May 22, 2016

Beep. Beep. Beep.

The repetition was a game inside of his head, an endless loop he can't seem to turn off. He feels as though his head is heavy, his body is heavy and cold—like he's trapped under a sheet of ice and the only thing to greet him is this endless noise. Castle tells his body to move, to do something, anything. He tries to remember how to move, how to open his eyes.

He can't. He's asleep again.

The next time he's found himself again, he still feels weighted down. Castle tries to open his eyes; he finds that it takes effort. Eventually, Castle's eyes open slightly, he sees blindingly bright light and he moans. Memories come flooding back to him—the apartment, cooking, Caleb, and the bullets. Kate.

"Kate," he stammers, clearly disoriented. Rick's eyes flutter and shut again.

Someone beside him stirs. "Daddy," a voice says almost in a whisper, as if she can't believe it.

Alexis. She would tell him, tell him if he's alone. Tell him if he's lost his partner, his wife, his always.

"Kate," he whispers again.

Castle opens his eyes again, just a sliver to see Alexis standing over him. Her eyes look sullen and she takes his hand—Castle sees that she's crying.

Kate is dead.

"Kate," he says again, this time in an angry rasp. His chest feels like it's going to implode—he doesn't know if it's from the bullet or heartbreak.

"Daddy, please relax, she's alive," Alexis breathes.

Castle opens his eyes wider and starts to cry. "Alive?" he asks.

"Yes, she just got out of her second surgery," Alexis clarifies as she wipes her tears with the back of her hand. Castle lifts his hand to caress her face and he realizes that even that is painful. "Daddy, you need to rest," she adds, grasping his hand, kissing it.

Castle drops his hand and closes his eyes again. "Tell me about Beckett," he insists.

Alexis sits down at his side, careful not to sit on any of his tubing. She takes his hand and squeezes it firmly. Castle squeezes back just to let her know he is listening. "Beckett was shot twice; you were shot once. The first bullet hit high and got lodged in her diaphragm. The second was lower and caused organ damage. You both went to surgery and you both came out alive but the doctors weren't giving us clear answers. They thought the bullet had gone all the way through but Beckett perforated her intestines about five hours after her first surgery, she was rushed back to surgery quickly. A piece of the bullet was still in…inside of her and had made a small hole in her intestines," Alexis whispers as she grasps her father's shaking hand harder.

Castle opens his eyes and Alexis looks up to see he is silently crying again. "Daddy, she came out of the surgery," Alexis encourages him.

"She awake?" Castle croaks.

Alexis' eyes darken and she shakes her head. "She woke up after her first surgery and said your name. Detective Ryan was there, she wasn't awake for long," Alexis tells him honestly.

"Can you make sure someone is with her, always?" Castle grunts, the effort to speak making him tired.

"Don't you want to know what happened to you?" Alexis asks her father.

Castle closes his eyes and feels the ache that has eloped his entire body. He was shot in his right chest. His lungs feel like boulders on his chest, his shoulder is on fire and he can feel a large bandage spanning his shoulder halfway down his back. Castle can probably guess what is wrong with him. "Another time," Castle slurs as he lets sleep take him again.

The next time he wakes, it's dark. The endless beep, beep, beep is still there to greet him. Outside, he hears the voices of Espo and Ryan urgently whispering but Castle can't bring himself to shout to get their attention. The room is empty, but there are signs that his two favorite red heads have been there—his mother's scarf, one of Alexis' school books sitting in the chair across from his bedside.

"Bro, it's good to see you awake," Esposito practically shouts as he turns around to see Castle's eyes open. Ryan hurries in behind his partner, smiling as he sees that Castle is indeed awake.

"You had us scared," Ryan states as he takes a seat next to Castle's bed. Espo seems uncomfortable and stands at the end of the bed inspecting Castle.

"Did you come and find us?" Castle asks, his voice muffled from sleep. He remembers shouting at the home information system he has, the one Kate hates so much. He remembers shouting to call 911 and nothing after that.

"We got a call from a dispatcher who said they received a strange call from Detective Beckett's address. Given everything that went down, we called in an ambulance and raced over there. You were both unconscious. Jesus, Castle, I thought you guys were done," Esposito says, looking at the floor, shaking his head.

"Beckett was losing so much blood, I heard the ambulance coming but it wasn't coming fast enough. I carried her down to the lobby just to get her to the hospital faster. Your ambulance arrived later, man I am so sorry for having to make that call," Ryan says, looking sincerely into Castle's eyes.

"Good call, Kate first," Castle assures him.

Esposito and Ryan go silent, still reeling from the events. "How long have we been here?" Castle asks.

"Six days," Espo replies, taking a seat in a chair across the room.

"Has Beckett been up?" Castle practically begs.

Espo and Ryan share a look that Castle is only familiar with because it's one he's shared with his partner many times—they don't want to tell him something.

"Tell me," Castle says as if it's a warning.

Ryan shifts in his chair and looks at Castle. "She's in a lot of pain. She woke up slightly but all she did was moan. She said your name once and that was it," Ryan practically whispers.

"I want to see her," Castle insists.

"Dude, you haven't even gotten out of bed. Your mother is with her now. She's not alone. You'll see her, when you guys are both healthy enough," Esposito shoots back at Castle with a tone of annoyance. "I knew they were going to do this," he adds to Ryan.

"Do what?" Castle hisses, getting annoyed.

"You were just shot through the chest, nicked your lung and then it exited your back, not failing to hit your scapula—you have weeks of recovery ahead of you and yet you want to get out of this bed, risk your own life to walk three floors down and what, collapse and cry at Beckett's bedside?" Esposito rants aloud.

"She's my wife," Castle warns.

"And we're your partners, we're here for you and you have to take your time," Ryan defends, playing middleman like he so often does.

Castle huffs and he feels a shooting pain in his chest. "Tomorrow, I want to see her," Castle insists.

Espo and Ryan share a look. "Go sit with her, not me," Castle adds.

Ryan stands and stares at Castle. "I am glad you're alive, brother," he says sincerely.

"Me too," Esposito adds.

Castle takes a moment and looks between the two men, deciding on the right words. "Thanks for finding us, for saving Kate, for everything, thank you," Castle says, as clearly as his body will let him.

Espo and Ryan both give him a small nod and leave Castle by himself once more.