Cross-posted from AO3. FFN doesn't let me post images within the text, so if you would like to read this story with the accompanying visuals, here's the AO3 link. Just take out the spaces: archiveofourown (DOT ORG SLASH) works/18090383/chapters/42761684

Of all the money that e'er I had

I spent it in good company

And all the harm I've ever done

Alas it was to none but me

And all I've done for want of wit

To mem'ry now I can't recall

So fill to me the parting glass

Good night and joy be to you all

And drink a health whate'er befall

And gently rise and softly call

Good night and joy be to you all

Of all the comrades that e'er I had

They're sorry for my going away

And all the sweethearts that e'er I had

They'd wish me one more day to stay

But since it fell unto my lot

That I should rise and you should not

I gently rise and softly call

Good night and joy be to you all

A man may drink and not be drunk

A man may fight and not be slain

A man may court a pretty girl

And perhaps be welcomed back again

But since it has so ought to be

By a time to rise and a time to fall

Come fill to me the parting glass

Good night and joy be with you all

Good night and joy be with you all

-The Parting Glass, traditional Scottish song

Chapter 1: Good night and joy be to you all

"I just don't see why it's a big deal. I'm only going to be gone a month."

Only a couple of days. Only a week. Only a couple of weeks. It was always a long trip, made longer every time she allowed the other to pass. This was a stepping stone from being away from home for a month and a half, then two. Soon enough he wouldn't be home at all, and the scary things was, Orihime wasn't even sure if she cared.

She stared her husband down with a frown. She and Ichigo had been married about a year and a half. She was pretty sure her only shot at happiness was a kid. He didn't want one. She wanted to stop playing house wife and go back to school. He said he'd support her when they were making enough money. They were never making enough money. She wanted to go back to work. No one would hire a high school dropout with a bad case of PTSD.

"Ichigo, you're the only person I have," she argued gently. She didn't like to raise her voice at him if she could avoid it. "What am I supposed to do for a month? Sewing dresses is fine, but I get bored, you know." She'd wanted to leave Karakura, and all its bad memories behind, just like everyone else. Ichigo, though, had wanted to remain there, waiting. Orihime didn't have any friends left-she wasn't even friends with the haughty couple next door, as badly as she wanted to be–they thought she and Ichigo were small time thugs, or something like that. She didn't know.

"Well this should be a great chance for you to get to meet some people." He shoved another pair of pants in his suitcase. "Join a club, go to the park. I don't know. Do something."

"I don't like to go out alone," she muttered.

"You know I don't either. I don't know how to help you."

"By staying by my side, like you promised you would when you married me."

"I can't always be here." He started to fold a tie.

"So then maybe it's time to get a dog like we talked about. I'd feel alright taking a dog out to the park every day. I just need a little company. Is that too much to ask?"

"We can't afford the pet deposit," he said.

"We could," she argued.

Ichigo ignored her. "It's a short trip. I'm going to Kawasaki, not China. You can call me any time, promise. I'll be out of your hair so you can spruce the house up. Maybe paint the kitchen like you were talking about?"

"Maybe," she muttered.

"See? It's not all bad." He smiled at her. "These longer trips are a good thing, Orihime. I'm due for a promotion."
She knew that was BS. The longer business trips were a cover up for his secret shinigami business. He wasn't supposed to be moonlighting anymore–Soul Society had told him as much, and now that it was her business, Orihime had told him too. They were both moving on, and his vigilante activities were a step in the wrong direction. She would have been fine if he wanted to drop everything and go back to that life, but he'd already said he was done with it-that they both were. Orihime had agreed. Ichigo was the one who couldn't handle it.

She also suspected he was cheating on her. The guilt was written all over his face any time he came home. There was never any evidence, he was too smart for that, but she saw the way he looked at her. She didn't know if it was Grimmjow, or if somehow Rukia was slipping her guard to come back to the human realm to see him, or if he was seeing random strangers to try to fill the void, or what. Frankly, she didn't care anymore.

She was tired. So very, very tired.

Ichigo clipped his suitcase closed. "There," he said. "I think that's everything."

She stared at the floor, determined not to cry. A lump was forming in her throat, tight and hot, and she wanted nothing more than to just yell at him. Why couldn't he just be there for her, for once in his life?

"Hey." His hands settled on her shoulders, large and heavy. "I'm sorry. I know it's not fair of me to leave all the time."

He could apologize all he wanted, but it didn't mean he'd stop. He never would. "It's okay," she mumbled, ever the push-over when it came to him.

"..." he used his hand to gently tilt her chin up. He smiled at her, the lines around his eyes softening for just a moment. He was aged beyond his years. "Hey. It's just a month. I'll be back before you know it."

It would feel like another year of solitude, but sure. "Okay."

He kissed her mouth quickly. "I'll see you soon."
She didn't see him out. She stayed rooted to the spot, listening to him close the apartment door on his way out. Her hands trembled at her sides as silence fell over the room. Hot tears bit at her eyelids as she ground her teeth together.

She wasn't even mad at him. That was the worst part. She understood, through and through. They'd gotten married out of some sort of sense of obligation to each other, being the only ones left, so she'd never expected their union to be a fairytale romance. He was ruined by the war, left hurt and hard both at once. She knew that deep down, he was still in love with Rukia, and that even though they were barred from seeing each other, he still likely held out hope. Didn't matter how hard Orihime tried. She had been second to Rukia in high school, and she was second now that she was twenty three.

She felt aged beyond her years. The mental and physical damage done by the war had never been undone, and she carried it with her every day, lonely and too scared to try to fix that. Ichigo was leaving her behind, little by little. She wondered what would happen to her the day he left for a business trip and just never came back.

Tired and alone, she crawled into their bed. Ichigo's side barely even smelled like him, but she pressed her teary face into the pillow and tried to breath him in, telling herself that she wasn't alone.

She missed how things had been. She missed her friends, and her old life, and happiness most of all. She missed it so hard that it manifested as a physical ache in her chest, raw and open like a wound.

Knowing it was stupid, she reached for her phone roughly five hours after he'd left, to see if he'd made it to the hotel yet, if he was settling in. The dial tone went on, and then the line rang, and rang, and rang.

"This is Ichigo Kurosaki, call me back or leave a message."

Any time, huh? She folded her phone and put it on the bedside table, closing her eyes as she rolled over onto her side. She breathed in slowly, out slowly, in slowly, out slowly, in… She felt her eyes burn with unshed tears. Her throat was tight.

I just want to go back, she kept thinking. If I could do anything, anything, I would go back. Back to the way things used to be.