Mirrored Heart

Intro

To be a twin is a very strange thing. For one thing, if you and your twin are identical then people, sometimes your own family, expects you two to be, well, identical. Two people, perfect clones of each other… yet our hearts want the same… the same interests, hobbies, priorities, expectations. If one takes up swimming, you are kind of expected by others to take it up too. Starts going to the gym? Guess what you're doing… gets perfect grades… I'm sure you're getting the picture.

To other people twins are, well, mirrors of each other. Showing perfect reflection of the other twin until even you don't know who is who… Is my brother me? Or am I him? It's like we always come in a pair, everything has to be in a pair for us. Our parents… when we were young, they would always buy double of everything, always the same. We wore the same shoes, same style of pants, jeans (yes there is a difference), shirts, polos for days we have to look presentable (I still do not know what that means), and gifts… Yes, we had the same toys.

My parents thought it was cute having us both look the same… they still do in fact, even though thankfully my brother and I have started making money to start buying our own fashion. And my brother, Gods bless him, he fell for our parents' trap. Now I love my brother, I really do, however he just couldn't see how… damning it is for us to be the same, how much it hurts us, hurts me, to have basically the same identity. Maybe it might be because I was always living under his shadow… even though I was born first. Ventus… I love you, but I have to be my own person.

Our brother, older brother, gets it. He's a year older than us however Sora could see right through this perfect mirrored image our parents have created. He loves us both as his brothers and treats us as individuals, not as a pair. He knew that we… I wanted to be different from each other and he helped me with every step of the way. Like last week, Sora helped me get this awesome black vest that looks so good with one of my red shirts! Ven was more of a light color-guy. He would never wear black unless it's to highlight his other light colors. And today… just an hour ago in fact, Sora almost got grounded because he yelled at Mom to try and stop her from taking pictures of Ventus and I dressed the same for this stupid social media compilation. Both Ven and I didn't want to do it, it was obvious on our faces, yet I was the only one who had the guts to argue about it. Ven couldn't see anything wrong.

I love him.

I feel like I have to state that explicitly. I love Ventus. I love Sora. I love our parents. I love my family… I just wish that I can be seen by them, by my parents, everyone… even Ven, as an individual. I'm not a half looking for his whole. I'm my own person. Everything I am from my short spiky blonde hair, to my blue eyes, to my short fit body and clothes… everything defines who I am as an individual. …Especially my homosexuality. The one thing that I actually share with Sora. Ventus? He likes both.

But me? I'm fucking gay. I love my new black vest that conformed to my body. I'm annoyed easily, I feel like my esteem and drive are in the shitter twenty hours a day. My anxiety is through the fucking roof. I love to curse—way more than my brothers. I hate white chocolate with a passion. I love big cocks and I cannot lie… though I haven't tried one yet. I love dark colors. I hate sour food. I want to be a writer. Or maybe an English professor. Fuck yeah I've read Harry Potter twenty seven times. I'm a Slytherin—my favorite classic is Victor Hugo's Les Misérables. English is the only class that I do absolutely great at. Who am I?

I'm not a part of a half. I'm not a person who has his lift figured out… who am I?

My name is Roxas Fujisaki. I have a story that needs to be heard. I don't know where this will take us… if I'll be the same person as I am now. I'm afraid of taking my first step. Even now as I stared out my window, looking at the yellow full moon above me, there's a paralyzing fear that kept me planted where I stood. This is not a story of a boy… I don't know if I'll find love at the end, have a happy ending like my brother and his boyfriend Riku… yet I just have to do something, anything. Something that would pull Ventus and I apart, something that would have us be seen as individuals.

I'm scared.

I have never done… never thought of anything like this before. Yet there's the moon enticing me, drawing me, wishing for me to come closer. To take that step towards individualization that I need.

I took it. That first step. My foot felt like lead, I could barely move yet I knew I had to… we lived in the suburbs. Stereotypical house: two stories, a door, some windows, a lawn—I'm too scared to even describe it properly I'm so sorry. With what felt like all my strength, I've opened my window. Poking my head out, I could feel a gentle breeze on this starry night. Ventus would never do this, I thought to myself. Sora would never do this.

Those two thoughts gave me the motivation, the strength that I needed.

I jumped.

And landed on my feet outside, my bedroom window being left open. A sense of exhilaration and joy overfilled me. I looked around the sleeping neighborhood, my head swimming with anticipation and ideas. Then dread.

Fuck what have I done? What if they find me—what if—oh fuck I have nowhere to go! No plans to follow! I'm only seven-fucking-teen! I can't go to prison! The sex would be good but still… prison!

I ran back to my house and used the gutter to climb back to my window, thankful for the half-roof that laid underneath it. Stumbling into my room, I've locked my window shut and ran to my bed.

I laid there in the darkness. A small chuckle rose in me. "You sneaked out of your room for only five seconds… way to fucking go, Fujisaki. Killed it." I took off my shoes and clothes, leaving myself only in my boxers. "Oh well… there's always tomorrow."

A/N: I have a bad record with Kingdom hearts stories... mainly because my workload with stories is usually so massive that this fandom gets put to the sideline. Well, guess whose writing-load is now light? Mine! I swear this one I will finish, because I have something personally interesting! Hope you enjoy :3