After August

Our Fear (Chapter 1 of 10)

Sora and Yamato walked in silence, moving from Odaiba Kaihin Koen to the apartment complex where Koushiro lived. Although their adventures in the Digital World had spanned months, only a few days had passed on Earth. It seemed impossible, but it was still summer break, and the heat was oppressive. The ambient moisture was so great that passing through it felt almost like swimming.

The sun hung high and lidless in the sky, burning against a pale blue background dotted with sluggish clouds. Despite the weather, children ran along the sidewalks, calling to one another. In the distance, sunbathing bodies lined the strip of sand between the many buildings of Odaiba and Tokyo Bay. The statue of liberty replica stood tall, a dark silhouette in front of the Rainbow Bridge. Sora had lived here for years, but these landmarks were so foreign and strange now. Frowning, she looked down, needing the comfort of Piyomon's sparkling eyes and constant smile.

There was nothing there but cement and her sneakers.

For a moment, Sora felt nothing but bemused shock. Then the pain came, rushing out from her heart, like poison borne in her blood. She and Piyomon had said farewell four days ago, and still, Sora expected her partner to be by her side. Being without her was like the sudden loss of a limb, complete with phantom pains that she couldn't articulate.

Sora swallowed hard, fighting the urge to cry. At night, she usually couldn't help it; sleeping alone was desolate after cuddling with Piyomon for so long. Still, Sora knew that Piyomon wanted her to live well, so she tried to be brave. If she forced enough smiles, maybe they would become authentic.

"Sora," Yamato said, and she looked up, drawn to her name. Sapphire eyes met hers, as multifaceted as an actual gemstone. The shine that lit them on his good days was gone, leaving them complex and stormy.

Yamato tsked, sighed, then looked away. "I keep doing it, too. I've been waiting for Gabumon to say something about how he can smell Tokyo Bay, or how it's too hot. And then…"

The sentence trailed off, and Yamato shoved his hands in his pockets, scowling at the sidewalk. Sora's fake smile wavered, then crumbled. "Then you remember," she whispered. Yamato nodded, but said nothing. Suddenly, the air was heavier and harder to breathe than ever.

Sora wiped her eyes, no longer caring about hiding her tears. "It's good to remember. It's good to think of them." This time, when Yamato offered no response, she joined in the silence.

It was good to remember, but that didn't make it easy.

xxx

Sora knocked on the Izumi's front door. Kae, Koushiro's mother, answered. "Ah, Sora-chan, welcome! And… Yamato-kun, right?"

Since Sora and Koushiro were once in a soccer club with Taichi, Kae recognized her, but Yamato was a newer addition to Koushiro's life. From Kae's perspective, her son had only known him for a few days, although in reality- Koushiro's reality, at least- they had spent months traveling together. Sora's mind reeled. Keeping track of two worlds with different timelines was enough to drive anyone nuts.

After Yamato confirmed, Kae said, "I'm so glad you visited. It can be hard to tell with Koushiro, but… He seems down, and he's been working so much on his computer. I've asked him to rest, but could you please tell him, too? The message might be stronger coming from more people."

Sora bent, hiding her worried eyes under the guise of removing her shoes. "We'll tell him."

"Thank you. His room is down the hall. I'll make you some snacks."

Yamato twitched, and the sadness building within Sora amplified. Although she couldn't see his face, his tense voice betrayed his feelings. "T-that's okay. You don't need to-"

"It's no trouble," Kae replied, cutting him off. "Please, come visit any time." Perhaps Kae sensed that Yamato was flustered, because she retreated into the cool, quiet apartment, giving them space.

When she was out of sight, Sora whispered, "Izumi-san is nice. She always offers snacks to Koushiro-kun's friends." Yamato's only response was a distracted scowl. Sora wished she knew how to comfort him, but what could she do? Given Yamato's family situation, receiving such kind attention from a friend's mother was a reminder of what he didn't have.

Yamato led the way down the hall, ignoring the tidy living room and hurrying past the kitchen, where Kae was working. He paused before a door bearing a blue sign with Koushiro's name and knocked. "Come in," Koushiro called, so he opened the door.

Although it was a bright summer day, Koushiro's bedroom was dim. Blinds covered the window above his desk, where he worked on his desktop computer with his laptop open at his elbow. A twin bed with a blue comforter was next to the desk, with a bulletin board above the headboard. Book shelves stuffed with massive texts on math, science, and computers lined the opposite wall. A neat stack of papers waited on the empty side of the desk, stationed next to a framed photograph.

Sora's heart skipped a beat. Although the photo was her reason for visiting, she suddenly couldn't bring herself to look at it. Instead, she focused on Koushiro, who still hadn't looked away from his monitor.

Yamato stood over Koushiro and peered at his face. "How long have you been working? You've got bags under your eyes. It's summer break. Rest."

Koushiro rotated his desk chair until he faced them. "I'm fine. I have your prints." The slightest hint of annoyance colored his voice, and Sora smiled. That tone was usually reserved for Taichi, someone Koushiro was willing to reduce his consummate politeness around, if only a little. It was nice to see him open up more with the others.

Yamato opened his mouth to argue, but Sora reached for the photos, cutting him off. "Thank you for printing them and sending us the files." Her voice sounded normal, but her hands shook as she picked up two copies of the group photograph the Chosen took with the digimon just before returning home.

"It's no trouble," Koushiro said, and Sora smiled when she recognized the phrasing, and even his way of speaking it, from his mother. "Honestly, my motives might be selfish."

Sora handed a copy off to Yamato and tipped her head. "How's that?"

His forehead indented with what she thought of as 'Koushiro's thinking lines.' "It's grounding," he said at last. "Seeing the Chosen in my normal environment after… everything."

Yamato released a breath in a long sigh. "I think I know what you mean. Takeru keeps calling me, normally to ask if I remember this or that happening in the Digital World."

The furrows on Koushiro's brow deepened with concern. "What do you mean? Is he already forgetting things?"

"No, it's… It's hard to describe, but I think he's trying to confirm that everything… actually happened."

Sora's hand rose to her heart, rubbing at its sudden ache. "Oh, Yamato. Do you think he could spend a few days with you? It is summer break."

Yamato stepped back, and in an instant, a wall seemed to form between him and the others. "I'll ask. I don't know if mom will let him."

"Oh," Sora murmured. What else was there to say? Desperate to change the subject, she turned to Koushiro and asked, "How's Eimi-chan?"

Koushiro looked from Yamato to Sora, likely trying and failing to follow the conversation's emotional undercurrents. "Er- It can be hard to tell." He paused, and his glance slid down as his shoulders slumped. "The damage to her hands was heavy, but she's expected to make a full recovery with physical therapy. There will likely be some scarring, however."

Sora wanted to respond, but her head was heavy and foggy. Her heart searched so desperately for the digimon, but all she found was pain, both for herself and her comrades. She wouldn't trade her time as a Chosen for anything, and yet… In her worst moments, with everyone's suffering beating around her, she couldn't help but wonder if the damage was too great to bear.

"Damn it." Yamato rubbed his face with his palms. "Keep an eye on her. Call someone if you're in over your head with her."

Koushiro probably tried his best- that was in his nature- but his smile was stiff. "I usually am. Frankly, I'm concerned about her. She fell apart when she saw the photograph, and Mimi-san did the same when she came for her copy." He blinked up at them, and for the first time, Sora truly saw the fatigue clouding his eyes, which were usually so alert and sharp. Yamato's dull gaze, Koushiro's exhaustion… She couldn't help wondering how her pain manifested, how others could see it on her.

"Mimi-chan has been struggling so much," Sora said, turning her thoughts back to her friends. "She's called me almost every day since then. She's so upfront about how she's feeling, but… I haven't heard much from the others."

Yamato took a seat on Koushiro's bed, frowning at the floor. "It's not an easy thing to talk about."

"That's true," Sora allowed, "but… I don't know. I was thinking… Maybe we should all get together? Kind of like a support group."

A long pause followed, and Sora glanced at the boys, trying to gauge their reaction. Yamato's body language was tense and closed off, with his arms crossed and his eyes directed anywhere but at the others. Koushiro met her gaze, but appeared politely hesitant. "That might be a good idea," he said. "I can't help but worry about Taichi-san. I haven't heard from him since that day. Hikari-san picked up their copies, and when I inquired after the both of them, she seemed… worried."

Yamato's head rose at last. "Yeah? I haven't heard from Taichi, either."

"I asked him if he wanted to pick up his copy today, but he said he already had it," Sora said with a frown. "Other than that, nothing. I assumed that someone would have heard from him."

Yamato tsked. "He shouldn't make us worry. Speaking of, has anyone heard from Jyou?"

"He stopped by for his copy," Koushiro said. "He didn't say much, but I gather that he's been studying."

Yamato slapped his forehead. "Of course. Studying during summer break, after everything that happened…"

"We do still have homework to finish," Sora pointed out. "But hopefully he isn't overdoing it. You shouldn't either, Koushiro-kun. Make sure you get enough sleep."

"What are you working on?" Something in Yamato's tone drew Sora's attention, and she glanced at him. The focus in his eyes slammed her into high alert, and she turned to Koushiro, hoping he could handle whatever Yamato was about to dish. "I don't see what could be pressing enough to lose sleep over right now."

Koushiro's hand twitched towards his digivice, resting on a tray near his bedside on the desk. There was an odd fluttering in her heart. Was Koushiro's work related to the Digital World?

"I enjoy working," Koushiro said at last. "And right now, focusing on something is a welcome distraction."

Yamato's brow rose skeptically. "Hmm. Well, you still need to eat and drink and go outside." Sora wanted to agree, but she felt too heavy to speak. She knew it wasn't fair to pin her hopes of seeing the digimon again on Koushiro, but when she saw him working so feverishly, the thought that he might have a solution materialized on its own.

"That's true," Koushiro allowed. His typical polite expression was restored, masking his thoughts. "Perhaps that group meeting would help. Do either of you have any ideas for arranging it?"

Sora hesitated. Although she suspected that getting together would benefit everyone, the thought of organizing it was oddly daunting. And she couldn't explain her rising anxiety, causing distress signals that made her scan the room for threats. Belatedly, she wondered how long she would associate all forms of discomfort with potential danger.

Yamato slumped forward until his forearms hit his knees. "I don't know… Seeing everyone together without the digimon… Don't you think that would hurt?"

Sora swallowed the wrong way and fought the spastic urge to cough. By the time the fit passed, her eyes were watering. What would it be like to see everyone united without their partners? A few days ago, they were the Chosen. Now they were just a bunch of bereft, displaced kids.

"Perhaps we should ask Taichi-san what he thinks." Gratitude rushed through Sora. How like Koushiro to defer to Taichi, to turn to him for guidance, even now.

Maybe we are still a team. "Alright. I'll visit and ask him tomorrow."

Yamato stood, and Sora guessed that he had hit his emotional limit for the day. "Thanks for the picture," he said, hinting at his desire to leave.

"Thank you," Sora echoed. "And remember to rest. Don't make your mom worry."

Koushiro twitched. "Ah- Did she say something?"

Yamato tsked, and Sora couldn't suppress a smile. "Yes. So take it easy."

"…Alright. Would you like me to walk you out?"

Had Koushiro picked up on their intention to leave, or did he want some space, too? "We're fine," Sora replied. "See you later, Koushiro-kun."

They said their goodbyes, but didn't get far before Kae pressed thick slices of watermelon into their hands. They tried to politely decline, but when Sora stepped back into the heat outside, she was grateful for the cool, refreshing treat.

After enjoying the first sweet bite, Sora said, "Would you like to go anywhere else?"

Yamato shook his head. "Nah. I should probably cool off." Sora knew without asking that he wasn't referring to the heat.

"Alright," she replied. "Are you heading back home? Want to walk together?"

He nodded, and they fell into stride together, silent save for the munching.

xxx

The bedroom was dark, curtains blocking the summer sun. Taichi lay on the top bunk, staring at the ceiling. He tossed a soccer ball at slow intervals, watching the short rise and fall. He had no idea how long he had been awake; the only indication of passing time was his stomach. It was grumbling, angry growls that seemed so loud in the quiet room. Although the pain of hunger had propelled him forward in search of food in the Digital World, he couldn't bring himself to walk to the kitchen to sate it now.

Besides, the gurgling reminded him of Agumon when he was hungry, which was always.

Taichi grunted and rolled over, as if to move away from that unwanted thought. A clink sounded as he knocked into the framed photograph beside him. Gasping, he shot upright, grabbing the photo.

Agumon grinned at him from the image, surrounded by the Chosen, their partners, and some digimon friends. Taichi swallowed hard. Part of him wanted to place the photo out of sight. Another wanted to print it onto his eyelids, or at least scan it into his brain.

The bedroom door opened, and Taichi lurched into a sitting position, scowling over the edge of his bed. His mother, Yuuko, gave him a smile that quickly soured. "Sora-chan came to visit. Are you still wearing pajamas?"

Taichi shrugged. The cotton tee shirt and shorts that he slept in wouldn't have embarrassed him to start with. And after living with the Chosen for months, being caught in his night clothes wasn't a blip on the awkward radar.

The bridge of Yuuko's nose scrunched as she sniffed. "You should clean your room, or at least air it out. Why are you sitting in the dark?"

"You said Sora's here?" Taichi asked. Yuuko tsked, but stepped back, clearing the doorway. A moment later, Sora appeared, wearing an expression far too similar to his mother's for comfort.

She stepped into the room and pushed the door, not quite shutting it. "It's almost one. Haven't you gotten up yet?"

"I am up." He scowled, making no move to climb down the ladder. Sora approached the bed, head bent back to see him. Her eyes narrowed as the examination stretched on. Normally, that would have made Taichi nervous. Right now, a blank stare was as much interest as he could muster.

"How are you?" she asked.

Again, Taichi shrugged. "Okay, I guess. You?"

Sora paused and began toying with her hair, a sure sign that she was agitated. Taichi waited, resigned to a conversation that he lacked energy to avoid or engage in.

"It's... been hard," Sora said at last. "But I'm trying to keep my head up."

Taichi had an inexplicable urge to snort. He resisted, but an odd feeling of defiance lingered. He nodded, neither knowing nor caring what a head bob meant in this situation.

Sora crossed her arms. "I saw Yamato and Koushiro-kun the other day. They both said they haven't heard from you since... then."

Taichi fell onto his mattress with a grunt. All at once, memories flooded through the fragile control that kept them dammed. And there the kids were, waving through trolley windows as the Digital World rushed away. There they were, sitting in shocked silence until Jyou began to babble and Mimi and Takeru began to cry.

His chest rose and fell with shallow breaths. The bed frame creaked as Sora stepped onto the bottom rung of the ladder. "We're worried," she said as her head popped into view. "Are you okay?"

Taichi turned away and inched back, although there wasn't room to retreat on the top bunk. "I'm fine. It's been a long time since I had a bed and AC and privacy."

Although he wasn't looking, Taichi knew Sora well enough to see her lips thinning into a firm line. "It's been hard on all of us. It's okay to admit that."

His eyes flicked about, as if in search of an escape plan written on his bedroom wall. Instead, they found the framed photo, still clenched in his hand. Taichi tossed it aside, more embarrassed by being caught clinging to it than by being discovered holed up in his room like a hermit.

"Look," Sora sighed. "I haven't seen everyone since then, but after talking to Yamato and Koushiro-kun... It sounds like we could all use some support. I was thinking we could arrange a get-together."

Those churning emotions bubbled over at last, and Taichi jerked upright. "What's the point of meeting up? It's over."

Sora landed on the floor with a thud, causing a mixture of relief over having successfully gotten rid of her and guilt over his bratty behavior. Those thoughts vanished as she threw open the curtains, filling the room with light. There was a sliding sound as she tugged on the balcony doors, pulling them open.

"Wha- Sora, the AC's on," Taichi protested. Sora arched a brow, then marched across the room. The AC unit was mounted on the wall above the long desk he shared with Hikari. Sora grabbed the remote and turned it off.

"The point is to support each other," she snapped, slamming the remote down. "We're all feeling the same pain. Right now, we're the only ones who can understand that. On the day we returned, you said yourself that we need to reach out."

Taichi's back hit the wall, and he slunk against it, propping himself up. He remembered the quick speech he delivered to the Chosen before they split up to their homes, before the trolley that delivered them mysteriously vanished. But back then, Agumon was so fresh in his mind, burned in his eyes and ears. Just a few days later, Taichi struggled to remember exactly what his partner sounded like.

To see the Chosen without their digimon... Taichi couldn't articulate why, but the thought turned his stomach.

"You're worried about me," Taichi muttered. "I get it. But I'm fine."

"This isn't just about you," Sora replied. "But since we're on the subject... Don't you have soccer practice soon? You were excused during camp, but the soccer club meets over summer break, right?"

"What do you care?! You already quit soccer club!"

Sora's eyes widened. After a heartbeat of anger, Taichi knew he had misstepped. She fixed him with a hard stare, then moved towards the door.

"I know you're hurting. I am, too. I came here to try to help... But I won't let you be a jerk to me."

She pulled the door open, then paused. "Call me if you want to talk about the get-together... and you can be nice about it."

The door clicked shut. Cursing, Taichi fell forward, cradling his face in his hands. Oil spread over his palms, and he recoiled. His skin was slick; had he forgotten to bathe last night?

Groaning, Taichi dragged himself to the ladder and slid down. The outside heat had already sucked up his chilled air, and he meant to reestablish his dim, controlled environment.

The sound of running feet and young, happy voices reached him, floating from another balcony, or perhaps the outdoor walkways connecting the apartments. Taichi paused and squinted into the sunlight, half hoping for a glimpse of playing children, but his eyes were slow to adjust.

Bit by bit, his over-saturated vision cleared. Odaiba stretched out before him, a cluster of apartment mansions dotted with busy streets, stores, and amusements. The Daikanransha slowly turned in the distance, with Tokyo Bay glittering beyond it.

Taichi closed his eyes, shutting out the familiar scenery. A lush, colorful jungle materialized in his mind, brimming with alien flora. The buzzing of insects and the cries of strange birds filled his ears. An odd, raspy voice called his name, giddy with enthusiasm.

Taichi slammed the balcony door, covered it with curtains, turned the AC on, and scrambled back onto his bed. He grabbed the photo and stared at Agumon, blocking out everything else.

Pressure built in his eyes and chest, threatening to explode outward. Taichi sniffled, then rubbed his eyes, willing them to remain dry.

What was the point of meeting with the others? It wouldn't bring them back to the Digital World, not without those mysterious forces pulling them in.

What was the point of returning to this world after everything they had seen and done in the other? Why did everyone expect him to put that behind him and go back to soccer and school?

Without Agumon, what was the point?

At last, those treacherous tears spilled over. Taichi buried his face in his pillow, muting the sound of his crying.

xxx

Taichi ran, heart galloping, legs pumping, a frenzied, harrowing chase. Darkness surrounded him, and he didn't know what he was running towards- or from. But familiar footsteps sounded, gaits etched into his memory by repetition, some too strange to be human. Agumon ran beside him, large feet stomping, breathing dotted with occasional snorts.

One by one, colors lit the darkness, revealing the faces of the Chosen. Orange burst forth from his chest in the shape of a sun, and Taichi whooped. Somewhere behind him, Takeru cheered. There was danger, there always was. But his friends and their light surrounded him, warding off the darkness, testifying to their strengths.

Everything would be fine. Somehow, it always was.

"Let's do this!" Taichi cried. The others responded, some with laughter, some with words, some with battle cries. Grinning, Taichi patted Agumon on the back. "Ready, buddy?"

He waited, anticipating the reply of, "Ready, Taichi!" But his feet hit the ground once, twice, three times, and still, nothing. His stride slowed as he squinted, trying to see Agumon, but it was growing darker by the second. Taichi whirled around, turning to his friends just in time to see Yamato's blue light blink out.

"Yamato!" Taichi cried. He pivoted towards his friend, half expecting to crash into him, but no collision came. One by one, the colors faded, sucked into the void. Shaking, Taichi stumbled towards the pink light, reaching out. "H-Hikari?"

The light of her crest was fading; even up close, he could barely see her wide, wet eyes. Without warning, it died. Crying her name, Taichi groped in the dark. His hands passed through the space she had occupied before and found only air.

Taichi turned in a quick circle, frantic for help. The lights that had surrounded him, signaling the presence of his friends, were gone. Only his remained, a feeble shine.

An awful, lancing pain dug into his chest. Taichi cried out and covered his front, trying to shield himself, but there was no attacker. The pain moved in a circle, then another, then in triangles surrounding those circles. Blood seeped through his shirt, wet and hot.

And when his crest was carved out of his body, so too was its light, and the darkness was complete.

xxx

Taichi awoke in pain, hands scrambling at his chest. With difficulty, he slid them beneath his shirt, feeling his skin. His heart pounded into his palms with aching force.

There was no blood, no wound. Taichi forced himself to take deep, quiet breaths, wary of waking Hikari.

Their bedroom was dark, but it seemed bright compared to the inky blackness of his dream. The initial panic began to fade, and Taichi rubbed his chest. It's fine. It was just a damned dream. Still, despite his comfortable bed and the reassuring sound of Hikari's breathing from the lower bunk, Taichi couldn't settle down. Against his will, he glanced at the spot near the top of the bed, where Koromon had slept during Vamdemon's siege.

Taichi's teeth interlocked and ground. Moving with care, he crawled across the mattress and climbed down the ladder. He paused by Hikari's bed and found her sleeping, arms upturned at the elbows, hands splayed on either side of her head.

She's fine, stupid. The others are, too. Some of his tension eased, but Taichi still longed to contact the Chosen, just to make sure that they were alright. But how would he explain a call in the small hours of the morning?

Shaking his head, Taichi opened the bedroom door and slipped into the hall. Night lights dotted the apartment, but Taichi ignored the lit path to the toilet room and entered the bath. He closed the door, then flicked on the light.

The mirror above the sink reflected his disheveled hair, pinched expression, and sweaty skin. Taichi stared himself down. This is stupid. Of course there's nothing wrong.

Still, he lingered by the mirror, then stalled by washing his face. When he caught himself wondering if he should wash it again, he growled an obscenity and lifted his shirt. A tiny part of him expected to see the shape of his crest scarred into skin, a grisly remnant of the light chiseled out of him.

He was unwounded, save for a few healing scrapes from the battle with Piemon. Taichi blinked, half surprised and half self-conscious. Why was he so thrown off by a dream? Shaking his head, he released the shirt and returned to his room. Soon, he was lying in bed again, safe and warm under the covers.

But he lay awake until streaks of dawn peeked through the curtains.

Author's Note: I wrote this story for the Digimon All-Stars Big Bang. I hope you'll enjoy it! Big thanks to all the mods and participants!

Each Chosen has their own chapter, where we see how they're coping and how they try to help Taichi. There is also a chapter for an OC; those of you who aren't interested in OCs can skip this chapter and still follow the story. After August is about 40-50K words long, and most of it is already written. I'm hoping to post one chapter per week, but I might need extra time here and there.

This story is about the Chosen struggling to reintegrate into their old lives and deal with the trauma they faced in the Digital World. It's inspired by a drama CD, where we learn that Taichi quit his soccer club after his adventures for a few months. That was a huge shock to me, and I've been wanting to explore how Taichi and the others felt in the wake of the Digital World since then. I hope you'll enjoy this tale of hardship and healing. Please review and let me know what you think!