Hey, guys! Sorry I've been gone but with the Corona Virus, college being changed to online courses, and studying for exams, I've been ridiculously busy. Even with school over, I've recently gained a part time job that's got me busy. Anyways, I plan on making up for it and try to update as soon as I'm able.
"Hey, Whis, can I ask you for a favor?" Chichi asked.
"Of course, Chichi," Whis smiled.
"Is there a way to make this show more child-friendly? I'm worried for the kids."
Bulma held Bulla in her arms. "I gotta say, me and Vegeta have been having similar concerns."
"As have me and Krillin," Android 18 agreed.
"Don't worry, everyone," Whis smiled. "The Grand Minister was worried of upsetting the Grand Zenos with cursing, so he cast a spell so that those within a 50-mile radius of the videos and have a child-like sentience lack the ability to hear profanity. Watch."
Whis flies over to Buu and whispers into his ear. Buu looks at Whis.
"What you say to Buu?" he asked confused. "Buu only hear weird sound."
The parents seemed to be placated by this news, deciding to watch the video.
Kaiserneko: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.
The scene opens up with a full view of Snake Way.
"It really is really long," Chichi stared. "I'm impressed you guys were able to run that."
"Well now a days I use Instant Transmission to visit King Kai," Goku said.
Narrator: Last time on Dragon Ball Z Abridged... Goku began his journey down Snake Way. ...Wait is that some kind of innuendo?
Roshi cackled at the line, causing Chichi to smash him on the head with a baguette.
"Don't waste food!" Beerus shouted.
Goku is seen running down Snake Way.
"It really is really long…" Goten says.
Goku (in his thoughts): This is going to be the longest, toughest journey I've ever made! I have to receive King Kai's training, and battle the biggest threat to the planet we've ever faced! I have to run as fast as I can—I have to keep running! For the sake of the Earth, humanity, and my fam—
The camera cuts to a sleeping Goku on a moving cleanup truck. The truck bumps into something, causing Goku to fall off Snake Way and down into the clouds.
"You fell asleep?" Krillin asked Goku, who chuckled nervously.
Goku (hits his head on Snake Way): OW, GAAAAAAAAA...
"Didn't that guy say that you'd fall all the way down to hell if you fell?" Chiaotzu said.
"He did," Tien nodded.
"I don't see why you couldn't just fly or use an energy blast," Vegeta rolled his eyes.
The opening sequence appears with Goku's scream fading out, which resumes at the end of the sequence.
"Anyone else still hearing Goku scream?" Whis asked.
"Music to my ears," Frieza smiled.
The scene changes to a screaming Goku falling straight into the depths of Hell.
Goku: AAAAAAHHHHH—
Goku crashes hard onto the floor.
Goku (in pain): Oowwww...
"I don't recognize this hell," Frieza said. "Certainly, nicer than where I was."
"You were tied up to a tree while being sung to by flowers, fairies, and stuffed animals," Goku said.
Marron smiled as she imagined it.
Two demons, one red and the other blue, appear on the screen.
Goz: Oh who do we have here? A little girly man, yeah?
Goku scratched his head. "Girly? Really?"
Goku: I'm Goku. Who are you?
Goz: I am Goz.
Mez: And I am Mez.
Goz & Mez: Und we are here to pump-
The camera cuts to a surprised Goku while a clapping sound is heard
Goz & Mez: -you up!
"Why are they German?" Bulma asked.
"Oh, is that their accent?" Beerus asked. "Also, do we have any more of that crab dip?"
Bulma hands Beerus some.
Goku (disturbed): Okay... well I'm sorta—
Goz (interrupting): First we are going to do a hundred squats!
Mez: And then lots of push-ups on the hard ground!
Goz: And then a bunch of jumping jacks! Ooooooooo!
Goten and Trunk's eyes twinkle. "Sounds like a fun work out."
Trunks laughs. "But we can do better."
Goku (even more disturbed): That...sounds like...fun. But I'm sort of in a hurry? How do I get out of here?
"For once you're not training?" Chichi smiles happily.
"Well I already had a much better trainer in mind," Goku chuckled.
Chichi sighed in defeat.
Mez: 'Agh, there's no way out of here; unless you manage to beat us in a test of strength and speed.
"Just shoot them!" Frieza, Vegeta, and Beerus shout.
Goz: Yeah, lots of running, 'und wrestling, 'und 'sveat!
Mez: Grappling each other on 'ze cold ground, yeah.
"Shoot them!"
Goku (desperate to avoid this): Okay, now let's say we went through all of that, then where would you say the exit is?
"Oh come on, they're not going to fall for that!" Oolong snarked.
Goz (points towards the exit): Oh. It's right over 'zere.
Oolong had an annoyed look. "He fell for it."
"They're idiots…" Vegeta sighed.
Mez: Ja, but you have to beat us first, and—
Mez noticesGoku running off.
"Did Goku just outsmart someone?" Android 17 asked in slight shock.
"Yep," Gohan said. "Still can't believe Dad did it…"
Frieza scoffs. "That's what makes this show unbelievable."
Mez: Ach! He's running away!
Goku (stops running and turns around): Oh, before I go, have you seen my brother Raditz around here? Spikey hair, tail?
Mez: Agh, yes, he made a horrible mess of 'ze Blood Fountain.
"Eh? But it looks fine?" Bulma said.
Goku (looks at the crimson waters of the Blood Fountain): Looks fine to me.
Goz (angrily): IT USED TO BE 'VATER!
"Oh."
Frieza looked at it curiously. "Now if hell had a nice view like that… no it still sucks.
Goku: Wow. Well, I'm going now! By the way, thanks for the fruit!
He reveals a fruit that he took from the tree.
Mez (horrified as he watches Goku eat the fruit): Agh! He has a piece of 'ze fruit! Agh, nein! Don't eat 'ze fruit! Don't eat 'ze fruit!
"What's so important about fruit?" Tien asked.
"Is it yummy?!" the Saiyans and divine asked quickly.
"Wait, Goku, you ate the fruit already. Why are you asking?" Yamcha pointed out.
"Oh yeah, I forgot," Goku smiled back.
Goku (finishes eating the fruit): Bye!
He leaves.
Goz: Oh, now we can't make 'ze fruit salad for King Yemma's barbeque!
"Hmmm…" Beerus scratched his chin.
"What is it, Lord Beerus?" Whis asked.
"Nothing much. I'm just curious. If Earth's food is so delicious, do you think its afterlife's food would be any good?"
Whis thought about it. "We can check it out later, though I doubt it would be anything that different."
Mez: Yeah, 'und Dabura's going to bring something totally kickass, 'und we will have nothing, 'und WE WILL LOOK LIKE FOOLS!
"Dabura!" Gohan blinked.
"Isn't he the one who helped release Buu?" Mr. Satan scratched his chin.
"Buu remember. Buu beat him up!" Buu laughed.
Goz: Ugh, I am so mad!
Mez: Yeah, let us go 'vork off our stress by doing squat thrusts 'und stretches.
Goz: Yeah, 'zen we'll do grappling in our speedos.
Mez: I'll grab 'ze oil.
"Oil?" the kids asked.
Grumbling, they both walk off.
The shift to Earth at nighttime.
Narrator: Meanwhile, back on Earth... Now that's got to be some kind of innuendo.
"How is that an innuendo?" Uulong complained, with Roshi nodding in agreement. Both were then promptly hit by Chichi.
The camera pans upward on a plateau, with a frightened Gohan looking down from the top as a wolf howls from a distance.
Gohan: I can't believe Piccolo left me out here all alone! How am I supposed to get down from here?
Piccolo (offscreen): CLIIIIMB DOWWWWWWWN!
"Honestly, Gohan," Piccolo said, "the answer was simple."
"Or he could have just tried flying," Vegeta suggested.
"He hasn't been trained to fly yet," Piccolo replied. "Though maybe he could have triggered it by instincts… Saiyans can fly in any environment, correct?"
Vegeta nodded but then stopped as he and Piccolo felt the anger of a certain housewife.
Bulma sighed. "I suggest you too run now."
Vegeta and Piccolo looked at each other
Gohan: I can't even get any food or water! What should I do?
"Do you not hear him, big bro?" Goten asked.
Gohan shrugged. "Guess not."
Piccolo (offscreen): I SAID, CLIIIIMB DOWWWWWWWN!
Gohan: If only I had some sticks or reeds lying around, I could make a makeshift ladder, or a rope...
"You really should be able to fly on instinct. Kakarot has an excuse from that head injury," Vegeta said.
"I'm just wasn't that experienced back then," Gohan said.
"You were a good teacher though," Videl smiled, hugging her husband.
Piccolo screams offscreen in frustration.
The scene shifts to Kami's Lookout.
Kami: You have all come to train on my lookout. But since I am quite old, I shall leave you in the capable hands of Mr. Popo.
Kami turns to Mr. Popo.
Kami: Mr. Popo, you know what to do...
Mr. Popo: Yes, Kami.
The camera changes to Mr. Popo looking at Krillin, Tien holding Chiaotzu, Yamcha, and Yajirobe as a sound of a door slamming can be heard.
Mr. Popo: Alright maggots, listen up! Popo's about to teach you the Pecking Order!
"Pecking order?" Mr. Popo asked.
"Sounds interesting," Beerus said, looking at Goku and Vegeta, both of whom got a bad feeling.
The screen goes black.
Mr. Popo: It goes: You,
A picture showing the text "YOU" appears.
Mr. Popo: The dirt,
A picture showing dirt appears.
Mr. Popo: The worms inside of the dirt,
A picture showing a group of worms appears.
Mr. Popo: Popo's stool,
A picture showing a blackened censored box appears.
A look of disgust appears on most of the viewers.
Mr. Popo: Kami,
A picture showing Kami appears
Mr. Popo: then Popo
The eyes of Mr. Popo appears in the black void above the pictures.
A lot of people jumped back from the shock of Mr. Popo's eyes just appearing.
Mr. Popo: Any questions?
Krillin: Um, yeah I—
The scene cut to an outside shot of Kami's lookout as a punching sound can be heard, followed by a black dot falling off said lookout.
Marron laughed. "Daddy's silly."
Krillin sighed as Android 18 pat his back.
Krillin (as he falls off the lookout): GGGAAAAAA...
His scream fades out.
Krillin Owned Count: 3
"Oh, come on!"
"Dear, it's okay," 18 assured him.
Mr. Popo: Enjoy the climb back up, BITCH! Now, any more questions?
Everyone remains silent in fear.
"Hmmm… this pecking order may have some merit," Beerus thought.
"Thinking of establishing something for these Earthlings?" Whis asked.
"Something like that. It won't be like the genie's pecking order, but Earth's culinary delights are always going to be on the top."
Whis smiled. "Speaking of culinary delights, pass the shrimp cocktail."
"Only if you pass the parfait."
Mr. Popo: Good, then we can begin.
The scene changes to Goku running on Snake Way.
Goku: Okay! No more diversions! This is really important! No more sidetr—
He notices a house.
"Good to know even this Kakarot has the attention span of a goldfish," Vegeta snarked.
Goku: Oooh a house!
Goku stops running and looks at the front entrance.
Goku (thinking): Is that a snake?
Snake-house sucks Goku inside its mouth.
"Aahh! Dad just got eaten!" Goten shouted.
"Didn't expect that," Gohan commented.
Goku: ...EEEEEEEEEEEEEE—
Goku falls through an open door from the ceiling and hits his back on the floor, causing him to scream in pain. The scene cuts to a black screen, with a sound effect from Metal Gear Solid's intermission playing, and then a screen opens up, which is a reference to a Codec conversation in "Metal Gear Solid".
"That music…" Krillin noticed, "and the way it looks, isn't that-"
"Metal Gear Solid!" Yamcha said happily. "Yeah I think so!"
Servant: Princess Snake! you have a visitor!
Princess Snake: Ah, perfect... Now let me assess the situation from here...
"I don't know why but this Princess Snake gives me a bad feeling," Chichi grumbled.
Princess Snake looks out a window and notices Goku talking to a servant.
Princess Snake: Well, he's quite the hunk of man-meat! But what's with the hair?
Chichi huffed. "I like his hair."
Gohan smiled, poking it. "It looks spiky but it's actually pretty fluffy.
Goten flies and pats his father's head, laughing.
The door opens and shows Princess Snake and two servants walking towards Goku.
Princess Snake (thinking): I just love this fur coat! Especially since I killed all the animals for it myself!
"That's a bit random," Roshi blinked. "She does look good in the fur coat though."
Goku: Huh? You don't look like you be King Kai.
Princess Snake (blushes): What? Did my magnificent breasts tip you off?
'They're not that big,' the females thought.
Goku: (confused) W-what?
Princess Snake: Nothing. Are you hungry?
Goku: Yeah! I could eat anything right now!
Princess Snake: Me too...
Chichi begins to growl like a wild animal again.
"Calm down, Chichi. Relax."
Chichi smiled at Goku, holding his hand. "I'm perfectly calm, Goku darling!"
Goku winces. "Well you're kinda hurting my hand."
Said hand had begun turning purple.
Goku: What?
Princess Snake: Nothing! Take a seat!
The scene shifts to a table filled with steaming food.
Princess Snake: I killed everything here with my bare hands. Including the bear hands—It's a PUN!
"Boo!" Puar and Chiaotzu shouted.
Goku is seen chowing down on the food.
Goku (with his mouth full): I can't believe you took all this down yourself!
Princess Snake: I wanna take YOU down...
"Chichi!" Bulma shouted. "I know you're pissed but if you squeeze any harder it's going to pop off!"
"Oh crap!" Gohan panicked. "Dende, healing powers, quickly!"
Goku: What?
Princess Snake: Nothing! Get in the hot tub!
The scene changes to Goku taking a bath in a hot tub filled with red water.
Goku: Wow, this water's really nice!
A cardboard box slowly moves behind Goku.
"A cardboard box?" Trunks said.
"Another reference," Yamcha explained.
Princess Snake (spying at Goku from inside the box): Not as nice as your ass!
They had managed to force Chichi's death grip off of Goku's destroyed hand, which was quickly repaired by Dende.
Whis giggled. "With that level of ferocity, maybe we should make Chichi the next Destroyer."
An exclamation mark appears above Goku's head, along with the alert sound effect from "Metal Gear Solid" playing.
Both Krillin and Yamcha laughed.
Goku: Huh?
Princess Snake quickly moves out of the screen in her cardboard box.
The scene changes to Goku entering Princess Snake's castle, fully dressed.
Goku: Well, thanks for the food and stuff, but I've got to get to King Kai!
Princess Snake (runs behind Goku): No! First you must pass the test of... endurance!
A dark look appears on Chichi's face.
Goku: What's that mean?
Princess Snake: It means I want you...
The princess blushes and covers part of her face with her fur coat.
Princess Snake: Inside me!
"This snake woman is still in the afterlife, right?" Chichi asked in a sweet tone.
"Um…" Goku stammered. "Y-yeah…? Why do you ask?"
"Use Instant Transmission to bring me there after this!" Chichi ordered. "We're going to have a little talk…."
Goku (completely clueless): What do you mean?
Princess Snake: You'll see...
The scene changes to Goku flying away from Princess Snake in her snake form, with the "Encounter" music from Metal Gear Solid playing.
Goku: Aaaaaahhhh!
"Wait, you could fly this whole time?" Vegeta asked.
"Well… I assumed I couldn't but the crazy snake lady surprised me!" Goku defended himself.
Princess Snake: Hah! Total supplication!
She breathes fire directly at Goku.
"Wow, she breathes fire too?" Goten said with sparkling eyes.
"Cool!" Trunks said, eyes also sparkling.
Goku: Whaaaaa! Stop chasing me!
Princess Snake tries to bite Goku but Goku flies out of the way.
Princess Snake makes a lot of grunting noises as she chases after her prey.
Goku: Stop grunting—it's creepy!
"It kinda sounds li-" Roshi started before Chichi gave him a death glare. "N-never mind."
Princess Snake (grunts): Wakka wakka wakka—
"Now a Pac-Man reference? Whoever made this must love video games!" Yamcha commented.
The scenes changes to Princess Snake chasing Goku in the style of a Pac-Man game.
"Definitely loved video games," Krillin agreed.
Princess Snake: Wakka wakka wakka wakka wakka wakka.
Goku (simultaneously as Princess Snake is saying "wakka"): Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa—
Goku's eyes light up as he notices some meat.
Goku: Ooo!
He stops to quickly eat the meat.
"That unfortunately, is something I can see our Goku doing…" Bulma sighed.
"Indeed, though now I want a meatier dish." Beerus said, nudging Bulma.
"I got it. I got it. I'll make a call."
Princess Snake: Wakka wakka wakka wakka wak—
Goku (simultaneously as Princess Snake is saying "wakka"): Aaaaaaaaa—
The scene changes to a wasteland at nighttime. Piccolo is watching Gohan from the sky as he is still stuck on top of a plateau.
"Oh no, I remember this," Piccolo said.
"Isn't this when…." Gohan trailed off.
"A full moon and a tail?" Vegeta laughed. "This should be fun."
Piccolo: Oh for god's sake, now he's just standing there looking at the moon like a retarded puppy!
Gohan winced and Chichi's anger toward's Princess Snake had once again been directed at Piccolo, who paled.
The camera zooms out and shows Gohan looking at a full moon.
Piccolo: I was trying to teach him to fend for himself, but nooo,
As he looks at the moon, Gohan begins his transformation into a Ōzaru, becoming a giant hairy monster monkey.
"So me and Trunks can turn into a giant monkey too?" Goten said, looking in awe as his brother turned into a giant monkey.
"Oh, we removed those when you were born," Bulma explained.
"That was not my decision," Vegeta clarified.
"Do you really want to get into this now?" Bulma raised an eyebrow. Her husband wisely backed down.
Piccolo: He has to be a WEAK, DEFENSELESS LITTLE—
He gapes, finally noticing Gohan's transformation.
Piccolo: Wait, is he getting bigger?
"How do you not notice that?" Tien asked.
"Not all of us have 20 20 20 vision, Tien," Piccolo defended himself.
Gohan fully transforms into an Ōzaru and holds up a barrel, with the theme of "Donkey Kong" playing.
Mr. Satan smiled at the Donkey Kong music. "And now Donkey Kong! Wow there are a lot of video game references in this episode."
"Eh, I wouldn't know," Gohan said.
"Didn't play much video games when you were a kid?" Videl asked.
Gohan scratched his head. "Well most of my childhood was either training to fight threats," he waves to Vegeta, Frieza, the androids, Buu, and Beerus, "studying," he gestures to his mother, "or helping out around the house to help them out," he gestures to his family in general. "So no, I never really had time for video games."
Chichi wiped her eyes with a napkin. "He's always been an outstanding young man!"
Piccolo (surprised): Okay, that's new!
Piccolo (thinking): Wait a second, that tail!
Cue flashback of Goku and Raditz's conversation.
Piccolo (thinking): His Saiyan blood! Does this mean...
"Is the flashback really necessary?" Tien asked.
Piccolo: Everyone of Gohan's race can become a giant gorilla!
"It took you that long to figure it out?" Vegeta asked.
Ōzaru Gohan fires a mouth beam, destroying the nearby area.
Piccolo: Damn it, if he destroys everything, what will be left for me?!
"That's what you're concerned about?" Goku asked.
"Hey, at that point I was still in my 'World Conquest' phase," Piccolo replied.
Piccolo stares at the moon while Ōzaru Gohan continues to cause destruction offscreen, growing annoyed.
Piccolo: STOP MOCKING ME!
He fires a ki beam straight to the moon, destroying it.
"You didn't even realize the moon was causing him to change," Frieza deadpans.
Ōzaru Gohan shrinks, with the "Super Mario" sound effect of going down a pipe playing, and reverts to his human form, naked, which has a Dragon ball censoring both his dragon balls and power pole. Gohan then falls down unconscious.
Piccolo (lands next to Gohan): Hah! Take that, Moon! Perfect orbit, my ass! And—
He looks at Gohan.
Piccolo: Huh? Where'd the monkey go? Well, he's back to normal.
He notices Gohan's "male jewels."
Piccolo: Oh God, what the hell is that thing?
"What do you mean, what is that thing?" Krillin asked. "You've never seen a- Oh… Yeah I forgot, Namekians are an asexual species, right?"
"Exactly," Dende nodded.
Piccolo: Well, whatever it is, I don't like looking at it. This either.
Piccolo pulls off Gohan's tail.
Piccolo: Now... CLOTHES BEAM!
Firing a beam at Gohan, Piccolo puts new clothes on Gohan, as well as a sword.
"Wow, that could be useful in a more everyday sort of way," Bulma admired the technique.
Piccolo: That is easily my most metro attack.
The scene changes to Goku once again running on Snake Way.
Narrator: Meanwhile, back on Snake Way...
"Innuendo!" Roshi cheered before being smacked by the mothers of the group.
Goku: Man, that was close! Sure am glad I got away from that giant snake lady!
The scene cut to Princess Snake tangled up in a knot.
The children laughed at how silly the snake looked.
Princess Snake (grunts, trying to break free, but no avail): AAAAAAGGHHH!
Her scream echos as the screen fades to black, showing the "Game Over" screen from Metal Gear Solid with its theme also playing.
Servant: Princess Snake? Princess Snake? PRINCESS SNAAAKE!
Cue ending sequence
The scene shows Piccolo with an unconscious Gohan.
Piccolo: Yep, and once again wanton destruction has solved all of my problems! With absolutely no negative repercussions!
"You destroyed the moon…" Gohan said in thought. "But wouldn't that effect the tides and environment by depriving the Moon's gravitational effects?"
The scene changes to Kame House.
Reporter: We've got breaking news that the Earth's moon has been completely destroyed. While the long-term environmental effects can only be guessed at, preliminary speculation puts the short-term death toll from tidal effects alone, at the hundreds of millions.
"Guess you got your answer," Videl winced at how the moon's loss effected the world.
"Sorry," Piccolo apologized. "But we got the moon back again eventually."
Reporter: We now go to our resident expert on lunar science, Sailor Moon. Sailor?
"Who?" most of the Z-Fighters asked.
Sailor Moon (getting shocked): OH DEAR GOD!
Reporter: Thanks, Sailor! We now return you to Nick at Nite's 24-hour Full House Marathon, already in progress.
The camera turns black, then changes to outer space, where Vegeta and Nappa's Space Pods are seen flying through space and passes a few planets.
Nappa: Hey, Vegeta.
Vegeta: What?
Nappa: Are we there yet?
"Oh, dear god, no," Vegeta grunted.
Vegeta: No.
Nappa: Are we there yet?
"Make it stop."
Vegeta: No.
Nappa: Are we there yet?
"I'm gonna kill him again."
Vegeta: No.
Nappa: Are we there yet?
"I'm gonna bring him back to life."
Vegeta: No.
Nappa: Are we there yet?
"Then kill him again."
Vegeta: No.
Nappa: Are we there yet?
"Oh, god damnit, Nappa!"
Vegeta: No.
As the screen goes black, the gang goes to get the newly prepared food, which had much more meat dishes to both Beerus and the Saiyans delight.
"Dig in, boys!" Bulma smiled. "We got enough for everyone!"
"Earth food!" Beerus praised as he ate a rice bowl. "Always so delicious! This pork cutlet rice bowl is so salty and greasy! It's suberb!"
"In the meantime, let's watch the next episode!" Gohan said, grabbing the remote and pressing play.
And done. Again, sorry it took so long, but I have been majorly busy. However, I'll do my best to make more time to write. I hoped you all enjoyed it.