Author's note:

Dear readers,

another chapter for you to enjoy. Thank you so much for reading, reviewing, favoriting and/or following my story. You are truly awesome. ;)

Have a nice late Sunday,

Vani12

Chapter 16 – Heartbreaks can be caused by your mum's lies, II!

Hall in front of the Living Room, Prince Manor, December 1978

Severus breathed in the masculine scent of Orion Black. On some level, it felt good to be embraced tightly by someone who seemed to care for him and was blood-related to him. The bastard Tobias had only shown him how worthless he was by beating him into a bloody pulp. Merlin, he had never before in his life felt the comfort of an elder male adult. On another level, he wanted to pull away from Orion Black's embrace and scream like a heartbroken boy at his mum. As his cheeks were graced by bitter tears and his heart ripped from his body, Severus felt numb. "Salazar, I wish that I had the energy to rip into the lying bitch that calls herself my loving mum. How could she be such an evil, cunning cheater? Hell, which witch in her sane minds gets pregnant by a married, esteemed Pure-blooded heir and hides away in the Muggle world? Which cruel woman lies to her son – whom she vows to love from the bottom of her heart – his whole life, changes his physical appearance and lets him grow up in an abusive environment? Perhaps, the monster Tobias had found out early on that she had cuckolded him with a bastard child and decided to let me pay for my mother's treachery with his fists? But what hurts me the most is that she couldn't be truthful to me in our therapy sessions. She has vowed that she loves me, regrets her past sins and will from now on be honest with me. Honest. My ass. She has kept on lying to my face, refused to talk about her first love and acted as the perfect mum at my wedding when she knew that I haven't even married Olivia with my true face. How could someone be so cold and dishonest? I hate her."

Severus let out a desperate sob. He didn't hear the positive words Orion Black mumbled into his ear. He didn't register his mum's desolate screams and her crumpled form on the floor. He could only hear a mocking voice calling out in his head, "Come on, boy. You always felt that something wasn't right with you. Nobody could love you, care enough for you to gift you a kind smile and look over your mismatched clothes when you were a child. You have always been the poor, ugly odd one out. A joke and a freak. And I guess that you understand the real meaning of these emotions now. You are a Black bastard. Some mistake who has only come into this world because your wanton mum has forgotten to take her contraceptive potion when she carried on her illicit affair with a married man. I bet that she would have aborted you if she didn't have to risk losing her magic and sanity about it. Black and Potter were right. You are Snivellus, an ugly freak who was never meant to exist. Your whole life is a lost cause." Severus put his hands on his ears. He didn't want to listen to this cruel voice anymore. "Make it stop, make it stop. I can't take it anymore," he screamed in an anguished voice inside of his head.

Although he could still feel Orion Black's soothing caresses on his back, they hadn't any effect on him. Every minute felt like an hour and every breath hurt like hell. He tried to keep his toxic emotions in check with his Occlumency shields, but they failed him. He was too bloody exhausted and emotional to call on his safety net. Only thinking about the beautiful face of Olivia managed to expel the toxic mocking voice. He could almost hear her sweet voice inside of his head. "Severus, don't listen to any mocking comments about you. You are such a strong man. You have battled the lure of the Dark Arts, overcome the bullying of the Marauders and improved your mental and physical health by taking care of you. I love you, regardless of how the lifting of your glamours will change your appearance. You are my soulmate, you aren't some joke or freak. If you don't know who you are, I can tell you who you are: You are a compassionate, witty and big-hearted young man with a brilliant mind and revolutionary ideas, who works on improving the lives of many people with new Healing Potions, Security Spells, and Communication Charms. Hell, you work as an intelligence consultant for the Order and fight for the destruction of Lord Voldemort and his evil henchmen alongside people who have tormented you at Hogwarts and haven't given a shit about you. You really deserve a medal for your ability to forgive and work constructively with former enemies. The fact that you turn out to be a Black won't change you completely. Sure, your feelings of betrayal, hurt and despair are only human and if I would be in your shoes, I can't tell how I would react. I promise you that I will always be by your side, listen to your ventings about your parents and emotions of being lost. But I won't tolerate that you turn your hurt feelings into self-loathing. I can't stand beside you when you rip into yourself for nothing, because I love you and can't see you hurt like this. Keep your head down, calm down your escalating heartbeat and ask your parents some questions. Perhaps, everything isn't like it seems."

Reassured by her words, he took a deep breath and stopped his crying. "Thank you for comforting me, … Mr. Black," he uttered in a distressed voice. Severus cursed himself for his unsteady voice and his hesitation in addressing Regulus' dad. Merlin, he knew that he technically was his "dad" now too, but he regarded him more like a sperm donor. He hadn't given a fuck about him and basically abandoned him before his birth. He didn't deserve to be called "dad". Severus had never had a dad and he wouldn't need someone now, at almost nineteen years old. He chuckled bitterly to himself. As a little boy, he had sometimes dreamed of making Tobias proud of him, being such a good boy that he stopped his beatings and looked at him with eyes full of love. In his darkest moments, he had desperately prayed to some deity to turn Tobias into a man who loved to play football with his son, teach him how to ride a bicycle or entertain him with funny stories. These had been the dreams of an abused, lonely little boy. He was all grown up now and he didn't need the love of a father figure anymore. A vindictive voice inside his head wished that Orion Black would feel immense pain when being addressed as "Mr. Black" by his son. He knew that he was very close-knitted with his sons and loved them to pieces, even Sirius who put this love to test by running away from home, being a cruel bully and renouncing his family. Merlin, Sirius probably knew that he was his bastard brother and treated him especially bad for besmirching the reputation of the Blacks.

Severus knew that every Pure-blooded family had their secrets and their juiciest secrets were the stuff of many gossips. His mum's illicit affair with Orion Black would have certainly been the talk of the day. And he was sure that Regulus' insane mum could count back nine months. She has most likely been aware of her husband's affairs, tolerated them with hurt pride and vowed to make the life of his bastard son a living hell. It wouldn't surprise him if she had somehow managed to drive his desperate mum into the arms of Tobias Snape, shackle them to a life of violence and poverty and incite Sirius to bully his bastard brother without mercy. Salazar, she certainly had always acted cold-hearted to him, questioned Regulus' ability in making friends by getting acquainted with a poor Half-blood and looked at him as if she had bitten in a lemon. Somehow it pleased him a little to know that his mere presence must have caused her emotional torture. She deserved hell for how she abused her sons. And if he had been a little jigsaw piece in giving her hell, he was proud of himself.

Regulus. Reg was his new-found brother. Merlin, this discovery was mind-blowing and the only plus side to finding out that he turned out to be the bastard son of Orion Black. He loved Regulus like a brother. And to find out that he was his brother not only in spirit but also in blood, put a loony smile on his face. He could feel Orion Black's eyes burning into his skull. He chuckled darkly to himself. His new-found "dad" must be questioning his mental sanity right now and pitying himself for gaining a loony son. Well, he could certainly live with shaking up Orion Black's feelings a little bit. Regulus had rescued him from becoming a soulless, self-loathing Death Eater and succumbing to the allure of the Dark Arts. Liv and he had installed new hope in his dark life, opened up his mind to the wonders he could work with his magic and potions and supported him to become a self-confident, level-headed and happy young man that had defeated his demons. Hell, Regulus has been the best man at his wedding, his partner in crime whenever he decided to let the child in himself come out and his soundboard whenever he bemoaned his lack of progress in developing a new spell. He was his dearest friend and he would sacrifice his life for him. To find out that he was his brother by blood touched his heart.

Severus didn't believe in the theory of blood bonds that existed between close relations. The Prince heir was the last person in the Wizarding world, who believed in esoteric or obscure teachings like divination, emotional magic or blood bonds. But he couldn't deny that he had always felt a close bond with Regulus. When the timid, reserved Black heir had approached him in his second year in the Slytherin Common Room for the first time to play Wizarding chess, he had been skeptical because he was the little brother of Sirius Black. But he had noticed in the first weeks of his Slytherin housemate at Hogwarts that he was strikingly different from his elder brother. Whereas Sirius Black had loved to bully other students, play pranks on them or ridicule them for their second-hand clothes and be the life of every party, his younger brother had studied with his Slytherin year mates in the library, discussed fantastical beasts with them in the Common Room or helped his brother's victims to pick up their books after the Marauders had vanished and observed every party in the Slytherin Common Room with a calculated gaze. Severus had been surprised when the Black heir had approached him in his fashionable, new Slytherin robes and asked him if he wanted to play some games of chess with him. Although his paranoid inner voice had urged him to chase him away with an ugly sneer and mean words because the little brother of Sirius Black could never be interested in being his friend, his gut instinct had told him to trust him and engage in a game of chess. Like Regulus, he had also loved to observe his Slytherin housemates and noticed that Regulus seemed to feel lonely and lost at Hogwarts. He could use a friend who wasn't a dunderhead and loved to discuss academic theories, hence he had accepted his offer with a timid smile and they had become as close as thieves since then.

Severus smiled a little. He could count on Regulus in every situation of his life. Liv and he would help him cope with his mum's lies and keep him sane. He awkwardly looked around in the room. Orion Black sat beside him on the floor with a worried look in his sapphire eyes and his face turned into a hurt grimace. The Prince heir could almost feel the anguish and longing in Orion's heart. He knew that Orion Black normally kept his cold demeanor and buried his real feelings behind a mask. Severus suspected that he was a master in Occlumency like him and wanted to protect himself by keeping up walls inside of his mind. But from the teary, blue eyes and distressed look on his face, he could detect that he had also been unable to keep his Occlumency shields up. He must have also been overwhelmed by seeing his son and witnessing his meltdown. "Like father like son. I guess you have more in common with your father than you think, Severus," a voice that sounded suspiciously like his grams muttered. Severus sighed deeply. He knew next to nothing about Orion Black. But he suspected that he didn't want to know the ugly truth behind his handsome façade, for which honorable wizard cheated on his wife, impregnated his lover and didn't give a shit about his bastard son? Merlin, whereas his mum and he had suffered under the hands of the bastard Tobias, scrapped together moldy bread to have something to eat and had to hide away their magic, Orion Black had chilled out at Grimmauld Place playing the doting dad to his little sons, throwing expensive parties with ample food and drawing up laws in the Wizarding community. According to Regulus, he had the audacity to act like a heartbroken, unhappy man who indulged into alcohol in his weakest moments, although it now turns out that he had lived a dual life and seduced Pure-blooded heiresses in his bed only to throw them away when they got pregnant by him. Merlin, who knew how many half-siblings he had?

Severus sneered, stepped up and pierced Orion Black with a loathing look. As dignified as possible, he urged him with his gesture to stand up from the floor and look him in the eyes. He wanted that Black could see the pain and disgust in his obsidian irises. He wanted to cut him to the quick. A tiny voice inside of his head whispered to him that he should give Black a chance to explain himself, make amends for his past sins and get to know him. But he didn't care about Orion Black's feelings or his history right now. Severus only wanted to express his hurt feelings before he started to burn up from the inside. Thus, he attacked him in a cool voice, "Well, how the mighty have fallen. The patriarch of the noble and ancient house of Black couldn't keep his hormones under control to not father some bastards. Tell me, Lord Black, how many Pure-blooded heiresses have you seduced with some lofty tale of love and promise of a happily ever after, fucked without giving a shit about contraceptives and tossed aside like some used milk bottle when they turned up pregnant at your door? I bet that you have urged them to abort the mistakes, paid them some hush money to disappear and moved on to the next warm body. You most likely wouldn't have cared that they risked their physical and mental health as well as magical powers by aborting your unwanted bastards. You make me sick. Perhaps, Sirius knew from the start that I was his bastard brother and bullied me mercilessly to show me that I will never belong anywhere in the Wizarding world."

In the corner of his obsidian eyes, he noticed how shocked and anguished Orion Black seemed to be by his accusations. Remarkably, he managed to keep his temper under control and look like a beating puppy at his son. Merlin, this damned sapphire eyes – a carbon-copy of Regulus' eyes – tugged at his heart, especially as they seemed to flash with hurt. Bevor he could be influenced by the emotions in them, Severus continued to rip into his "dad". He expressed in an ice-cold tone, "Did you know that he and his friends claimed that I hadn't the right to exist? They turned my life at Hogwarts into hell to the point that I have debated to waste my life away in alcohol and the Dark Arts. Have you applauded him for nearly getting me killed by a werewolf? I bet it would have solved some of your problems and kept up the picture of the noble Lord Black if I had ended up as werewolf liner. As a silly, lonely boy, I have always wished to have a dad who was proud of me, loved me and played football with me. Hell, I loathed my alcohol-loving, money-gambling, and family-battering "father" and wished that he would end up dead. To know that mum and myself have suffered at the hands of a monstrous, magic-hating man because my sire has been too cowardly to deal with his affairs and take responsibility, kills me. Your dreams of being one happy family are a pipedream. I will never forget how you have abandoned me to live the life of the admired Pure-blooded politician. I hope that you understand my message, Mr. Black. You will never be my dad, genetics be damned!" Severus ended his speech with a cruel smirk. He wanted to demonstrate to Orion Black that he loathed him and that rather hell would freeze over than him playing the grateful long lost son.

He was satisfied in seeing the hurt inside of his eyes. He knew that Olivia would rip into him for being so cruel to his "dad" without knowing the bigger picture, but his pent-up emotions needed to be hammered inside of his "parents" thick skulls. Instead of addressing his venting with a speech of his own, Orion looked sadly at him and walked to his mum Eileen who was still curled up into a broken-down, crying heap on the floor. Orion Black hunched down on the floor, embraced his first love tightly and whispered sweet nothingness into her ear. "Eileen, my love. Severus is only hurt. He doesn't hate us from the bottom of his heart. Don't fret he will be able to forgive us and understand our history with some time." Severus observed in shocked silence, how Orion kissed his mum on her temple, gathered her in his arms and helped her up from the floor. Severus guessed that she was near on catching pneumonia on the ice-cold marble floor of Prince Manor and stumped by the care in Orion's actions and words. He uttered a Warming Spell, rubbed gently on her arms to give her some comfort as well as calm her down and pulled her tightly in his arms. His mum seemed to be in a stupor for she clung desperately to Orion and let him move her around like a doll. Sure, Severus had vowed to loathe his mum for her lies and betrayal. But he couldn't deny that something inside of him still longed to embrace her and make her feel better. Besides all the deceit, she was still his mum. If he looked at his parents now, he couldn't deny that they seemed to care deeply for each other and give each other comfort. Perhaps, he had gotten their past history wrong and they haven't been some desperate teens high on lust, secrecy, and recklessness?

But Severus didn't listen to his doubts. He wanted to mirror his dark emotions and burn any bridges behind him. Thus, he took a deep breath and laughed in their faces, "How touching the love is that you are displaying for each other. Salazar, you really are some first-class actors. Perhaps, you can win an Oscar with your next performance. But you can't fool me. I wished that you had displayed so much care for each other twenty years ago. If you had, my body most likely wouldn't be riddled by endless scars and I would have had a chance to grow up in a loving and magic-practicing family. But wait a minute, I would have never had the chance at a happy family because daddy dearest already had one! Merlin, mum. How could you be so stupid to fall for his lies and get impregnated by a married man?

"I knew that you could be easily manipulated judging by your dealings with Tobias, but I would have never guessed that you threw yourself at a married man! Was the sex, the risk of being outed and barred from the Wizarding High Society as well as a taste of teenage rebellion really worth all the pain, heartache and despair that birthing a Black bastard brought you? I guess that I can be lucky that you didn't abort me as soon as possible to get rid of your mistakes. But you altered my physical appearance, let some alcoholic Muggle play my sire and lied to me my whole life. Daddy dearest is wrong, Eileen! I will never forgive you. It disgusts me to even look at you. Have fun discussing some pipedreams of a happy family, deluding yourself into thinking that I will love you again and raking up your romance gone bad. But please think about contraceptives this time. I wouldn't condemn my biggest enemy to be the unwanted, ugly oddball!" Severus screamed in a heart-wrenching tone, ignored the pleadings of his mum – "Severus, please. … Don't go. Listen to me. … You are the best thing that happened to me. … I love you." – because they were all lies and turned around to rush out of the Manor. He needed to see Liv, feel her love and warmth, and be assured that someone loved him.

He sped up his steps, but suddenly he couldn't move. "Fuck, Orion Black has hit me with a wordless Pertificul Totalus. I can't move my limps and only stand here like an ice-sculpture for as long as he doesn't lift the spell. That fucking coward. First, he shags around, doesn't give a shit about the consequences and erases his bastard son from his life. Then, he attacks me when I have turned my back on him to make me listen to their lies," Severus seethed like an enraged bull. Against his will, he was magically turned around and had to face the raised wand arm of Orion Black. He could feel dark energy swirling in the air and see the anger in his sperm donor's eyes. Hell, Severus feared that he would have hexed him into oblivion if his mum hadn't been clutched to his chest. His mum looked heartbroken and like she wanted to jump down the next bridge. Some heartstrings tugged inside his chest and a tiny voice mumbled inside of his head to back off from his reckless path and listen to their story. Sure, it gave him some sick satisfaction to see them so heartbroken, but deep down, he knew that his destructive path would only end in pain. Besides that, he currently wasn't in the position to tromp on his mum's ripped-out heart. Orion Black certainly wouldn't react too nicely to that.

The Black patriarch looked at him with a sad gaze, tucked some stubborn dark-brown curls behind his ear and uttered in an emotional voice. "Severus, don't break your mum's heart like that. She loves you endlessly. I won't stand silently beside you and let her be branded as some harlot and bad mum. I understand that you are hurt, need to vent at us and paint us in the darkest colors. Believe me, I wish that I had a time-turner to travel back to 1959 and act differently. But it isn't in my power to play with time to gift you a happy childhood. You were never unwanted, Severus. You were always loved and your mum hid you away in the Muggle world to protect you. You have to believe us." Severus could detect the honesty in Orion Black's eyes and decided to listen to his story. If it all was some web of new lies to tug on his heart and make him feel pity for them, he would know it.

He signaled Orion Black with a motion of his hand to go on. "As Regulus best friend, you are aware that my estranged wife is some evil, insane and abusive harpy. She convinced your grand-father, Arcturus Black, to marry me off to her to gain more power in our family. There was never any love lost between us. I loathed my Dark Arts obsessed cousin early on and resented a marriage between us. But I had to obey my father's engagement deal to not be disowned by him. My heart always belonged to your mum. You see, Eileen and I are old Hogwarts sweethearts. She helped me find out who I was and loved me unconditionally. We were in a secret relationship and I vowed that I would only marry her. I gifted her with an engagement ring and a talisman that would always protect her. Only with her love, support, and honesty, I managed to fulfill my dream of becoming a curse breaker and stand up to my father. We planned to marry in the summer of 1959 in an intimate wedding ceremony and live a happy, simple life in a cottage I had bought for us.

"I didn't care if my father disowned me as the Black heir and threw me out on the streets. Only my love and happiness counted. But we had under-estimated the evilness of the cunning bitch Walburga. She convinced my dad of moving our wedding up to the spring of 1959 and developed some dark scheme to keep me in her clutches. I wish that I had been smart enough to move out of Grimmauld Place early enough and call off our wedding regardless of the headlines it would produce. But I needed time to transfer my money into a secret account, buy our cottage and draw up some contracts that would ban Walburga from gaining assess to the Black fortune. Somehow, Walburga got wind of my escape plan and condemned Eileen, you and me to unhappy lives. She blackmailed Eileen, threatened to poison me and staged some photos to destroy our happiness. Hence, Eileen needed to whisk you away into the Muggle world and keep your existence secret to protect your life. She has done everything out of love, my son."