Counselor: Reborn

Warnings: CRACK

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Take one: (Hibari Kyouya and Haru)

"Mr and Mrs. Hibari," Reborn started, looking at his clipboard. His voice is monotone, but trying not to. It is obviously a rote speech. "You're here because you have problems in your marriage. That you are here means you are trying to see if you can save it. So, whatever you say in this safe space will not make it out."

"Do you have cameras in this office?" the husband asked.

Reborn had seen everything in the course of his career and does not blink at the question.

"There are cameras in this room, yes. It is reviewed every week and then deleted," he said. "But that is not what we're here for. Let's start with you, Mrs. Hibari."

"Call me Haru!" the wife said with a smile with too many teeth.

"Look at your husband and tell me at least three things that you adore about him," Reborn said. His voice has not yet moved from the monotone.

The wife looks at the husband and the husband smirked back. A minute passes. Two.

"Hahi, I try!" she said. "But I just want to punch his stupid teeth in the longer I stare at him!"

Reborn looked up at the security camera, and nodded. "Alright, go ahead. But keep in mind, try to find even one thing you like about him as you punch his teeth in."

The husband laughed. "Wife, you can try."

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Take two: (Chrome and Lancia)

"What seems to be the problem?" Reborn asked, forgoing the usual spiel when the wife sighed.

"He's always so busy at work," she said. "He leaves at seven in the morning and comes home around nine. The children don't remember his face anymore."

Reborn wanted to roll his eyes badly. He hated workaholics.

"Honey," the husband interrupted. "We don't have children."

..Wait, what?

"I beg your pardon?" Reborn asked.

"We have dogs," the husband clarified. "And I work hard to keep her pets fed and healthy. She spoils them badly."

The wife got in the husband's face. "You spoil them just as much, you liar."

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Take three: (Tsuna and Mukuro)

"I want to have kids," the partner with spiky hair vaguely resembling a pineapple said.

Reborn nodded, making a notation in his clipboard. "That's a reasonable wish," he said. "And what do you have to say about that, Tsunayoshi?"

The man in question wrinkled his nose. "I'm fine with children. I just don't want to give birth to them."

Reborn's pen stopped in its tracks. "I beg your pardon?"

"Mukuro keeps telling me he'll get me pregnant!" he said, sounding slightly hysterical. "I'm a man! I can't get pregnant! Adoption is a thing!"

Mukuro gave an ominous laugh. "Maybe for other people."

Reborn's hands inched towards his phone. Dammit, there's a reason why he has the Psych ward on speed dial.

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Take four: (Fon and Verde)

Reborn was slightly flustered from his recent clients and he fluffed the pillows aggressively to relieve his feelings.

"Non-consensual body modification was not part of our marriage contract," the Asian man explained.

Reborn doesn't pause as he notes that down. He's fine. Completely.

"Till death do us part was part of our contract," the man with green hair countered.

The Asian man looked like he wanted to do that part badly. It's a good thing Reborn pointed out the cameras before the session started.

"Let me get this straight," Reborn cut in. He has a headache. "You want to have a divorce?"

"No," Both of them said in unison. "That would mean we lost."

Lost what? Reborn wanted to ask. Then.. "You're trying to modify his body enough that he doesn't die?"

Verde sniffed. "He has a very dangerous job. I don't want to become a widower. Our marriage contract has a frightening clause to whoever is the surviving spouse."

It's a testament to his patience that Reborn doesn't throw his hat down on the floor and jump on it in spite.

"So your marriage seems to be fine," he said. "Why are you here?"

"You were recommended," Fon said. "Someone said you solved their problems."

"You have a problem with your marriage contract," Reborn countered, giving in and pinching the bridge of his nose. "Who wrote that?"

Fon blinked, then smiled. "My nephew. His name is Hibari Kyouya. He said you helped his marriage."

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WIth a shudder, Reborn woke up from sleep, sweat pouring down his body.

Merde, what a nightmare. He would never be a therapist!

He changes clothes and goes to his student's rooms. Making Tsuna scream with terror always fixed his day.

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LOL.

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