The last thing I should be doing is starting another Chicago PD fic but here we are. This was sparked by a scene between Antonio and Kim in episode 5x03. This isn't really anything to do with that, but I got an idea because of it and couldn't let it go, so here it is. As always, feedback is greatly appreciated. I just need to say that I don't know if they've ever said how old Kim is on the show and I couldn't find it out anywhere, so I took a guess. This will probably be a two parter. I find titles so hard guys, I know it sucks but I wanted to post ASAP!

"Morning Sargent." Hailey Upton met Voight has he pulled up to the crime scene and ducked under the tape held up by a uniform.

"Morning. What have we got?"

"The next door neighbour heard screaming and called 911 about a half hour ago. The kitchen window was smashed, that looks like the entry point. Everything points to a burglary gone wrong, the place is trashed. There are two victims. One male in his early fifties was DOA, the woman, presumably his wife, was in a bad way but she was still alive when ambo took her to Med."

"You were first on scene?"

Upton coughed. "Er yeah. We heard the call go out over the radio. Adam's new place… It's just a couple of blocks away."

Voight held up his hand. He didn't want to know. "Is Ruzek inside?"

"Yes. Listen, we can hand this off to robbery and homicide if you want."

Voight shrugged. "We're here now. What the hell?"

Adam came down the front porch then and nodded to Voight. "Hey boss."

"Hey. Did you find anything?"

"It looks like this couple and their teenage son only moved in a couple of days ago. All their stuff is still in boxes. The break in happened around 8 o'clock. It will be a while before we can figure out if anything was stolen or if there was another motive. Witnesses say they saw a blue van fleeing the scene but no one saw the offenders and no one caught the licence plate."

"Alright. Let the crime lab do their thing, I'll meet you two back at the District. We'll check traffic pods and figure out where they went. I assumed you have an ID on the victims?"

"The victim's names are Frank and Colleen Ashe. They just moved to Chicago from Portland a month ago, they've been renting an apartment while they finalised the purchase of their house, and they just moved in at the weekend." Jay stuck the couple's photos on the board.

At the sound of the victim's names, Kim's head snapped up. Her heart began to pound.

"Unfortunately, Mr Ashe was already dead when we arrived on scene, GSW to the chest and one to the shoulder. His wife suffered severe head injuries and was taken to Med. I talked to my brother, she came through surgery but is in a coma, they're not sure if she's going to make it."

Kim stared at the smiling faces of the couple in their early fifties and felt her hands begin to shake with shock. It was like being punched in the gut, seeing them again. Older, sure, but unmistakably the same people. She took a deep breath to try and steady herself. She didn't want her colleagues to cotton on to the fact that anything was wrong. Not yet, not before she'd had a chance to process what had happened herself. "Was anybody else hurt?"

Everyone turned to look at her. Jay answered, his brow furrowed. "No. Their son Spencer, 17, was away at a hockey camp. A couple of officers went to get him and take him to the hospital to see his mom." Jay picked up another photo from the pile and stuck it onto the board. In the photo a dark haired teenage with large eyes and an athletic build grinned back at them from a high school yearbook photo.

Kim stared at the photos, no longer listening to anything any of the team were saying. She needed to get out of there. She felt like she was going to be sick. From the next desk over Antonio watched her curiously but didn't say a word. It wasn't until Voight's gruff voice cut through the air that Kim brought her attention back to the room.

"Okay" Voight said. "Upton, Halstead, you head over to Med and see if the son can tell you anything about why his family may have been targeted. Atwater and Ruzek, head back to the neighbourhood and see if you can find any witnesses who actually saw the offenders. Any description at all because right now, we've got nothing. Dawson, Burgess, head to the ME's office and find out what you can about how he died." Voight nodded once and his team took that as their cue to get to work. All but Kim. She couldn't move, she just stared at the case board numbly.

Antonio put his hand on her shoulder and she flinched. "Hey. Are you alright? I didn't mean to scare you."

Kim blinked. "Yeah" she said, but sounded far from convincing. "Sargent, can I talk to you?"

Voight stopped in the doorway to his office and turned back around. "Sure."

Kim followed him, leaving a bewildered Antonio standing by her desk, and closed the door. "Sarge, can I sit this one out? It's tough for me to explain." Kim swallowed and looked away. "I knew them, the victims, a long time ago. Well, kind of. I met them a few times." Kim was rambling now.

Voight looked up from the file he was reading with interest. "Oh yeah? Do you know anything you think might help with the investigation?"

Kim started breathing rapidly again and she fought hard to keep herself under control. "No. I haven't seen them in a long time, it's just hard for me." Kim looked up at her boss. "Please don't ask me anymore."

Voight sighed. He could see how distressed his officer was. Through his years on the job he had got reading people's body language down to an art. But they dealt with hard cases every day, if they had to step off a case every time one of them was affected by the investigation, they would never catch anyone.

"Listen Burgess. If you won't tell me what the problem is, I can't help you. I'm sure it will be fine, whatever it is. The team are here for you. But I need you. We need to find out who hurt this family."

Outside Voight's office, Antonio was putting on his jacket, ready to leave with Kim to go talk to the medical examiner, but when he saw Kim stumble out of Voight's office he moved towards her, concerned. It looked like she was about to faint.

"Burgess. Talk to me. What's the matter?"

Kim stopped for a moment then covered her mouth with her hand. "I'm sorry. I think I'm going to throw up."

In the bathroom, Kim splashed her face with cold water from the faucet and leant on the washbasin. Get a grip, she thought to herself. She stared at her reflection hard in the mirror, willing herself to get a hold of her emotions. Her heart was only just beginning to slow back down to a normal rhythm. There was a knock on the door to the bathroom and a second later, Antonio slowly opened it.

"Hey, are you alright?"

Kim nodded, half to Antonio and half to herself in the mirror. She grabbed a paper towel and dried her hands quickly before throwing it in the trash. "Yeah. Let's go."

Hailey knocked on the open door of the side room in ITU to announce her presence. Inside, Mrs Ashe lay, hooked up to wires and tubes keeping her alive. Her son sat by her bed, his back to the door, and was holding her hand so tightly his knuckles were white. He was still in his field hockey jersey, but it was perfectly clean. Hailey had a vision of his mother ironing it and folding it and handing it to him on his way out the door to go to camp. The poor kid probably hadn't even got on the field this morning before uniform showed up to get him.

"Spencer" Hailey said. "I'm Detective Upton, this is Detective Halstead. Is it alright if we come in and talk to you?"

Spencer turned towards the voice and his dark floppy hair fell across his face. "Did you find who hurt my parents?" he asked. His face was red and his eyes were swollen and he looked like how whole world had fallen apart. Hell, his whole world had fallen apart.

"No, not yet" Hailey admitted. "That's what we wanted to talk to you about. Do you know anyone who might have wanted to hurt your family?" She walked into the room and stood just behind him.

Spencer shook his head. "No. We hardly know anyone in Chicago, we've only been here a month." He turned away then, words caught in his throat. Hailey felt a pang of pain towards this kid. She couldn't imagine what he was going through. "It was supposed to be a new start, you know? My Dad grew up in Chicago. My Grandpa, he's sick, my Dad got a new job because he wanted to be closer to his family. Now he's dead, and my Mom might not wake up and I don't know what I'm going to do."

Spencer put his forehead on the rail of his Mom's bed and a sob escaped him. Hailey put a gentle hand on his back. "We're going to catch whoever did this. I promise you that." Jay hung back in the doorway and she looked up at him then. Hailey knew what the look he gave her meant, it meant you shouldn't make promises like that, promises you had no way of knowing you could keep, but Hailey didn't care. "Have you seen anyone hanging around your house? Maybe someone acting suspiciously?"

Spencer shook his head. "No. I don't know. I can't remember."

Hailey nodded. They wouldn't get anywhere at the moment, the poor kid was too upset. "If you can think of anything that might help, however small, will you tell me?" Spencer sat up and nodded slowly. "Is there somebody I can call, someone who can be with you?"

Spencer wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his jersey. "My aunt's coming. She should be here soon."

"That's great." She took a card out of her jeans pocket and handed it to Spencer. "Call me any time" she said. "I hope your Mom pulls through. We'll be thinking of you."

In the hallway, Hailey and Jay stopped Will Halstead on his way into the room. "Is there any change?" Jay asked his brother.

Will looked solemnly back at the detectives. "No. She's stable for now, but there was some pretty severe damage to her brain when the burglars hit her. It looked like they used a baseball bat or some other blunt object. The neurosurgeon said they'll need to go in again once the swelling goes down. She's not out of the woods by any means."

"Will you keep us updated?" Jay asked.

"Of course."

"Thanks man. We've got to go." In the elevator Jay and Hailey shared a look and Jay shook his head in disbelief. "Poor guy. Imagine your whole life changing in an instant like that."

"I know" said Hailey. She was still thinking about the look on Spencer's face. "It's brutal. I know I shouldn't have promised him, but I had to, you know?"

Jay nodded. He probably would have said the same thing. "I know."

At a stop light, Antonio glanced across at his partner in the passenger seat. Kim was quiet, distracted. The light changed and Antonio looked back at the road and pulled away. "Kim, you can talk to me, you know. Whatever it is. I want to help."

Kim had been staring out the window in thought but now she looked across at Antonio and gave him a weak smile. She wasn't sure he could help.

"Did I hear Voight say you knew this couple."

"Yeah" she replied. Her voice was quiet and strained. "I can't talk about it. Lets just focus on the job, ok?"

"Can you do that?"

"Dawson, I'm good. I promise."

Kim had walked into this building hundreds of times to see victims laid out on the cold stainless steel tables, and over the years she had got more and more used to seeing all the horrible things she'd seen. Young girls sliced open, innocent bystanders caught up in gang violence, but this time when Antonio pushed open the doors to the examination room it felt different. She felt numb and light headed and had to really struggle to keep her composure.

"Hey Sandra." Antonio greeted the young ME as he walked down the few steps from the door. "Have you got our victim for us?"

She put down the chart she held. "Detective Dawson, how are you doing? He's right this way."

Sandra pulled back the sheet and Kim saw Frank Ashe's face. "Poor man" Kim said. She thought she spoke to quietly for anyone to hear but Antonio heard and was struck by the tone of her voice. He squeezed her arm. If she had known this man, no matter how long ago, it must be tough for her to see him like this. It was always hard when it was someone you knew.

"If it's any consolation" Sandra said, "he probably died pretty quickly. He didn't suffer. One bullet tore right through his heart. The other lodged in his shoulder. I pulled out both rounds, one of your guys has already taken them to ballistics for analysis."

"Were there any signs of a struggle?"

The ME shook her head. "No. He was probably caught by surprise. He didn't have time to fight back."

After hearing the medical examiner's report, Antonio finished up the rest of the paperwork while Kim headed back out to the car. She needed a moment. She needed a drink too, but that wasn't an option, so a moment alone would have to do. It had been a couple of hours since the case was brought in and she had barely had five minutes to herself to process this news.

She had only met the Ashes a couple of times and it was more than half her life ago. This news had come out of the blue and hit her like a truck. She leaned forward in the passenger seat and put her head on the dashboard, covering her face with her arms. Finally tears escaped and soaked into her shirt sleeve. It didn't feel real. She never thought she'd see this couple ever again, and now…

Her thoughts were disturbed when Antonio opened the door and slid into the driver's seat. Kim didn't even bother to try and hide the fact she'd been crying. There was little point, Antonio would have realised whether she tried to hide it or not.

"Hey" he said, his voice full of concern. He leant across and put his arm around Kim's shoulders. "Please talk to me. Look, I know what it's like to have everyone up in your business. Whatever you say will be just between us."

Kim looked across at her partner and the caring look on his face. They hadn't always seen eye to eye and hadn't gelled as well as partners as they might have done, but she knew she could trust him. But she wasn't sure if she could trust herself to keep it together if she told him her secret. She settled for a half truth, hoping it might help to relieve some of the burden. "I did know this couple a little bit, I met them three or four times forever ago. They did something for me and I owe them a debt. They were good people, I owe it to them to find out what happened."

Antonio sat back in his seat. There was more to this story, he knew there was, but he wouldn't push. He could already see that Kim was a little more relaxed as if some small weight had been lifted from her shoulders. He hoped she felt she could confide in him about the rest whenever she was ready, but he wouldn't pressure her. He would just keep an eye on her, be there for her to turn to if she felt she wanted to.

"Let's get back to the District" Antonio said. He turned the key in the ignition and put the car into drive. "I hope someone's found a lead by now."

"I guess lunch is off" Adam said. He cornered Hailey by her locker and put his hands on her waist. "Are you ok? It must have been tough to talk to their son at the hospital."

Hailey nodded sadly. "That poor kid, Adam. He just looked so broken."

Adam kissed her on the forehead affectionately and let her go. Hailey closed her locker door and the two of them left the room.

"Jay said they got a hit off the traffic cam, traced their van back to a warehouse by the docks." Hailey was filling Adam in on the new developments as they walked back upstairs to meet the team.

He was listening, but something caught his eye as they reached the end of the corridor. "Go ahead" he said to Hailey. "I'll just be a minute." He smiled at his girlfriend then turned to go back the way they'd come.

Kim was standing alone, leaning against the wall with her eyes closed.

"Hey" he said, approaching slowly. Kim opened her eyes at the familiar voice. Adam's one simple word was full of concern. "You seem upset, is everything alright? Where's Antonio?"

"He's upstairs already."

"I understand you knew these people." Adam nudged her gently.

Kim couldn't blame him for being concerned about her and loved him for it, but she didn't want to talk to anyone. Least of all Adam, when he was the one she felt most guilty about hiding this part of her life from. She'd agreed to marry him once upon a time, and yet she had kept something as huge as this from him.

"Yeah, I did. I'm sorry, Adam, I don't want to talk about it. But thank you for looking out for me. Really." She offered him a smile and she hoped it was convincing.

"Alright. But I'm here if you change your mind, ok?" Kim nodded gratefully. "Ok then. Let's get upstairs and get up to speed with the case."

Kim had to get a grip. She was doing a terrible job of hiding the shock and, in a lot of ways, the grief she was feeling. Seeing Frank Ashe, the kind jolly man she remembered meeting when she was feeling so vulnerable and alone, laid out on a slab in the mortuary had hit her hard. She certainly couldn't bring herself to see Colleen and Spencer at the hospital. That is why, when the team broke off to continue chasing down leads, Kim jogged after Hailey and Jay for an update as they headed to head back out.

"Hey. You guys were at the hospital. How is Colleen?"

"Not good" Jay said. "My brother called, she's back in surgery, there was more bleeding in her brain."

"How was her son?" Kim asked. Her voice wavered.

"Ok considering" Hailey said. "Truthfully, I don't think I'd be keeping it together half as well as he is. He's a strong kid. We're heading back there if you want to come?"

Kim shook her head. "No. I've got leads to follow up here. Thanks though."

If she couldn't have vodka, which would be her drink of choice right now if she wasn't at work, coffee would have to do. The office was quiet now. The team had all gone back out. Despite his words from earlier, some of what Kim had said must have struck a chord with Voight and he instructed Kim and Antonio to stay behind and run point. Kim was usually so eager to be right in the thick of it, out on the streets solving cases, but just this once she was thankful to be left behind.

She turned the coffee maker on and sat down on the couch in the breakroom to collect her thoughts. She was alone, Antonio had told her he had to make a quick phone call and would be back in five.

Doing what she had been dying to do ever since this morning, but was fearful of being caught and having to explain herself, she took her purse from the zipped pocket of her jacket and pulled something out of one of the card slots.

It was a photograph. It had ben opened and refolded so many times that there was a sharp crease straight down the middle and the corners were dog-eared from many years of handling. Kim unfolded it slowly. She could see the image in her mind's eye every time she closed her eyes, but it was comforting somehow to have the physical photo in her hands. Or usually it was comforting, today looking at it felt like a stab in the gut.

When she had a bad day, when something went wrong in her life or she felt like she'd made a mistake, she liked to take out this photo. It reminded Kim that at least one choice she'd made in her life was the right one, and it gave her strength to appreciate the way her life had turned out and all she'd achieved because of that choice.

Ever since, Kim had locked that choice away deep inside herself. She hadn't confided in anyone for fear of judgement. But after what had happened to that poor family this morning, her shame and embarrassment seemed insignificant. Kim had been all over the place all day and she wasn't any help to the team or the investigation like that. Maybe she would feel better if she let it out. Maybe it would calm her down to share her secret finally, and allow her to really help catch the killer.

This is why, when Antonio returned and walked into the room, Kim didn't scramble to hide the photo but let it fall to her lap face down. Part of her wanted Antonio to notice, she wanted him to ask.

"There you are. Everyone's gone, it's just us." Antonio sat down on the couch beside Kim and she scooted over to make room. "I know I've had a lot going on lately, but I wanted to let you know that I'm going to try my best to be a better partner from now on, someone you can turn to and trust."

"I do trust you, Antonio" she said.

Antonio looked away. "I know. That's not what I meant. I look at how close Adam and Kev are, and Jay and Hailey, and I want that for us too. I want you to feel that I have your back no matter what."

"I want that too."

"I can see this case is troubling you and I can't begin to guess why, but I just wanted to say my piece." He took Kim's hand which was resting in her lap and Antonio's eyes fell on the photo. "What's this?"

Kim squeezed her eyes shut for a second but a tear still slid down her cheek. She touched the photo and fingered it gently. Was she really going to do this, after keeping her past hidden for so long? Yes, she decided. It was time.

"I first met the Ashes almost 18 years ago when they lived in Chicago the first time." Kim spoke quietly but steadily. Antonio didn't move. He barely breathed, so scared that one wrong move would scare Kim and she would clam up again and make an excuse. "The agency matched us up." Kim looked up at Antonio. "They were so kind to me, they didn't judge me or look down on me for the situation I was in. They listened, and they cared."

"Kim? What are you saying?"

Kim picked up the photo and looked at it again, but it was angled away so Antonio couldn't see. Kim paused for a moment, thoughtfully. If she turned over this photo, that was it. Her secret would be out in the world again and there was no taking it back. But she felt that it was right, and she was being truthful when she told Antonio she trusted him. Slowly she picked up the photo and handed it to Antonio. She watched his expression change from curiosity to shock as he registered what was on the image.

A baby. A tiny newborn baby wrapped in a blue blanket.

"The reason I know Frank and Colleen Ashe is because they adopted my son."

Antonio breathed in deeply, absorbing this information as best he could. He looked back at Kim, his eyes wide. "Spencer?"

"Spencer.