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Chapter Sixteen

The Scars

Cassie paced the corridor in front of the ugly stone gargoyle that concealed the entrance to the Headmaster's office, angry and impatient. Peter stood off to the side, leaning against the wall, his eyes darting nervously between the still gargoyle and Cassie's erratic pacing.

James had fetched Professor McGonagall to allow him and Snape entry to Dumbledore's office, but before he'd done that, he'd pulled Peter and Cassie aside to give them the Invisibility Cloak tucked in his bookbag.

"Wait out here," he'd told them. He'd kept his voice down, but Cassie had still never heard him angrier before. "I want to talk to you after I handle this."

"We can come with—" Peter had started, but James shook his head quickly.

"It's already going to be suspicious enough to Dumbledore that Sirius and I were outside the castle tonight. Questions about us being out would mean questions about you-know-what."

James had looked at Peter significantly, and the other boy nodded. Cassie copied his motion before James was off again, dragging Snape behind him to Professor McGonagall's quarters. Peter and Cassie had then followed the professor and the two boys to the Headmaster's office, where they'd been ever since. That was well over a half-hour ago, and Cassie's nerves couldn't take the wait anymore.

"What's taking so long?" she said. She glared at the gargoyle, which remained silent. "How hard can it be to expel Snape?"

"You really think Dumbledore would toss him out?" Peter asked, uncertain.

"He has to," Cassie retorted. "Snape put Remus in serious danger! There's no way Dumbledore can keep him here now that he knows about Remus. All the Slytherins will know by morning!"

Peter shuddered. "Poor Remus. I wonder if he'll remember anything?"

"Either way, he'll know what happened," Cassie said darkly. Peter only nodded, anxious.

Five more minutes passed before Cassie heard footsteps echoing in the corridor above her own. She shared a panicked look with Peter and dove toward him and the cloak, but there was no need when they realized that it was Sirius walking toward them.

Cassie turned away from him sharply, afraid that if she met his eyes, she'd start screaming all the horrible thoughts in her head at him. She was furious. It almost didn't even feel real. Remus was one of his best friends. How could he have betrayed him so terribly?

Apparently, Peter felt the same way.

"What do you want?" he demanded of Sirius, using a cold tone that Cassie had never heard before from the usually carefree, cheery boy.

Cassie kept her back turned, but she heard Sirius shuffle awkwardly. "I 'spect they're up there now talking with Dumbledore?"

"That's right," said Peter stiffly. "James is cleaning up the mess you made, like always."

Sirius's voice hardened. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Peter scoffed. "Forget it."

Cassie stiffened when she felt Sirius's eyes on her. "How long have they been up there?"

Cassie didn't answer, so Peter spoke for her. "A while."

"Right."

The corridor fell silent. Cassie resumed her pacing, but she kept her gaze fixed to the floor, refusing to look at Sirius, who'd propped himself near a suit of armor across from the gargoyle. As the minutes passed, the tension mounted between the three, until the air became so thick Cassie thought she might choke.

Right before the corridor would likely have exploded from the force of three highly-strung, agitated wizards, the gargoyle leapt aside, revealing a spiral stone staircase and the silent figures of James and Snape. Cassie brushed off Peter's attempt to throw the cloak over them when there was no sign of McGonagall or Dumbledore behind the two boys and marched up to them.

"Well?" she demanded. She looked between a stone-faced James and a faintly ill-appearing Snape. "Please tell me Dumbledore expelled this git!"

She pointed furiously at Snape, and both boys scowled.

"I'm afraid not," said James with a disgusted glance at Snape.

"What?" Peter and Sirius said in tandem.

James spoke to Cassie. "Snape's been sworn to secrecy by Dumbledore. If he lets slip anything, then he'll be expelled."

Cassie rounded on Snape. Despite his attempt to look indifferent, the Slytherin still flinched back at the fury in her gaze.

"If you even think about breathing a single word of what happened tonight, or what Remus really is," she said dangerously, "you are going to wish James never saved your skin."

Snape met her stare evenly, but his face took on a sour hue that made him look even more sickly than he had before.

James jerked his chin at the sallow boy. "Beat it. And remember what Dumbledore said."

Snape looked ready to argue, but at the mention of the headmaster, he instead bestowed one final sneer upon James before departing for the dungeons and the Slytherin common room. He kept his eyes forward when he passed Sirius, but his pace quickened slightly. Soon, he was out of sight and earshot. The corridor crackled with intensity once more until James took a deep breath and stared at some point over Sirius's shoulder.

"Dumbledore wants a word," he said, gesturing to the gargoyle. "Alone."

Sirius nodded, watching James warily. "Is that all?"

"The password's licorice wands."

The gargoyle sprang aside again. Sirius looked between it and James, but James had pressed his lips together in a firm line after giving the password.

Wordlessly, Sirius slipped past them and up the staircase toward Dumbledore's office. When the gargoyle had sealed the entrance again, James let out a heavy breath.

"I can't even look at him," he said to no one in particular. "I feel like if I do, I'll just start punching every bloody part of him I can reach."

Cassie took his elbow gently. "I know. Let's go wait on Remus, yeah? He'll want to hear… Well, everything."

James nodded and allowed Cassie to pull him away from the Headmaster's office. Peter followed, the Invisibility Cloak still clutched in his hands, but they didn't need it. The castle was eerily empty; even the ghosts were nowhere to be seen. The silence and the peace unnerved Cassie. How could the night feel so calm when everything inside her was screaming, embroiled in chaos?

The three came to the hospital wing and entered. The cots were empty, as they always were on full moons, but Madam Pomfrey was awake, setting out various vials of potions that Cassie recognized as the ones Remus took after his transformations.

The matron looked indignant at their arrival.

"How many times do I have to tell you?" she said. "Mr. Lupin needs his rest!"

James threw himself down in a chair and gave the young matron a dry look. "Our stomachs hurt."

Madam Pomfrey sighed. "And your other cohort? Where's he off to?"

James leaned his head back as Cassie and Peter drew up chairs for themselves. "Doesn't matter."

Madam Pomfrey swept a critical gaze over them before letting out a humph. "Very well. But no funny business, understand? This is still a hospital wing, not your dormitory." They nodded and she checked the clock hanging near her office door. "It's about time for me to fetch your friend anyway. I'll return shortly."

She fixed them with one last stern glare before departing. When she'd gone, Peter whirled on James.

"What are we going to do?" he asked.

James grunted. His head still lolled on the back of his chair. "There's not much else to do, Pete. It's in Dumbledore's hands now."

Peter wrung his hands nervously. "What about Sirius? He can't be expelled, can he?" He squeaked in fear. "He can't go to Azkaban, can he?"

"He won't go to Azkaban," said James. "I can't see him being expelled either, to be honest. Dumbledore's all about giving second chances." He said this last part in clear derision, obviously referencing Snape's lenient sentence from the headmaster.

Cassie crossed her arms. "Did Snape even get punished?"

"Oh, yeah. Definitely." James sat up and adjusted his glasses. He looked wearier than Cassie had ever seen him. "He lost about a hundred points for his House, and Dumbledore gave him detention for the rest of the year. Said he'd make it look like Snape was just tutoring, though, so no one asked questions about why he was being punished in the first place."

"He still should've been kicked out," Cassie said darkly.

They didn't disagree, but Peter asked in a small voice, "Why did Sirius tell Snape about the tunnel?"

James's fingers flexed on the arms of his chair. "I don't know."

"I think he did it because of me," Cassie said. She avoided their eyes, staring at her stockings instead. "He caught Snape spying on us a couple weeks ago. They exchanged words, but I didn't hear what Sirius said. If I'd known, I would've stopped him."

James shook his head. "Snape's a nosy git, but Sirius… He went too far." He hesitated. "I don't know if I can look at him the same."

"He could've gotten Snape killed," Peter said.

"Or bitten," Cassie added, and they all exchanged a grim glance.

James ran both his hands through his hair. "Remus is gonna lose it." He eyed Cassie. "Even worse than when you found out."

Cassie cringed. "I followed you like an idiot. Sirius…he did this on purpose. There's no way Remus won't feel betrayed."

"Yeah, well," James said, "Sirius betrayed all of us."

No one answered as the word hung in the air like some particularly foul curse. Nausea rolled Cassie's gut as she realized that James was right: She would never be able to look at Sirius the same.

"We should get some rest," James said finally. He kept his eyes on the floor. "We can talk to Remus in the morning when he wakes up."

Cassie and Peter nodded. Peter picked a cot nearby and was asleep within seconds, his soft snores echoing around the room. Cassie didn't move for a long while, even though her body begged for sleep. She sat next to James, who remained in his chair also.

"What are we going to do?" she asked him quietly, repeating Peter's question.

James rubbed his nose and sniffed. "I don't know."

That was when Cassie realized how dire their situation truly was. James Potter always had an answer. Even if it was something far-fetched and improbable, he still had an answer for everything. If he didn't know…

Cassie stood and moved toward another vacant cot. Before she left, she paused next to James and clasped his shoulder.

"We'll get through this together," she promised him. "Like always."

He didn't look up. "Not all of us. Sirius made sure of that as soon as he told Snape about the tunnel."

Cassie had nothing to say to that. James was right, she knew, but it didn't make it a potion any easier to swallow.

She curled up on her cot and lay awake for a long time, even after Madam Pomfrey had settled a peacefully sleeping Remus into his own cot and retired to her office for the night. Cassie's exhaustion eventually dragged her under, but when her eyes finally shut, James was still awake, hunched over in his chair next to Remus's still form. She thought she heard him cry, but she was already lost to the darkness.

Cassie was prodded awake after what felt like thirty seconds of sleep, and she cracked open her eyes to be greeted by a steaming goblet.

"Coffee," James said to her look. As rubbish as she felt, James looked worse. His eyes were bloodshot behind his glasses, and a day-old shadow dusted his face with stubble. "Madam Pomfrey sent a house-elf for breakfast, if you'd like any."

Cassie sat up, rubbing at a crick in her neck. "Coffee's fine." She took the goblet from James and realized it was already a shade of toasty brown. She quirked a brow at him. "Two sugars, two spoons of cream?"

His lips twitched in a grin. "Just the way you like, Princess. And if you call me a mother hen again, I'm throwing you from the tower."

She swallowed her laugh with a sip of coffee, not wanting to wake Remus, who still lay asleep in his cot behind James. Peter was awake too, munching on a slice of toast, and he waved blearily at Cassie from the chair beside Remus.

James jerked his head, and she followed him to the chairs they'd occupied last night, curling her legs up underneath her as she took her seat. A platter of breakfast things was set out before them, but Cassie wasn't hungry at all. Still, she took a handful of blueberries and popped them into her mouth, chewing mechanically and tasting nothing.

They were a sorry sight for anyone to see, Cassie realized as they sat silently, waiting for Remus to wake. She, James, and Peter were still in their robes from the night before, with dirt and twigs smudging their faces and hair. Remus didn't look much better, as pale and haggard as he was, and she thought with some macabre amusement that they looked like a bunch of wild, animalistic children left out in the woods to be raised by centaurs, like the stories her brother used to read to her when they were young.

The morning sun had just begun to peek through the high latticed windows when Remus groaned and shifted, his eyes opening slowly. When he noticed the three of them sitting beside his bed, he took in their disheveled state and said, quite bluntly, "You lot look rotten."

James sighed. "Smell like it, too." He scrutinized Remus carefully. "You all right, mate?"

Remus sat up with a wince. Cassie noted how he favored his right arm instead of his left as he hauled himself up his pillows, and she took a hasty gulp of coffee to keep from pouncing on him with any questions.

"I've had a lot worse transformations," he admitted. Peter wordlessly handed him a coffee, and he took it gratefully. "But this one felt…strange." He shook his head as if to clear it. "Were you there last night?" he asked James and Peter. "I never remember much after, but last night felt different. I felt…alone."

Cassie had been sitting with the same mouthful of coffee for several minutes. She glanced at Peter and James, but they both looked stricken at his question.

When they didn't answer, Remus's gaze slid over them.

"Wait." He frowned. "Where's Sirius?"

No one said anything, and Remus stared at them.

"Guys," he said slowly, "what's wrong?" His hand went rigid on his goblet. "Is Sirius…? Did I…?"

His eyes went to the other cots, and Cassie swallowed her coffee so quickly it left her spluttering.

"N-no!" she choked out between coughs. "He's fine, Remus—Merlin, no, you didn't—" She dissolved into a fit of more coughing, but Remus sagged against his pillows.

"Oh, thank God," he said. "Thank Merlin…"

"Moony," James said after thumping Cassie's back, hard. He gazed at his friend intently. "You said you remember feeling alone last night. Is there anything else you can remember? Anything at all?"

Remus frowned. "No, nothing. Why? Were you lot not there? Because that's fine—don't worry about skipping a night…" He trailed off when he tracked his eyes over them again. "Okay, stop. Something happened last night; I can see it on your faces." He set down his goblet, but he kept his gaze on them. "What happened? Tell me."

Peter shoved an entire piece of toast in his mouth to keep from answering. Cassie and James exchanged a glance, and Cassie faced Remus uncertainly.

"Sirius…did something awful," she said quietly.

Remus looked between them. "How awful?"

Cassie swallowed nervously, but James stepped in.

"He told Snape about the tunnel," he said, his voice firm, matter-of-fact. "He sent Snape in last night while you were transforming. I'm so sorry, Remus."

Remus's face had gone bloodless.

"Snape…" he gasped. "Is he…?"

"He's fine," said James hastily. "I pulled him out before anything could happen, but Remus… He saw you. He knows. Dumbledore swore him to secrecy, but still…"

Cassie desperately wished she was an accomplished Legilimens in that moment. Remus's face remained blank, but she was certain his mind was running through everything, his thoughts whirling at lightning speed. The silence stretched, contorting and taut, and Cassie, James, and Peter waited while Remus sat, as still as one of the gargoyles lining the castle battlements.

"Where is he?" Remus said, his voice quiet and devoid of emotion.

"Snape?" James asked.

"Sirius," Remus said. "Where is he?"

"We don't know," Cassie said cautiously. "The last time we saw him, he was going to talk to Dumbledore in his office."

This silence went on for much longer than the last. Cassie was beginning to worry that Remus had gone into some sort of panic-induced trance, for he stared at some unknown thing, his green eyes unblinking.

She reached for his hand. "Remus?"

He moved away from her, and she sat back, stung.

"I want to be alone," he said, his voice hollow. He didn't look at them. "You should all go."

"Yeah," said James, getting to his feet. "Yeah, we can do that. Take all the time you need, mate. Come to us when you're ready."

Peter nodded, his eyes wide and scared. Cassie felt the same; she had never seen Remus so… She didn't even have the words to describe what he was feeling. Angry? Hurt? Betrayed? She was sure he felt all those things, but it was unlike him to transcend to some level of unmovable silence. He was the voice of reason; the one always willing to talk things out. This Remus was someone else. And she couldn't entirely blame him.

James and Peter shuffled out of the hospital wing, leaving their goblets and the breakfast platter behind, though Cassie was sure it would remain untouched.

She hesitated before following the other two boys, standing awkwardly beside Remus's cot.

"Go, Cassie," said Remus without looking at her. She flinched at his tone. He noticed, and his face and voice both softened when he looked at her. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't speak to you like that. You're not the one who…"

She nodded quickly. "Don't worry about it. Seriously. I'll…see you later?"

He tried to smile, but it came out brittle and unhappy. "Yeah."

Before she left, she bent down and swiftly planted a kiss on his forehead. "Remember that I love you?"

He looked startled, but this time, his small smile was genuine. "I'll never forget."

After showering and changing clothes in her empty dormitory, Cassie escaped the confines of the castle and went to the grounds. It was cloudy and dreary and cold, but she summoned a small flame and carried it in a jar to keep her hands warm as she sat beneath the Marauders' usual beech tree near the lake.

From here, she had a complete view of the abandoned grounds, and she could just make out the shimmering branches of the Whomping Willow beyond the small crest on the western shore of the lake.

It was those branches she stared at until he approached her from the direction of the castle. She knew he would eventually find her, but she still kept her gaze trained on the Willow as he stood above her, his hands in his pockets and the wind ruffling his black hair.

When he said nothing, she figured she should get the stone rolling. "Not expelled? Congratulations."

Sirius remained still, but his eyes narrowed at her venomous tone. "No. But we're officially out of the running for the House Cup unless we can make up five hundred points before Christmas, and McGonagall is my new best friend every weekend until the summer."

Cassie snorted. "You got off light. Consider yourself fortunate."

He nodded. "Can I sit?"

"No."

He sighed. "I figured."

She threw him a glare. "What do you want, Sirius?"

"To apologize."

Her eyes became slits. "It's Remus's forgiveness you should be begging for, not mine."

"Yeah, well, he's not exactly up to seeing me right now," he said, his voice tinged with frustration. That surprised her; she hadn't expected him to go to Remus so soon.

"He's angry," she said. "And hurt. You betrayed his trust. I wouldn't be shocked if he never forgave you."

At this, Sirius's impassiveness broke, and he winced. "I know. I'm aware of how terrible of a friend I am, thanks."

"What you did to Remus makes you no friend at all," she said coldly. "And what you did to Snape makes you a coward."

He stiffened. "A coward?"

She went on. "In fact, it was so dirty and underhanded that I have a hard time imagining any Gryffindor doing it. It seemed more like the plot of a Slytherin—having someone else do your work for you while you sit back and enjoy the chaos you caused." She looked up at him, and she had no trouble imagining her face in that moment. The Alderfair mask had come out, and if Sirius hadn't been raised by a notoriously Dark and cold pure-blood family, she was certain he would've been cowed. "Like I said. A coward."

His eyes flashed, as steely as the surface of the lake. "It was only meant to scare him."

"Scare who?" Cassie tilted her head, feigning calm despite every bone inside her quivering in rage. "Remus or Snape? Because I can promise you that you've quite succeeded in both."

Sirius's jaw clenched. "You know I would never hurt Remus."

"Then he's only secondary in this scenario? Collateral damage behind Snape?" She laughed bitterly. "How comforting."

"I had to get Snape off our backs somehow," he growled. "You know that better than anyone, Cass."

"By getting him killed?" she demanded, her voice rising. "By getting him bitten and forced to live with the same condition our friend would never wish on anyone, including his enemies? Did you even think about how Remus would feel if he woke up knowing that he'd killed someone, or bitten them? Did you even think at all?"

"I was stupid!" he yelled. "I'm not denying that! But let me make it right!"

She shot to her feet. "You can't wave your wand and say sorry a few times to make this right, Sirius! This is bigger than a stupid prank! You could've ruined multiple lives!"

"I know that!" He gripped his hair and stepped back a few paces. He breathed out his nose, and the air billowed around him like smoke. "I know how much I messed up, believe me."

She scoffed. "Maybe we were all wrong to think that you're any different from your family—"

He whirled on her with a snarl. "Don't you dare bring my family into this—"

"Why not?" she challenged. "You're hurting, Sirius—they hurt you, and when you're hurt, you lash out—"

"My own mother cursed me!" he roared. "Of course I'm hurt! Wouldn't you be?"

Cassie met his stare with ice. "Whenever I did something to displease my father, he would lock me in my room, in the dark, with no food. Sometimes for days. He never laid a hand on me, not like your parents did, but it hurt me just as much. My brother murdered our parents, but never have I thought about sending someone to their death, or threatening one of my friends on purpose. Our rotten lives aren't an excuse, Sirius. What you did is unforgivable."

"I'm not you, Cassie," he said, and in his face, she saw the shadow of his mother and her cruel expression. "I regret what I did, what could've happened, and how much I betrayed you all, but I'm not you. I can't forgive Snape so easily after all he's done. And if that does make me unforgivable, then so be it."

Cassie stared at him, speechless. She never thought she'd find herself standing on the opposite side of a chasm as Sirius again, but the chasm was there, echoing between them.

"I don't want to see you," she said, "I don't want to speak to you, and I certainly don't want to love you right now."

He blinked, his frozen face crumbling for a split second, and even she was shocked at what she'd just uttered, but she forced herself to say the next words.

"We're done."

And even though she had accused him of being a coward, she was the one who turned and fled, stumbling to the edge of the Forbidden Forest with cold tears on her cheeks.

She collapsed against one of the dark trees bordering the forest, hugging the trunk as she stared, unseeing, into the shadows. Everything, everything, everything was so much. It was too much. It was too much, and she didn't think she could ever be all right again, and she hated that she was finally realizing that.

The forest was silent, and it did nothing but swallow her cries.

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Next Chapter: The Remains

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