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Part 2

The call comes in the dead of night. Yato tells Yukine to go back to sleep and then slips out the window to walk down to Hiiro's favorite river.

(He should have known better than to get cocky. It seems like Father can always tell when things are going too well. He lets Yato's leash spool out just enough for him to hope and then reels him back in. It's like a game, timing the summons to land just when things are too good to be true. (Time to come home, Yaboku. I've got work for you.))

She's waiting for him. She smiles when he says her name. They work well together, just as they always have.

"I have to tell you, Hiiro… I want this to be the last time I work with you."

He has a shrine and an exemplar. He has Hiyori and Yukine. Doing this, working with Hiiro to kill, is like a betrayal to them. Yato wants to be able to stand on his own, without the killing. Without Father.

Hiiro's smile stays in place, but a black shadow crosses her face. When the masked ayakashi lunge for him from the shadows and he calls her name, she smiles and stands there and watches. She only kneels beside him once the ayakashi have chewed on him thoroughly and the stinging blight has sunk its little needle-teeth into his body.

She takes him back home.

(It's a betrayal to Yukine and Hiyori, but… (You are an evil god, Yaboku. Will Hiyori and Yukine continue to like you even so? Come home to us. We'll love you when no one else will.))

And he shuts up and follows orders like a good boy, because that's how it's always been and that's really all he's good for and if he does as he's told, they'll give him back a little of his freedom sooner or later.

He shuts up and follows orders like a good boy, right up until he realizes that time has been passing and Yukine will be mad and Hiyori might have forgotten him. He pitches a fit, the first of such severity that he's dared pitch in centuries, and Father dangles a threadbare, moth-eaten promise before him. A promise that threatens to shrivel up and vanish into thin air if he looks too closely.

He will be free–

(But really, will he ever? (You belong to me, Yaboku.))

–if he goes to the underworld.

It's the last straw, what Father has made him do to Ebisu. Somewhere down in the yawning depths of Yomi, Yato gained a deep, fierce respect for Ebisu. Ebisu is the kind of god Yato wishes he could be, the kind that makes people happy. Yato has always wanted to make people happy—his mistake was that he tried giving that happiness to Father and Hiiro, who were only satisfied if he took it away from everyone else.

He thought that maybe he was finally doing something right, that he was saving Ebisu because he wanted to and not just because Father gave him orders, but it's all smoke and mirrors.

When Yato wakes in Bishamon's house and finds himself face to face with a small child, Ebisu's new incarnation, he realizes suddenly what he has done. He rescued Ebisu for the purpose of handing him over to the heavens in Father's place.

And it hurts, that he was part of that. It's horrible. And Hiyori is sad and Yukine is upset, and was it really worth all this?

He walks down to the river in the dead of night and releases Hiiro.

(He feels bad for feeling bad about it—he loved Hiiro, once upon a time, and she loves him in her own twisted way—but it's also such a relief to have finally let her go. (We've been together forever, Yaboku. We're a family.))

The threats she leaves behind are not empty.

Still, Yato has finally taken a stand, taken measures to break away and gain his freedom. He knows, deep down in his heart, that he would never have had the courage if it wasn't for Yukine and Hiyori.

Whether he gets to keep them is up in the air.

They have questions about his disappearance. Yukine, especially. Yato can feel the kid's turmoil. Yukine is upset that Yato disappeared without a word and left him behind in favor of Nora. He's upset that Yato never told him his true name. He's upset that Yato didn't trust him enough to tell him anything.

So Yato tells him. Him and Hiyori. He can't keep hiding it forever, and they deserve to have some idea of what they're dealing with. He only tells them the barest gist of it, really. He tells them about his father and his name and his killing. He says nothing about the ears or Sakura or the words that still bounce around inside his skull to this day.

But he tells them enough and draws a line for them to cross or not, take it or leave it.

(They're too kind, but this will be a bitter pill for even them to swallow. Yato can't look at them when he spills his secrets. He's too ashamed, and he doesn't want to see the looks on their faces. (No one will really love you for who you are, Yaboku. We're all you've got.))

They take it. Yukine ruins the serious atmosphere with his teasing and Hiyori says she believes Yato can be anything he wants to be.

Yato can't believe that Father was wrong.

Later, when they talk in the night, Yukine shakes his head and walks to Yato's side. Yato doesn't look up from the shrine in his hands. It's shameful enough to bare his secrets to anyone, but especially to his kid. That feels like such a failure.

"You can keep asking as many times as you want, but the answer will always be the same," Yukine says. "I'm your guidepost. I'm not going anywhere."

Yato wants to cry.

Yukine has Yato on a fast track to becoming a bona fide god of fortune, but Father does not let this state of affairs stand.

(Father does not approve of anyone who is a 'bad' influence on Yato. (Yaboku, you belong to me, listen to me, obey me.))

When the ayakashi swarm the hospital and Hiyori wavers and begins slipping over the line, it feels like there's no way to win. Yato can't let her cross over, but he doesn't know if he's done the right thing in pulling her back. She can live again, but Father has thrown her entire life into disarray.

(And it's Yato's fault, because Father is only targeting her because of him. He knew he should have cut ties, but he was too selfish to do it. She calls him her god of fortune later, but it only makes him feel worse. (You're a god who only knows how to take. You bring misfortune everywhere you go. It's your fault, Yaboku. Isn't that right?))

And Yukine is struck by Chiki in the fray. There is a crack in his name. Not a big one, but a dangerous one. It's a ticking time bomb. Yato shouldn't have let him be struck at all—how could he have been so stupid?—and blocks the next hit with his arm. Yukine yells at him, but Yato can't—can't—let it happen again.

He's terrified.

(This can't happen again, he can't take it, it's just like Sakura. Please, please don't let this happen to Yukine too. Please, please leave his kid alone. It's his fault again and he should've released Yukine instead of getting attached, but he's just so selfish and now his kid is going to die because Yato is only good at killing and he brings misfortune everywhere and he's just so pathetic that he can't even protect his own kid. (Why would you do that, Yaboku? You knew it was wrong, didn't you? This ugly beast is what lurks inside all humans. It's why we cull the herd. So put this wretched beast out of its misery and– (Stop, stop, stop!)))

He keeps a close eye on Yukine after, looking for any sign that the deadly secret is creeping in through the cracks and sinking its teeth into his fragile human heart. He has failed to protect his kid in a most devastating fashion. Yukine has only brought Yato joy and been his guiding light, and in return Yato has brought him danger and pain.

Yato might think Bishamon is a fool for unsealing that mythical hafuri and launching an attack on Father that brings the heavens down on her head, but he knows why she does it. She might think he's callous for his warnings about Tsuguha, but the truth is that he understands her pain better than almost anyone. He has already lost a beloved shinki to this most terrible of secrets, and he is poised to lose another.

(What happens to Tsuguha is not meant as a strike against Bishamon, not really. It is a warning for Yato. (Time to stop with the rebellions, or I'll remove the root of the problem. It's your choice, and whatever comes of it will be your fault. So, what's it going to be, Yaboku?))

Bishamon is one crazy bitch, but she's Yato's drinking buddy and he's rather fond of her in a secretive, masochistic way. Jumping into the fray to fight on her side against the heavens might not be the brightest idea he's ever had, but it feels right.

Except that Yukine panics when she comes too close to killing Father, and he lashes out with enough desperation to rend the very heavens. And, just for a moment when his kid loses his way, Yato is Yaboku again and feels the need to slice through anything and everything in his path.

(Yaboku scares Yato. Yaboku was just an excitable kid who didn't know right from wrong and was eager to please Father and Hiiro by playing games with swords, but he belonged to Father and was all the more dangerous for it. Yato has spent centuries trying to escape that dark, dangerous, painfully naïve part of himself and has generally done a shoddy job of it, but Yukine has always helped keep it in check right up until now. (What nonsense is that, letting a shinki name you? You are Yaboku, you will always be Yaboku, and your name and life belong to me.))

It frightens Yukine too, that he came so close to killing Bishamon, but Yato reassures him that she can't be dead yet or she would have reincarnated on the spot. Yukine is Yato's pride and joy as a hafuri, but he's also still a teary-eyed kid. And Yato is sorry, so sorry, because he wants to protect him more than anyone.

He is not surprised when Amaterasu orders him to be executed, because he has denounced the heavens and that is an automatic death sentence. But the box, the stone coffin, that they seal Yukine in—that Yato didn't see coming.

The effect is immediate. Yato's heart pounds erratically, his chest constricts like a vise until he can't breathe, and the pain and sheer panic drive him to his knees as he clutches at his head. He can feel Yukine's suffering. He can hear his kid crying out for help, begging Yato to help him.

"Help me! Let me out! Yato! Help me, Yato! Yato!"

Yukine is terrified of the dark, Yukine is suffering now like he did then, Yukine is going to break. And all Yato can do is tremble in a ball on the ground and beg Amaterasu to let him out. He will not beg for his own life, but he will beg for Yukine's.

(For once, just once, he wishes Father was wrong and he could protect someone. (But Yaboku, all you really know is slaughter, right?))

He can do absolutely nothing but sit back and watch while the heavens play a sick game with the lives and deaths of shinki to determine whether they should be pardoned. Yato wants them to save Yukine, he's grateful that everyone is coming together to save his kid when he can't, but he wants it to stop because it's so wrong.

He wants to save Yukine himself, and also Daikoku, whose head might be about to go flying, but it's Takemikazuchi, of all people, that yanks him back and talks him down when he lunges for the bitch who locked his kid in a box to rot for eternity. She is the ruler of the heavens, but he will never forgive her for what she has done to Yukine.

Daikoku's head stays firmly in place on his shoulders, the pardon is issued, the box is opened. All Yato can focus on is rushing to gather Yukine in his arms. He buries his face in his kid's hair and chokes out his strangled gratitude to the ones who saved him while he fights back tears.

Yukine is safe.

But his eyes are wide and glassy and panicked, and fear still winds around Yato's chest like thorny vines that continue to strangle and tighten.

Everything seems to go back to normal after that, but Yato keeps a close watch on Yukine. He's afraid that the experience with the box might bring memories burbling to the surface and chip away at a very dangerous secret. Yato wasn't able to protect Yukine from the box, but he resolves to protect him from this most terrible fate.

(He's afraid that if it gets to the point where things really begin surfacing, there will be absolutely nothing he can do to stop it. He is just as helpless as ever, but he's going to try. (Why are you always trying to fight the inevitable, Yaboku?))

Yato's utter inability to protect his kid smacks him in the face mere days later, when they go to check in on Bishamon. One minute Yukine wanders off to look for Kazuma, and the next there is blinding terror sending Yato's heart into spasms and his kid's screams are ringing through the air.

It's like the box again and Yato has to save his kid, he can't fail his kid again.

He drops everything and runs like lightning, tracking down the cries and fear to a cluttered storeroom pitched into darkness. Yukine is too panicked to be aware of his surroundings as he wails and scratches in desperation to escape, and Yato rushes for him.

"It's okay! It's okay, it's me!"

He guides Yukine back out into the light. They both collapse onto the grass, still reeling and gasping from their shared fear, as Hiyori looks on anxiously.

This is all Yato's fault. He stuck his nose in when he shouldn't have, and Yukine is suffering because of it.

"Yato," Hiyori says earnestly, leaning in even though he refuses to straighten his hunched shoulders and bowed head, "the reason Yukine was saved is precisely because you've worked so hard for everyone else. It was because of everything you did for them that they were willing to lend you their strength. So why are you being so hard on yourself?"

What Yato has done for them? She must be joking. Yato hasn't done a damn thing.

(He doesn't help people. He only ever causes problems. (You're a magatsukami, Yaboku. What did you expect?))

"I… All I did was watch." Yato grinds his teeth together in impotent self-loathing. "He was right there in front of me, and I didn't do a damn thing. I could hear him the whole time, calling for help…"

He had known exactly how much Yukine was suffering, and he hadn't been able to do anything. He had wanted so desperately to protect his kid, and he had been utterly useless. He had done absolutely nothing while Yukine cried and screamed and suffered. When Yukine had begged for Yato's help, Yato had abandoned him and let his cries go unanswered.

Yato had tried so hard, but in the end… In the end, he is really no better than Yukine's father, or even his own.

A small hand touches his back and clutches his jersey. "Yato," Yukine says in a wavering voice, "if you really hadn't done anything, I'd still be in that box right now. You protected me! You beat Takemikazuchi, you saved Bishamon, you silenced heaven… You did all those amazing things, so what is there to be ashamed of? Are you stupid?"

Yukine, this precious kid, tries so hard. Yato doesn't deserve his unwavering loyalty, but he wishes he did.

What Yukine doesn't realize is that none of those so-called amazing things matter when Yato failed at the one that mattered the most.

"Ah, who cares about any of that now?" Yato turns back to pull Yukine into a hug. And if his smile is a little broken, no one seems to notice. "Sorry about that."

It's a good thing that Yato isn't really a father, because he's terrible at it.

Yato, Yukine, and Hiyori are headed home after helping Kunimi rescue a kidnapped Ebisu when it hits Yato how dark it has gotten, with only the moon and stars shedding pale light on the night shadows.

"Oh crap," he says. "I didn't realize how late it had gotten. Are you alright, Yukine?"

Yukine flushes and grumbles, and the tips of his ears are red with embarrassment. "Ugh, you don't have to treat me like a kid anymore. I'm fine."

Right, maybe he shouldn't be Yato's kid anymore, but…Yato wants him anyway.

"So, you haven't been having any weird dreams lately?" Yato asks as casually as possible. He's fishing to see if the memories are surfacing, if the box is pushing them up and Yukine is breaking.

"Dreams?" Yukine asks, puzzled. He furrows his brow in thought, and Yato realizes this wasn't his smoothest segue.

"If you don't remember, that's fine!"

"They were kind of scary," Yukine muses. "But if I looked harder, you were there. So if I had a dream, it was a comforting one."

Yato puzzles that over. Maybe Yukine has just been dreaming of the box, then? Yato might figure into those, if only because he was there when the kid was rescued and found him during the incident at Bishamon's place after.

The dreams Yato is worried about are ones that might contain fragments of memory. But he doesn't see how he would fit into any dreams about Yukine's father, so maybe they aren't surfacing yet.

Still, he puzzles over Yukine's comment for a long time, wondering what it means.

Hiyori is at school when they receive word that Bishamon is finally awake, but Yato and Yukine rush right over. The crazy bitch is still confined to bed and looks a mess, but they gather around and Yato even does his best not to be too annoying.

Yukine apologizes profusely for nearly killing her, and Yato can feel his shame and guilt as a weight in his chest. Bishamon is watching them with a rather funny expression, but then shakes her head.

"Be that as it may," she grumbles, "I also heard that you stood up against the heavens and refused to let them kill me."

Yato shrugs, eyes flat. "It's not a big deal. Everyone came together to win a covenant with heaven in the end. That's what saved you. And us."

"Don't listen to him," Yukine says with an exhale of annoyance. He turns back to Bishamon with a wide grin. "Yato was totally amazing! He beat Takemikazuchi and forced him to help us parley with the heavens to save you. And then he actually silenced the heavens! You should have heard him scolding everyone! Everyone came together to save us in the end, but none of it would have happened if he didn't stand up to the heavens like that, even when it looked like there was no way to win. He saved you…and me…"

His eyes are wide and shine with excitement and pride, and Yato blinks at him in bemusement.

Yukine notices the attention and flushes. "What?" he grumbles, remembering again that he is a teenager.

Yato laughs a little sheepishly, just a soft huff colored with disbelief. "You know, I think that's the first time anyone has been proud of me."

(Father praises Yato sometimes, but his eyes never shine like Yukine's do now. The praise was always one more manipulation, and there's no need to take pride in a tool that does the job it's supposed to. (Good boy, Yaboku. Go collect some more ears for Daddy now, alright?))

Yato doesn't see a whole lot to be proud of in his abysmal performance, but it's a funny, warming feeling to see Yukine's eyes shine with pride the same way Yato imagines his eyes shine when he brags about his kid. Considering that Yukine always thought Yato was a worthless, good-for-nothing god, they sure have come a long way.

Yukine, meanwhile, stares. "…Are you serious? You really don't pay attention to anything, do you? Lots of people think highly of you. Although goodness knows why, when you're such an idiot."

Yato scratches his head and smiles awkwardly and wonders why this topic is making him so uncomfortable when he's always wanted people to appreciate him.

(He had always wanted his father's attention, wanted to make his father proud and happy, and had gone to great, futile lengths for that purpose as a kid. Anything he received in return seems so hollow, looking back. (Don't you want to make me happy, Yaboku? Then do as I say.))

Yukine's frown only deepens. "Really…? Isn't there anything you're proud of?"

"I'm proud of you!" Yato says instantly, his face brightening.

There's nothing that makes him prouder than watching his kid grow. Yukine really is an amazing kid, and that's not just bias talking. He's become so much stronger and is a much-prized hafuri, but mostly he's Yato's guiding light. What's not to be proud of?

Yukine turns red again and his gaze slips away, but he doesn't back down. "Not like that, idiot," he mumbles. "Aren't you proud of anything that you've done?"

"Um… I haven't really done a whole lot…"

"…Seriously? I mean, you saved me, when everyone else said that you should get rid of me and I kept stinging you. You didn't think that if I became a hafuri for you, it must be because you deserve that kind of loyalty?"

"Only a really exceptional shinki can become a hafuri," Yato says dismissively. "What does that have to do with me?"

"You…idiot!" Yukine jabs a finger at the god's chest and scowls, and the red tinge to his cheeks is something like anger now. "You think I'd pledge that kind of loyalty to any two-bit god that came along? I have standards!"

Yato blinks at him. He hasn't really thought of it like that before.

"You did save me a couple times," Bishamon mutters reluctantly, from where they've nearly forgotten her in the bed.

"And you've saved Hiyori loads of times," Yukine adds. "And you…" He trails off and a stricken expression crosses his face. "That's…what your dad told you, isn't it?"

Yato startles, eyes widening. "What?"

Yukine is looking at him with new eyes, mouth all twisted up in a funny expression. "That you're a god of calamity and all you're good at is killing and you only bring misfortune to everyone and no one will love you if they know who you are and you have to do what he says because he's your lifeline and you can't change no matter how hard you try. Those are all things that he told you, aren't they?"

Yato goes stiff, his breath hitching in his throat as he stares out blankly with glazed eyes.

You are mine–

You were made for killing–

Don't talk to any–

Shrines are unnecessary and–

Time to come home–

You really thought you could change your name and–

You bring misfortune with you–

Be a good boy and–

We're your family–

In the end, you won't do anything because I'm your lifeline–

Do as I say or–

No one will ever love you–

Yaboku, Yaboku, Ya–

"–to? Yato!"

Yato starts and sucks in a lungful of air as he remembers to breathe again. He offers his kid a shaky smile to soothe the worry in those wide amber eyes.

"Yeah, sorry. I'm fine. It's fine."

Yukine is not reassured. "That's really horrible…"

"It's not so bad." Yato shrugs. "It's the way it's always been. You get used to it."

(It's amazing what you can get used to if you're manipulated long enough. Amazing what you can internalize, until you believe it all yourself and can never quite let go. (Isn't that right, Yaboku?))

It's amazing, really, that Yukine has picked up on all this after only a few run-ins with Father. Father has said some of these things in front of Yukine—which Yato does not like, because it's one thing to treat him like trash and another to treat him like trash in front of his kid—but others would require guesswork and thought. Yato wonders if he's really that transparent.

"That's not okay…" Yukine frowns at the ground, and Yato becomes aware of a steady, throbbing ache in his chest. He wants to tell Yukine not to worry so much or feel so sad. "He doesn't… He doesn't treat you like his son, you know. He treats you like a tool…or a toy, maybe."

Yato smiles through a mouthful of broken glass. "I know."

To be fair, Father does act like a father sometimes, and did so even more when Yato was a kid. He just preferred to act like…an abusive father, maybe. Yato has known for a long time that he is simply a tool for the culling of humanity and a toy for Father to play his mental and emotional games with.

Yato knows, he isn't a fool, but it's not so simple and this is the only family he's ever known.

"You shouldn't listen to him," Yukine says more firmly. "There's nothing wrong with you."

"…I know."

"Do you?" When Yato doesn't respond right away, Yukine sighs. He's staring down at the floor through his lashes, and Yato's chest is tight with his emotion. "I wish… I wish you had a father who was as good to you as you are to me. I think you…deserve a father like the one I have."

Yato goes absolutely still. Yukine doesn't remember his father—and if he did, he certainly wouldn't be praising him—so when he says that he has to mean…

Yukine's cheeks are bright pink again and his arms are crossed defensively over his chest and he refuses to meet Yato's eyes. Yato stares, wide-eyed, and his breath catches in his throat and his lips tremble.

"Yukine…"

"This is so disgustingly sweet that it's making me sick," Bishamon grumbles from where they have both completely forgotten her this time. "But the kid has a point."

For all Yato's failures, Yukine still…

Yato catches his kid in his arms and holds him close, clutching him tightly and pretending his eyes aren't damp. Any words that might be clamoring inside his head are drowned out by the too-fast thumping of his heart and the echo of Yukine's words.

If there's anything he's proud of, it's his kid. And if his kid is proud of him for anything, that's more than enough. But if there's anything he has to be proud of himself for, it's giving Yukine something like a father—even if he's not perfect, he has tried his hardest and he overcame his own father's example and he's brought his kid some kind of happiness, which is all he ever really wanted—and helping raise him into the precious, wonderful kid he is today.

And he wonders if this is what family is supposed to feel like.