Klaus crossed his arms and stared at me sternly from his desk as I gathered my things up from around the mobile bed.

"I'd give you a lecture," he said, "but someone seems to be bringing you in every week now regardless of what I say."

"Sorry Doc," I said with a sigh. "I appreciate everything you do for me."

He stared at me through his spectacles. "How can you not realize when you're about to collapse? You don't feel the waves of fatigue and think, 'hmm I better stop'? You've done it enough times at this point that you should recognize the feeling."

I felt my chest twist. "I don't know… I used to be able to tell when I was getting tired. Now I'm always tired."

He leaned back and rolled his eyes. "I wonder what your body is trying to tell you there?"

"Sorry, sorry, you're right," I said. "I won't be in again."

He shook his head, "Right, of course, I'll be seeing you next week."

I ducked my head with shame and began to head out of the clinic.

"Rio," he said.

I turned around.

He sighed deeply, "I've worked with all sorts of people back in my old hospital in the city. I thought I'd learned to distance myself enough from my patients but it's different in such a small town where your patients are also your neighbours… or when the patient is the very same person who voluntarily built your clinic."

He pulled out a couple of coins and put them in my hand. "I am prescribing you a tub of ice cream, as unhealthy as that sounds. It's a slightly less destructive way of grieving your recent losses."

"The women of my family don't sit around and grieve," I said defensively. "If you have the energy to cry, you have the energy to work. That's what my mother always says."

He shook his head, "Do what you want. It's what you'll do anyway. I have nothing left to say to you."

"I'll see you later," I said, I paused at the door, "but not here. At the next festival."

He didn't say anything as I left.

I checked my watch. It was nine in the morning. My animals were going to be ticked I hadn't let them out yet.

I skulked back through the entire length of the village, rueing building the hospital so far away from my home. It made these morning walk-of-shames all the more humiliating.

Between East and West Village, I ran into Dunhill mowing the municipal grass on his large rickety mower. It vibrated and jerked as he waved me over. I sighed deeply, I had been trying to avoid him.

"Rio ahoy!" He said loudly over the sound of the mower. The smell of cut grass and gasoline was overpowering.

"Hey!" I yelled back.

"What?" He asked, cupping his ear.

"Hey!" I called.

"One moment!" He yelled and he killed the engine.

"Rio! Just the girl I was hoping to see!" He said cheerfully.

"Oh?" I asked nervously.

"I remember we had talked about building a watchtower up at the top of the hill? A fun little thing for visitors to be able to look over the whole village? How's the progress on that?" He asked.

"Um," I said, wringing my hands together. "It's just that … right there on the top of the hill is the town plaza, it's such a happening place, I don't want to disrupt local businesses during the day, and the construction sounds would echo through the valley and keep people up at night."

"You work so fast, I'm sure they could all deal with the noise for a day," He said.

"The animal stalls are there," I protested. "I'd stress out the livestock and pets! They're already out of their element standing out there on display, I couldn't make any more trouble!"

He looked at me for a moment seriously. The old man had deep lines across his face that seemed so harsh in those rare times he wasn't smiling. "Rio," he said. "You're not just making excuses, are you? When was the last time you spoke to Neil?"

"I don't know," I said, "I've been busy and I don't really count the days it's been since I've last seen every single villager."

I hadn't seen Neil since the night of the party back in spring. I couldn't believe it was only the first day of summer now. As fast as time had seemed to move before that point, it felt like it had stopped altogether after.

He was right. We did not stay friends.

He was also wrong, in that he said it didn't have to feel awkward. I couldn't even bear to look at him without feeling like I needed to go find a bush to barf my heart out, and that was just when I saw the red of his coat in the far distance. I hadn't talked to or seen him face to face at all yet.

"You didn't enter in the yak competition," he said.

I squirmed a little.

He sighed, "It's alright Rio, you had just broken up that week. No one wanted to see you two being forced to stand on the stage together but you need to remember that the ranch is your primary job so you need to start entering in these animal festivals we host, it's embarrassing when the town doesn't have any entries!"

"Right," I said quietly.

"So I expect to see you in the alpaca festival coming up!" He said.

"Yes, I had been planning on it. Scooter is ready for a beginner," I said.

He nodded approvingly. "Sorry to have had to scold you there Rio," he said joyfully again. "We all know and appreciate how hard you work!"

"Well, I should get back to it," was all I said.

The clunky machine revved back on behind me and I prayed I wasn't going to run into anyone else, Dunhill was the only person too dense to realize where I was coming from.

I got home without a hitch and sighed, stretching out my aching muscles. A new season was always a killer. I had entire fields to re-sow and I had a very late start.

I headed to my mailbox first to skim through the seasonal glut of mail. There was the newspaper, Rebecca had new blueprints, Yuri had new designs… Clement's Restaurant had sent out a sneak peek of the summer menu.

I stopped shuffling for a moment at Neil's familiar handwriting.

'I'm now stocking llamas,' it said in his standard curtness, no frills or gimmicks applied.

Good for him… he worked out another deal. I remembered Marielle telling him she'd set him up with a trader from Silk Country.

I fiddled with the paper. I should be getting a llama, but I wasn't sure I could just walk up to the stall… talking to him was still too much for me. I was weak. Reading a note in his hand was about all I could handle.

I tried to put the dealer out of my mind for a minute as I skimmed through the rest of my mail. The last thing of note was in a sealed envelop. I turned it over curiously. It had a postage stamp, so it came from outside of town.

I headed inside and dropped everything else on the table and pulled out the letter, ripping the envelope carelessly.

I was a wedding card... but not an invite, an announcement after the fact.

I looked at the picture of the smiling woman in a white gown being embraced by an equally happy man, they were both in their late 50s and I didn't recognize them. My first assumption was that this was probably sent to the wrong person but as I flipped the letter over, I paused.

It was from my dad… he had gotten remarried.

I didn't even bother turning the card back over to inspect the picture further, I tossed it on the table without a second thought. I never knew him, I had no reason to care.

My poor mother though. I wondered if she knew. I could only now begin to imagine how she must have felt to have the love of her life walk out on her and her toddler. Now that I knew a little something about lost love, I had an even better appreciation for her.

I headed to the barn, unable to shake the worry from my chest. How was she going to react? She was all alone in the city now without me. If he sent a letter to me who he had never known he had to have sent one to her. What a monster.

My mother was even stronger than I had ever guessed. She was already my hero growing up and now I knew just how devastating and long-lasting heartache could be.

Everything I'd ever done was to be just like her. She was always so powerful and important that it was hard to imagine her vulnerable.

She is one of those people who works in a glass office on the top floor of a skyscraper in the center of the city. She's efficient, poised and unapologetic. I never quite managed to learn her confidence.

She had never seemed bothered by the divorce, so I had never really thought about it as a big deal. Obviously though, she had to have been. She must have just bottled it all up inside. She never spoke about him, and a younger me mistook that for her being over him. Really, if she never spoke about him, she must have been so devastated that she just couldn't bring herself to.

I realized I hadn't called her in a while. Maybe I should. This glut I hadn't been able to get out of since Sophie and Neil, maybe the real problem is I just hadn't talked to my real family in a while and that was contributing to my loneliness.

There was a phone at the general store. I could call her when I went today to pick up my summer order of seeds,

but first the livestock.

My animals almost barrelled me over in their eagerness to get out and enjoy the first day of warm sun.

I had to brush and milk them outside but the weather was good so I didn't mind.

As I worked, I reminisced more about my mother.

She really had made me everything I was today. She taught me independence and self-motivation. She provided for both of us all on her own, I hadn't been able to do that with Sophie, I had needed an entire village to chip in. It was actually kind of embarrassing when I thought about it.

I learned everything about plumbing and carpentry from wanting to help her out and make her life easier. One time she was at the office late and the sink broke. It needed to be fixed right away and I didn't want to give her another thing to worry about so I went on the internet and figured out how to fix it myself. She was so proud of me and it felt so good that I spend all my free time learning how to fix other things. She'd always give me an approving hug when she came home and I'd shown her what I'd done that day, and that's all that I ever needed.

By the time I was thirteen, she didn't have to worry about the house anymore.

Love isn't something that needs to be shown by the amount of time you spend together, and family are the people that you can see for only a minute a day and you don't need anything more to prove how much you care for each other, you just know. It's in the things to do for each other, it's in the kind words you receive in passing.

I finished gathering the last of the eggs back in the chicken coop and headed into town.

It was sad how awkward I felt just walking into East Town during ordinary working hours. Neil's animals was in the center of town square, at least an edge of the cart was always visible in its elevation to anyone no matter where they were.

I should buy a llama. There's not much time until the first llama festival, other ranchers would have an advantage if I put off buying one... Plus I'd decided to call my mom. I wasn't sure I could face her if I was really this pathetic.

If I were my mom, I'd be able to walk right up to Neil's animals. She wouldn't let any of her feelings get in the way of her work.

Feeling spurred on, I walked right past the general store and straight to the town square.

My head hummed and my legs felt weak as I headed to Neil's stall, he hadn't seen me yet as he was too busy rummaging through something in his cart.

I stopped in front of him. It was too late now to escape, he'd see me fleeing.

My throat closed as he looked up.

We looked at each other for what felt like too long of a time.

His eyes finally narrowed and he stood up, "Uh hey."

"Hey," I said, using every fibre of my being to sound natural, and I was actually pulling it off.

"Saw your note in the mail this morning," I said. "Llamas, that's cool."

He looked at me for a long moment, as if searching for something in my expression. Whatever it was, he didn't find it. "Yeah, guess you're here to buy one?"

"Yeah," I said, I even mustered an enthusiastic tone. "I love llamas, I'm excited for this!"

"Alright," he said. "If you pay now, I'll bring one to your farm after work."

I nodded and handed him the gold. My fingertip accidentally brushed his palm and my whole hand jerked back. So much for natural.

"Right…" I said in embarrassment.

"Right," he agreed. "Rio,"

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Are you entering the alpaca festival?" He asked.

"Yes! I will be. Why? Is there early registration this time around?" I asked in confusion.

"No," he said. He did not explain himself any further.

"Stop flirtin' on the job!" A man called out behind me.

Neil's eyes darted up about ready to stare beams into whoever the voice belonged to but he calmed as he saw who it was.

I turned around.

A short and very tanned old man came walking up with a strange gait. "Just kiddin', a lot has changed since I've been gone but there's no way our Neil would ever be capable of that."

Neil actually left his spot from behind the cart to meet the man as he approached.

The man pulled Neil into one of those boyish gestures that was something between a head-lock and a hug. Which was a feat given how short the old man was, Neil was brought down to a near 90-degree bow. He seemed almost happy though. "Hey Kosaburo, how was your trip?"

"Amazing, you should have come!" He said.

"I would have lost my job," Neil pointed out.

"Ok," I nodded, "Um, bye."

The man turned to me. "Oh! If it isn't sleeping beauty! So the dead have risen, how are you feeling?"

"H-hi?" I said in confusion.

"I hardly recognized you conscious," he said.

He turned to Neil, "I found this young lady passed out by the river area and had to somehow get her all the way across town to the clinic!"

I turned deep scarlet, I had not wanted Neil to know about my recent... incidences.

The man smiled at me, "Quite the trouble maker, aren't ya? Apparently, you do this a lot." He shook his head in wonder, "Honestly you go off on one international fishing trip and come back to a completely different village! I probably would have walked right by the town if I hadn't run into you!"

"Oh! Um, thank you, by the way. I hadn't said that. I appreciate it," I said.

"I'm Kosaburo, Hana's husband, we co-run the general store," He said.

"I've heard about you," I said.

The man ribbed Neil. "Neil, where are your manners I just told you your customer had a medical emergency this morning! Aren't you going to ask her if she's okay?"

Neil looked at me and I felt a shiver down my spine. "She's not my problem."

The man let out a long sigh, "Sorry missy I was trying to teach my adopted son manners but he must have lost all his lessons while I was away."

"It's fine..." I said. It was good he didn't worry about me... I didn't want him to tear himself apart anymore.

I shook my head, "Anyway, I have to be going..."

As I started to leave the man followed me jovially. "Which way are you headed? I gotta get back to work too, I just wanted to let Neil know I was back."

"The general store," I admitted.

"Great! I'll walk with you!" He said.

Great I thought ruefully.

"Don't mind Neil," he said. "He's a grumpy guts but he's got a heart of gold."

"Yeah, I know..." I said quietly. "He's a great guy."

The man looked at me oddly for a moment. "You're not Rio are you?"

Oh no, he's heard of me. Turns out this actually could get more awkward. "Yeah."

"Well, I won't fault you for anything. First loves are meant to be character building," he said after a moments pause.

I sighed in relief. I had been so nervous to face Hana after the breakup too. Turns out the other people in this village really don't take sides in personal drama. No one has been anything other than sympathetic about the whole thing.

"So I hear you built everything yourself!" He exclaimed.

I smiled a little, finally feeling a little more at ease. "Yeah, Dunhill has me on a series of restoration plans."

"Well now it makes a little more sense why you keep passing out, this is all a lot of work for one person!" He praised. "I missed so much," he sighed, scratching his head. "An entire town built, my other son's magical winter baby?"

I winced and he jumped. "Oh sorry about that, that was insensitive."

"It's fine," I said, we entered the store.

"Oh Kosaburo! You met Rio again!" Said Hana in delight.

"You were right! Quite the little lady!" He said, despite being shorter than me.

"Hey Hana, did the seeds I ordered come in?" I asked.

"Oh yes! Of course! One moment..." she said. "There's quite a lot to pull together sorry, I was distracted by my husband's arrival. I know how you like to be efficient."

I eyed the phone at the far corner of the counter. This was way more awkward than I thought with the two in the room.

"Um, I was wondering... In the meantime, could I make a phone call?" I asked.

"Oh yes of course! Do you mind me asking who you're calling? You've never used to phone before," she asked.

"My mom," I said. "It's been a long time since I'd talked to her."

"Oh Rio, what a sweet girl," Hana smiled.

I lifted the phone and dialled the familiar number.

A small smile crossed my lips as the familiar voice briskly barked, "Hello?"

"Hey mom," I said softly. It was actually really weird making such a personal phone call in the middle of the town general store. Hana and Kosaburo really weren't making attempt to hide that they were listening in. I spoke as lightly as I could.

"Who is this?" The voice asked.

"It's Rio," I said in confusion.

"Oh Rio, Hunny. I wasn't expecting a call from you, what's wrong?"

"Nothing!" I quickly responded. "I just realized I hadn't spoken to you since I moved out…"

"Oh," she said in surprise, "haven't you? I feel like I saw you so recently."

"I left almost a year and a half ago…" I said.

"Oh, oh wow, time flies doesn't it? I've spent half of this last year on a really important merger I haven't had a single second to think about anything else. So what do you need sweetie?" She asked.

"Mom you sound out of breath," I said. "Is this a bad time?"

"No not at all, just powerwalking across Queen street, I have a meeting with a client soon."

"Oh right," I said with a laugh, "cell phones are a thing. We don't have them here I don't think we even have reception."

There was a sound of horror, "In what hell are you living in?"

"It's not so bad," I said. "I don't really need one as a farmer."

"You're a farmer?!" She asked.

"Of course I'm a farmer, I told you, I was moving to Echo Village to work on a farm."

"Oh Hunny, I thought you were joking. I guess you always were good at manual labour though."

I laughed. "Yeah, that's true… I guess I can see how you could think it was a joke. It is kind of funny, but I'm pretty good at it!"

"So what are you calling for?" She asked.

"Um, did you hear about my dad?" I asked guiltily.

"No, what about him?" She asked.

"He got remarried," I said. "Sorry, I thought maybe if you didn't know you'd want to hear it from me… If you wanted to talk about it, I'm here for you."

"Talk about what?" She asked in confusion.

"I feel weird asking but… doesn't it hurt?" I asked. "Or rather, I guess I just wanted to ask you… as my mother..." I felt my face heating up, I wish Hana wasn't sitting a meter away, I slowly slid my back on the counter to hide by sitting in front of the counter. "When does it stop hurting?" I whispered.

"Hunny, I could care less about some weak little man who ran away," she said. "We didn't see eye to eye at all. First he thought I wasn't romantic enough and that I didn't 'spend enough time with my family' then we had you and all he could do was criticize my parenting style. I got full custody just to spite him. Clearly, the judge was on my side!"

"He… had wanted me?" I asked.

"What is bringing this on Rio?"

"I guess I just," again I had to whisper because this is not something I had ever planned to talk about in front of Hana of all people. "Broke up with my boyfriend last season and I'm… not handling it as great as I'd like."

"A season ago?" She asked in shock, "How much free time do you have to still be moaning over a relationship from a season ago? I should have been a farmer! Listen sweetie, go find yourself some other little village boy. You're a pretty girl."

"He was special…" I defended weakly. "The other guys aren't like him."

There was a huge sigh of exasperation on the other end of the phone.

"This doesn't sound like my daughter at all."

"Ah, yeah, I guess you're right. Sorry. I guess I'm wasting your time," I said meekly.

"Is there anything else Rio?"

A weird feeling had been growing in my chest, dark and twisted. I was feeling doubt… and fear. Kind of like what I had felt in the closet when Neil had broken up with me. I didn't quite understand why it was coming to me now. Parts of this conversation weren't going how I'd expected.

"Um, this winter I ended up through some strange circumstances taking care of a baby," I said conversationally.

"UG, babies are the worst! It's bad enough when it's your own, why on Earth would you bother with someone elses?"

"It wasn't so bad…" I said. "And wow mom, I was your baby. Way to make it sound like you didn't like me," I joked.

"Honestly Rio, babies aren't capable of thinking or talking or doing anything by themselves. They are so needy! You were kind of cute but thank the Goddess you grew out of that nonsense."

"She was difficult to take care of sometimes," I admitted. "I felt a little out of my depth most of the time, how did you do it?"

"Babies aren't that hard to take care of," she said dismissively, "Feed it on a schedule, check the diaper a couple of times a day… The annoying part is the noise, once you learn how to tune that out you're good. I got more backwork done on maternity leave than most people in the office get done in a year."

"You mean… you just let me cry?" I asked.

"Rio why do you sound like you're judging me? This is exactly the kind of thing your father was always so upset about. You turned out just fine didn't you?"

"I… I'm not so sure anymore," I was surprised to find myself admit.

"Oh I'm at the building, I'll call you back."

The line went dead.

"You can't call me back…" I said uselessly. "This isn't even my phone…"

I sat there for a good minute just cradling the phone receiver in my hands. My entire life shattered.

She… didn't care about me at all. My dad left because she treated him like I treated Neil.

Poor Neil had been right, love isn't something shown in a minute a day. She just hadn't loved me in the first place.

I got my wish. I was well on the road to becoming just like her.

Come to think about it, my grandmother was just like her too. Divorced, loveless, doesn't even bother speaking to her only family.

Married to our work, incapable of loving anyone who could actually love us back.

It's a good thing Neil and I were forced to do things so far out of order. At least the cycle of the women of my family ruining one and other through the generations was cut here.

We only saw a snippet of the future when Sophie had come. There was a whole life to unfold after that. Neil was going to leave me, I was going to infect Sophie and she was going to grow up to never talk to me. I couldn't stand to see that future for that sweet perfect little girl.

I briefly wished Sophie had never come.

I wished Neil had been an asshole.

I wish they hadn't become my family, because then, maybe I could still remember how to be happy being all alone,

because now, that's exactly what I was. Completely alone. I had been this whole time, I just didn't realize it.

"Oh dearie me," said Hana with a frown. She had hurried around the counter and grasped my shoulder reassuringly. "Would you like a tea Rio? Something warm?"

Kosaburo called out to her from his station, "You better not be thinking about adopting another stray Hana." There was a heaviness in his voice though, as if he had tried to make a joke but was still just a little too shaken up to get the right degree of light-heartedness.

"Are you alright Sweetheart? You look like you're about to cry," said Hana.

If you have the energy to cry, you have the energy to work. That statement was now suddenly a bitter taste at the back of my mouth.

You know what? No. I wasn't like my mom, because I had loved Sophie and I'd never do the things my mom did to me to her. I dropped everything for her when she came.

And I loved Neil. I really, really, really loved Neil.

I stood up and gave a weak smile to Hana. "It's alright," I said, and it was.

Tomorrow, I was going to start fixing the broken pieces of my life and someday, I was going to be someone who could be everything Neil had deserved, and everything I had deserved.

I hung up the phone.

But today, I was going to finally take someone else's advice and nurse my wounds.

"Hana?" I asked.

"Yes?"

"Could I also buy some ice cream?"

This is taking a tangent. Y'all really should ignore my author's notes. I don't know what going on either.