Square 1/2

Epilogue: „Here's how it went down"

A Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction presented by Ralf Martin

There might be dragons!

Final warning!

Herein lies an account of what caused our heroes to take down an old pervert.

It was an evil thing and bloody and those with a graphic imagination might want to take up arms against either the old fart or the author. Probably against both.

Enter at your own risk

...

:ÔoÔ:

...

Four years after Happosai's death. Somewhere in the Bayakala Mountain range.

…

Ku-lon's head snapped up as she woke from her little nap.

What had awoken her she didn't know but there was one gigantic headache coming along the kind she never had experienced before. The cause was a jumble of memories that suddenly flooded her mind. She already had way too many of those and the new batch threatened to blow her brains to pieces.

Cursing inwardly she prepared a herbal remedy from her private stash of medicines and then settled back down while smoking her pipe to sort through the new arrivals. Memory lane suddenly appeared to her like a two lanes road that spanned the last 4 years or so, with a barrier of barbed wire in the middle that hurt her each time she tried to cross from one side to the other.

She freshly remembered Nerima, her son-in-law and all that entailed. Including a catastrophe that almost vanquished the whole of her tribe.

And at the same time she clearly remembered her great-granddaughter returning triumphantly with a groom in tow. A man with a weird penchant to get lost. But otherwise that man was the very picture of what a new addition to the tribe should be like. Strong and sturdy and easily controllable by a clever woman.

Ku-lon had suspected for quite some time that this guy's habit of getting lost was something Xian-pu did not mind as much as she pretended to. That girl had always wanted to see the world outside of the tribe and that Ryoga gave her many excuses to do exactly that. While leaving the care of the great-great-granddaughters to Ku-lon. But the old woman didn't really mind that part either, to be honest.

Mu-tzu though, the boy that always had his little remaining eyesight on Xiam-pu, had been a bit of a problem at first.

He had challenged the groom again and again in a vain effort for the bride's hand. Xiam-pu's groom had been able to defeat him every time though and as luck would have it Mu-tzu's affections were swayed after a while. Not by logic or facts but by the girl that nursed him back to health every time he got defeated. She wasn't as beautiful as Xiam-pu nor was she as great a warrior. But she was empathic and patient and open about her affection for him.

Now Mu-tzu was blind in many ways but he wasn't without a heart. And once it opened for that girl the tiniest amount she dug deeper until the entirety of it was hers. They turned into quite the happy couple and Mu-tzu proved the rumour that blind men had a superior sense of touch many times over.

Some of the sounds coming from the married couple's home even made Xiam-pu look up with something like envy on her face.

All this was quite a contrast to the parallel memories of futile chases and plans going haywire. Had she really been that stubborn about dragging the wild horse into a marriage with her little girl? Or was it just her own arrogance blinding her against the impossibility of the odds?

Frankly, as far as she could tell, even after just a week or two in Nerima, this guy and his reluctant fiancée were basically inseparable. For those able to see, the both of them were not just connected by the string of fate. It was more like a frigging rope.

And then her stupid co-elders had agreed to harbour the very man that had almost succeeded in cutting that rope in two. Stupid idea. Stupid, stupid, stupid…

Ranma came over the village like the rage of the gods and he wasn't held back by his usual respect for life.

Not for the life of others.

Certainly not for his own.

You could easily tell that the man himself had the least interest in Ranma Saotome's continued existence.

And had the old bell not been amongst the first instalment of Happosai's protection fee.

And had Ku-lon not noticed the frayed rope curving in on itself.

Who knows, maybe she would have granted his wish as retribution for what he had done to all that was precious to her.

But Ku-lon, like no other Amazon alive, understood the kind of pain Happosai was able to cause. And the helpless rage that came with it.

The wish for a volatile release.

The wish to burn out and be done with it.

She remembered grabbing the Huíshēng yuán (*) and striking it on Ranma's head in the hopes of successfully sending his very core back to the day he received the curse, even without the usual ceremony and drugs involved.

Well, considering that she just got that memory back, chances were that she had been successful.

And that boy, too.

(* Huíshēng yuán translates to "Echo of the Spring(s)" if you ask Google. It's probably the wrong dialect though. Sorry 'bout that.)

...

"Great-grandmother?" Ku-lon heard Xiam-pu call after having knocked on her door. "Someone came to see you."

Breaking away from her reminiscence the old amazon put a hand to her aching head.

"Who is it?" She inquired, unwilling to let the pain enter her voice but not too keen on social interaction either.

"It's the Saotomes," her great-granddaughter answered dutifully. "Shall I tell them that this is a bad time?" the young woman continued unusually perceptive to the slight hints of stress in her elder's voice.

The Saotomes, huh? So Ranma probably had a hunch of what this day entailed for her.

"It's alright, dear," she simply replied. "Let them in."

A few moments later Ranma and Akane Saotome stood in the room, bowing curtly as they greeted her. Ku-Lon allowed herself a moment to take in the sight of them. And they were a sight to behold. Each of them an impressive specimen of their respective gender. And that was without counting Ranma's cursed form and what it entailed.

Ranma Saotome, a 20 years old Japanese male by the looks of him, ruggedly handsome and with a powerful yet deceptively slender body. Shiny eyes that sparkled with mischief beneath a black mop of hair and an easy smile that that could charm you as quickly as it could drive you to madness. He was a dangerous entity on so many levels, voluntarily and otherwise. If not for the woman by his side, who could tell how much greater the chaos surrounding his person might become. Well, thanks to that little epiphany today Elder Ku-Lon had a pretty good estimate of the level of destruction that man was capable of. And this made the existence of his wife something of a godsend. Especially from the point of view of an Elder of a matriarchal community.

Akane Saotome, born Tendo. A strange concept for Ku-Lon that a woman would take on her man's surname. But such were the customs in uncivilized lands like Nippon. Male-centred and unreasonable. Still, Akane was an amazon in all but title. Strong, unyielding and beautiful. Her Art had only helped to shape a body as fit for combat as it was for seduction. And she had been gifted with the empathy and the wisdom to know exactly when to employ which aspect to keep her husband under control. Her already beautiful face with those expressive brown eyes and the fine lines that spoke of frequent laughter was hiding the most fearsome weapon in her arsenal. A smile so powerful that it put many of the amazon's treasured drugs and techniques to shame when it came to making males bow to her will. To tell the truth, even females had a hard time to go against her once she deployed it. By no means all that made Akane Saotome a perfect woman. Even after spending a lot of time and effort she still was a hazard in the kitchen and her temper was still a force of nature once stirred.

So no, Ranma and Akane Saotome were by no means perfect people each on their own. But they surely suited each other perfectly. There was not the slightest doubt about that.

"Honoured Elder," the couple offered respectfully toward the ancient Elder in viable Chinese. "Thank you for seeing us."

"Now now, none of that," Ku-lon demanded, waving her hand at the young couple. "Here, sit down. Have some tea."

She ushered the pair towards a table and some chairs were they all sat down comfortably. Once she had served them the promised tea she looked up at Ranma specifically, expecting him to be the driving force behind that little surprise visit.

"So, what brings you here this fine day?" she inquired nonchalantly. "You didn't run afoul of the people in Jusendo like during your last visit?"

"Naaah… we behaved ourselves," Ranma replied without any sign of remorse at being remembered of the chaos at Safron's place. "We brought our boy after all. Can't give him a bad example, now can we?"

"Apart from bad table manners and foul language?" Akane supplied helpfully and with an innocent expression.

"Awww come on, I'm trying to do better, okay," Ranma quipped back, having the courtesy to blush after remembering what happened at their last pit-stop on the way here.

"Ahhh, it's so much trouble raising two boys," Akane sighed as she turned, winking at Ku-lon. "But give me another couple of years and I've got them housebroken. Well, at least Chitoge doesn't come after her father..."

Ku-lon didn't miss the indignant frown the young man shot towards his wife. She didn't miss the fact that they were holding hands beneath the table either.

"So, is this purely a social call or are you here for something else?" the Elder inquired bluntly. She hadn't got to her position of power by simply waiting for things to come to her. So why start now?

She saw Ranma look at his wife and Akane give an encouraging nod. Then she heard his sigh and knew what he had come for was something big. Not necessarily bad, but important none the less.

"You know," he finally began his story. "Today is a weird day for me. There were certain circumstances that made me remember a lot of things that happened up until today. Not like a premonition. More like… things that already happened? I mean, a lot of them didn't happen anyway because I remembered them but..." He scratched his head, looking at his wife with a searching expression. "I guess after today that's gonna be the first new tomorrow in a while. It's a bit spooky, really."

He reached down and grabbed something from a bag he had kept close by. What he retrieved from there was an intricately carved box with scenes of the cursed springs running around the length of it. The lid was a dome formed in the shape of a bell. Ku-lon didn't need to check to know what was hidden inside.

"So, the thing is, this is probably the last of the treasures Happosai has taken from you guys. I'd given it back sooner but..."

"You were afraid that the spell would be broken if someone rang it before the time was up?" Ku-lon hazarded a guess. It wasn't too hard to figure out his motives.

"Uh...Yeah… Something like that..:" Ranma agreed, looking sheepishly from her to his wife and back. But suddenly he perked up, realizing the apparent reason for the old woman to ask a question like that.

"Soooo, I take it that means that… you remember?" he asked with equal part respect and worry. After all, if Ku-lon remembered what he had done to her people, chances were that she'd want revenge. On the other hand, it was her that had used that bell on him in the first place. So maybe there was still hope that he'd get out of this unscathed.

"Yes. I do remember," the ancient amazon granted as her expression lost the smile she had worn up until then.

"I remember every broken body nurturing the soil with their blood.

I remember every burning home, turning to ash centuries of our history.

I remember every whimper and every pained cry as families were torn apart and destroyed in a pointless fight to the death.

All because of the empty hearts of youth and the foolish pride of the old ones.

I remember and I will never forget.

As a warning for myself and out of respect for the fallen, even though they still live.

But..."

Ku-lon dropped the mask of the Elder she usually wore and sagged as if the air of her following sigh had been all that had held the proud posture upright. Never before had she been showing her age like in that very moment.

"I don't blame you any more for what you did than I can blame my fellow Elders for accepting Happosai's conditions. Maybe even less so. After all they should have known that our village was no match for whatever scared even that old lunatic. He was nothing if not powerful after all."

The old woman reached for the box with a questioning glance directed at Ranma. He handed it to her without a further word. That earned him the hint of a smile on the old one's face as she turned the box over in her hands.

"You know, without proper explanations this thing is pretty useless," she finally admitted as her smile broadened to something like a grin. "That never would have worked if it hadn't been the two of you."

Ranma looked at her, a frown forming on his features.

"So you knew about Akane?" he simply asked in a low, expressionless tone.

Ku-lon returned his questioning gaze with one of her own.

"Did you honestly believe I'd leave the future of the Jokutzusoku in the hands of a raging boy with no female guidance? Of course I knew! But if I had told you so, could you honestly claim that you would have listened to me? Considering the way you were?"

Ku-lon's bony hand shot out to point at a surprised-looking Akane.

"Without her inside of you, I simply would have cut my losses and taken revenge for my people. She was the reason that I decided to risk losing all of our treasures a second time. She and your love for her had been the only reason that I dared to lend all of that knowledge to someone that might just as well come back to finish what he started.

I am glad that you've proven your trustworthiness but back then, what I did was nothing but a gamble.

My bet was on Akane.

Not on you."

Ranma stared at her blankly, a little stupefied by the passion in the old woman's voice. But after a moment he turned towards his wife.

"Guess that's ya win this time 'round," he told her in his native Japanese. As always when he lost at any form of competition he seemed a little put off by the fact. But considering reactions from his earlier years he acted gallant in comparison.

"Told you she didn't do it simply out of the kindness of her heart," Akane commented with a smug expression. "And that makes nine wins to your seven this week. Not that I'm counting..."

"Yeah right," Ranma agreed with a pout and a slight glare. "As if ya'd never lord every tiny lead over me."

But his irritation wasn't one to last and pretty quick his smile was back on. Akane being in a good mood always had that effect on him.

...

The Saotomes spend the rest of the day watching their son play with Ryoga's and Xiam-Pu's two daughters and as well as other kids their age.

It was a good thing that Akane and Ryoga had somewhat warmed up to one another. Well, Akane had her memories of her friendship with Ryoga. But also of his betrayal of her trust in the guise of P-Chan. Ryoga had neither, but he got to know her caring side, mostly from watching her with her kids and Ranma. So after a few encounters the insults stopped more or less and when they resurfaced it was mostly in the form of some light banter.

Whenever he happened across the Saotomes these days, either in China or Japan or somewhere more exotic, it was a joyous occasion. More so if Xiam-Pu accompanied him. She and Akane had become good friends and neither Ryoga nor Ranma dared to sabotage their sporadic get-together with one of their habitual slug fests.

So the two couples sat together with Xiam-Pu's great-grandmother in the shade of a tree, enjoying a little barbecue and life in general.

At one point Ryoga wandered off to get another batch of drinks from their house only to have Xiam-pu notice his absence a few moments later with a curse and a sprint in the wayward direction he had ambled off into. Then Akane herself had to chase after the kids that had somehow managed to run from sight while playing.

That left Ranma and Ku-lon alone under the tree.

They sat there, chatting for a bit about inconsequential stuff. But they both were aware that there were still some things unresolved and so it came as little surprise to Ranma when Ku-lon finally addressed one of those.

"Would I ask too much if I'd want you to tell me what exactly he did to your wife? The first time around?" the old woman inquired while looking in the direction where the exciting squealing of the children came from.

"That he wouldn't happen to be Happosai, would it?" the man sitting by her side and looking roughly in the same direction as her responded.

"Yes, that's the one."

Ku-lon heard a tired sigh from next to her and she didn't have to look at her companion to know what expression he might be wearing. One of reluctance probably. And a painful one from remembering.

"If you'd asked Happosai he probably never did anything wrong. He just was fulfilling his duty like a good Master should, to make sure his disciples married a woman that could give back nice strong heirs to the school.

But well, you know what he was like when his oh so good intentions happened to face opposition. He bullied his way through and in the end he got what he wanted. From Akane's mother. And from mine, too.

But when it came to me an Akane, he hit a wall. Actually, he hit more than just a wall…"

Ku-lon could almost taste the satisfaction in his words and it did not take much of her imagination to picture a grim smile on his face.

"We didn't hear from him for a couple of months and when he finally showed up again Akane was close to giving birth and Happosai acted as if he was content doing his usual routines. You know, hunting for underwear and getting drunk and stuff.

Should have known though that it wasn't over yet. Blame it on wishful thinking on my part that he got the drop on us the way he did."

This time Ku-lon turned her head to look at Ranma. He looked a bit pale. His mouth as thin a line as if it was just a cut from a sharp blade. The eyes beneath the looming shadows of his brows though burned with an anger that even his successful revenge hadn't been able to quench completely.

"Pop never really opposed the Master when mom's number came up. He'd made a deal with the old pervert that her mind would be wiped afterwards, so no damage done, right? So he allowed for her to get raped. And don't tell me it was anything other than that. Then her memory got locked away.

But not deep enough that she'd ever let any guy touch her again in any way intimate. Should have figured pop would never have left such a beautiful woman like mom behind if he ever got any..."

Ranma's voice stopped. And for a short moment Ku-lon wondered if he'd continue at all. But he did.

"One night I woke up in my bed. I was lying on my side and I saw Akane looking back at me. But something wasn't right.

I couldn't move.

I couldn't speak.

And Akane...

Akane, she had tears in her eyes.

You know, I noticed black petals all over the bed and I figured Kodachi probably had a relapse or something. But in reality it was much worse than that.

I couldn't even turn my head and I could hardly see it from the corner of my eyes. But someone was kneeling on Akane's side of the bed. Down by her legs.

Someone with some big-ass knife.

I saw it glinting in the dark, you know?

I saw it go up and down and up and down…

And Akane was moving every time that damn blade did that.

I saw the pain on her face. She knew exactly what was happening. And she knew that she would end up dead any moment.

But Akane didn't look scared.

I was too panicked right then to really appreciate that but she was honestly more worried about what would happen to me once she was gone.

That stupid tomboy..."

His voice broke with those words and Ranma fell silent. Ku-lon didn't pressure him to continue. She knew he would do so on his own. And her patience got rewarded.

"The sawing stopped after a while.

And then I saw my mom, my own damn mother, all smeared with blood and cradling my unborn child in her arms.

The baby was still moving at first, you know?

Mom just stood there, right behind Akane. With our firstborn in her arms and singing a lullaby. All happy and caring and with the weirdest, creepiest smile on her face I've ever seen. And I've seen a lot of those.

And then our baby stopped moving.

And Mom started screaming.

And Akane died.

And somewhere from behind the bedroom door I could hear Happosai snickering.

Snickering!

He was having a frigging ball watching Akane die!

Watching our baby die!

Watching my mom go nuts!

If for nothing else, that's something I would have killed him for!

I don't know for how long he watched before he got bored and scuttled off. But I know that by the time I could move again he was gone.

And Akane was dead.

And my mom had gone completely insane.

Half from her memories coming back and half from what she did because of that cursed pressure point Happosai replaced the old one with.

And me?

I had no better idea than to marinade myself in alcohol.

Honestly, I poured anything down my throat that promised me even a second of ignoring those memories.

That worked for a while. Somehow.

But only until Nabiki showed up.

You've never really seen vengeance until you've seen Nabiki when she's getting down to business. I mean, she had that pure, white-hot anger burning in her. Honestly, if she'd gotten her hands on Happosai, I fully believe that he would have died with interest.

If you know what I mean.

But I'm sure you'll believe me when I say that Nabiki is nothing if not practical-minded. She knew that she could not easily find anyone else that could take the fight to the old pervert. So instead she went to some lengths to straighten me out instead, getting me sober and pointing me in the right direction.

Straight towards Happosai. And so I did. Going at it like some god-damn Cruise Missile.

And you already know how that turned out..."

Suddenly and unexpectedly, Ranma heard something like a cackle from the old woman next to him. But it was a dry sound, without any trace of humour.

"Do you know what the greatest crime is for the Joketsuzokou?" she asked him once the strange sound had died down. "It's rape. In our society there is no excuse for rape. Any warrior in our tribe that allows a crime like that to go unpunished, knowingly or otherwise, would be branded and cast out. Any member of our tribe found out for committing such a crime would pay through a thousand deaths. And to think that half our people had been vanquished in the defence of someone that not only committed this atrocity twice but also killed the victim of his third attempt…

Truly, the gods must have gotten tired of our arrogance..."

For once in his life Ranma kept his mouth shut. He understood that Ku-lon wasn't really talking to him in the first place. He was simply conveniently present.

She didn't say anything else, lost in her thoughts on the cruel jests of fate. And Ranma had his own thoughts to pursue. But then he found that he had still one question to ask.

"In your experience as an Elder..." he wondered aloud, "or maybe more as a wife and a mother, that with your kids and grandkids and then their kids, too... Does there ever come a time when you stop worrying? I mean... I know that Akane can look after herself. And Raku and Chitoge are great kids and all that. But still, if anything would to happen to them... I don't know... if I could take it."

He hung his head, hiding the pained expression on his face from the world.

"Not ever again," he added quietly.

Ku-lon, woken from her reverie by this honest and slightly unexpected admittance of weakness, looked up towards Ranma. She saw his sincerity and his sorrow, written plainly on what was visible of his face.

Somehow he seemed still too young for the expression painted on his features. Well, if nothing else he had earned an equally honest answer. And so she gave it to him.

"The day you stop worrying about that," she said with all the authority and wisdom of a lifetime of guiding the young, "is the day you stop caring. You don't have to witness death to feel like this. And if that happens to grate at you, it has nothing to do with how you came into this world.

If you love someone then you will worry about them. That's the price everyone has to pay. Me and you, and Akane as well.

I'm convinced that she is just as scared of losing you as you are of losing her. So make sure to not make her worry. And I'm sure that she'll do the same for you."

Ranma slowly nodded as he listened to her words. There was a hint of a smile on his face as well as a determined expression, as he stood up in one fluid motion.

"Leave it to an old ghoul to sound like the I-Ging," he told her with a lack of respect that would have caused severe punishment in the near future for anyone else. "Still, I think I'll take that to heart."

"So what will you do now?" Ku-lon inquired as she chose to ignore his lack of manners. Again.

"Well, for starters I'll go and find my wife," Ranma replied with a shrug. "And then I'll show her that I'm fine. And very much alive..."

"Good. You recover quickly. That's a useful trait in a man," Ku-lon couldn't help remarking. But then she got serious again. "But Ranma? Promise me that you'll treasure her. There can be no third chance. I hope you're aware of that?"

Ranma just nodded, feeling like any greater gesture would be simply useless decoration.

"I already do," he simply stated. "But anyway, thank you for your concern."

Like an afterthought and accompanied by a nod of his head he added "…honoured Elder".

Then he set out to find his wife.

...

Akane was herding the wayward group of kids back towards the village when she suddenly got ambushed by a strong pair of arms and a slightly aggressive pair of lips.

"Ranma? What brought this about?" she asked in her native tongue after the first wave of endorphins had washed over her.

"Nothing much," her husband replied with a flushed face and a crooked grin. "Though a certain Elder insisted that I better report to my dear wife more regularly so that she doesn't have to worry 'bout me doing something stupid."

"Did she now?" Akane asked with a grin on her own. "Well, I guess I should thank her for the good counsel then. Since you're usually such a pain to look after, you know?"

"Later sugar," Ranma replied simply, "I'm not done with reporting yet..."

Akane held up a hand to stop his approaching lips and demonstratively looked towards the wide-eyed group of children.

"Ranmaaa," she reminded him in a low voice. "We're not alone..."

Her loving husband gazed at her with a calculating look on his face. Then he addressed his son.

"Hey Raku," he told the little boy, "Granny Ku-lon got some sweets for ya an,' ya friends. She should still be under that tree if ya hurry."

"Whoa! Really? Yay!" was all they heard before the kid raced off towards the unsuspecting Elder. Seeing him go his companions were instantly hot on his heels with shouts of excitement and the boundless energy of the youngest.

As they vanished in a cloud of dust Ranma returned his attention back to his wife.

"So... you were saying..?" he asked her innocently but with a smile that was way too smug. Akane knew she would have to reprimand him for that. Sometime later maybe.

"Oh, just shut up," she complained not too seriously. She seized the initiative and pushed him into the conveniently deep grass by the wayside. Then she dove right after him with a childish giggle.

And so Ranma did get his chance to report to his wife that he was alive and well and very healthy at that. And as it happened, so was Akane, quite obviously.

They both drew great joy from that knowledge.

But not alone from the theoretic part.

Wink, wink.

Nudge, nudge.

Say no more...

...

A couple of days later the small family returned home to Nerima.

Loaded with a myriad of gifts, not just for themselves but for the usual Nerimans as well.

There were gifts for Dr. Tofu as well as for Kasumi. Partially to celebrate the fact that the eldest daughter of Soun Tendo now was officially a certified wet-nurse. Partially to celebrate the impending birth of what should be twins. But mostly for her upcoming wedding, one of the reasons the Saotomes had to cut their journey short.

Another batch was for Ukyou Kuonji, a local okonomiyaki chef and very close friend of the Saotomes. That woman loved to experiment with new recipes and the packages were probably stuffed to the brim with the strangest of ingredients. Ukyou had given up on her plans for revenge pretty fast when her supposed nemesis and his girlfriend had pretty much welcomed her with open arms. It was confusing at first but she was not the kind of person that repaid kindness with atrocity. Oh well, at least not for long.

And since the both of them really helped out with opening "U-Chan's", working as regulars whenever school or some of their weird adventures would allow it, there was really no point to lord that whole engagement mess over them.

And next thing she knew Ukyou happened to be Raku's godmother and a part of the couple's extended family. And that was only the first year!

But all in all the young okonomiyaki-chef was more than happy with her lot in life. As long as she was regularly provided with new things to put into her creations.

Hence the packets.

Another gift was for Grandmother Kamiya.

That old woman had been a hard nut to crack. Even for the combined power of the Tendo girls. It had taken quite the effort to even meet with her.

At first she only agreed to receive Kasumi. But after a couple of such rather short encounters Nabiki managed to sneak into these meetings. Matching the old woman's sharp tongue word for word she proved a way better conversation partner than her older sibling. For once Akane was the last one to be allowed in. But her stubbornness and not at least the way Ranma hovered around her protectively obviously convinced the old girl that the legacy of her daughters was far from being finished.

Surprisingly enough, in the long run meeting her grandchildren did wonders for the grandmother's health. Getting to know her grandchild's husband, and soon after that her great-grandson too, only added to that.

So yes, she was still going strong, even after the two years were up.

Well that much should have been obvious. Who'd send a gift to a corpse, right?

One of the last packets was for a rather weird case.

And this is Nerima standard

The packet probably contained seeds or saplings and things like that. It was for a woman that surely did not have to rely on gifts to get her hands on exotic botany. Because she was filthy rich actually. Plus she had the looks and the ancestry to stand at the very top of the social food chain. So why would average folks have to bring her gifts from the likes of the Joketsuzokou?

Two reasons.

Number one was that the Chinese amazons and Kodachi Kuno shared a penchant for mind-blowing chemical experimentation. Quite literally.

Number two is a bit more difficult to explain.

As Ranma had correctly predicted about four years back, the challenge of the St. Hebeke Gymnastics team had been dumped onto Akane with no real way out. Still, between her returning memories and Ranma's (mostly) serious support, Akane Tendo won the fight and gained herself a new rival.

The fact that Tatewaki Kuno still spouted his proclamations of love for Akane day in, day out, did not help his sister to forget about that shameful defeat. Plus, the girl did have a history of obsessiveness.

So it happened that Kodachi Kuno actually transferred to Furinkan High to, "Get her revenge on Akane Tendo and destroy her happiness!" Ranma had quite some fun with that particular proclamation.

Well, Akane's surname changed rather soon afterwards, as well as the size of her clothes. Pregnancy can be a real problem if you are supposed to wear a specific uniform.

What surprised most people though was the fact that Kodachi stopped her efforts at poisoning or assaulting Akane once her belly got too pronounced to hide. When asked about it she stated that she had no intention to risk harming an unborn child. Obviously even Kodachi wasn't that far gone.

Even when little Raku got born and almost every girl in the school fawned over the new-born, she held back. When Ranma asked her about the reason, half out of suspicion and half out of curiosity, she simply told him that any form of drugs or stress would be 'bad for the milk'.

Shortly afterwards there was a bit of an argument between Ranma and Akane, nothing too unusual between those two. The reason was, quote, "a stupid idea and way too dangerous!" But being the stubborn tomboy her husband always accused her of being, Akane could not be convinced of the futility of her plan.

The next day, cradling her baby in her arms, she searched for Kodachi in the lunch-crowd. Spotting her in a remote corner of the yard, Akane sought her out. Against every protest by her husband, who had followed her in not so secret and Kodachi, who didn't really understand what was happening, she placed the little bundle of joy into her rival's arms.

That was it.

Kodachi was a goner.

The first time Raku opened his eyes and cackled, reaching for a strand of her hair that was dangling in front of his nose, Kodachi Kuno was hopelessly in love with a Saotome boy once more.

In a way Ranma was proven right, though. Kodachi striving for Raku's happiness led her to clash with Akane almost more frequently than before. But whatever the argument, one whimper from Raku and a temporary truce was called.

That strange power of his son left Ranma in awe. After all, when Ranma whimpered the argument had usually already ended. And his head hurt.

And so it came that Kodachi, too became a part of the extended Saotome family.

And when the second baby became due, the now marginally more stable woman was even asked to become the child's godmother. She refused, claiming that her heart belonged to Raku, and Raku alone.

That lasted pretty much until the day Chitoge was born.

In the end Chitoge could call a weird, overbearing godmother her own. And promptly got drowned in gifts herself.

It was a bit of a bother for the young parents and a pretty tumultuous time. Especially once Nodoka and Kodachi started to vie for little Chitoge's affection. But you couldn't blame Kodachi for not caring enough. And given their history, both Ranma and Akane were glad that their kids would have a secured future if anything ever should happen to both of them.

With Ukyou, Kodachi and Nodoka at the ready, the gods help anyone that stood between those three and the Saotome kids.

So all in all, Kodachi had earned her gift.

Weirder things have happened.

At least in Nerima they did.

On a side-note, Soun got a honourable mention but no gift.

Genma, even though he had long since found his way home, went completely unmentioned.

...

"So, where do we go from here?"

Ranma looked down at the woman snuggled close to his side.

If someone had seen them, sitting on the porch by the pond with not enough space between them for a sheet of paper to pass through, maybe that onlooker might have imagined the presence of only one single person. And that wouldn't have been too far from the truth in the couple's opinion. There was no such thing as being too close when it came to these two.

But even Ranma would have to agree that this hadn't been the question his wife asked.

"I don't know," he admitted in all honesty. "It's kind of strange, not having an inkling of what's gonna happen next. But well, I guess from here on out it's all up to us."

Akane raised her head from where it had rested on his shoulder and gave him a knowing smile. Then she turned her gaze in the house's direction from where the voices of their combined families and friends wafted over.

"Not just us, obviously," she corrected him. "We're not alone in this."

Like his wife's, Ranma's gaze turned towards the house and the noise that came from there. He had a pensive expression on his face, quite unusual considering his everyday character. Though lately, this very expression had showed up more regularly. Blame it on becoming a father and husband if you will.

"Yeah, I know," he agreed quietly. "And don't think I'm ungrateful. I love them all to pieces. Especially our kids. It's just..."

Akane turned her head back to look at him. She found that a pair of impossibly blue eyes stared right back at her, filled to the brim with overwhelming emotions.

"It's just..?" she urged him to finish that sentence as Goosebumps started to form on her skin. A feeling of premonition as to the reason of his hesitation came over her.

"If I'd ever be forced to choose between all we have and... well… you..." he lowered his head to lean it against hers, tightening the hold on his wife as he felt her shivering. "I could always only ever choose you. Ya know? Even if it's either that or the end of the wo..."

His explanation got shot down as Akane's fist rapped him on the head.

"Don't jinx it, idiot," she scolded him. "These things happen even without written invitation, you know?"

But her fist quickly unfolded into a gentle hand again that pulled him closer with a firm hold on the back of his head.

"And just so you know," she whispered to him in a voice that had somehow turned quite throaty. "I feel the same way."

Then their lips where too close for talking and they ascertained their feelings in another way they had become quite comfortable with.

Half an eternity later (*), when they drew apart to catch their breath, Akane repeated her original question. The one that hadn't been answered to her satisfaction yet.

"So, once more from the top. Where do we go from here?"

Her lover and husband and ultimately her second half smiled at her. One of his better smiles. One of those crooked ones that always managed to instil in her the firm belief that everything could and would be alright. Somehow.

"Don't know," he told her. "Don't care. As long as ya with me I'm fine with anything."

Akane found herself chuckling against her will.

"Still not much of a planner, are you?" she teased him gently.

"What's the use?" Ranma replied casually. "Ya do know how my plans usually work out, right? Guess I'm more of an 'In the moment' kinda guy after all."

Akane smiled at that. Or rather smirked. With her head slightly crooked and her arms snaking up to fall left and right over Ranma's shoulders she kissed him lightly on the lips.

"Sounds exactly like my kind of guy," she simply concluded.

Sure, it was a bit scary to be caught up in a love like that.

Gambling your life on another one's existence.

Losing all measure and reason when it came to that single entity.

But Akane's and Ranma's feelings were something way beyond their control.

And quite honestly, love and control?

How is that supposed to work anyway?

It's love, right?

It's supposed to be sometimes scary and chaotic and larger than life.

And.. well… ya know…

Fun too.

(* This is from a subjective standpoint. Scientifically speaking there is no half of something infinite. This includes my own stupidity. Kudos, Mr. Einstein...)

...

Somewhere on the fringes of the Hida Mountains there is a place where you shouldn't wander about in the dead of the night.

Those who did, against their better judgement and the warnings of the locals, came all hurrying back to the safety of civilization, spooked and scared.

As they start calming down they all tell weird tales about the spectre of a small child wandering between the boulders of a certain ravine.

On moonlit nights it wails and cries in helpless rage.

Panties! They hear it cry. Panties!

But they probably just misheard.

In their panic and their hurry to get out of that place.

Because... panties?

What kind of murderous spectre cries for something like that?

Now seriously...

…

End Epilogue

End Square ½

…

Authors note:

Dear reader,

As you have read this far it presume you either happen to be a glutton for punishment or you somehow managed to wring some amusement out of this story. I sure hope for the later but you never know with people on the net. There's supposed to be some really weird folks out there.

In case you appreciate this work feel free to leave a review. Not for me but for Kirsten, my girlfriend of twenty-five years. She had the arduous task of proofreading this drivel and remove all of these strange red and blue marks underlining many of the phrases in my word processor. Did I already mention someone being a glutton for punishment? That's got to be her. YOU try bearing my whims for a quarter of a century and still happily do stuff like this. So please make sure to let her know that it was not her efforts that botched up this story.

It was the other guy's… (:-P)

Until next time,

R. Martin