It was officially the worst day ever for Trafalgar Law.

It began with Vergo waking him up in the wrong order of sequences; then his favorite skinny jeans ripped at the knee when he was dressing; then he realized his Jordans were creased, then Baby had taken off with his favorite hair brush THEN when he finally got to school it was because Pink had taken the Lamborghini instead of the Bugatti and it was embarrassing emerging from the car because Pink's damn car was pink…

During one of his classes, his teacher praised in front of everybody for his perfect grades; some cute girl gave him her Instagram at, and one of the lunch ladies gave him an extra veggie juicebox. In PE, he scored six threes in a row so everyone praised him with their attention and the Varsity coach offered him a position on the team without a try-out and now…

What made the day even worse was that Sanji Blackleg kept ignoring him.

It was absolutely the worst and Law went home furious. It didn't matter what he did to get that kid's attention, Sanji would NOT give him a single glance!

"You're such a dork," Baby commented with an eye roll and shake of her head as she watched him flop onto his California King-sized bed with a frustrated shout. She folded her arms across her chest. "I think you're only imagining things. Of course he's noticed you. Every kid in the school knows who you are, even the big kids."

"It might be that he's still just a kid," Corazon said lightly, sitting cross legged at the doorway while Law shot him a furious look. Baby whipped around with a shocked gasp – both of them then sneered at the man looking at them cheerfully, eager to learn about their day. "And little kids don't care about bigger kids."

"He's in sixth grade, and most of those little shits are already making googly eyes at each other," Law huffed.

"Do you want to marry him?"

Baby and Law shouted furiously at him, throwing whatever they can grab. Corazon hastily took off to avoid the flurry of objects while Law looked at Baby incredulously. "All I want is for that kid to acknowledge me. Never did I say anything about marrying! Gross."

"He's so gross," Baby agreed.

"Of course I understand that the considerable age distance between us is a legal problem," Law went on with a shake of his head. "After all, I could get into serious trouble with the law if I admitted that I want the attention of a sixth grader."

"Considerable trouble," Baby chimed in, mirroring his intense expression.

"All I want is for the little fucker to look at me and say fucking 'hi'."

"Fuck yes."

"LANGUAGE!" they heard Doflamingo shout from somewhere within the mansion, causing them both to jerk with surprise. "MAKE IT DARKER!"

Law rolled his eyes while Baby looked around herself with a confusion, wondering if the man was somehow monitoring them. He looked down at his ruined Jordans. "Damn. I have no more shoes to wear."

Baby's eyes locked on the floor to ceiling shoe rack near the floor to ceiling window, filled with all the latest in Nike and Jordan shoe wear. Most of them had been worn once.

"He's twelve, right?"

"And a half, so…I have to be really careful not to let the adults see."

"You're thirteen…"

"And a three-quarters, I'm mentally older than most jerks in my grade, so that matures me by a long slide."

Baby flipped her long hair over her shoulder with impatience. "I think it'll be fine…."

Hands steepled together, Law stated firmly, "I just think that once he notices me, he can mature as fast as me. Then his age won't be of any question."

"So - ! When you say like, is it like-like? Or…like-love like? Or…?"

"That little shit kicked me so hard that I dented Machvise's Escalade with my fucking face. I just want him to look at me and apologize for the obsession I have developed as the result of traumatic brain damage."

Baby rolled her eyes again as Law huffed, revisiting the memory with a bitter expression.

The next day at school, Law felt like he'd regained some of his control. Corazon dropped them off in a more suitable vehicle – the restored 1970 bright red Pontiac Firebird Trans Am – and many of the sixth graders were milling around their usual hangout spot, which was the flagpole. One of those kids was Sanji Blackleg – Law noticed the kid look back at the roar of the engine, pausing in mid-chew of whatever it was he was eating. So that upped Law's confidence levels as he, Baby and Buffalo stepped up onto the sidewalk to make their way into the building.

Chin high, Law gripped his backpack with one fist and listened to the awed comments of the younger kids as Corazon tore out of the parking lot. The sudden screech of tires, followed by a screaming metallic crash of sound caused everyone to gasp. Law himself whipped his head around to see that Corazon had wrecked the vehicle, sending it flying through a city bus and flattening against someone's garage while everyone gaped with incredulous sound.

Baby laughed hysterically while Law's mouth dropped open. He was impressed by the wreckage, but how mortifying it was that Cora that had caused the attention.

"What a dork!" one kid called out before laughing hysterically, other kids following suit. Law reddened, as if personally mortified by what that man did. He saw that Sanji was snickering along with the others, turning his back to Law and skipping off with a couple of his friends to the building.

He skipped.

He ignored Law once again, despite having seen Law emerge from that car just moments earlier. He basically just flipped Law off – so Law colored with rage.

"You little shits!" he screamed, drawing everyone's attention. "I'll kill you all for laughing!"

Most of the sixth graders shrieked and ran off in various directions while Baby and Buffalo snickered. They had to grab Law to prevent him from actually trying, while across the street, Corazon flopped from upside down car on the garage rooftop and did a single backflip onto the grass below when he tried to catch his footing. The bus itself, after being evacuated, burst into flame.

: :

The next day, Law looked over to the sixth grade table while he chewed sullenly on his blue tuna fish salad. Sanji was daintily eating the cafeteria spaghetti while his friends tossed food at each other before sneaking portions from abandoned trays.

Such a dork, Law's inner voice hissed with repugnance, but his eyes were stubbornly locked onto the kid. Sanji was pretty normal for a twelve year old – just barely over four feet tall, with crooked teeth that were sure to straighten out with his maturing years, and in possession of floppy, messy hair. He had a healthy, rotund torso accompanied by long, skinny limbs. He was a kid that spoke with a faint lisp because of his teeth. But he wore his sometimes patchy clothes stiffly and primly where everything was buttoned and hemmed and though it looked like everything he wore was thrift store content, the fact that he was a happy kid made the overall presentation enjoyable – er, memorable.

Law chewed furiously while Baby and Buffalo traded side dishes that Vergo was patiently serving them from the head of the table while monitoring teachers looked on with discomfort.

They were the richest family in town, but unfortunately, the town wasn't that big at all. Why Doffy preferred to settle in the countryside instead of the biggest coast city was beyond Law's comprehension, but who was he to complain when he was served fresh, five star dining meals at lunch every day?

He reached out and picked up a blueberry from his fruit parfait, throwing it in Sanji Blackleg's direction. Before the piece of fruit could hit him, a kid from his group launched up from the table and snagged it with his mouth. Sanji didn't even notice, focused on the words coming from some redhead's constantly moving mouth. Law grit his teeth as the smaller kid indicated that he repeat the action, mouth wide open.

Law returned his attention to his sandwich, glaring at the windows. "How hard is it for that kid to even look at me?" he complained to Baby with an incredulous tone. "Am I that plain?"

"Sir, you are absolute perfection, destined for success in the modeling world, and any kid that doesn't notice you now is of a certain disability," Vergo answered stoically. "I have already notified their parents of their uselessness and they should be here soon to remove that blind naked mole rat from the premises out of utter shame. Of course, I will personally stand by to make sure it happens."

"Vergo, you did not," Baby laughed merrily.

"I did not," Vergo agreed gravely. "This was only a fantasy."

"Let's not get out of line," Law muttered, lowering his fork. He sneaked another glance at Sanji as the kid snickered into one hand at someone's joke. Law's cheeks flushed. "I just need to try harder."

Near the end of the day, Law was fussing over his hair in one of the bathroom mirrors. He had a certain style that took him nearly forty-five minutes in the morning to perfect, and PE had left it mussed and misshaped. He used water to reactivate the gel but certain sections fell flat and he was getting angrier by the minute. He considered calling Vergo back to the school with his hair dryer. He couldn't return to his class looking like this – he was quite anal with the way he wanted to look, and he didn't want the girls fawning all over him again just because he looked 'messy'. He couldn't stand to hear their whiny voices as they pinched and pawed at him while the boys looked on with jealousy – it was a serious hassle.

The door slammed open and Sanji walked in with a whistle, hands in his pockets while a leg lowered. Law froze at the sink, water dripping from his hair.

Sanji dismissed him as he continued to whistle, heading to one of the stalls.

Flustered, Law watched his reflection walk past him. The ceiling of the bathroom was more interesting to this kid than the actual only person standing there. Law's fingers tightened at the edge of the sink.

"Don't shit while I'm still in here!" he snapped viciously, Sanji pausing in mid-whistle to look at him.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he apologized grandly – rather theatrically for a kid of his size. He bowed in Law's direction with a hand flutter. Law whipped around from the mirror to glare at him. "Your liege…when will you be finished pampering yourself so that I might relieve myself?"

Law didn't think he'd actually be addressed by the kid after being ignored for so long. So his mind went blank, mouth opening and closing with an answer he tried to acquire. His fingers tapped nervously at his chin before Sanji straightened up to look at him with a scowl.

His foot crashed through the sink, nearly crushing Law into the wall.

"I don't give a shit about your comforts!" Sanji shouted at him furiously, face and neck reddening with the effort. "I'm going take a shit and you're bothering me with your shitty attitude! No one can take a shit in these conditions! Get the hell out! Stupid kid! OUT!"

Law scurried out because he wanted to, not because he felt intimidated by a kid that could kick a hole in school sinks. The door swung shut behind him, the sound of Sanji resuming his cheerful whistling catching his ear. Astonished, Law gaped at the closing door, then turned and headed back to class in a state of shock.

: :

The next day, he and Baby worked out a plan before school. Buffalo just drew it, not really allowed an opinion but given something to do so that they could concentrate.

"I noticed he really likes girls, so I'm going to catch his attention here," Baby said, pointing at Buffalo's crayon map of the school's lay-out, "and this is where you come in. You will interrupt my flirting to say some mean things to him. Once he is focused on you, he'll have to really see just what sorta kid you can be, and he will never forget who you are again. He'll need to be forced to respect you, so amp up your attitude."

Law considered the possibilities while Buffalo added in a sun at the corner of the paper, along with a smiling face. Tapping his chin with thought, Law then nodded. "This will work."

"Of course, it can get tricky," Baby added gravely, "because he might not notice me at all. So I need to wear my purple dress, today, and every time I do, Cora tries to make me wear something else over it, so I don't know how effective it could be."

Law gave her a disgusted sneer. "Ugh. The one where you think it gives you boobies?"

"Yes! I look so grownup in it!" Baby cried.

"No, you look like a kid playing dress up. Don't do that, that's just embarrassing for the rest of us," Law grumbled while Baby looked slapped. "Just wear your normal clothes. You're just a normal girl."

"You're so mean, Law! I don't want to help you if you're just going to be mean!"

"I'm not being mean, I'm just saying!"

"Law!" Doflamingo snarled from somewhere within the depths of the mansion, causing the three to stiffen, "Baby looks like she's fifteen years old in that dress! Acknowledge her!"

"Ew," the three kids whispered to each other with disgust, hearing Doflamingo being chastised by others. Wherever they were, their voices were faint so it still made Baby wonder how the man could hear them. The trio returned to their plans, where Law gave it a determined nod.

"Alright. Let's do this!" he said, Baby and Buffalo nodding with the same attitude.

Once it came time for the plan to move into effect, Buffalo cleared the hall of kids in the pair's path. Sanji was at his locker, tongue caught between his teeth as he focused on his combination. His friends were all around him but they were rocked like bowling pins when Buffalo cleared a path through them for Baby to approach Sanji.

The kid looked at her with surprise, then brightened with delight as Baby pranced up to him with her hand on her hip, her other hand flipping through her hair.

"Heyyyyy," she drawled, struggling for sultry. Then she froze because she and Law had not planned out the exact conversation to have when it came to actual flirting.

"Hi!" Sanji exclaimed, not noticing his friends as they picked themselves up from the floor, Buffalo poised over them menacingly. "Wow, you are very pretty today…you look at least sixteen…"

Baby blushed while Law waited for a signal they did not discuss. "Oh…thank you…"

Sanji offered her his arm. "May I please be the lucky man that escorts you to your next class, miss?"

"Oh, yes! I accept!" Baby gasped, taking his arm while his friends looked on with shock and Buffalo looked confused. Law froze because this was not part of the plan, and it looked like Baby had forgotten all about him. Sanji beamed with delight as he walked Baby to her next class, the girl tittering with joy at being treated like a lady.

With frustration, Law kicked the locker next to him while Buffalo looked to him for direction.

"Sorry," Baby apologized at home later that day. "He made me feel like a woman so I get why you're so obsessed with him."

"Argh!" Law cried, drawing his hands down his face. "You're so stupid! This wasn't part of the plan!"

Baby blushed, covering her cheeks. "The things he said to me…I don't think I can repeat them."

Law gave her a skeptic look. He'd followed after them, and all Sanji did was discuss how "beautiful" Baby was and how she was certain she'd grow up to be more beautiful than Nami if Nami didn't get enough for her future boob job. The kid was so uneducated and poorly informed that it hurt Law deep in the guts.

"We need to discuss how to get his attention in a different manner," Law said, shaking his head.

"If he likes girls, maybe you should dress up as one and pretend to fall in love with him, lead him on, then disappear," Doflamingo suggested, propping his chin up within both fists, ankles crossed as the pair looked at him with disgust. He was laying on his stomach, listening to them plot, wearing an expression of pride. "Trust me, it's happened to me and it's something a man can never forget!"

Law considered this while Baby brushed Doflamingo's short hair with her (their) brush. Doflamingo had bought it from a northern country, and the bristles were made of whale bone. Law rubbed his chin as he narrowed his eyes. "That might actually work…there is a school festival on Friday where we will all be allowed to wander the school for last period. Vergo can find me a wig. Baby can do my makeup. I can borrow one of Jora's dresses from her hope chest, the ones she has hidden away before she got fat."

"I'm not fat!" Jora cried from somewhere, her voice tinny. Law and Baby glanced around with apprehension as Doflamingo's lips pursed.

Baby's eyes glittered. "Law, can I really? Cora bought me a whole new Naked palette set, and I haven't had a chance to try it out!"

"We have exhausted all efforts, and it's important that I keep on trying," Law said grimly, balling up one small fist. "I want to ruin him for causing me such tremendous pain, and this is a good way to inflict intense psychological damage upon him."

"Well, I don't know about all of that," Baby said skeptically, "but I just really want to see if you can pull it off. I'm selfish that way."

Doflamingo kicked his legs with excitement. "This is going to be great! Let's go find a dress!"

Peeking out from behind the doorframe, Corazon looked on with jealousy.

: :

The day of the plan, everything leading up to the moment went rather well. Law looked as if he could pass as Baby's older sister. Baby looked proud of her work, clutching her makeup brushes within one hand while Buffalo looked utterly confused. Hands on his hips, Law nodded. They had locked the boys' bathroom door so Baby could perform her magic, but they could hear kids' voices filling the hallways. In the reflection presented to him, Law looked like a girl at first glance – he wore a black wig with blunt bangs, and Baby had given him a pin-up spread that looked clumsy for his face but she'd had an amazing talent with liquid eyeliner. Jora had allowed him a pink dress with a high collar and short sleeves; Baby had contributed with white tights, but Law wore a pair of black Jordans instead of the high heels Doflamingo suggested. It was more comfortable that way.

"I look beautiful," Law said grimly, glossy lips spreading into a smirk. "He will notice me and I will crush his stupid twelve and a half year old heart with just a word. He will never forget me then. He will acknowledge me!"

Baby looked confused. "Erm. So…wait. You still want his attention? Or didn't you want to do this out of anonymity?"

Law froze. "I…just need him to look at me."

Baby scratched at her nose and asked, "And then what?"

Law's made-up eyes widened as he realized he hadn't thought this one through.

The door crashed open noisily, the heavy item slamming off Buffalo's shoulder and knocking him down. Baby gasped, dropping her makeup brushes while Law looked horrified, not ready to complete his task.

Sanji stood in the doorway with a grim expression until he saw the two girls looking at him. The boy at his side picked at his nose, giving everyone a confused look.

"Why was the door locked?" the kid asked, missing teeth causing a lisp in his words.

"Ladies!" Sanji cried, sweeping in to walk over Buffalo as he struggled to push the door off him, "I'm so happy I arrived in time to save you both! This happens to be the men's room – it's a good thing you locked the door, it's for your own safety."

"Clearly, this isn't a ladies room, stupids," his friend Luffy said, laughing as he walked up to one of the urinals and unzipped.

Quickly, Sanji grabbed Law and Baby's hands, dragging them out behind him with a gasp of horror. Once they were out in the hallway, he gave them his full and undivided attention. Baby practically swooned with his actions as Law struggled to formulate words.

"I don't think we've met," Sanji said to Law, sweeping his hand up to his mouth to kiss clumsily while Law's face and neck reddened with horror. "I am Sanji Blackleg, pretty lady. You look like a high school freshmen! Do you like younger men?"

"I do!" Baby cried, waving her hand in the air.

"Then I am the man for you," Sanji told her, kissing her hand as well. Law frantically wiped his hand against his dress before Sanji returned his attention to "her". "I would love to know your name, age and location of home…I need to know where to send the flowers after you've endured such a horrible moment in time with the wrong bathroom and crass elementary school attitude..."

"Romantic!" Baby breathed, hands clasped to her chest while Law sputtered.

He cleared his throat, and forced his voice to a high octave. "Stupid! You try too hard!"

"Oh, my lady," Sanji exclaimed, hands folding over one of Law's, "but if I don't try I won't know!"

"What does that even mean? Just look at me," Law snarled, pointing at himself. Sanji looked with a bright expression, smiling goofily. "I will ruin you. I am your destiny. I am your undoing."

"You can undo me all you want, but I will definitely be happy to be ruined by you," Sanji panted heavily standing on his tiptoes.

Luffy waddled out from the bathroom, followed by Buffalo. Seeing that Sanji was entertaining two ladies, he looked at the makeup bag he'd found inside one of the sinks. He rummaged through the mess to withdraw a lipstick tube, then wandered off with it, amazed at how easily it disappeared and reappeared with just a twist.

"I will never give you my name," Law said with determination. "You'll only be left with the memory of me! You will never forget me!"

Sanji's childishly round eyes brightened with hearts. "I cannot forget you already!"

"This is the last you'll see of me! But you'll always wonder about me!"

"Oh, at your command, my lady!"

"I'll always be the one woman that got away!"

"I will always chase after you!"

"You'll never catch me!"

"I kinda hope I don't!" Sanji cried joyously. "You can be my unreachable dream lady!"

Baby's forehead started to furrow with concern.

Law gave a victorious nod. "Then, acknowledge me."

"You are acknowledged! I love you!"

"Ah, just the words I needed to hear. Unfortunately for you, I don't love you back. I hate you."

Sanji looked crushed, dramatically clutching his chest while Baby continued to look concerned. "Oh, my beautiful damsel, your words are cruel but this moment is even crueler. I will always carry this flame in my heart for you."

Satisfied, Law nodded. He then turned and marched off, Baby and Buffalo wincing at the sight of his unladylike stride. Sanji was too busy dramatically sobbing to notice this, but once he noticed "she" was gone he looked to Baby.

"Darling," he cooed, grabbing her hand, "your presence has healed me! God has sent you to me directly from above to heal my freshly wounded heart! Would you please give me the pleasure of allowing me to escort you to the cafeteria for cookies and juice?"

"Yes!" Baby cried, hugging him. "Oh, a thousand times yes!"

Buffalo watched the pair walk off with their hands intertwined and he looked for Law but the "girl" was already gone.

A/N: I dream in fic, and this is, unfortunately, one of them. XD