Title: Do you need a hand? (Part one of ?)
Author: Whiskey Meteor
Rating: PG-13 (with references to bondage and masturbation)
Summary: Xander wants to enjoy a quiet, empty house. Andrew wants to watch Star Wars. Andrew says some things, and Xander gets a bit confused. Xander/Andrew... kind of.
Disclaimer: Everything BtVS belongs to Mr. Whedon, Star Wars to Mr. Lucas, and Star Trek to Mr. Rodenberry.
Notes: Set in season seven, just before "Storyteller".
******************************
Sitting at the kitchen table, Xander closed his eyes and listened carefully. The house was finally quiet.
Buffy and Spike were off patrolling with the potentials. Willow, Dawn, and Anya were taking a break from the whole 'preparing for Armageddon'-thing and had gone out to the movies. Giles was off on a mission somewhere, most likely to return with yet another slayer in training. Although I don't think any more people could possibly fit into this house, Xander thought to himself. And more people means more noise, less bathroom time and-, Xander's train of thought was cut off by a sudden surge of television noise from the living room. Xander sighed, So much for quiet time, he thought. Xander rose from the table, and stalked into the living room, where Andrew was parked on the couch in front of the television. Xander leaned up against the door frame, "Hey, Andrew," he said, "could you maybe turn that off? Or at least turn it down a little-,"
"Shh," Andrew hissed, cutting Xander off, "Star Wars." He pointed at the screen.
Xander rolled his eyes, "Look, turn it down or I'll tie you up again."
Andrew pouted, "You just wanna tie me up and have your way with me."
"Andrew, I'm serious, if you don't turn the T.V. down, I'll-," Xander frowned, "wait, what did you just say?"
Andrew turned to face Xander, cocking his head to the side. "I said," he whined, "You just want to tie me up or do away with me." He narrowed his eyes, "What did you think I said?"
"Huh?" Xander felt a slight blush rise on his face, "Um, nothing... I just didn't hear you." He raised his eyebrows and nodded to towards the TV. Great, he thought to himself, That was so *not* something I needed to think about.
Andrew turned down the volume a bit, crossed his arms over his chest, and put more effort into his pout, "I'm not a bad guy anymore," he whined, "I want to help, but no one will let me."
"Andrew, you may not be evil *now*," Xander explained impatiently, "But that doesn't change any of the things that you did. This is gonna take time."
Andrew rolled his eyes, "I know," he whined, "I'm just lonely, I guess."
Xander frowned, "Andrew, there are usually so many people in this house there's not enough room to breathe." He raised his eyebrows, "How could you possibly be lonely?"
Andrew pouted, "Everyone here ignores me... I feel like I'm invisible."
Xander crossed the room and sat, perched on an arm of the couch. "Hey there, careful what you say," Xander smiled, "Remember, we *are* on the Hell Mouth here, you might actually disappear..." Xander trailed off, "When we were in high school there was a girl who thought no one saw her, and then-,"
Andrew cut him off, "Xander?" he asked, looking up at the other man, "Would you kiss me?"
Xander gaped, Did he just ask me to-.
"If I disappeared? Would you miss me?" Andrew whined insistently, cutting off Xander's thought, "Would *anyone* miss me?"
Oh, right, Xander thought, 'Would you *miss* me'. Of course he wouldn't have asked me to *kiss* him... Yeesh. Xander frowned inwardly, Mental note: make appointment to get hearing tested. He looked back at Andrew, who was staring at him expectantly. "Are you kidding?" Xander asked, "I'm surrounded by hordes of teenaged girls. I need all the male allies I can get." Andrew smiled shyly. "Besides," Xander went on, "You're the only one here who wouldn't look at me like I was crazy if I..." he waved his hands in the air, thinking, "If I quoted one of the Ferengi rules of acquisition."
Andrew nodded gravely, "There's a rule of acquisition to cover everything," he said.
"But that doesn't mean one's always got to be applied," Xander added. Both men chuckled.
Andrew looked up at Xander thoughtfully, "Sometimes I can't decide which I like better, your neck or your ass."
Xander shook himself, "What?!"
"I said *sometimes*," Andrew said defensively, "Star Trek has a very special place in my heart, but Star Wars will always be my favourite." He looked back at the television and smiled dreamily.
Oh, Xander thought, *Star Trek* or *Star Wars*... Xander frowned, But *wars* doesn't even sound like *ass*.... He shrugged dismissively, Ah, don't sweat it, Xan, he thought, You're just hearing what you want to- Ah! No! *SO* not wanting to hear that... Xander eyed Andrew warily, You're just... frustrated... he told himself, Now that you're not with Anya anymore, you're craving attention and you don't care where it- Andrew was talking to him. Xander blinked.
"Xander?" Andrew said, "Hello? Are you still there?"
Xander shook himself, "Huh?" he asked.
"I said: do you want to sit down?" Andrew cocked his head to the side, "I'll start the DVD again if you wanna watch...?" He narrowed his eyes at Xander, who was wearing a confused look, "Xander, are you okay?"
"Huh? Yeah, fine," Xander said, standing up and taking a few steps back from the couch, "I just... need to... going away... to the upstairs... with the quiet... and...?" Andrew looked at him, his brows knit in confusion. Xander sighed, and threw his hands in the air, "I'm going upstairs where it's quiet," he clarified.
"Oh," Andrew said, "Well, if you want me, just shout," he added brightly.
If I *want* you?! Xander thought, Okay, calm down... Overreact much? I'm sure he didn't mean it *that* way... Xander frowned, "What do you mean?" he asked carefully.
"Remember?" Andrew whined impatiently, "I'm good now... I want to help?"
There, see? Xander scolded himself, It was completely innocent, he just wants to help he nodded. "Right," Xander said. Andrew nodded, and turned back to the television. Xander shook his head and left the room, wandering upstairs. He sighed, I can see the headline now, he thought, *Sexually frustrated youth driven insane by misheard remarks and unintentional innuendo*. Xander headed straight into the bathroom, and pulled the door closed behind him. "Well," he muttered, "I can't do anything about the innuendo... but..." He smiled to himself, and unzipped his pants, Let's see what I can do about that frustration...
* * * * *
Downstairs, Andrew was watching the movie intently, silently mouthing along with some of the lines. On screen, Luke and Leia were about to swing across a ventilation shaft together (A storm trooper falls into down the shaft. Luke tosses a rope across the way and it catches on some pipes, securing itself. Luke pulls Leia into his arms.). Andrew drew his knees up against his chest and hugged them tightly, holding his breath (Leia looks at Luke, and then kisses him quickly.) Andrew sighed. "For luck," he spoke out loud with the woman on screen. Andrew rested his chin on his knee and closed his eyes. If he tried really hard, he could replace the actors in the scene he'd just watched with other people... In Andrew's mind, Leia became... well, him. And Luke became dark haired and brown eyed... Andrew smiled guiltily at the thought of future-Jedi-Xander taking him in his arms... Wait, he thought, suddenly frowning, Xander can't be Luke, because then he'd be my *brother*... The smile spread quickly back across Andrew's face, But he could be Han.... Andrew conjured up a mental image of Xander, sporting a blaster, tousled hair, and Solo's trademark tight pants. Andrew giggled, and opening his eyes, leapt off the couch and began madly searching for the 'Return of the Jedi' DVD.
* * * * *
Meanwhile, Xander was having problems. "Boobies," he mumbled, "just think about boobies." Xander closed his eyes. This is insane, he thought, I'm surrounded by young, beautiful women all day long, and I can't... get excited? He shook his head, and took a deep breath, unwilling to accept defeat. He looked downward, "Did Andrew scare you?" he whispered soothingly to his crotch, "You know I don't really wanna tie him up and-," Xander quirked an eyebrow, Wait just a gosh darned minute, he thought, *Boobies* gets nothin' but *tying Andrew up* gets... Xander looked down again, assessing the situation, A standing ovation? Xander shrugged, Must just be the tying up factor, he thought hopefully. Squeezing his eyes tightly shut, Xander pictured himself tying up a random potential... One of the smaller ones, with sandy blonde hair, Like Andrew, he thought. Aah! Xander's eyes shot open and he ran his free hand shakily through his hair. His mind flooded with memories from the day that Willow had found Andrew buying blood at a butchers'. Xander had tied him up then... and enjoyed it. He'd savoured the feeling of power he'd had over the smaller man, pulling the ropes tight around his wrists until Andrew had shouted out in pain. He'd looked up at Xander with those big pleading eyes. Xander remembered how alluring Andrew had looked then, with his lips parted and his breath coming in shallow gasps... Xander had been so tempted to- Aah! Xander shook his head, This is *so* wrong, he thought, extracting his hand from his trousers and carefully zipping up. He stood and looked into the bathroom mirror, ran some cold water and splashed a little onto his face. Xander glared at his reflection, Repeat after me, he thought, I will *not* think about Andrew. "I will not think about Andrew," he mumbled, and then smiled into the mirror, "Why would I even *want* to think about him anyway?" He sighed, Well, there's the big eyes, and the pale as milk skin, and the pout- God, I love that pout- and- AAHH! Stop that!, Xander's smile vanished and he resumed glaring at his face in the mirror. "You're too old to be having a sexual identity crisis," he admonished his reflection in a whisper.
There was a knock at the door, "Xander?" came Andrew's muffled voice from the other side, "Are you talking to yourself?"
Xander scoffed, "No." He frowned, How loud was I talking? he thought, And how long has *he* been listening? There was a drawn out silence, and then Xander's curiosity overtook him. He went to the door, opened it, and peeked out. Andrew was still standing there, with his arms crossed over his chest. "Are you just here to annoy me," Xander demanded, "Or is there something that you want?" Andrew pouted. Oh, God, Xander thought, Not the pout... he looked away, "Well?" he prompted.
Andrew uncrossed his arms and fidgeted, "I was looking for the Return of the Jedi DVD, have you seen it?" he whined.
"It's not in the box with the others?" Xander asked, suddenly worried. It's not a collection without *all three movies* he thought.
"No, I checked there," Andrew whined, "Will you come and help me look for it?"
Xander glanced down again, glad he was hidden behind the door, Traitorous body, he thought. "Yes, fine, I'll help you look for it..." he said testily, "Just... just gimme a couple minutes, there's something I have to... take care of."
"Oh," Andrew brightened, "Do you need a hand?"
Xander blanched, "Ha!" he gasped, "No, no, I can... uh... handle it myself."
Andrew shrugged, "Fine, I'll be downstairs," He turned on his heel and disappeared down the hallway.
Xander closed the bathroom door and leaned back against it. The thought of Andrew *lending a hand* was making him weak at the knees. Maybe this isn't a crisis... Xander thought, reaching down and unzipping his fly again, Maybe it's more like... a breakthrough. In the back of Xander's mind, he hoped that Andrew wouldn't be able to find the DVD. The movie could easily be replaced... and if he blamed its disappearance on Andrew, Xander thought he might be able to get away with tying him up again... Xander's legs finally gave out beneath him and he sunk to the floor. Definitely a breakthrough, he thought, and a smile spread slowly across his face.
The end
To be continued...
Author: Whiskey Meteor
Rating: PG-13 (with references to bondage and masturbation)
Summary: Xander wants to enjoy a quiet, empty house. Andrew wants to watch Star Wars. Andrew says some things, and Xander gets a bit confused. Xander/Andrew... kind of.
Disclaimer: Everything BtVS belongs to Mr. Whedon, Star Wars to Mr. Lucas, and Star Trek to Mr. Rodenberry.
Notes: Set in season seven, just before "Storyteller".
******************************
Sitting at the kitchen table, Xander closed his eyes and listened carefully. The house was finally quiet.
Buffy and Spike were off patrolling with the potentials. Willow, Dawn, and Anya were taking a break from the whole 'preparing for Armageddon'-thing and had gone out to the movies. Giles was off on a mission somewhere, most likely to return with yet another slayer in training. Although I don't think any more people could possibly fit into this house, Xander thought to himself. And more people means more noise, less bathroom time and-, Xander's train of thought was cut off by a sudden surge of television noise from the living room. Xander sighed, So much for quiet time, he thought. Xander rose from the table, and stalked into the living room, where Andrew was parked on the couch in front of the television. Xander leaned up against the door frame, "Hey, Andrew," he said, "could you maybe turn that off? Or at least turn it down a little-,"
"Shh," Andrew hissed, cutting Xander off, "Star Wars." He pointed at the screen.
Xander rolled his eyes, "Look, turn it down or I'll tie you up again."
Andrew pouted, "You just wanna tie me up and have your way with me."
"Andrew, I'm serious, if you don't turn the T.V. down, I'll-," Xander frowned, "wait, what did you just say?"
Andrew turned to face Xander, cocking his head to the side. "I said," he whined, "You just want to tie me up or do away with me." He narrowed his eyes, "What did you think I said?"
"Huh?" Xander felt a slight blush rise on his face, "Um, nothing... I just didn't hear you." He raised his eyebrows and nodded to towards the TV. Great, he thought to himself, That was so *not* something I needed to think about.
Andrew turned down the volume a bit, crossed his arms over his chest, and put more effort into his pout, "I'm not a bad guy anymore," he whined, "I want to help, but no one will let me."
"Andrew, you may not be evil *now*," Xander explained impatiently, "But that doesn't change any of the things that you did. This is gonna take time."
Andrew rolled his eyes, "I know," he whined, "I'm just lonely, I guess."
Xander frowned, "Andrew, there are usually so many people in this house there's not enough room to breathe." He raised his eyebrows, "How could you possibly be lonely?"
Andrew pouted, "Everyone here ignores me... I feel like I'm invisible."
Xander crossed the room and sat, perched on an arm of the couch. "Hey there, careful what you say," Xander smiled, "Remember, we *are* on the Hell Mouth here, you might actually disappear..." Xander trailed off, "When we were in high school there was a girl who thought no one saw her, and then-,"
Andrew cut him off, "Xander?" he asked, looking up at the other man, "Would you kiss me?"
Xander gaped, Did he just ask me to-.
"If I disappeared? Would you miss me?" Andrew whined insistently, cutting off Xander's thought, "Would *anyone* miss me?"
Oh, right, Xander thought, 'Would you *miss* me'. Of course he wouldn't have asked me to *kiss* him... Yeesh. Xander frowned inwardly, Mental note: make appointment to get hearing tested. He looked back at Andrew, who was staring at him expectantly. "Are you kidding?" Xander asked, "I'm surrounded by hordes of teenaged girls. I need all the male allies I can get." Andrew smiled shyly. "Besides," Xander went on, "You're the only one here who wouldn't look at me like I was crazy if I..." he waved his hands in the air, thinking, "If I quoted one of the Ferengi rules of acquisition."
Andrew nodded gravely, "There's a rule of acquisition to cover everything," he said.
"But that doesn't mean one's always got to be applied," Xander added. Both men chuckled.
Andrew looked up at Xander thoughtfully, "Sometimes I can't decide which I like better, your neck or your ass."
Xander shook himself, "What?!"
"I said *sometimes*," Andrew said defensively, "Star Trek has a very special place in my heart, but Star Wars will always be my favourite." He looked back at the television and smiled dreamily.
Oh, Xander thought, *Star Trek* or *Star Wars*... Xander frowned, But *wars* doesn't even sound like *ass*.... He shrugged dismissively, Ah, don't sweat it, Xan, he thought, You're just hearing what you want to- Ah! No! *SO* not wanting to hear that... Xander eyed Andrew warily, You're just... frustrated... he told himself, Now that you're not with Anya anymore, you're craving attention and you don't care where it- Andrew was talking to him. Xander blinked.
"Xander?" Andrew said, "Hello? Are you still there?"
Xander shook himself, "Huh?" he asked.
"I said: do you want to sit down?" Andrew cocked his head to the side, "I'll start the DVD again if you wanna watch...?" He narrowed his eyes at Xander, who was wearing a confused look, "Xander, are you okay?"
"Huh? Yeah, fine," Xander said, standing up and taking a few steps back from the couch, "I just... need to... going away... to the upstairs... with the quiet... and...?" Andrew looked at him, his brows knit in confusion. Xander sighed, and threw his hands in the air, "I'm going upstairs where it's quiet," he clarified.
"Oh," Andrew said, "Well, if you want me, just shout," he added brightly.
If I *want* you?! Xander thought, Okay, calm down... Overreact much? I'm sure he didn't mean it *that* way... Xander frowned, "What do you mean?" he asked carefully.
"Remember?" Andrew whined impatiently, "I'm good now... I want to help?"
There, see? Xander scolded himself, It was completely innocent, he just wants to help he nodded. "Right," Xander said. Andrew nodded, and turned back to the television. Xander shook his head and left the room, wandering upstairs. He sighed, I can see the headline now, he thought, *Sexually frustrated youth driven insane by misheard remarks and unintentional innuendo*. Xander headed straight into the bathroom, and pulled the door closed behind him. "Well," he muttered, "I can't do anything about the innuendo... but..." He smiled to himself, and unzipped his pants, Let's see what I can do about that frustration...
* * * * *
Downstairs, Andrew was watching the movie intently, silently mouthing along with some of the lines. On screen, Luke and Leia were about to swing across a ventilation shaft together (A storm trooper falls into down the shaft. Luke tosses a rope across the way and it catches on some pipes, securing itself. Luke pulls Leia into his arms.). Andrew drew his knees up against his chest and hugged them tightly, holding his breath (Leia looks at Luke, and then kisses him quickly.) Andrew sighed. "For luck," he spoke out loud with the woman on screen. Andrew rested his chin on his knee and closed his eyes. If he tried really hard, he could replace the actors in the scene he'd just watched with other people... In Andrew's mind, Leia became... well, him. And Luke became dark haired and brown eyed... Andrew smiled guiltily at the thought of future-Jedi-Xander taking him in his arms... Wait, he thought, suddenly frowning, Xander can't be Luke, because then he'd be my *brother*... The smile spread quickly back across Andrew's face, But he could be Han.... Andrew conjured up a mental image of Xander, sporting a blaster, tousled hair, and Solo's trademark tight pants. Andrew giggled, and opening his eyes, leapt off the couch and began madly searching for the 'Return of the Jedi' DVD.
* * * * *
Meanwhile, Xander was having problems. "Boobies," he mumbled, "just think about boobies." Xander closed his eyes. This is insane, he thought, I'm surrounded by young, beautiful women all day long, and I can't... get excited? He shook his head, and took a deep breath, unwilling to accept defeat. He looked downward, "Did Andrew scare you?" he whispered soothingly to his crotch, "You know I don't really wanna tie him up and-," Xander quirked an eyebrow, Wait just a gosh darned minute, he thought, *Boobies* gets nothin' but *tying Andrew up* gets... Xander looked down again, assessing the situation, A standing ovation? Xander shrugged, Must just be the tying up factor, he thought hopefully. Squeezing his eyes tightly shut, Xander pictured himself tying up a random potential... One of the smaller ones, with sandy blonde hair, Like Andrew, he thought. Aah! Xander's eyes shot open and he ran his free hand shakily through his hair. His mind flooded with memories from the day that Willow had found Andrew buying blood at a butchers'. Xander had tied him up then... and enjoyed it. He'd savoured the feeling of power he'd had over the smaller man, pulling the ropes tight around his wrists until Andrew had shouted out in pain. He'd looked up at Xander with those big pleading eyes. Xander remembered how alluring Andrew had looked then, with his lips parted and his breath coming in shallow gasps... Xander had been so tempted to- Aah! Xander shook his head, This is *so* wrong, he thought, extracting his hand from his trousers and carefully zipping up. He stood and looked into the bathroom mirror, ran some cold water and splashed a little onto his face. Xander glared at his reflection, Repeat after me, he thought, I will *not* think about Andrew. "I will not think about Andrew," he mumbled, and then smiled into the mirror, "Why would I even *want* to think about him anyway?" He sighed, Well, there's the big eyes, and the pale as milk skin, and the pout- God, I love that pout- and- AAHH! Stop that!, Xander's smile vanished and he resumed glaring at his face in the mirror. "You're too old to be having a sexual identity crisis," he admonished his reflection in a whisper.
There was a knock at the door, "Xander?" came Andrew's muffled voice from the other side, "Are you talking to yourself?"
Xander scoffed, "No." He frowned, How loud was I talking? he thought, And how long has *he* been listening? There was a drawn out silence, and then Xander's curiosity overtook him. He went to the door, opened it, and peeked out. Andrew was still standing there, with his arms crossed over his chest. "Are you just here to annoy me," Xander demanded, "Or is there something that you want?" Andrew pouted. Oh, God, Xander thought, Not the pout... he looked away, "Well?" he prompted.
Andrew uncrossed his arms and fidgeted, "I was looking for the Return of the Jedi DVD, have you seen it?" he whined.
"It's not in the box with the others?" Xander asked, suddenly worried. It's not a collection without *all three movies* he thought.
"No, I checked there," Andrew whined, "Will you come and help me look for it?"
Xander glanced down again, glad he was hidden behind the door, Traitorous body, he thought. "Yes, fine, I'll help you look for it..." he said testily, "Just... just gimme a couple minutes, there's something I have to... take care of."
"Oh," Andrew brightened, "Do you need a hand?"
Xander blanched, "Ha!" he gasped, "No, no, I can... uh... handle it myself."
Andrew shrugged, "Fine, I'll be downstairs," He turned on his heel and disappeared down the hallway.
Xander closed the bathroom door and leaned back against it. The thought of Andrew *lending a hand* was making him weak at the knees. Maybe this isn't a crisis... Xander thought, reaching down and unzipping his fly again, Maybe it's more like... a breakthrough. In the back of Xander's mind, he hoped that Andrew wouldn't be able to find the DVD. The movie could easily be replaced... and if he blamed its disappearance on Andrew, Xander thought he might be able to get away with tying him up again... Xander's legs finally gave out beneath him and he sunk to the floor. Definitely a breakthrough, he thought, and a smile spread slowly across his face.
The end
To be continued...