CHAPTER 2

The walk back into the gorge was a sombre one. The dead people nearest the camp were clearly trying to flee to safety, and shot or blown up from the back. And there were so many of them. Madi and Octavia had separated from the pack, walking ahead of the rest.

The phrase and meditation Gaia taught Madi seemed to have done more than just gather together a risky a battle strategy. It also allowed the Commanders to share memories in waking moments opposed to the deluge of horrors they heaped on her in the dreams following her ascension. The fact the treated the Flame like technology, Allie 2.0, also seemed to open up new avenues of connection to the past, unlike the past Commanders, with the exception of Clarke during the final fight against Allie 1.0.

Octavia briefly turned her head to check they had privacy before softly rasping, "I'm sorry. I must've turned out to be a real disappointment to you huh? I tried to have you killed after Gaia and Bellamy put the Commanders in your head."

"Do you remember when the Mountain Men dropped a missile on TonDC?" Madi asked tenderly.

Octavia was taken aback at Madi's reply, but nodded slowly. "Of course I do."

Madi took a deep breath, "When you figured out that Clarke and Lexa had prior knowledge, that put you in a very dangerous position," Madi continued a little more quickly.

The corpses around them were becoming closer and closer together, they were nearing the place they'd need to stop marching.

"What does TonDC's demise have to do with now? It's all ashes now anyway." Octavia spoke in a horrible hollow sort of way. Madi realised with an emotional punch to the gut that she had just heaped another bout of loss on the girl walking next to her.

Madi decided to push through, Octavia needed some sort of validation. "Your order to kill me was really just evening things out between us. Lexa ordered your death when she learned that you knew. Clarke stopped the assassin, and furiously confronted Lexa about it."

Octavia's eyebrows rose at this new information, but she knew it was a well meaning, but hollow gesture. "I ordered the death of a child, Madi. Even if Lexa's actions and kill orders were yours to claim, I'll never be absolved of mine."

Blodreina made to walk ahead of Madi, to get out of this conversation, but the little Commander swiftly but lightly caught her arm. When their eyes met, Madi said in a voice that even Octavia couldn't just shrug off, "My existence divided Wonkru, I understand why you considered me your enemy. You lost Gaia's loyalty when I showed up, and that was the beginning of their coup. I took the Flame to save Clarke, I never wanted to be at odds with you,"

"You're a child. You shouldn't have to think of all these different angles and be embroiled in a power struggle. But that didn't stop me from threatening you in front of Clarke by making you my second," Octavia's voice was full of self-loathing. Madi might be a kid, but she had heard that tone from Clark's mouth so many times and knew what it meant.

"I forgive you. I could say it as Heda. But as me, as Madi, I forgive you."

"Why?" Octavia asked, tears beginning to form despite her best attempts to cut off the prickling feeling behind her eyes.

Madi shrugged, "Because every one of the Commanders in my head would've put a kill order on me were they in your position right then, even Clarke."

"She's in your head too?" Octavia asked after restraining herself from questioning Madi's insinuation about Clarke being a child-killer.

"Yes. From when she drained Ontari and defeated Allie 1.0," Madi replied. "Don't tell anyone, but it's exactly as awkward as you'd think. Clarke and Lexa had sex right before Lexa died. I literally lived that happening." Madi was blushing from embarrassment despite herself.

Octavia let out a dark chuckle. "Savour those memories that bring beauty into the world, kid. Your Hedas' memories may be the only place in this world that beauty still exists." Madi's brows furrowed in concern at that, but before she could reply, Octavia continued, "I was seventeen when I became Heda. And right now, one of the reasons I'm glad I'm red-blooded is so that there isn't a chance that you or anyone else can live my memories. Nobody should have to suffer like that, especially not a thirteen-year-old, trust me on that."

Madi nodded, her expression becoming uncharacteristically dark, "Becca Pramheda was burnt at the stake. Sylvie, the seventh Commander, was violated before she was dismembered, and there were other Hedas who were rapists and warmongers themselves. Those are things I've been through, or done, so I don't know if forcing cannibalism with no other options is that much worse, Octavia."

Octavia stopped and fully turned to the young commander in horror. If they got through this, Bellamy and Gaia would answer for inflicting this on a CHILD. "Can I hug you?" Octavia's request was as unexpected as it was poignant. Madi obliged.

While their hug was a little awkward and brief, Madi asked, "Please don't tell Clarke about the dark stuff I just told you. She'd burn the world down to get the Flame out of me if she knew. And the world needs a Commander." Octavia nodded and released the young girl, who trudged ahead.

In the light of day, Madi could confirm that hundreds died in the canyon. There were so many bodies. Walking at the front of the army, Octavia was still by her side. That changed when Blodreina stopped by one of the corpses and knelt down.

It was Ethan. Octavia's ward.

The others were too far back to see the tears that ran down Blodreina's face, but Madi did.

Clarke did this.

Octavia did this.

Diyoza did this.

Kane did this.

No. This was McCreary, and jus drein jus daun would have its day again.