A/N: Okay... So, I had this new idea pop into my head a few days ago. And i really wanted to write about it. This is set at the beginning of season 5 if anybody is wondering. Please tell me what you think... Thanks guys!

October 2007

Wrenching her guts into the toilet bowl every morning had become a daily ritual for Jenny Shepard. Not that she minded though… She deserved it. That's what she told herself anyway. Another wave of nausea swept over the woman and she felt the familiar sensation of old stomach acid burning up her throat.

Clenching the edge of the toilet seat with one hand and the other hand holding her short hair back, she leaned over and spat out the remainder of vomit that she could bring up. Regret… Lots of regret. She should have never let Jethro into her house that night- let alone her bed. What was she thinking? Did she think that he was just going to magically come back into her life and pretend that nothing had happened?

It was just like Paris again. That night. There was no Director and no special agent making love. It was a man and a woman. A man who had had a little too much bourbon to drink and a woman who felt a little too much sympathy for the man that she still loved.

Slowly getting up from the toilet, Jenny brushed down the creases on the pale white nightgown she was wearing. It had vomit stained on the bottom- Great. It had only happened for the tenth time in the past 4 days. The button was pressed and the usual gurgling sound of water flowing through pipes echoed on the tiles of the bathroom.

Jenny should have known that it was a mistake. Their whole relationship was a big fat mistake. And them sleeping together was definitely a huge mistake. People couldn't know… He couldn't know especially. What would she tell people? What would she tell Secnav? What would she tell him?

Lifting the slim nightgown off her lean body, she took a good hard look at her reflection in the mirror. Dark circles under her turquoise eyes; bones sticking out of her shoulders like ragged twigs on a tree. The spout of water gave way as the woman lifted up the tap and massaged her cold hands under the warm water. She wished that it would wash all her sins away…

Reaching for the towel right across from her, she dried her hands and turned sideways towards the door- still looking at the side profile of her waist. The white bra holding her breasts were bursting at the seams. It hurt. She unhatched the hook holding them in place and watched as the unusually large breasts expanded out.

She didn't want a baby. Never did. She had seen many people go through it growing up. It didn't look pretty- and didn't sound pretty. She knew nothing about becoming a mom. How would she cope? She wouldn't. Jenny glanced at her waist in the mirror. At least it wasn't that obvious- it was hardly a small lump.

Walking back into the cold bedroom, she fished in the wardrobe for something loose to wear to work. The bed wasn't made- as usual since he had left the morning after 'That night'. The curtains were tightly shut, and clothes were scattered all over the carpet. She wasn't usually this messy… But her lack of energy was a good excuse to not clean it up.

A black blazer revealed itself amongst all the items of clothing and she picked it off the coat hanger and lay it on the foot of the empty bed. She tried fishing around in the drawers next to the bed for a suitable bra that wouldn't be too tight. It was impossible though- Everything she saw was either a size too small or plain lingerie. She really needed to find some bigger bras…

After painfully squeezing herself into a small bra, Jenny preceded to put on a white blouse and black pencil skirt- followed by the heavy black blazer that she had found. Next thing was her hair- It was much knottier than usual. Tossing and turning in an empty bed for three weeks was impossible without having a sniff of the sawdust and alcohol still remnant on 'that' pillow.

Picking up the comb, Jenny brushed through her short hair. Why she had decided to have it pixie cut two years ago- she wouldn't understand. But at least it was growing back smoothly Jenny thought as she saw the slightly red locks hitting the top of her shoulder. Feeling an aching pain swarm up her arms, Jenny put the comb down carefully on her dresser and crossed her arms together- taking in her appearance in the mirror.

She didn't have the energy to tie it into a ponytail- besides, she was pretty certain that Jethro preferred it down over anything. Not that he'd notice though. They had been avoiding each other like the plague for the last three weeks. Jenny flashed back to the morning after…

3 weeks ago,

Watching the man's naked body pick up the clothes they had casually thrown on the carpet the previous night sent a guilt raging through the redhead. They had made a mistake… Jethro stormed into the bathroom attached to her bedroom to get changed- not that it really mattered. The both of them had seen it all…

She heard the sighs and frustrations from the man as the shower tap turned on, revealing gushes of water shooting out. The bed was so warm- comfy. The woman couldn't muster the courage to get out of it. All it was, was just a few drinks. A celebration perhaps… Tony hadn't died. La Grenouille was somewhere out in the wilderness… Afraid for his life. Probably dead.

Pulling the pillow he had been lying on close to her nose, Jenny inhaled his scent. Sawdust, sex and alcohol all mixing into one great scent. A few drinks… A few too many. Jenny corrected in her mind. Closing her eyes, she heard the alarm clock go off next to her- a loud ringing like a telephone. 05:30 it flashed.

Jenny smashed her hand over the clock and shushed it into silence; the faint sounds of running water returning to her ears. She got up and walked into the bathroom- leaning against the doorframe and watching the man that she loved showering. He had a scowl furrowed in his brow- she knew that scowl. That was the scowl she would get from him on their undercover missions when she did something wrong- as if everything was her own fault.

He noticed her standing in the doorway and made eye contact with the blank expression in her green eyes- not bothering to close the shower curtain for his privacy. "What is this Jen?" Jethro asked with anger evident in his voice. She didn't wince as his voice bounced loudly off the tiled walls. What was it indeed?

She shifted the weight on her feet and crossed her arms together- breaking eye contact with Jethro. Suddenly the gushing water stopped, and the woman looked back up as he stepped out of the shower with her favourite blue towel tied tightly around his waist; the lone drops of water dripping one by one from the shower head. "What am I doing here?" Jethro asked getting in her face.

The redhead could see the drops of water hanging on by threads on his aging face. Making eye contact with his steel blue eyes, she could see confusion and ire all mixed in. "We were having a drink." She stated simply- not elaborating further.

"This looks like more than drinking…" Jethro gestured to their naked bodies. Jenny looked down and realised that she hadn't any clothes on- She grabbed her dressing gown hanging on the door and wrapped it around her. She could feel the heat rising to her cheeks. Even though Jethro was one of the only men who had seen her naked a thousand times, he still had the power to make her blush about her own body.

Jenny returned to the position she was in- plus the gown and gazed into his blue eyes. "You have a problem with that?" Jenny asked suggestively. The man wiped water from his forehead and rolled his eyes at her stubbornness.

"Yeah, I do!" The man shouted with ire. "Don't you see it Jen?" He paused for a moment. He didn't love her… He was pissed off at her. Probably still in love with Hollis Mann. And so, she shouldn't have been surprised… It had been a while since Paris… "We can't be doing… this…" Jethro barely whispered- gesturing at the state of the bedroom. Jenny moved from the position in the doorway with a frown on her face and chucked his pair of pants lying on the floor- that he forgot to pick up- at the man. He made no attempt at catching them and Jenny watched as they slipped down his body.

"Never stopped you before." Jenny muttered as she sat down at the end of the bed- referring to their mission in Paris.

"That was 9 years ago."

"8." Jenny corrected. She couldn't believe it- somehow, she had managed to get him into her bed and now he didn't want a bar of her.

"Whatever." Jethro muttered angrily as he aggressively put his clothes back on. The redhead made no attempt of stopping him, unfortunately for her, one-night stands seemed to be her specialty.

"How do you explain last night then?" She watched as he chucked the blue towel on the tiled floor.

"Intoxication." He stated simply and walked out of the bedroom. No goodbye. No resolution. Just anger. Typical.

She couldn't help but let tears roll down her face as she heard the door slam loudly downstairs. Silence. Why couldn't love work out for her?

Present Day…

As the elevator ascended, the waves of nausea returned to Jenny. Taking in a deep breath and counting to five, the redhead managed to make it subside for a mere moment. She gripped the railing tightly and kept breathing deeply. She had considered taking the day off from work, but she hated being away from her job. Plus, it made people suspicious, particularly Cynthia- her assistant.

The elevator opened and Jenny stepped out- quickly glancing over in the general direction of Jethro's desk. He wasn't there. The redhead breathed a sigh of relief- coming to work early when you felt like crap had its advantages.

As soon as Jenny reached her office, she placed down her bag by the door and ran into the bathroom attached to her office and threw up the water that she had consumed minutes earlier into the sink. Morning sickness sucked. Who even named it that anyway? She held her head over the sink a few minutes longer until she felt well enough to return to her desk.

Nobody knew about the pregnancy. Not even the father to be and Jenny intended to keep it that way. She heard a knock at the door- Cynthia. "Come in." Jenny beckoned. The woman with black curls and chocolate brown eyes opened the door to see the redhead placing her black blazer on the back of the chair.

"Morning Director. How are you?" Cynthia asked her. What Jenny didn't know was that the woman with black curls and chocolate brown eyes had noticed how fatigued the redhead had become over the last few days. She wouldn't dare mention anything to the woman though- unless she wanted her head snapped off.

Jenny took a moment to contemplate the question. Not Great- Pregnancy is a bitch. The woman wanted to say. "Fine. Anymore files been handed in?" Jenny said simply- changing the subject to work as usual. Cynthia nodded and temporarily disappeared behind the door to her desk. She returned holding a handful of field reports.

"Oh and… Director. Remember that you have a meeting with Secnav this afternoon." Cynthia said as she handed the load of files to the Director. Fear surged in Jenny- she had completely forgotten about the meeting with Secnav. Cynthia watched the Director as the blood seemed to drain from her face.

"Any chance that we can postpone it? I've just remembered that I have someplace else I need to be." Jenny said telling a little fib. Cynthia held a confused expression- it wasn't like Jenny to postpone very important meetings

"Are you sure Director? This meeting has been planned for months." Cynthia reasoned. Jenny waved her hands around in a frustrated manner.

"He's just coming to discuss budget cuts and miscellaneous subjects… He can wait another day." Cynthia nodded slowly and returned to her desk outside the office.

"Tomorrow afternoon sound good Director?" Jenny heard Cynthia yell from the other room. She leaned back in her chair and took a little sip of water- not wanting to upset her stomach anymore.

"That'll be fine Cynthia…" She couldn't drink coffee. She hated tea. Alcohol was out of the question and any food she thought about felt gross to her. Jenny opened the private drawer under her desk with a key and pulled out the little white stick that she had peed on a few days ago. It would be a long nine months…