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Cover Art: Mystery White Flame

Chapter 68

Jaune was sure Ironwood intentionally argued they couldn't rearrange the meeting to watch him suffer but couldn't prove it, not with the threat of Salem in the background. With bloodshot eyes that kept drooping shut and a mouth that tasted of fermented yeast and rotten milk, he didn't so much sit at the table as precariously sway.

The floor looked comfortable. He just wanted to take a closer look. Honest!

"Whoah there." Qrow caught him before he could fall off the chair and become intimately acquainted with the tiles. The huntsman pushed him back up with a grin. "Is this what it's like to be the sober one in the room?"

"It must be a novel experience for you," Ironwood sniped.

"Been a lot of those since this guy got in charge. It's been one novel experience after the next."

"That it has." Ironwood sighed. "And it looks like the trend is set to continue. Headmaster Arc, I am officially here to shore the defences of Vale and take stock of the Grimm threat with a view to whether more soldiers from Atlas should be deployed here."

"I thought they already were…?"

"I did say officially. I realise your head isn't in the right place but do try and listen."

Jaune sighed mournfully. It wasn't his fault Cinder dropped a bomb. "Sorry. Continue."

"Atlas will not send all it has to offer unless the situation warrants it. Naturally, your word and evidence of the Grimm has the Council prepared to lend aid, but it's my job to determine how much aid is required. We may know it is all the aid that can be brought," he said, gesturing between the four of them. "But I need to provide some proof of that to the Council to justify moving the entire army over."

"It's paperwork, then."

"It's paperwork," Ironwood agreed with a slow nod. "I don't need you there for it. In fact, your presence would only suggest tampering in Atlas affairs. I shall be taking Winter and two teams from Atlas to scout the surroundings. We will find evidence of Grimm," he hinted. Even hungover as he was, he could tell Ironwood was stressing that. He'd find `evidence` whether or not it was there. "But it may take a little time. It depends on how far Salem has retreated."

"There's a chance she's given up," Jaune parroted.

"Do you believe that?"

"No. Cinder says she wouldn't and so does Ozpin. I just…" Jaune waved a hand and sighed. "Someone has to put the possibility out there."

"True. Consider it `out there` and dismissed." General Ironwood stood. "Winter, come. We will see our men in their temporary bunks – I believe Professor Port has given us room in the `James Ironwood wing`. I expect that's the wing of the school expertly modelled and crafted to look like an Atlesian battlecruiser. Even on the interior."

Jaune winced and then winced again at the tone of fake amazement in Ironwood's voice. Qrow chuckled as the two left, reaching over to pat his back. "That went well."

"I guess it did. All there is to do now is wait."

/-/

"So…"

Blake lay flat on her bed, eyes on the underside of Yang's bunk, waiting for her partner to elaborate on that single stretched out word.

"So…"

Outside the window, birds chirped. Inside the window, Zwei plotted their murder, snout pressed to the glass and ears perked up sharply. Whenever a bird would come close to landing, he'd grown and make snapping motions. He had a real hatred for blackbirds for some reason, especially the occasional raven that showed up.

"So…"

"For the love of dust!" Weiss snapped. "Are you going to say something or just repeat that all day!?"

"I was hoping someone else would pick it up and run with it," Yang said. "I don't know what to say."

The mattress above Blake flexed as her partner rolled to the edge, spilling blonde hair down the side. Books creaked, as did the whole rickety bed, and she idly wondered when it was she considered her life so expendable as to accept sleeping on the bottom bunk of a bed held up by hopes, dreams and pornography.

"I don't think anyone does," Ruby said. "I thought the BBEG type only existed in those tabletop games my friends played in Signal."

"They should," Blake muttered. "In real life people have motivations. Reasons. They're not always the right reasons, or sometimes they are the right reasons, but you take the wrong path…" Adam came to mind. She came to mind as well. "But no one is evil for the sake of being evil."

"Except this person."

"Except this person," she allowed. "I don't really see any justification for killing literally everyone."

"Hundred lien says it's a lack of nookie."

"Yang please be serious…"

"What? Hell have no fury like a woman scorned. This is totally a scorned woman gone mass murderer scenario. You can tell because it's been going on for so long. Only a woman can hold a grudge that long."

"Do you have to sound so misogynistic? And to your own sex, no less."

"Hey. I'm aware of my flaws. I never did forgive that guy who slapped my ass in last year of Signal."

"Yang, you broke his arm. Both of them!"

"He got off lucky…"

Blake snorted, not quite sure if Yang and Ruby were joking or not. She wouldn't be surprised if they weren't, just as she wouldn't be surprised if they were putting this on to cheer them all up. Despite being told they effectively had plenty of time to think on this and prepare, not one of them had the energy to even get out of bed this morning. It was gone eleven. At this rate they'd only get up when hunger forced them to.

I can't bring myself to argue with it, she thought. I just want to roll over and go to sleep for a whole week. Maybe when I wake up I can pretend none of this is happening.

"This sucks." Yang summed it up succinctly.

"We want this mission," Weiss said. "Don't we?"

Blake couldn't blame the uncertain little question on the end. Chipping in herself, she said, "I think we do. I'd rather have an objective than not."

"And we can lift the siege of Vale when it happens," Ruby said. "We'll be heroes."

"Better to have something to do than be stuck here worrying about what's going down," Yang agreed. "At least we'll be able to take the fight to the enemy."

All plenty of good reasons to be pumped about the task. It was dangerous, admittedly, but they were huntresses in training. Their very career choice was dangerous, and they'd all tacitly accepted the fact they might die early long ago.

"Argh, this sucks!" Yang yelled. "I don't get it. We should be pumped about this."

"It's a deadly mission."

"So? We've done deadly before. We went to Mountain Glenn. Team RVNN nearly got chopped up by some psychotic taxidermist."

"Yang!" Weiss chided, but she was clearly hiding her laughter.

"Point is, we've done dangerous. We were in the siege of Atlas. None of us is afraid of this, are we?"

There was a moment of silence as they each considered that. Blake was the first to say no and the others soon followed. There was a little tensions, sure, and there was always that fear of failing, but she couldn't say she was afraid of the task itself. Even if the Grimmlands by its very name sounded dangerous, it was clear Vale would be much worse. This Salem woman would be taking her most dangerous Grimm with her.

"Then what's the big deal?" Yang whined. "We're not afraid, we'd rather have something pro-active to do, and we get to actually help everyone here rather than hold the line and pray someone else can pull it off. This is way better than not having the job. So, why do I feel like I want to crawl under my bed and hide?"

"What if we fail?" Ruby asked quietly.

It was a damning question.

"If we fail," Weiss answered, "Then Vale falls."

"A-And the Atlas soldiers and huntsman defending it fall, which means Atlas falls…"

"At which point Vacuo and Mistral will have no hope," Blake finished, grimacing up at Yang's mattress. "No pressure, then. Only the fate of Remnant on our shoulders." Sighing, she cupped her face with one hand. "And that explains why I feel like crap."

Why they all did. Yang, Weiss and Ruby collapsed back onto their beds, all lost in thought and robbed of the desire to get up at all. The mission wasn't the problem; Cinder wasn't the problem; the Grimm weren't the problem.

It was the stakes. The price of failure. It was crushing them. And unless something came along to take their minds off it, they were going to lay around right until the mission starte-

"Kaw! Kaw! Skree!"

"Grrrrr!"

Zwei had his jaw around the wing and body of a bird that was being dragged down outside, the two plummeting out the window.

"D-Did Zwei just jump out the window!?" Ruby squeaked.

Blake stared with wide eyes. She'd called for a distraction, but this wasn't quite what they'd meant. In a blur, Yang and Ruby were out of bed and falling into their clothing. Weiss was no better, swearing up a storm as she hopped along on one boot. Blake swung her legs over and watched with a raised eyebrow as her team went from zombies unable to get out of bed to three madwomen trying to fit through the doorway at once.

"Well. I guess that worked…"

/-/

"Zwei!" Yang screamed as she raced out onto the commons. "No! Bad dog! Don't kill the bir-"

A woman with black hair and pale skin rolled around in the bushes under their window, flailing an arm that had a grey corgi attached to it, teeth gripped right into red cloth. The normally sweet corgi – if one asked anyone but Blake – was growling and snarling, eyes narrowed to pinpricks as it tried to emulate a sharp and twist and thrash his lower body to rip a chunk out the woman's arm.

A woman Yang recognised.

"Never mind. Zwei. Kill the bird. Kill it with fire."

"Get this rabid mutt off me!" Raven Branwen screeched. "Damn it, Taiyang!"

"Should we-?" Weiss made to step forward, but Yang stopped her with an arm across her chest.

"Nah. I think Zwei's got this."

"I was referring to helping her."

"Nah. Zwei has that, too."

"Zwei," a familiar voice called. "Don't bite Raven. You don't know where she's been."

Immediately, the corgi released the woman and kicked off her shoulder, landing with a happy bark and streaking over to a tanned man with blonde hair and blue eyes. Taiyang Xiao-Long knelt to rub the pup's head.

"Good boy," he crooned. "Did the nasty, vile, smelly, rude, stupid, selfish-"

"Do you fucking mind?" Raven shouted. "I'm right here!"

"-loud, potty-mouthed excuse for a woman startle you? Yes, she did. But you showed her, didn't you?" Taiyang's barrage of compliments had Zwei rolling over and wagging his entire body instead of just his tail. "And you went for the throat too – just like I taught you. Such a clever boy."

Raven stood and reached for her sword. Everyone tensed, Yang ready to jump in if not for Blake holding her back. A few other students who had come to investigate the sight of a dog jumping out a window had formed a loose ring around them. It wasn't a good idea to get between a huntsman and a huntress when a fight was about to go down.

"Teaching animals to do your work for you now?" Raven mocked. "I guess you've grown old and infirm." She sneered. "Weak."

"Not as weak as someone brought down by a corgi," Taiyang pointed out, standing. He waved a hand and Zwei hurried over to Ruby's side. "And look at that. He's already better trained than you ever were. Never could teach you to use a litter tray."

He stepped forward as he said it and Raven echoed the motion, the two stalking toward one another, each refusing to be the first to back away. All too soon they were face to face, eyes narrowed and bodies tense, coiled like springs. Those in the audience dared not speak. The slightest sound might send them off worse than Qrow and Winter.

"Coming from a man whose crowning glory is sleeping around with his teammates like a whore, I'm not sure I can take that seriously."

"Coming from a woman who spends her time picking on innocent civilians and calling it strength, I'm not sure I can take that seriously."

Raven scowled. "Coming from a man who spends his time training animals to perform circus tricks, I'm not sure I can take that seriously."

"Coming from a woman who regurgitates worms for her young, I'm not sure I can take that seriously."

"Coming from a man who wears cut-off chinos at the age of thirty-eight, I'm not sure I can take that seriously."

"Oooooh!" several people in the crowd sounded. Taiyang flushed, looking down at his shin-length trousers and back up again with a scowl.

"Coming from a woman who-"

"Fight already!" Cardin Winchester shouted out a window. "Or fuck. I can't tell which!"

Raven and Taiyang pulled away from one another with fearsome snarls.

"As if I'd be interested in a man who can't even buy trousers that fit him."

"As if I'd be interested in a woman who lays eggs."

"Ex-fucking-cuse me?"

"Eggs-fucking-cuse you!" Taiyang retorted. "Why don't you go find some sticks and build a nest."

Yang wasn't sure if she should feel angry or nauseous.

"Are they… are they flirting?"

"Sad to say," Qrow's gruff voice chimed in. The drunkard came up behind them with an expression that said he wished he were drunk enough to not see this. For once, Yang agreed. "Taiyang and Summer were a sweet couple. Peas in a pod. Typical family unit all happy and the like. You didn't think the same was true of Ray and Tai, did you? There was passion, don't get me wrong, but it wasn't the lovey-dovey kind."

"Puns, Taiyang? You always did think you were funny."

"Funny enough to think marrying you was a good joke. The punchline wasn't worth it."

"Your fault for being such an idiot, then."

"Your fault for being suck a coward!" he fired back.

"Your fault for being such a normie!"

"What?"

"You know," Raven said awkwardly. "Trying to force those family-centric normative ideas on me."

"We had a baby!"

"I had a baby! You and Qrow got drunk!"

Taiyang winced.

Qrow chuckled. "True story. We tried to cheer her up when she was giving birth with a little song and dance routine. Looked like she wanted to birth you and then strangle us with your umbilical cord. Summer was not amused."

"Oh my god," Yang groaned. "You were all idiots…"

"Team STRQ was certainly unique. Alright, you two!" he shouted. "Let's not start making out in front of the children."

"Me make out with this thing?" Taiyang sneered. "You might as well ask me to suck face with a Nevermore."

"I date strong men, Qrow. Not pussies."

Taiyang pushed his sleeve up. "You wanna go? Right here?"

"Sure you can handle it, old man? Wouldn't want you to throw a hip."

"Nope. Nope. Nope!" Qrow waded into the scene before they could fight – or worse, keep flirting. "I almost forgot about this travesty of a dating style you two had going on. I do not want to see it again. You will keep at least five feet distance from one another at all times or I will target bomb you from six thousand feet when my next bowel movement comes along."

"You got lucky, Taiyang." Raven let go of her weapon. "Qrow saves you yet again."

"Blind as well as deaf and dumb. You really are the most unfortunate creature, Raven."

Yang had gone so far beyond cringing that her cringes were cringing. Ruby was rubbing her shoulder supportively, whispering about how it was all going to be okay and their dad totally wasn't flirting with his bitch ex-wife.

"A-Am I the product of hate sex?" Yang whispered. "Am I…?"

"Shhh. It'll be okay."

"Easy for you to say. You're not born of two tsunderes going at it…"

"Her?" Raven laughed. "No, she was born of sloppy seconds and a pity fu- ow!" Rubbing her head, she pulled away from Qrow, who had clocked her when she wasn't looking. "The fuck, Qrow?"

"Stop scarring the children."

"Children? They're eighteen. I was already blooded by then."

"We had a fucked up childhood," Qrow stressed. "Been trying our best not to put Ruby and Yang through the same." He looked over and grimaced. "Thanks for ruining that by the way. Look at Ruby, you've broken her already."

"See no evil. Hear no evil. Speak no evil." Ruby rocked back on her heels, hands over her face. "Mom and dad had sex. Mom and dad had sex. Ewww!"

It was Yang's turn to prove comfort, sitting beside her rubbing her hair as Ruby retched.

"Eh." Raven waved a hand. "Builds character. Speaking of, I only agreed to come talk to your new pimp, Qrow. There was nothing about having to deal with this manslut." Her thumb jerked toward Taiyang dismissively.

"I came when I heard Vale might come under attack," Taiyang said. "Because, you know, I'm not a complete monster who would leave my girls to fight while I hide away safe and sound. Unlike a certain someone who will not be nam-"

"Okay, yes, we get it." Qrow rolled his eyes. "Everyone gets it. Raven gets it, I get it and even the kids watching get it. You two have hate boners for one another. Great. Nothing has changed in twenty years. Fuck my life. Can we get on and meet with my pimp - damn it, Raven! - I mean Jaune, already? I'm not paid enough to put up with this."

"Oh dear brother. Is he not giving you a cut of your fees? You should charge more for them to touch your special place."

"Raven, for the love of everything, shut up…"

Grudgingly, the three adults walked away, leaving everyone in the commons to stare awkwardly at their retreating backs, and then sympathetically at Ruby and Yang. Weiss knelt, placing a hand on both their shoulders.

"I'd like to apologise for ever calling the two of you strange. Clearly, you came out better than anyone could have expected."

/-/

Jaune stared through the window on the door as Raven and Taiyang sat exactly three metres apart, having pulled their chairs further away from one another. It didn't stop them constantly sniping back and forth – nor did it alter the fact that neither of them really had to be in the other's presence. Taiyang wasn't a part of the meeting and Raven could have walked away, yet both stopped to insult the other.

It was like two cars racing toward one another and both refusing to give way. A game of chicken that would only end in a car crash, but in which both drivers would, with their final breaths, proclaim that they won.

"What am I looking at here, Qrow?"

"A brief snippet of the nightmarish trauma Summer and I had to put up with."

"Were they like this all the time?"

"Worse. Taiyang started off a lovey-dovey idiot. It was only when Raven kept rejecting him that he grew a spine and started to insult her back. Not sure if she saw that as strength or not – she's always had a weird idea of what strong is. I mean, strong clearly isn't taking a bunch of trained bandits to attack a village guarded by civilians. That's pathetically weak. Try telling her that, though, and she's all `the strong rule and the weak perish` and I gave up years ago."

"Sounds rough."

"You think? Try throwing in Summer having a crush on Taiyang from day one, a rivalry between her and Raven, and then me – unluckiest man alive – stuck in the middle. It was not rough, Jaune. It was hell."

Yikes. Luckily, they didn't have any teams that dysfunctional now. Team RWBY paled in comparison – even when they'd been breaking into his room to rummage through his underwear drawer. Okay, maybe the apple hadn't dropped far from the tree there.

"I just expected more… you know. Hate."

"Oh, they hate one another. Always have. Part of me is convinced they married because neither wanted to look weak by trying to back off."

"One-sided hate. Not…" He looked back in the room. Taiyang and Raven were on their feet and face to face, and for the life of him he couldn't tell if they were going to strangle one another or make love on his desk. "Not like that!"

"Yeah, I get you. Taiyang has always been a problem for Raven. It's honestly not the fact they were together or that they had a kid. Not like the tribe don't know how kids are born. The problem was always how Taiyang made her act. He winds her up. Completely breaks her cool, calm mask and reduces her to this."

"He makes her act like a teenager?"

"Yeah. Or in her language, he makes her weak."

Great. So, Raven demanding Taiyang be kept away from her in Atlas wasn't because of deep-seated enmity over their failed marriage or crushing guilt over Yang, but because they both turned into flirtatious teenagers around one another. No, that was unfair. Teenagers handled themselves better than this. They turned into idiots!

"Heads up," Qrow warned quickly. "Pinned against a wall."

"Which!?" Jaune snapped, turning back.

"Does it matter?"

No. Jaune charged into his office in time to see Taiyang pinned to a wall with Raven against him, one knee between his legs and face flushing red. It was almost too late – both their heads had tilted in that stupid way they did; the way that made it clear the Brother Gods had been drunk and made noses only to mess with people trying to kiss.

"No!" Jaune roared. "No! Bad! Bad adults!"

Raven and Taiyang snapped out of it. Taiyang instantly pushed her away, snarling. "Tch. As if I'd ever want to do something like that with a woman like her."

"Jokes on you, asshole," Raven fired back. "You already did. Multiple times."

"At least I performed. You were like a dead fish."

"Not how I remember it, Taiyang. What I remember is you failing to get it up."

Taiyang smiled cockily. "The fact Yang exists would suggest otherwise."

"Leave Yang out of this!" Jaune said, wading in to defend his student. Poor Yang would only end up more scarred if she found out her existence had become a snappy comeback. And possibly also a `your mom` joke to boot. Stepping between them, he pushed Raven back toward Qrow and took Taiyang himself, forcing them down onto two seats. "Qrow, sit between them."

"Do I have to? That's the danger zone…"

"Sit between them, Qrow!"

"Ugh. Fine."

Jaune sighed and moved around the desk. Here he was, eighteen years old and somehow the only sane one in a room of people twice his age. It was a disturbingly familiar feeling by now. He was beginning to think it was some part of growing up a huntsman in Beacon, and that he might have dodged a bullet by not being put on a team. Even so, he could see why Ozpin patted his shoulder and told him it'd be best if he wasn't here for today's meeting.

Bring back Team STRQ, they said. It'll be easy, they said. Best team to ever come out of Beacon. Professional huntsmen. Should have known Ozpin was lying out his ass the second he said that. Nothing that comes out of Beacon is sane. Nothing!

"Right." Jaune coughed and placed his hands down on the table. "Raven. Thank you for coming. Taiyang, I'm not sure why you're even here."

"My children go to school here."

"I meant here specifically. As in, in my office making this meeting about nine times more awkward than it has to be."

"I sensed a bad influence to my daughters and reacted accordingly."

"…" Jaune stared at him. "I can't tell if you mean Raven or me. Or Qrow," he added after a second's thought. The huntsman in question gave him the middle finger. "Or Port, Oobleck or – actually, now that I think about it, why did you send your kids here?"

"You saying I should have sent them to Shade? It fell. Mistral was ruled by a traitor, and Atlas? Can you imagine what Yang would do in Atlas if they tried to force her into one of their bland uniforms? I don't need to be called in to Atlas to explain why Yang assaulted a military officer."

"Hmph. I see Yang inherited my strength."

"You mean your violent tendencies?"

"Calling your daughter violent, Taiyang?"

"No! My girl is the sweetest thing alive! Shut up, Qrow!" he snapped when the man coughed the word `bullshit` quietly. "And you don't get to comment, Raven. About the only thing you did was offer her your chromosomes."

"And save her life during the attack on Beacon," Raven pointed out.

"Yeah, well, I changed her diapers. I had her vomit on me. I had to explain why she wasn't dying when she came running into my bedroom in tears because she started bleeding."

Raven grinned. "How long did it take you to realise what that was?"

"An hour," Taiyang admitted, face bright red. "And only after the doctors in the ambulance pulled me aside to explain. In my defence, Yang didn't say where she was bleeding from. All she told me was that she was bleeding out and dying. I panicked."

"Weakling."

"Oh piss off. Like anything you do shows strength. Oh look at me, I'm the professional huntress picking on harmless villages in the ass end of nowhere. Aren't I powerful?" He jabbed a thumb into his chest. "I raised two daughters. Come back when you can match that."

"THANK YOU!" Jaune shouted before Raven could retort. "Now that you have both finished comparing penis size, maybe we can move onto the reason I asked Raven to come here? Preferably before you end up giving Yang and Ruby a sibling."

"As if Taiyang's sperm is strong enough-"

"BEFORE THE SIBLING, MISS BRANWEN!"

The woman flinched and sat still, hands in her lap. "Yes sir."

"Thank you." He wasn't sure where the sudden obedience came from, but he wasn't about to squander it. Channelling his hangover, he fixed her with a flat and pained stare. "Now, if I can continue from before I was cut off. You're not here on Ozpin's instructions or because we want to shackle you in any way. I assume you've heard that Salem has the Relic of Destruction."

"Y-Yeah. Qrow told me. Great work on that by the way…"

"Blame Ozpin if you want to blame anyone. The point remains that we've managed to create a scenario wherein Salem can't bring the Relic with her to attack Vale. That gives us a fighting chance. We're going to use that opportunity to push her back, but also to send Team RWBY behind enemy lines along with Cinder to retake the Relic."

"You're sending my girls in without help?" Taiyang said.

"I did say I was sending Cinder…"

Taiyang raised an eyebrow. "I stand by my point. Send Qrow with them."

"Are you mad? I'm not sending Qrow on a mission to decide the fate of Remnant!"

Qrow sucked in a breath, deeply hurt. "Hey…"

"Sorry. Let me rephrase that. I'm not sending Qrow's Semblance on a mission to decide the fate of Remnant."

"Oh. Right. Yeah, that's fair."

"Salem's forces will be distracted with us at the time so it shouldn't be that difficult," Jaune continued, watching Raven's expression. "However, I'm not stupid enough to assume it'll all go swimmingly. I'd like you, Raven, to keep an eye on them. Or a portal. Or however you magically knew Yang was in danger the first time. That might only be to open a portal to transport them back to us and save the trip back, but it might be to step in and help them if they get in trouble."

"If Yang is so weak as to fail here-"

"Then Salem destroys all of Remnant." Jaune let that sink in before adding, "And last I checked, you were considered a part of that. Along with your tribe."

"Reluctantly…"

"There you have it. I'm not asking you to put your neck out or fight on the front lines, and I know you have that `one rule` thing going on, but this isn't about saving Yang. It's about saving everyone – yourself included. And once we have the Relic of Destruction back, we can seal it away never to see the light of day again and you can leave as you wish."

"I suppose I have no choice in the matter." Raven leaned back. "Alright. I'm not so stubborn as to sit back and watch the end of the world. I'll keep a portal close to her." Snidely, she glanced to her left. "At least one of her parents should be helping out."

"You don't get to pull the parent card!" Taiyang shouted. "Not you of all people!"

"We have an agreement," Jaune said over the top of them. "Raven, you're welcome to stay in Beacon if you want, but since you can open a portal to Taiyang or Qrow if you needed to, I won't stop you staying with your tribe."

"Hm. Good." Standing, Raven flicked her hair over one shoulder. "I've little interest involving myself in the conflict here. I'll keep an eye on Yang and Summer's brat, and I'll bring the Relic here if we need to. I don't see any point staying to fight Ozpin's battles for him, though."

Jaune nodded. It was as good as they'd get and about what he expected. The main goal was her help with Team RWBY, and she'd given that. He didn't want to push their luck on anything more, even if having the Spring Maiden would have been helpful.

Taiyang whispered "weak" right as she was about to leave.

Raven froze in the doorway. "What was that?"

"You heard me. Don't let me stop you, though. Your Semblance is needed to help protect Remnant. I agree with the headmaster; it is better for you to go hide in your tribe." The word `hide` had Raven flinching. "After all, it would be a real problem if you ended up getting killed by some random Beowolf."

"As if I'd die to some pathetic Grimm."

"Hey. It's been a while since you fought them. All those elderly villages and children wouldn't be putting up much of a fight. I just figured you might have forgotten how real huntresses fight. It's probably for the best this way."

"No, no, no." Raven rounded on him and stormed back into the room, eyes blazing. She looked very much like Yang in that moment. "Keep talking, Taiyang. Please, share your thoughts. I couldn't help but hear you implying you are stronger than me. I'd love to hear where in the twisted hells you got that idea."

"My kill record for one."

"Pft. Don't make me laugh. Killing Grimm doesn't indicate strength."

"Nor does attacking defenceless villages. At least Grimm fight back."

"Not against me they don't," she said with a yawn. "They die so quick they don't have a chance."

"Big claims. Not sure I believe them."

"I don't see why not. You believed my orgasms were real."

"Going below the belt already?" Taiyang smirked. "That only means you can't put your money where your mouth is. Face it, Raven. You're past your prime. You're afraid of staying in Vale because you know I'll show you up when the fighting starts."

"You!?" Raven burst into laughter. "You must be joking. I'm the Spring Maiden, Taiyang. I can kill more Grimm with a flick of my finger than you can with a whole day's worth of fighting." She came forward to place her hands on his armrest and loom over him. "Face it. You're outmatched."

Rather than back down, Taiyang pushed his face up toward hers. "I guess we'll never find out – since you're running off to hide with your tribe like a bitch." He stood, forcing her to back off. "I can kill more Grimm than you can."

Red eyes narrowed. "Bullshit. I'm stronger."

"Prove it."

"Fine!" Snapping, she slammed a hand down on Jaune's desk. "Prep a room for me! A decent one. I'll give you your fucking portals, and I'll remind this manslut why he belongs on the bottom!"

"Um." Jaune leaned back. "Okay…?"

"Oh no," Taiyang mocked. "The old lady past her prime is going to try and outdo me. Whatever will I do? Oh wait, nothing. Easiest bet ever."

"When I kill more Grimm than you ever can, I'll take pleasure in making you get down on your knees!" Raven poked his chest, leaning into him. "I'm going to make you climb the tallest building in Vale and cry out that Raven Branwen is the strongest woman on Remnant."

"And when I win," he returned, "I'm going to enjoy the look of horror on your face as you admit on live television how you were a cowardly bitch too afraid to try your hand at raising a daughter. And then you're going to grovel to Yang for forgiveness."

"Good job I'm not losing then," she whispered to him. Laughing, she turned and strolled out the room, shaking her ass as she went. The door slammed behind her, leaving Jaune just a little flummoxed as to what the hell just happened.

Raven was fighting with them. Wait, the Spring Maiden was fighting with them.

"Taiyang, you did it! You convinced her to-"

"I need a new weapon."

"Taiyang…?"

"I need a new weapon," he repeated fervently.

Jaune sighed. "This… This wasn't a clever manipulation on your part, was it? You didn't cunningly find a way to trick Raven into staying and fighting. You're actually doing this, aren't you?"

Taiyang paid exactly no attention to him. "I can't match her kill count on foot if she has that kind of power," he mumbled. "No way I'm losing to her. I need a new weapon. Something that can rack up the points."

"Taiyang, she's a maiden. You're not going to be able to beat her."

"Nah, I can. I just need a big enough gun. A cannon. Maybe Ruby can help." He pulled away before Jaune could grab hold of him, running to the door. "Back in a bit! I'm gonna see if Ruby can make me a doomsday weapon if I bribe her with enough cookies and whatever guns I can steal off Ironwood's flagship."

The door slammed behind him.

Sighing, Jaune collapsed behind his desk and looked Qrow in the eye. "How did you put up with them?"

"I always tell people I drink to forget," he said, raising his hip flask. "Not my fault everyone assumes I'm talking about Summer."

Because why wouldn't Raven and Taiyang be the most dysfunctional tsundere on tsundere relationship ever? At least after Taiyang got over his early period of trying to win her over by being the original Jaune and trying to serenade Raven.

Next Chapter: 23rd July

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