Welp, I just wanted to get this out of my system because I'm stressed out and I wanted—needed to complete this because I can't focus with my studies which I should really be focusing on right now.

Because next month is our board exam bahahahah *Crying in the inside*

PRAY FOR ME!

Oh yeah, this is my first fic for Tsubasa. I just thought Syaoran really needs comfort because he had been through a lot and the guilt he carries asvvdvhjvhjsfh

So yes… enjoy anyway!

Summary: He was a stranger to them. He may wear the same face as their previous companion, but he was a nobody to them. They don't know anything about him… about the fear he feels when he remembers his imprisonment… the guilt he feels for the distortion he created… the hurt for losing everything and never belonging anywhere. But that shouldn't matter. This was the price he has to pay after all.

Happens during the Infinity Arc!

I'm Fine

He remembered being suspended with nothing but the cold liquid and darkness as his company. For years he was trapped and he knew he was all on his own in this.

He was so alone…

So alone…

He ignored the way Fai tensed when he would walk by… or the way Kurogane would watch him when he thought he wasn't looking… or the way the Princess would rush for her room, despite her leg. It was alright. He deserved this.

He was fine.

When they have to wait for the next Chess battle and try to rest up as much as they can, the tense atmosphere would be there. But he did not let that hinder him… he would make a small bow when he bumped into Fai—he would smile at Kurogane as the man grunt at him after greeting him—and he would look down the ground as the Princess would suddenly come out of her room.

He knew he should be more worried about her, especially since… he shook his head as he knew it wasn't his place.

He lost that right after that incident...

But he knew something wasn't right… and had a feeling that the Princess was planning something—that she was hiding something.

So all he could do was silently worry and lay in bed at night… wondering and wondering… his eyebrows drawn together and his mouth pulled into a frown… before finally being pulled into another restless sleep.

Everything was dark…

No one was coming for him…

He had to escape this alone… and he had no choice but wait for that right time…

His limbs were stiff and heavy…

Every day he struggled to break the seal… but he wasn't powerful enough.

However, this was his price.

Though he seemed to be in a peaceful slumber, in the inside he screamed in frustration and anger… and fear…

Syaoran was startled awake, his heart pounding hard against his chest. He shivered despite the warm rays of the sun that trickled through his windows. His limbs ache and for a moment everything felt like he was in that water prison all over again as he shut his eyes tightly.

Alone… isolated…

Waiting—

A knock to the door snapped him from his confusion, and he knew that was Kurogane… letting him know it was time for breakfast.

He let out a shaky breath and placed a quivering hand over his left eye. He took a deep breath to keep himself calm. All those negative feelings pushed at the back of his mind as he tried to think of the present.

He was fine.

He didn't realize he was playing with his food until Mokona perked up and scolded him lightly. He smiled and apologized eating the piece of pancake he had been pushing around his plate, all the while trying to pretend that he couldn't sense the stares of the others.

"The next battle is scheduled three days from now." Fai spoke up as he ate his pancake.

"Hn. So soon." Kurogane commented, which was a little surprising, knowing that the ninja enjoyed the battles. True, it usually took about two weeks before another battle would be announced… but sudden ones are to be expected.

Then he noticed those crimson eyes directed at him, and he realized the man was staring at the bandages, slightly obscured by the collar of his shirt. He unconsciously pulled the fabric over the bandages as he remembered being sliced right over his shoulder by their recent enemy.

His mouth twitch into a small smile, "I'm fine, Kurogane-san."

Then he watched those eyes sharpened and before he knew it, the man had stood up and grabbed his plate in a rather harsh manner, before heading for the kitchen. He tensed as he heard the loud clatter of the dishes and the ninja left the place before he could say anything.

Though he wasn't sure what he was supposed to say.

Did he do something wrong?

Then he noticed Sakura had been staring at him with a somber look before looking down her plate. Fai just smiled that hollow smile before he resumed eating as well. He tried to push that heavy feeling away once more as he calmly picked up his own plate filled with unfinished pancakes and deposited them to the sink.

He ignored the soft murmurs between the two as he shut the door behind him and leaned back with a soft thump.

He was fine.

He remembered Fei Wong's cruel words as they faced the witch and Watanuki. How much suffering and distortion he had cause because of a foolish wish. He had greatly sinned… and although he had paid the price with time and freedom… what he had done to those lives…

He had gambled…. And he had lost…

Now, he caused everyone around him nothing but pain.

Ignoring his own pain that spiked his shoulder, he swung the blade with precision, cutting off the dummy he had made. He let out a sigh and swung again, remembering Kurogane's advices and training. Then he paused as he remembered it wasn't him—but the clone.

His grip tightened without him realizing before shaking his head. He needed to fight. This was not the time to start comparing. It was never him that had been through those adventures with them… that is why it is understandable why there was this wall that stood between them.

He saw and experienced everything… but it was different since it wasn't him at that time.

"You're not focusing."

He stiffened as he realized he had just let his guard down. He turned, surprised to see Kurogane standing from afar, his arms crossed while looking grumpy (as Fai would usually love to point out)… but those crimson eyes were hard to read as usual.

"Kurogane-san…" He made a small bow, "I'm sorry… did I disturb you?"

He had been training just outside the apartment as soon as the sun started rising, finding himself unable to go back to sleep as he remembered those bindings and prison and—

"The mage wanted me to buy some things." He grunted and he tilted his head to the direction of the towns, and Syaoran immediately nodded his head with a smile. He followed the ninja without asking, using his magic to store the sword as he tried to catch up with the other.

This had been one of his favorite routines. Once or twice a week, Kurogane would be told by the mage to buy some supplies and Syaoran would often tag along, hoping to be of some help. Though there wasn't much talking as they buy stuff, Syaoran was content that at least there was no tense or suffocating atmosphere between them. Though he had to admit, he enjoyed it more when Mokona would be around.

And as if hearing his thoughts, the white being popped out of the ninja's collar, "Good morning, Syaoran!"

"Good morning!" He greeted with as much enthusiasm as Mokona hopped into his awaiting arms.

He always enjoyed their company. Because with them… he didn't have to feel so guarded.

"Did you have breakfast?" Kurogane asked as they stopped in front of a bakery and Syaoran just smiled, "I can wait later when we get back."

"Mokona wants chocolate tarts and doughnuts!" Mokona exclaimed from Syaoran's arms.

"Nobody asked you!" Kurogane growled out as he pointed at the doughnuts while the slightly scared baker rushed to grab a paper bag, much to Syaoran's amusement.

"Mou! Kuro-pyon is always so mean to Mokona!" Mokona faked cry, "Maybe if Mokona used Syaoran's voice~"

"Shut up or you'll be today's breakfast menu!"

"Waah! Save me Syaoran!" The white being bounced towards the brunet's shoulder, causing him to flinch as Mokona hit his injury. He immediately tried to hide it with a smile, "You won't be eaten, Mokona. It'll be alright."

He ignored the way Kurogane's eyes narrowed at him and just kept smiling.

This was fine.

The small paper bag shoved into his arms surprised him, causing another spike of pain from his injury.

"Don't push yourself." Kurogane grumbled as he started walking away, "And eat that, the mage's list is long. You're gonna need the energy."

Syaoran looked down the bag of doughnuts, hesitating, before following the ninja immediately. He stopped next to the taller man, and took out a doughnut. He bit on it and tried to keep his eyes from burning as he felt the pang of happiness and yet sadness as he enjoyed the sweet pastry.

"Thank you, Kurogane-san."

"Hn."

"Yay! Doughnuts!" Mokona exclaimed, grabbing almost all the doughnuts and without hesitation devoured them.

"Oi! Don't finish them all!"

"But Mokona's hungry!"

And the bickering was back causing Syaoran to chuckle in amusement. Then suddenly, Mokona was back in his arms, looking up at him in worry, "Mokona left Syaoran some doughnuts, because Syaoran didn't eat dinner last night."

"Oh." He remembered seeing the small smile on the Princess' face last night, as the mage and Mokona were busy making funny gestures and jokes while Kurogane growled and yelled at them to stop playing with their food. His heart ached at seeing such a familiar scene—and before he knew it—he had shut the door to his room before they could notice his presence.

They deserved that moment of peace.

"I got tired of yesterday's training and accidentally slept through dinner." Syaoran lied.

"And yet it looks like you haven't been sleeping at all." Kurogane suddenly spoke up.

He tried not to look back at those eyes that were definitely boring through him.

He struggled as he watched the creation of his clone, the magic keeping him trapped… stiff…

And suddenly red symbols spread over his arms and it was as if he was paralyzed. He had to do something! He couldn't help but stare at those dull brown eyes and an idea sprouted from his desperation as he forced his hand to rip his left eye out and slam it through the mirror towards his clone.

A gamble was made… and for once—he hoped he would win.

Then he started feeling weak…

The runes now surrounding him formed his new prison and everything went black.

"I'm sorry." The words were out before he could even think about it as he smiled at Mokona then at Kurogane who suddenly looked pissed, "I'll try not to skip dinner next time."

"Stop that." Kurogane growled, causing him to stiffen, "It doesn't suit you at all."

He tried not to think about those words too hard as the smile immediately fell from his face. He ignored the turmoil he felt as he wondered if he destroyed whatever bond he and Kurogane had left for lying—or for reminding him too much of the clone that had betrayed them for smiling in such manner.

They continued their task in silence and he hadn't realized he had gripped Mokona a little too hard as he noticed that the atmosphere was now tense around them. The white bun looked up at him in worry. Without thinking about it, he smiled once more and ignored how the other glared at him.

"I'm fine."

"What were you thinking?"

Syaoran kept his head bowed as he clenched his fists at his sides. The words spoken sounded calm, but he could practically feel the malicious aura pouring from the mage. He deserved the hate and anger. Heck he was just waiting for a blow… he deserved it after all…

For almost getting Kurogane killed.

He had gotten distracted when his opponent had used a strange blade that for some reason made his right arm grew heavy as soon as he received a small scratch by the forearm. It wasn't enough to incapacitate him… however he was soon reminded of Fei Wong's magic trying to hold him back… making his limbs feel just as heavy as fear, anger and panic clouded his mind.

And his fatigue, addled mind had suddenly pulled him into an illusion of being back in that prison—and he panicked.

He was snapped out when he heard a horrified gasp and a yell from his friends as he looked up in time to see Kurogane appear in front of him. The ninja was too uncoordinated as he was slashed across the chest unable to block the blade— all because he had let his guard down.

Syaoran had managed to deliver the finishing blow and their team won… but when Kurogane collapsed they knew something was wrong.

And now here they were, waiting for the healers to fix their friend… Fai had cornered him as Sakura left to get some drinks along with Mokona. He had expected this… and didn't dare look up at his glowing eye. He never did… not when he will be reminded of what his clone had done.

"Look at me." The mage said.

He couldn't.

He could only shut his eyes tightly and bow deeply, "I'm sorry."

And there was silence. It remained that way for about a whole minute and Syaoran's right arm was trembling, still feeling unusually heavy as he kept both arms by his sides. Then finally, the other spoke.

"No."

His eyes snapped open just as Fai walked away. It was like his breath was knocked out of him and something ached and hurt—

Slowly, he stood straight and kept his eyes on the ground. He then looked up and was surprised to see Sakura… the Princess… looking hesitant while cradling a sleeping Mokona. She took a step forward towards him before stopping, as if realizing what she was about to do, then turned to the direction Fai left.

"Princess…"

Her emerald eyes flashed in pain and he knew she was remembering him. She shook her head and muttered, "I'm sorry."

With one last glance directed at him, she left… limping after the mage as fast as her crippled leg would let her.

Syaoran shut his eyes as he wrapped his arms over his torso and leaned back. He wanted to go check on the ninja, but he knew he had no right to even step one foot in his room. Fai would probably stab him if he even dared show up.

"Excuse me?" A healer made him look up, "You must be one of the fighters in the recent Chess game. Would you like me to check you for injuries?"

He was shaking his head even as the other spoke, clutching his forearm where the scratch was, "No… I'm fine."

After that incident, Syaoran had kept his distance. Fortunately, Kurogane had made a full recovery… though he would never know what happened and what injuries the other had sustained that had caused him to collapse like that.

Kurogane was probably the strongest person he knew, so he couldn't help but wonder.

Syaoran had been in the middle of reading a book… his right arm slung over his stomach, still feeling stiff and heavy, making him wonder if a nerve had been hit from the scratch when a knock interrupted him.

He hastily answered the door and saw Kurogane glaring down at him, his attention automatically landed on the bandages hidden behind his shirt, "Yes?"

"It's time for dinner."

His mouth twitched into one of those smiles but immediately stopped as he answered, "I'm not hungry… but thank you for—"

"Cut the crap!" And the other had grabbed his arm and dragged him out of his room.

He immediately leaned back on his heels trying to resist, "Kurogane-san—please—"

There must've been something in his tone, because the man had stopped pulling his arm and had turned at him with an unreadable expression. He couldn't look at him in the eye, letting his bangs shadow his own.

"I promise… I will eat." His hand unconsciously held the stiff arm, "Just… not now."

Kurogane turned to face him, "Something happened if you're shutting yourself out like this."

"No. Please don't misunderstand."

Then the ninja was growling, "I don't think I will understand anything if you don't speak up, kid."

"I'm sorry—"

"Shut up!" And his arm was yanked harshly and he shrunk back in reflex.

The grip was suddenly gone just as he felt something trickle down from his face. His eyes widened as he realized tears were pouring out of his eyes and something heavy and cold seemed to settle over his heart. He hadn't even realize—

"Kid…"

"I-I'm—" He quickly cut off the impending apology and hastily wiped his eyes, "It seems I'm more tired than I thought. I'll just—"

The hand on his head cuts him off, making him tense up.

"You didn't do anything wrong…" The grip was warm and gentle and he let himself relax, "Got that?"

Not trusting his voice, he nodded.

Later that night, as he tried to sleep, he could hear the muffled voices of Kurogane and Fai. And it sounded like they were arguing.

And he knew it was because of him.

He shut his eyes, trying to block the noise out.

This was fine. He was fine.

Lately, he had been feeling more tired and easily fatigued. Not to mention clumsier. After Kurogane had managed to force him to join breakfast, he kept dropping his spoon. He felt a little embarrassed at the questioning gazes and gave up when he only managed to consume half his cereal.

Everyone was almost finished and here he was still trying to keep a firm grip of his spoon.

Then, during practice, he had almost impaled Kurogane when his sword slipped from his grasp. To say the ninja wasn't happy was an understatement.

And during one of their errands, Syaoran wasn't able to grab the bag of eggs handed to him, thus leaving them to clean up the splattered yolks and shattered egg shells.

"What the heck is wrong with you?" Kurogane growled out one night, deciding that was the last straw, as he accidentally dropped the plate he was about to clean by the sink.

Syaoran was immediately on his knees, trying to pick the pieces up. He heard the princess say the ninja's name softly before suddenly appearing next to Syaoran, helping him pick up the pieces.

"Becareful, Sakura-chan." Fai spoke up as he left to probably get a broom.

"Princess… it's fine." He tried saying then he caught the worried look of the other.

And for a moment he felt something akin to happiness—before immediately squashing the emotion down. He didn't deserve her concern… not after everything he had done.

She suddenly winced, and he immediately looked down to see one of the piece had nicked her hand. Blood immediately welled up and before he could do anything, Kurogane was by her side, pressing a cloth on her hand.

"Go to Fai." Kurogane carefully helped her out, "Let him treat that wound."

"It's fine—"

"Please, Princess." He then spoke up, making her turn at him in surprise.

"I'll help the kid. Just go."

Reluctantly, she nodded and left. But not before casting one last worried gaze at him. As Kurogane crouched next to him, the ninja was staring at his arm that was merely bent on his knee as he continued picking the shards with just one hand.

"Something wrong with your arm?"

"It… it just fell asleep." He hated lying. But telling the ninja he was fine would probably trigger another pissed reaction. If he were honest though, his arm had been bothering him lately and it became alarming when it started feeling like a dead weight rather than a limb.

He watched the disbelief cross the taller man's face before standing up to deposit the pieces to the trash, "You're not getting enough sleep."

He slowly stood up, trying to keep his attention on the shards in his hand, not wanting them to fall on the floor once more.

"You're going to have to rest or you won't be able to participate for the next match."

Fortunately he had managed to throw away the pieces as he spun around to protest, when the world tilted for a moment. He grabbed the counter and immediately felt hands on his shoulders, steadying him.

"See what I mean, kid?"

He shut his eyes tightly, willing the world to stop moving, "I can fight."

"You'll just end up dead."

"I'm fine!"

Then the hands on his shoulders tightened, "No! You're not!"

He flinched at the loud voice and looked up at the other, trying to keep a determined face. He didn't want to back down. He needed to do this. He needed to fight.

His sin would just keep devouring him if he dared back down. Everything that was happening up to that point was all his fault. All because of that wish. He had to correct it.

"What are you trying to prove?" Kurogane growled out, "Trying to look tough when you can barely stand—it's pathetic!"

He jolted a bit from the insult but tried not to let it get to him. He deserved it. Every pain, insult, mistrust—this was his punishment.

"Unless you want to pull this team down, you'll need to step back, Syaoran-kun."

He turned to see Fai standing by the dinner table, the broom in his hand. He was smiling that hollow smile, "Or you could tell us what you dream at night that's been keeping you awake."

"That's—"

"You have yet to tell us anything. We don't know anything about you at all." Fai continued, "So do tell what's been haunting you. It may at least give us a clue of what kind of person you are."

"You don't trust me." The words were out of his mouth before he could think about it. He watched as that single golden eye widened for a moment before narrowing into a glare.

"No… we don't."

"Oi Mage—"

"The clone…" Everyone tensed at that and Syaoran caught a flicker of movement from afar… and he knew Sakura was there, trying to listen, "He was created with the sole purpose to merely gather the Princess' feather."

He lifted a hand to his chest and shut his eyes in resignation, "I gave him my heart hoping he would be able to have one of his own before the seal would break."

Kurogane frowned, "You already told us this before."

"That's right." He pushed the ninja's hand from his shoulder, "And I had hoped that you would've understood by then."

Syaoran gripped his limped arm once more, "Every victories, every loss, every battle… I saw everything…" He hunched his shoulders, "And every emotion… every response the clone created… it was also from my heart."

There was a moment of silence.

"I had hoped that enough was clue of what kind of person I am." Syaoran slowly shook his head, a sad smile forming on his face, "I am sorry for misunderstanding."

"Kid—"

He bowed at Kurogane's direction then at Fai's, "I shall head to bed to rest… so I can keep my position as a fighter for the next chess match."

And without waiting for a response he rushed for his room. Trying to keep the sluggish feeling at bay to keep him from collapsing. The last thing he wanted was to prove Kurogane right about his inability to battle with them.

"Syaoran-kun…"

His hand froze on the door knob and he turned to see Sakura, standing not too far. He watched as those green eyes stare at him in sadness… with the usual pain and hesitance.

He could only smile at her in response, "Rest well, Princess. Good night."

She had held out a hand to stop him, but he quickly entered his chambers and shut the door behind him before he could change his mind. He didn't want to cause her anymore pain. Even… even if she wasn't her.

TBC…

Soooo, what do you guys think? I'm a little not well-informed with this fandom but oh well! It's fanfiction! Anything is possible! And maybe in the future I'll edit this once I actually have the time!

REVIEW/COMMENTS ARE HIGHLY APPRECIATED!