"So, I'm guessing it didn't go over too well?" Eve asked sympathetically when she caught sight of her boss, Lena Luthor, sitting alone at her desk with a frustrated and despondent expression.

"What was your first clue?" Lena chuckled darkly as her young and peppy assistant walked in, carrying some of the files Lena had requested earlier. Eve gave Lena another sympathetic expression as she set the files down on Lena's desk.

"What happened this time?" she asked and Lena heaved a sigh before responding.

"Well, I took your advice about getting her jewelry," she said slowly. "She liked it, but then she suggested getting me something in return."

"Well, that's good, isn't it?" Eve asked forehead wrinkling in confusion.

"She said she would buy me something matching, or similar, so that it could be like having one of those stupid little BFF necklaces," Lena finished.

"Ah," Eve's face changed into a look of understanding at once. "That's rough."

"No kidding," Lena gave another dry laugh.

For a moment, there was only silence, Eve dutifully awaiting her next orders while Lena tried to collect her thoughts. At last, though, Lena did manage to find her voice again.

"I just don't understand it!" she began with a noise of frustration.

"I don't either," Eve answered politely.

"I mean, I've already tried flowers! Roses and violets and lavenders! On multiple occasions! You think that would work if nothing else would!" Lena leaned back in her chair. "I've tried all the looks and gazes, all the touches and caresses and hugs. I've done that stupid lip-bite thing, the bedroom eyes, everything! And Kara is still just as clueless as she was when we first met!"

Another brief silence followed, only this time, it was Eve who broke it.

"Well, maybe that's just it," she suggested.

"What is?" Lena asked grouchily. Though she adored Eve, she really wasn't in the mood for anything other than sulking.

"You always do these nice and grandiose things for Kara, so maybe she's come to expect them from you. Like, she doesn't see them as romantic gestures because she doesn't realize that they are supposed to be because you've always been like this for her, even when you two first met!"

"But you think she would've caught on by now!" Lena argued, even though she saw the logic in Eve's suggestion. "I mean, hasn't she ever heard of love at first sight? Sure, maybe I've always been like this around her, but hasn't she at least wondered if it isn't romantic? Hasn't she at least noticed that she's the only one I treat so warmly?"

"Well, Kara has always been a bit... clueless," Eve tried to console Lena, but she knew that she had to be careful in the way she worded that remark, because Lena didn't take kindly to anyone who insulted Kara in any way, shape or form, including in moments like this. But it seemed that Lena was, for once, annoyed enough that she overlooked the insult to Kara and, instead, agreed with it.

"She is the most clueless bisexual to have ever walked this planet!" the Luthor declared, and despite herself, Eve laughed a little. Lena shot her a mildly annoyed look, but didn't have the heart to tell Eve to knock it off. Just because she was having a lousy day, Kara missing yet another romantic gesture, it didn't mean she had to take it out on Eve. Eve was a sweet girl, Lena wasn't going to mistreat her, or take her for granted.

But Lena still had a point. For all of her efforts, Kara remained as clueless to her romantic attractions as ever. Lena had taken Kara out to eat at multiple fancy diners and it still had gone right over Kara's head. So had hand-holding and physical and public displays of affection. All the hugs and calling her "my favorite". All of them had gone right over Kara's head. Lena was really running out of ideas, and none of her online sources really had much to offer her when it came to trying to flirt with a useless bisexual who almost seemed dead-set upon missing every sign you threw her way. Then again, Lena's only online sources were Tumblr, Google, YouTube, and several dating apps like Tinder and OkCupid. Maybe it was time Lena found better websites to get dating and flirting tips from...

Eve had been Lena's most trusted and valuable friend in this whole fruitless endeavor of trying to win Kara's heart, but even Eve was running out of ideas. She'd given a lot of really good tips to Lena from the start, better than what the internet had to offer, but when Lena kept coming back with negative results, even Eve began to wonder if Kara weren't entirely human.

"Come on!" Eve had cried once. "I'm a clueless bisexual too and even I can tell if someone likes me after enough nudges in the right direction!"

"Well, I suppose Kara finally beat you in the game of who can be more clueless," Lena had replied dryly.

"No kidding," Eve had rolled her eyes. "Is she even human? How can she not know about Stonewall? Or all those gay jokes I gave you? The 'lesbi-honest' one always, always, always kills!"

"Unless your Kara Danvers," Lena reminded and Eve had been forced to concur.

But Lena wasn't done yet. Clueless bisexual or not, Kara would see it one way or another that Lena saw her as more than just a friend. Even if Kara was the most "tone-deaf" person on the planet when it came to flirting and romance, especially as pertained to queer people and the queer community at large, Lena was going to break that barrier down somehow!

24 hours later, Lena's head was on her desk again in frustration.

"What was it this time?" Eve didn't even bother asking if Kara had missed Lena's intentions again.

"You don't want to know," Lena replied, head still down, but she told the story anyway.

Apparently, yesterday, after Lena got off of work, she had taken Kara out for dinner, and then a moonlit stroll by National City's river. Romantic? Yes. Obvious? Yes. Totally missed by Kara? Always. But they had been strolling hand-in-hand in this moonlight, alone together, and Lena had been giving Kara as much of the Seduction Eyes as possible, yet the clueless bisexual still managed to ignore or miss every single signal Lena shot her way. But to Lena, the icing on the cake was when she and Kara did manage to run into another couple with the same idea as Lena.

"So, how long have you two been together?" one of the couple had asked.

"Oh, we're just friends!" Kara had replied with a cheerful and innocent shrug.

The couple had exchanged disbelieving looks that Lena yearned to take part in, but as sad as it was to say it, Kara wasn't technically wrong. So long as all of Lena's flirting kept going right over Kara's head, they would never be a romantic couple. Kara had to process what Lena was hinting at (read: hitting her over the head with) before it could technically be considered a romance. So no matter how unbelievable Kara's statement was, it was technically still the truth, though Lena wished that it weren't.

"Just friends, eh?" the other member of the couple had asked and Kara had nodded again, still not understanding why they didn't seem to believe it.

"Yeah," she said. "We're just two gals being pals!"

"She went with the Gal Pal thing?!" Eve interrupted Lena in a fit of laughter.

"Yes," Lena groaned, face still on her desk.

"And I'm guessing she had no idea?" Eve asked through her mirth.

"What do you think, Eve?" Lena grumbled back. "She knows nothing about LGBTQ+ history or culture or cultural references!" but although this issue was sincerely frustrating to Lena, Eve was having far too much fun laughing over the story. Was Kara even human? How could she not see all of the obvious signs Lena was dropping her? Was Kara really just that bad at reading the signs? Or had she been raised in such a different culture that anything remotely gay went right over her head as reference she didn't understand? Or was it a combination of both?

Oh, poor, sweet, innocent Kara, the ultimate clueless bisexual. Even Eve was more aware of her feelings than Kara was of hers. And, in fact, Kara was at her desk a few doors down, right at that moment, busily thinking about what a good friend Lena was to her. Lena would've died if she could hear Kara's thoughts, but thankfully, Lena was spared from those innocently ignorant mental remarks from her painfully unaware crush.

"Useless and clueless bisexual," Lena muttered into her desk while Eve laughed. As always, Kara had no idea any of this was going on.

AN: I just wanted to see Kara being clueless to poor Lena "Lesbian" Luthor's advances (partly because Kara is clueless, and maybe partly because, as a Kryptonian, she still isn't 100% on the dating rituals of humans. Especially queer humans).

And also, advice-giver Eve was a last-minute addition, but I don't regret having her here. Eve's actually a really sweet character and I would like to see more of her here, so here's her acting as Lena's support and ally in this frustrating time of the clueless bisexual (my derivative of the useless lesbian, which you'll see next chapter).

Also, I say Eve is bi just because she was clearly into Mike/Mon El, but her fangirling over Lena when they first meet was kinda gay. Also, Eve is pretty much all of Lena's fanbase in the episode where they first meet. God, Eve is just so adorable.

(If Lena did ever fall for Eve, I would say that Lena definitely has a type: women who are blond, bubbly rays of sunshine that love her and seem to pay no mind to her Luthor name). I would ship Lena and Eve, TBH.

And just a heads up, each chapter is its own separate story. I just combined them all into one fic since they were all born of the same idea.