Hello Vivian.

I guess it's been some time. How are you doing?

I'm doing alright for now. It's already been a while since the new year started and yet here I am. To tell you the truth, I don't know how much time has passed since that day. These periods of time have gone by both quickly and slowly, somehow.

It's really a strange feeling.

Speaking of feelings, I feel both ashamed and hesitant to be writing after all this time. You must have already noticed from the departure in tone. It probably caught you off guard too.

I'd like to say that nothing special prompted this letter. I would.

It's just that...things have happened and I feel like I might not be able to write to you anymore. There was something I really have to tell you about, so the words finally came out.

That's all there is to it.

The new place was as crowded and noisy as it's always been. People came and went, and I was still there. I can't say it was easy either, but I pulled along somehow. You must be disappointed by my lack of enthusiasm. I can already image your scolding tone, but I really wish I could be home to see your angry face.

Much has happened since then, both good and bad.

As of late, I've had a lot of time to reflect on myself. Last year, when I said my goodbyes I didn't think really much of myself. I felt like my life had no direction or meaning for me to follow. In these long months, I thought a lot about my previous mistakes. They really made me feel lifeless. You know, you used to say how you hated people who lacked passion or a will to live. I now understand what you said, for I feel like there's no person I hate more in the world than myself.

I failed you Vivian, just how I failed nan. There's no excuses for me. It really tears me apart to know that I couldn't be the strong person I should have been. None of this would have happened otherwise.

I'm sorry to say that little has changed since then.

Although in some of these quieter moments, I feel a little like perhaps I was wrong. It really dawned on me that I might not always be there for you when you need me, and the thought terrifies me. I didn't want anything from my life before, but I realise that I couldn't afford myself this selfish indulgence any longer.

I must sound a bit loopy. The truth is, circumstances conspired to give me an impossible chance to set things right.

And yet as of the time that I'm writing this letter, I feel like it's already too late for anything now.

Yes, I've gotten myself into another big mess.

Honestly, I have no idea if this letter would ever reach you, or anyone for that matter but if I didn't write a record of all the events to this day I feel like I might be forgotten.

I know you might be confused and worried at all this vagueness, but please sister, I ask for your patience one last time.

I'll tell you the story of how it all began that day.

A much needed revision. I recommend reading the next chapter as well. All will be revealed in due time, dear readers.