A/N: i copy and paste the following author's note to all chapters of all of my stories, for complete transparency. most of my writing is done on my phone and while i try to be sure my grammar, punctuation and the like are on point, the majority of my writing is in entirely lowercase letters! because i'm putting this disclaimer here, any and all comments about this aspect of my writing will be ignored. if it bothers you, please just don't read my work. thank you!

this fic takes place during the episode ear-sy rider; season 3, episode 1. i headcanon louise as being a transgender girl, and her bunny ears are what she uses primarily to express her femininity. there's a specific scene where louise is at logan's house, and he shuts the door in her face; there's a timecut to the next morning, and she's still standing outside his door. the time gap inbetween those occurrences taunted me for quite a while, and left a prospect of angst that i couldn't help but take advantage of. this fic is my personal headcanon as to what happened the night louise stayed on logan's front porch.

the door was shut in louise's face as she stood, arms crossed stubbornly. she sighed. what else did she expect? she glanced towards the window to her left, looking for any kind of reaction from one of the household members. nothing. after maybe ten minutes of standing and waiting for seemingly nothing, finally, louise sat down; otherwise she was sure her legs might give out under her. again she sighed, and slipped a hand under her hood, running her fingers through her dark charcoal hair. this was going to be a long night.

4:00 pm
really, she should have brought something to occupy herself. but she was hellbent enough on getting her bunny ears back that the thought didn't cross her mind that she might be spending an entire night outside the house of this bastard. she glanced towards the other houses in the neighborhood. how easy would it be to break into one of them, she wondered? the house across the street had no little security sign in the front yard like some houses did; the lock, she could see from there, was a standard doorknob and deadbolt - not hard to pick with a little time.
but that was an adventure for another day. once she had her bunny ears back.

5:00 pm
each house on the block was a different combination of colors. white and purple. purple and yellow. yellow and blue. blue and white. louise counted how many different colors adorned all of the houses together, and how many times each color appeared.
none of the houses had any pink. part of louise was relieved, free of the reminder, but another part was concerned. of course another part was concerned. even for someone like louise who wasn't superstitious, a time of desperation like right now brought about thoughts of omens and subliminal messages.
louise groaned quietly and put a forefinger to each temple. she'd stop believing in all this nonsense once she had her bunny ears back.

6:00 pm
louise watched a robin peck at the ground tenderly in the front yard. what are you still doing here? it's october, shouldn't you have migrated? she realized she could ask the same to herself. what was she still doing here?
keeping her word, that's what. standing her ground. if she left now, she'd be flaking out; she'd be nothing more than a coward.
robins weren't the only birds to have passed by. pigeons and crows had hobbled along the road and sat on the power lines strung above. louise found crows fascinating. the vultures of the city; the shadows of the sky.
a crow would stand its ground. a crow would keep its word. she had to stay strong, so that she could become stronger, once she had her bunny ears back.

7:00 pm
as the sun started to set, louise worried about how she'd be able to sleep. the porch was made of painted wood... not the most comfortable thing to sleep on. at the least, she could take off her hoodie to use as a pillow, but then her arms would be cold, and she wasn't ready to expose her real ears; it was too foreign and uncomfortable right now. as she searched for any solution, it became apparent her only option was to simply lie here on the wood.
it's okay. the discomfort wouldn't last forever. she'd be comfortable again, once she got her bunny ears back.

8:00 pm
what did gene and tina say to mom and dad? are they worried about me? louise wondered. if they did a good job lying, hopefully they're not worried.

still, in the back of her mind, louise knew that she wished they might be worried. she only had herself to blame, didn't she? closing herself off from them, refusing to tell them what was really wrong. but they kept asking about it... she knew that that just voiced their concern, but it still pissed her off. couldn't they tell from the tone of her voice that she was, and for that matter, still is, dysphoric? it wouldn't have been their first time seeing her in that state.
ugh. it hurt to think about who was in the wrong. all louise knew at this exact moment was that she missed her family. she wanted nothing more than to be hugged by them. and she hoped they were worried - or thinking about her, at the least.
she'd be home again soon enough. and by then, she'd be happy and back to her normal self, once she got her bunny ears back.

9:00 pm
god, that asshole. he was more than that. he was a monster. a horrible person. sure, maybe louise shouldn't have teased him, maybe that was testing the waters; but this was too much. couldn't he tell when was too much?
louise ran her fingers through her hair on the top of her head again, half hoping to feel the soft cloth of her hat there to comfort her. it scared her to know she was without it in her possession. she hated when any of her things were in someone else's possession, but the thought of something as important as her ears being away from her, having god-knows-what happen to them in someone else's hands, filled her with so much anxiety and uncertainty it was all she could do but keep herself from breaking down the damn door.
she formed two fists, and put up only her two middle fingers, before pointing them at the house. she stuck out her tongue.
she wouldn't feel this way forever. she wouldn't feel this way forever. she wouldn't feel this way forever. she wouldn't feel this way anymore once she got her bunny ears back.

10:00 pm
the last light in the house shut off maybe twelve minutes ago.
louise realized how dark the world truly is at night maybe eleven minutes ago.
she really didn't know what was out there. a certain blanket of uncertainty and danger had engulfed the world around her, and even with the glow of the streetlights down on the corners of the block, everything felt so inky and black. everything felt so... scary.
no. she was louise belcher. she wasn't scared of the dark. she had never been scared of the dark! what was she thinking? of course she wasn't scared of the dark.
louise glanced out at the world which enveloped her. ...she wouldn't be scared of the dark once she got her bunny ears back.

11:00 pm
yeah, take it in.

everyone could see straight through her. she was sure of it. everyone knew who she really was. everyone knew what she was hiding.
louise thought about growing sharp fangs to snap at anyone who glanced at her the wrong way. she thought about growing retractable claws to slash towards anyone who made a comment. what purpose served a pair of bunny ears? a rabbit wasn't vicious. maybe she didn't need her ears to be confident in herself.
...oh, what was she saying?! of course she needed them. because here she was, sitting on porch steps to get them back. she almost chuckled at her own ridiculousness. of course she needed them. she wouldn't be herself without them. she... couldn't be herself without them.
she'd be herself again. and nobody would be able to see through her anymore. everything would be back to normal once she got her bunny ears back.

12:00 am
eyes welled up and cheeks became wet with tiny streams of water. droplets fell from a chin. a nose sniffled. a mouth let out a quiet, hopeless sob.
stop crying, you dope. please stop crying. it isn't worth it. of course it was worth it.
louise hated her body. not always; sometimes it came in handy if she really had to pee, and she was glad to know she wouldn't have to worry about boobs getting in the way or making her back hurt when she got older. she didn't always hate her body. but right now, she hated it. she'd sell her soul a second time if it meant she could have just been born in a girl's body. then maybe she wouldn't need to wear the stupid ears. then maybe she wouldn't be lying on the porch outside some idiot teenage boy's house, sobbing quietly. but here she was. all because the universe was stupid and apparently hated her.
again she put her middle fingers up and this time pointed them towards the sky.
she'd stop hating her body again, and maybe she'd even forgive the universe for now, once she had her bunny ears back.

1:00 am
louise had cried all the tears in her little, wrong body. at this point the only thing she truly felt was thirst. being sad was too tiring. being angry was too tiring.
she let her eyes close and rested her head on her arms as some form of comfort.
everything would be okay tomorrow. once she got her bunny ears back.

—

6:00 am
she awoke more promptly than she had imagined she would. louise gently wiped her cheeks; that's right, she got all sappy and sad last night. gross. she ran her hand through her hair, trying to clean it up a little bit. she heard floorboards creaking and voices calling from inside the house. go time.

louise crossed her arms and assumed the same stubborn stance she'd been left in last night.
it was time to get her bunny ears back.