Disclaimer : I don't own Loveless and I don't make any money on this. It all belongs to Yun Kouga.

A/N: The quotation just below was the starting point for this story so I decided to include it.

Prelude

"[...] putting the accent on all those ways people have of saying that they love you with their mouths but saying quite the opposite with their actions, and what this does to someone's sense of identity, trust or feelings toward intimacy and ability to form relationships."

Aimless blog

Introduction - Ritsuka's POV

It was a long time before I finally understood what simultaneously drew and repelled me in Soubi. It is strange how the mind processes people and events, how time, distance and memory twist and turn everything until it is but a faint, pale distortion of the truth. I know better now but I acknowledged, oh so late, how alike we were, Soubi and I.

Both of us had been denied the first requirement to become a responsible and mentally sound person: parental love, benevolence and guidance.

Our substitute fatherly figures didn't love us. Seimei and Ritsu were obsessed with us. They used our youthful love and twisted it to the benefits of their own needs and perversion.

We were betrayed. Again and again by those we cared about, by those who should have protected us. Either they turned on us or turned their backs to us.

And we both became somewhat antisocial, choosing to isolate ourselves. Because in the end, if you're alone, there's less opportunity to be harmed. I read. He drew. I elected the library as refuge, he did the same with the studio.

We turned people down. No need to show any weakness. No need to pretend more than necessary. True, I had Osamu then Yuiko who persisted into befriending me, hell bent on it, their compassion overflowing. Soubi had Kio. The same kind of dreamer, same kind of peace-lover and compassionate mind that these amazing girls have always been. We were lucky to have them.

We spoke little. We evaluated every move, every decision before acting. Nothing was natural. Not the words, not the acts, not the smiles. Oh, the fake smiles. We were good at it. Fake smiles and unsmiling eyes. They betrayed us in the end. Soubi always did see through me. Pleading eyes he once told me. Unbeknownst to him, he sported the same. And I could see through his tough act as well as he did with mine.

We had girlish features. Ritsu told him so. Yayoi said as much about me when we first met. We invoked jealousy, attraction or desire in others. But never really love.

We had no right to live for ourselves. We were very skilled at self-denial because it was the only way to carry on. We gradually became strangers to ourselves, unable to connect, unable to evolve. Prisoners of our guardian's will and expectations.

We learnt not to expect kindness. We learnt most people were dishonest and selfish. We learnt that life isn't fair and everything was a struggle. We learnt abuse — in all its form with us combined. Physical violence, mental persecution, emotional cruelty, sexual harassment, even rape in Soubi's case.

We had nowhere to go and no safe place to run to. We were hopeless. Desperate.

Loveless.

And it frightened me to see myself mirrored in him. Would I grow into the same kind of adult? Would I turn into a mindless slave to others' will and demands? Would I become what I utterly despise?

Yet we survived. Both of us. It hadn't been a given. Did we manage out of spite? I don't know. But Soubi got out of Ritsu's hands then out of Seimei's and found his way to me. And despite his absence later on, our encounter changed us. Soubi — Soubi would forever be the adult who showed me genuine care and protection when I needed it most. Seimei — yes my brother had cared for me and protected me from mom but he had left me deliberately, knowing what mother would do. Soubi left me, but he had no other choice at the time. His frame of mind had evolved but he wasn't strong enough to defy his name. But he had changed. I did too. I started making friends and caring. I started to live for myself, live as I wished to, live to stay. When Soubi left, he gave me purpose. I made a definite decision. I would get him back. Which in turn, meant I would not allow "Ritsuka" to come back. I made a choice. I do not regret it.

Loveless. I would defy fate.

A/N : I hope you like it. Leave me a review and let me know, will you? That would be great.