking…do you understand?"

"Uh huh."

"Uncle William and Aunt Lucinda speak English and German; so your aunt wrote the English words beneath the German ones. The front of the card says 'For a sweet niece'," she told her before opening the card. Two ten dollar bills fell out and she caught them, laying them aside so she could read Katie the rest of the card. "Inside it says 'Wishing you the sweetest of birthdays' and there's a note. It says 'Dear, Katie; Uncle William and I want to wish you a happy fourth birthday. We didn't know what you would like so we're sending you ten dollars so that your mommy can take you to the store and pick out what you want for your birthday. We also weren't sure what to tell Santa to bring you for Christmas, that's what the other ten dollars is for, pick out what you would have liked Santa to bring you from us. We hope you have a happy birthday and a Merry Christmas. Love Aunt Lucinda and Uncle William."

Johanna picked up the money and made sure it was American, remembering that the last time they had sent Katie money for an occasion, it had been German and Jim had gotten the task of having it exchanged for her. "Alright, Katie bug; you've got twenty dollars, aren't you lucky?"

"Uh huh…do I gotta put it in my piggy bank?" Katie asked.

"No, sweetie; your aunt and uncle gave you this so you can get a birthday present and a Christmas present from them. I might be able to get off work early tomorrow, maybe we can go to the store and you can spend it, would you like that?"

"Yes…Santa won't get mad, will he?"

"No, baby; Santa understands about out of town relatives who send money. I'm going to put it back in the envelope and put it in my purse when we're done so we don't lose it okay?"

"Okay."

"When you get your presents, we'll take a picture of you with them and send it to Uncle William and Aunt Lucinda with a thank you note."

"What else did we get?" Katie asked.

"I don't know; seems like you're on a roll with new books and twenty dollars," Johanna commented with a laugh; "Mommy hasn't gotten anything so far…except this credit card bill…and I surely didn't ask for that."

Katie giggled. "Eww bills."

She laughed. "That's right, eww bills…I'll have to put that in the bill pile and take care of that later…the only plus side of Daddy being out of town is that he doesn't know my balance now."

"Is it a secret?"

"Oh yes, Mommy always keeps that a secret until she's made a few after Christmas payments."

"There's a red envelope, that's a Christmas card!" Katie said excitedly.

"Yes, it is," she replied as she picked it up and opened it. "It's from Aunt Bridget and Uncle Will."

"How come I got two uncles named the same?"

"Because William is a popular name for boys, sweetie. What do you think of this card, isn't it cute? It has snowmen on it."

Katie smiled. "I like it."

"Me too…look, a green envelope next, who do you think it's from?"

"Daddy?" her daughter asked.

She gave her a sympathetic smile. "No, it's from Aunt Sharon and Uncle Phil…oh and there's a smaller card in here too, it's for you from Molly."

"What does it say, Mommy?"

The small card showed a picture of two cute little penguins giving each other a hug. "It says Merry Christmas to my special friend and Molly signed her name at the bottom, see?"

"I want to send Molly a card," Katie replied.

Johanna nodded. "Okay, we'll get you some cards tomorrow and you can send them to your friends and your cousins."

"Can I send one to Chrissy?" her daughter asked; referring to Jeff and Maggie's little girl.

"Of course, sweetie; I said your friends and cousins; we'll get a box of cards, you'll have plenty."

"Okay. Did we get any more cards?"

"I'm looking," Johanna replied. "There's another bill; and this is for Daddy, it's about the car. Here's one of my magazines…finally, something good for me."

Katie giggled. "Any more for me?"

"I don't know yet; this is for me…letting me know that I have to renew my registration in a few months so I can keep going to work."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, remember we talked about how Daddy and I are lawyers and what we do when we go to work and when we go to court?"

"Uh huh."

"In order to be a lawyer, you have to have a license to practice law and you have to be registered in your state. Our state, New York; makes you renew your registration every two years; and I have to give them money to do it. I have to renew mine after my birthday and then in the summer after Daddy's birthday, he'll have to renew his too and give them more money."

"Why don't they just new it for you for no money?" her daughter asked.

Johanna smiled. "Because, baby girl; the world runs on money…even if it doesn't seem quite fair."

"I got money," Katie stated.

"That's right; you got twenty dollars today, big spender."

Katie laughed. "Grammy will say it should be in my piggy bank."

"Well we just won't tell Grammy…in fact we definitely shouldn't tell her."

"Why?"

"Because if Uncle William and Aunt Lucinda sent Christmas money in your birthday card, it means that they aren't coming to New York for Christmas and Grammy will be upset about it."

"Will she yell?" her daughter asked.

"Probably."

"I won't tell her," she said with a shake of her head.

Johanna laughed. "Me neither. I don't see anymore Christmas cards today; the rest is just junk mail and store ads."

"Will we get some tomorrow?"

"I don't know, we'll have to wait and see. How about you come upstairs and play in your room while I change out of my work clothes and take off my makeup…by the time I'm finished, our pizza should be here and then we'll eat dinner and you can get your bath before Daddy calls."

"Okay, Mommy," Katie said as she got down from her chair.

Johanna led the way from the kitchen, Katie at her side and she was grateful that they'd gotten through a small period of time without her daughter asking about Jim's homecoming.

"Mommy; will Daddy come home tomorrow?"

She closed her eyes for a second before stepping up onto the bottom of the step; she had spoken too soon, so to speak. "I don't know, honey; we'll ask him when he calls."

That evening, Johanna and Katie were cuddled together on the couch, a bowl of popcorn on the coffee table and the first of the evening's Christmas specials on the television. She had only a dim light on so that the glow of the Christmas tree would fill the room, adding to the holiday mood for their chosen entertainment…their evening going as planned, with the exception of one thing.

"Mommy, why didn't Daddy call?" Katie asked as the Grinch went to a commercial break.

"I don't know, Katie; maybe he doesn't know what time it is."

"Is he okay?"

"I'm sure he's fine," Johanna remarked; doing her best not to worry. There was no point in thinking the worst; she was sure there was a logical explanation for why their phone hadn't rang all evening. He might've had to work late. Maybe there had been a dinner meeting and he hadn't gotten a chance to call because of it. Maybe he had been tired when he got back to his room and had laid down and fallen asleep without meaning to do so.

Or maybe he was in a bar with Zach.

Her jaw tightened at the thought. When they weren't working, they seemed to make it their mission to visit every bar in Chicago. She didn't like the idea of it…didn't like that her husband was having a drink more often than usual; but her hands were tied thanks to the miles between them…and the excuses he gave when he was home.

Katie sank against her side and snuggled close, a trace of sadness lingering on her features. There was only one thing to do, Johanna thought to herself; they'd just have to call his room and see if he was there. "Sit up," she told Katie softly. "We'll call Daddy's hotel and see if he answers."

Her daughter smiled brightly and shifted away from her, turning on the cushion so that she could face her as Johanna reached for the phone on the stand and the slip of paper that had Jim's number written on it. She carefully dialed the number and listened to the line ring. "It's ringing," she told Katie with a smile.

"Is he answering?" her daughter asked, bouncing slightly on her knees in excitement.

"Not yet; we'll let it ring a few times more than usual in case he's in the shower."

They waited with as much patience as they could muster but finally Johanna had to concede to the fact that Jim wasn't going to answer. She hung up and allowed her gaze to slide toward her daughter. "Daddy didn't answer."

"Why?" Katie whined.

"He's probably still at work," she replied, her tone light so that her daughter wouldn't worry. "He probably had a lot of things to do after court so that he can win his case and come home soon."

"But I wanted to talk to him," Katie said. "I want to tell him about my gingerbread man I made with Grammy and that The Grinch is on; he likes the Grinch. I want to tell him about my new storybooks."

"I know, sweetheart; maybe he'll get back to his room before you go to bed…if not, he'll call tomorrow and you can tell him then, okay?"

Katie pouted and curled back against her mother's side. "Guess so."

She hugged her tightly. "I'm sorry, baby; I'm sure Daddy wants to talk to you too. You know he loves you more than the moon."

"I know."

Johanna grew quiet as her daughter's attention went back to the cartoon on the television screen. She hoped Jim would call before she put Katie to bed; if he didn't, she would fuss and try to stay up until he did…that was if he called, for that matter. She hadn't even gotten to play in her bath as she usually did; she had been ushered in and out and into her pajamas so she'd be ready to talk to her daddy at his usual time to call. But she had only been rushed into disappointment…and Johanna couldn't help but think that Katie wasn't the only one who had been disappointed. She had been looking forward to talking to her husband for a few minutes; she missed sharing her day with him…not that she felt like he did much listening lately, but she liked to tell him anyway. She wanted to tell him her worries, her list of things she still had to get done for the holiday…she wanted to curl up in his arms and have him tell her that everything was going to be fine; that she didn't need to worry about work…or Christmas…or him…or them. She suppressed a sigh, keeping her daughter held close; they were on their own for the moment, they'd just have to make the best of it.

Later that night, Johanna flipped channels half heartedly, doing her best to ignore the empty place next to her in bed. She frowned, glancing at the spot that was usually occupied by her husband. A sigh crossed her lips; she hated when Jim had to travel for work…hated even more that his return had been delayed twice already. She knew he wasn't thrilled about the trip either; at least that's what he claimed but in all honesty he didn't sound too bothered when he'd call to check in. With Christmas looming in very near future, she felt more sensitive to his absence. Her frown deepened; having Jim away for so long so close to Christmas meant that all the preparations fell solely upon her.

She had been left to do a complicated juggling act; trying to finish up the Christmas shopping, trying to make sure gifts were wrapped and hidden while Katie was asleep since she couldn't ask Jim to occupy her for awhile on the weekends. She had been left with re-arranging the furniture to fit the tree in, the decorating…which she always did anyway, but he did always help her drag out the boxes and rearrange things. She had the cleaning and the baking still to do; she had to take Katie to pick out gifts that would be given with just her name on them. Business was slow but she did have a few cases she was laying ground work for and organizing…and she had arranged things so she could have the days off between Christmas and New Year's to have with Katie since she wasn't due in court and could do her paperwork at home. She also still had all of her other usual duties, grocery shopping, housekeeping, being a full time mother. It wouldn't have been so bad if his trip had come outside of the holiday season. Christmas preparations were added stress and doing it all alone was exhausting…and she missed the help and assistance of her husband; but most of all, she just missed him…his warmth, his love, his touch.

Before she could sink too deeply into those thoughts, her bedroom door was pushed open and her daughter slipped inside, her pink bunny clutched against her chest. "Hey, sweetheart," she said softly; "What are you doing up?"

Katie moved across the room and climbed up on the bed, her small form filling a little bit of that empty place Johanna had been fixated on. "What's wrong?" she asked again, sweeping her fingers across her daughter's forehead to check for fever.

"I woke up," Katie replied quietly.

Johanna helped her slip beneath the covers and then wrapped her arm around her as she snuggled into her side. "Did you have a bad dream?"

She nodded but said nothing, her sleepy gaze moving to the television that was still on.

"Maybe you'd feel better if you tell me what it is," Johanna prodded gently.

"I couldn't find Daddy," Katie whimpered, her small fingers curling tightly into her bunny. "He was lost."

She pressed a kiss against her daughter's head. "Daddy's not lost, baby. I know exactly where he is."

"Where?"

"In his hotel room…in Chicago," she answered; trying to keep the slight hint of disdain out of her voice concerning the city that was keeping her husband from her.

"Where's Chicago?"

"It's in a state called Illinois."

"Is it far away?"

"Far enough," Johanna muttered.

Her daughter looked up at her with sad green eyes. "Can you show me?"

"Show you?"

"Daddy shows me places on maps."

"Oh," she replied; "In the atlas he bought."

"Yeah…can you show me?"

"Honey; that book is downstairs in the office."

Katie looked up at her. "You could get it."

Johanna was quiet for a moment, pondering if there was an easier solution to be had that would keep her from having to abandon her warm bed. After a little contemplation, she remembered the phone book they kept upstairs was laying on the shelf below the drawer of her nightstand. There was a map of the United States in there...with squiggly lines through it denoting time zones but it would serve the purpose. She shifted, leaning over to grab the thick phone book and then flipped through it until she found the map. "Here's where we live," she said, pointing to New York, and then moving her other finger to Illinois; "And here's where Daddy is."

Her daughter frowned. "That's far away."

"Yeah…it is; seems further when you're missing someone," she remarked; "But Daddy's not lost; we know where he is."

"I feel like he's lost," Katie said quietly. "I can't see him."

Johanna put the phone book back on the shelf and then pulled her daughter close once more. "I know how you feel," she said softly.

"I miss Daddy," she said tearfully. "Is he ever coming home?"

"Of course he is, sweetheart," she soothed. "Daddy will be home as soon as his case is over; he doesn't like being away either."

"Is he going to miss Christmas? Will Santa still come if Daddy's not here?"

"He's not going to miss Christmas…and if for some reason, Daddy couldn't get home in time, yes; Santa will still come; but you don't need to worry because he'll be here."

"Will Santa take Daddy's presents to Chicago?" Katie asked as she rubbed her eye.

"No," Johanna said slowly. "Since Daddy's a grown up, Santa would just leave his presents here with us. Now if we were in Chicago with Daddy; Santa would take your presents there but it's different for grownups."

"Can we go to Chicago and be with Daddy?"

She pressed a kiss to the top of Katie's head and gave her a gentle squeeze. "No, honey; we have to stay here. Mommy has to work and Grandma needs you to help her make cookies and Grammy wants you to make a gingerbread house with her and I think you'll like that a whole lot. Plus we have to make cookies and fudge and cake…and we still have some presents to buy and other things to do. We're just going to have to wait for Daddy to come home."

"I wish he called us."

"I know," she murmured. "I'm sure he'll call in the morning though. He probably had a lot of work to do and didn't get finished until after your bedtime. Daddy's probably sleeping right now."

"Really?"

"Mhmm; I'm sure he's tired from work. He'll call tomorrow. You just think happy thoughts and go back to sleep, sweetheart."

"Can I stay here in your room?" her daughter asked.

She smiled and kissed her cheek. "Yes, you can stay here and sleep on daddy's pillow. Think happy thoughts now and close your eyes, everything will be alright."

Johanna brushed her fingertips along Katie's forehead soothingly as she hummed a soft lullaby until she was sure her daughter was once again asleep. She sighed softly…she hoped Jim would call in the morning so that their daughter's mind would be put at ease.

Of course she'd like her own mind put at ease as well…but she had a feeling she knew exactly where he was; in some bar enjoying his time away from being a husband and father. She just hoped he wasn't enjoying it too much.

Later on, Katie was sleeping soundly next to Johanna as she watched Johnny Carson. The cordless phone on the nightstand rang, startling her and making her flinch, her gaze jerking toward Katie's small form curled up under the covers. Her daughter didn't flinch but she kept her eye on her as she snatched up the phone, worry and annoyance warring within her as she pushed the button to answer the call. "Hello," she said quietly.

"Are you asleep?" Jim asked.

"No, but do you know what time it is?" she asked.

"Yeah; it's a little after eleven-thirty…what are you wearing?" he asked lightly.

"Clothes," Johanna answered.

"Yeah…what kind?"

"Katie's asleep next to me, Jim."

"There goes that moment," he stated. "Why isn't she in her own bed?"

"Because she misses you…she waited for you to call all night, where have you been?"

He sighed. "I went out after work with Zach and Steve."

"Steve," she scoffed. "You don't even like him."

"That doesn't mean I can't get along with him for the time being…alcohol makes it easier."

"So I hear," she said flatly. "You still could've taken five minutes to call your daughter; it upset her when you didn't call."

"She'll be fine," he remarked.

"We tried to call you around eight," Johanna stated.

"I told you, I was out."

"I know," she said slowly; "I was just saying that we tried to call, I didn't mean anything by it."

"Sure you didn't."

Katie stirred slightly and she watched, making sure her daughter was going to stay asleep; when she showed no signs of waking, Johanna slipped out from under the covers and quietly made her way out of the room, closing the door behind her and then moving to sit on the top step of the stairs to continue their conversation. "I really didn't mean anything by it, Jim. I just wanted you to know that we tried to call…so you'd know we were thinking of you tonight."

"I never doubt that," he stated.

She breathed deeply. "I miss you."

"I know you do."

She smirked a little; apparently he didn't miss her very much…he didn't even lie and bother to say so. "When are you coming home?"

"I don't know, Johanna," Jim replied. "I told you that last night."

"I thought maybe you'd have a better idea today," she said, forcing lightness into her tone. "You never know what surprises court can bring from one day to the other."

"Well I'm afraid it's not a return to New York at the moment."

"What about your other cases?"

"Sally's rescheduling things, it'll be taken care of, I'm not worried."

"Katie worries…when we get home, she asks if you're going to be here."

"Tell her I'll be there as soon as I'm done working…she's going to have to get used to me traveling for work."

"She's just a little girl, Jim; she doesn't understand all of it. All she understands is that you've been gone for awhile and she doesn't like it."

"She'll be okay; I'll bring her a present."

Johanna rolled her eyes, of course he thought it was that simple. "Your mother wants to know when you're coming home too."

"Feel free to pass along the same message to her…what's everyone's problem?"

"I guess we just like having you around. You don't seem too bothered to be away for so long," Johanna remarked.

He scoffed. "What do you want me to do, Jo? You act like I'm on some vacation and that I like being away."

"I know you're not on vacation; I said you don't seem bothered by not being home…it's been two weeks, Jim; and you don't give the slightest hint of being bothered that you haven't been here with us for that amount of time."

"I don't control the goddamn court, Johanna," he said tartly.

"I'm aware of that."

"Then act like it. You may as well get used to me traveling too, I already told you that. I'm going to be doing a lot of it in the next several months."

"That doesn't mean I have to like it," she retorted.

"It doesn't matter if you like it or not, it has to be done; I'm the one paying the bills you know."

"Excuse me," she retorted. "I wasn't aware that I don't contribute money to our marriage; I guess I get up and go to work every day for the hell of it."

"Come on, Johanna; you know what I mean. I make more than you."

"You always have," she said sharply; "Because you're a man."

"Let's not get into all of that; but I do make more, especially now…I got a promotion and you've only been back to work for three months and you haven't been all that busy; so yes, I am the one earning more and paying the bills…and if I have to travel to continue to do that in order to support you and our daughter, then that's what has to be done."

Tears stung her eyes. "Wow; it's nice to know that my job is now worthless in your eyes. Thank you so much."

"It's not worthless; but you're at a new firm, the clients you took with you are only paying their retainer fee because they don't currently need you and you haven't yet had the full caseload you had at Roche."

"You act like I left Roche by choice," she said sharply; "But I didn't; they shoved me out the door with everyone else they no longer wanted. I didn't get a choice in the matter…you told me to take the summer off, to not worry about it, that we'd be fine."

"We are," he retorted; "But I can't just say 'no, I'm going to work on that case because my wife doesn't like me to leave town. I have to be there in case she wants to subtly hint that it isn't fair that you booted her out and kept me."

"That's not what I said!" she exclaimed.

"No, you don't say it out loud but the sentiment comes across."

"Then you're hearing things because I've never said that. I'm glad they kept you; you were there longer than me, it wouldn't have been right to choose me over you. I'm sorry I'm not making enough money to suit you though; I'm going to start taking on some family law cases…and I took the job teaching at Columbia for the spring semester."

"What do you mean you took the job?" he asked. "I thought we were going to discuss it more when I got home!"

"Yeah; well, you were supposed to be home at the end of last week, Jim; and I had to give a decision by yesterday…so I took it."

"Why?"

"Why?" she repeated. "Because I can…because I wanted to…because I'm sick of you acting like I'm not pulling my weight financially, so I'll just work a second job and make up for the loss that getting back on my feet is costing us. It's an hour class, two nights a week."

"And what about Katie? Who's going to take care of her while you're at your job that you're not going to have time for?"

"Well, Daddy; since you're also her parent, I figure you can drag your ass home early enough two days a week to tend to your daughter while I'm at work."

"Like I have nothing else to do," he spat.

Johanna scoffed. "I like how your career is more important than mine now that you've moved up the ranks a little bit."

Her husband sighed. "I just think it's going to be too much for you…and too much for Katie. Did you even think about all the extra work you're going to have? When are you going to have time to grade papers and prepare lessons? Did you think about it at all or did you just take it to try and prove something?"

"I took it because I wanted it…I wanted to try it; because maybe it's something I can do during slow periods…something I might want to do one day when I'm sick of being in the courtroom and need a change."

"That's all fine and dandy, Johanna; but I told you I'm going to be traveling a lot; so that means Katie is going to be left with one of her grandmothers for those two evenings a week in addition to the five days a week she's already there; is that fair to her?"

"My class is only an hour, Jim; I think she can handle what should total two extra hours twice a week…you're the one she doesn't see at the moment."

"Don't turn this around on me; I only have one job that you're complaining about because it's taking me away from home and yet you're out signing up for a second job that you don't need that's going to keep you from our daughter for additional hours of the week."

"You're trying to say I'm double talking you and you're the one who was saying that I haven't been busy at my job and now suddenly you're saying I don't have time to teach one class twice a week."

"Well you don't! And to top it all off, you take it without even discussing it with me!"

"I've been trying to discuss it with you since the first week of November and you kept putting me off. I had to make a choice; I wanted the job so I took it."

"You'll regret it," he said; "You've bitten off more than you can chew, Johanna. You just wait and see…and who knows how Katie's going to feel about it since she likes to be joined to your hip."

"You know, that line is getting old," she retorted. "You claim she only wants me and yet every five minutes for the last two weeks all I've heard is 'when is daddy coming home?' "I miss daddy' 'is he ever coming home', 'why didn't daddy call me?'. The reason she's sleeping with me tonight is because she got up from a bad dream she had, she dreamed she couldn't find you, that you were lost. I have to keep telling her that you're coming home, so this stupid idea you have in your head that she doesn't love you enough, you need to get rid of it because it couldn't be further from the truth."

"I didn't call to argue with you," Jim stated.

"I didn't want an argument either…it seems like it's getting to be a habit though lately. All I did was ask when you were coming home."

"Yeah; you ask, don't get the answer you want and then you nag…like always; so maybe I should consider this a vacation."

Hurt rippled through her. "I'm sorry that we miss you…and that I apparently nag you every day of your life; that's not something I strive to do. I'll work on it…and if you need to stay in Chicago until New Year's, please do with my blessing. We're fine here."

"Jo," he breathed. "I'll be home as soon as I can."

Her eyes were full of tears but she blinked them back. "I don't care when you come home, Jim. I just worry that I've been lying to Katie when I tell her you'll be home for Christmas…because it's getting closer and there's no sign that you're anywhere near ready to leave Chicago…but it's fine. I'll make sure she has a nice holiday and that she sees your family for awhile on Christmas."

"Don't go getting dramatic," Jim retorted. "I'll be back for Christmas…I just can't promise that I won't have to come back afterwards because things aren't going as planned with this case…so go ahead and bitch about it and get it out of your system."

She shook her head. "I'm not saying a word about it…pretty soon you may as well get yourself an apartment there. Maybe they'll offer you a job again, let me know if you need me to ship your clothes to you."

"Johanna," he huffed. "It's difficult enough."

"And you think it's not difficult for me?"

"What the hell is so difficult for you, Johanna?" he demanded to know.

A tear spilled down her cheek and she was glad that he couldn't see it. "I just miss you…I can't help that. First we don't work together anymore and now you're apparently going on all of these business trips…you've been gone two weeks already and there's no end in sight, with the exception of coming home for Christmas and leaving again. How am I supposed to feel?"

"I don't know what you want me to do; by taking these type of cases, I'm making twice as much as I was and you ought to be glad…because then you don't have to worry so much if things don't pick up for you any time soon. You ought to be glad that I can take care of you and Katie instead of getting mad that I can't be there to hold your hand every day."

"I'm not mad…I'm glad you've gotten what you wanted and that you're moving up the way you always wanted. I'm proud of you…"

"Yeah, sure."

"I am," she said firmly; "But I'm not going to do this all night. I'm going to go, I have things to do."

"It's nearly midnight there, what do you have to do?"

She scoffed. "Well in between sitting on my ass here in New York sponging off my husband, I have a child to tend to, a job to go to, a house to clean, laundry to do, meals to prepare, paperwork to tend to, Christmas shopping to do, gifts to wrap, gifts to hide, other holiday preparations to take care of…because a lot of it I have to do while Katie's in bed since I'm the only one here and she has no one else to keep her company. I've got plenty to do. You don't need to worry about calling tomorrow; I'm tired of rushing home just for Katie and I to sit by the phone waiting on you to feel like calling after you're done laying in one of Chicago's fabulous bars with your buddies. We're eating at my mother's tomorrow and then we're going to go find something to do because she deserves a treat. I'll call Columbia tomorrow and tell them I can't take the job after all…"

"That would probably be best," he interrupted.

"Yeah…because if it's not something you want, then it isn't a good idea, right? It's just something I wanted for myself…but anytime I want something just for myself, I get to be subtly accused of being selfish. If it was something you wanted, you'd go for it and you wouldn't give a damn what I said about it…but that would be your career, which clearly is more important than mine and me adding to my resume, so don't worry," she said, a soft sob breaking through, "I'll call tomorrow and tell them I can't do it."

"Don't start crying," he stated sharply.

Johanna pulled the phone away from her ear and pushed the button to turn it off and then laid it down on the step beside her as the tears slipped down her cheeks quietly. She allowed herself a few minutes to get it out of her system and then she leaned against the wall. There wasn't any chance she'd get to sleep now…and she'd already had her fill of gift wrapping after Katie had gone to bed the first time. She figured she may as well go throw a load of laundry in the washer and scrub the bathroom…maybe it would make her tired enough to settle down to sleep; if not, she could just lay in bed and think of ways to make Christmas fun for Katie despite the absence of her father.