A/N: Well, hello everyone! I know a lot of people who have done this, so I'm just going to put this one introductory message in this chapter, and there won't be any others until I'm done. So, without further ado, here is the first letter in many, written by a Total Drama character who has been going through our beloved archive and is...interested to find what is going on in there.

So who's up first with their letter? Why, none other than our beloved host!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. Any resemblance I mention to another fanfiction is strictly coincidental. Now enjoy this little letter from Chris!

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Well, first of all, just let me say, YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!

Okay, that's the first part of the letter out of the way. I can tell from what you guys have written that you really know Total Drama. If there were less fics pairing Cody with almost anyone, I would have thought you were all Sierra. Obsessive much? No, but seriously, keep watching.

Next, there's a few things I need to set you straight on. First of all, why are you writing about the contestants and not me? There are far too many stories that don't include me. Excuse me, you wouldn't have the show at all if it wasn't for me! You all need to get on to that, pronto!

Second, and most importantly, stop pairing me with the contestants! What kind of sicko do you think I am? I'll answer that: not the kind that would be so unprofessional. And seriously, these people are TEENAGERS! There's a disappointing amount of stories that pair me with Courtney. Honestly, Courtney! I don't know why you think I'd ever hook up with her – she really annoyed me. And just because I think Lindsay is gorgeous doesn't mean I'd do anything to her, and despite what Dakota's been telling the press, saying she was hot before her mutation didn't mean anything – it was just something I said to scare her. Get this through your head: I AM NOT A PEDOPHILE. I WOULD NOT HOOK UP WITH A TEENAGER. Got that? Alright!

I guess that's everything for now. So, more stories about me, and more about torture instead of hand-holding with contestants, kay?

NOT looking for love,

Chris McLean