More Than Just A Brother

Chapter 2

Being the father of Dean Winchester was both amazing and frustrating. John knew that Dean was one of a kind. He knew that there wasn't anyone quite like him in the long, substantial history of sons. And he knew he was lucky to be Dean's father. He knew.

But being Dean's father was hard. And it was hard in a multitude of ways. Ways that John knew he couldn't even put words to, really.

First of all, Dean was stubborn. Of course, he reined his stubbornness in around his father, but John still saw it peek its ugly little head out now and then. Especially in situations involving Sam.

John hadn't ever seen anyone as devoted to another person as Dean was to Sam. And he knew he was partly to blame for that blind devotion. Ever since the night of the fire, he had drilled it into his oldest son's head that the most important thing was to always watch out for his little brother. Every single time John left for a hunt, he ran through the rules with Dean, always ending with that one single phrase…. Watch out for Sammy. If he had a dollar for every time those words came out of his mouth, he'd be a rich man.

And Dean had taken those words to heart from that very first night. John could remember everything about that night, but the thing that stuck out the most was the first time he actually looked at his boys with the awful realization that they no longer had a mother. Everything else up until that point had seemed so surreal. How was he supposed to comprehend what had happened that night? How was he to understand that something had killed his wife and nearly killed both of his boys? It was way beyond the depth of his understanding to make any sense of it. In fact, he really wasn't even sure that he actually saw what he thought he saw.

The hours afterwards were surreal, too. He remembered sitting on the hood of the Impala with Sam in his arms and Dean leaning against his side. It was cold outside and he could feel Dean trembling against him. He wasn't sure how much of that trembling was actually from the boy being cold, though. Dean hadn't said a single thing since it happened and John really hadn't noticed at first. He was too busy watching the home he had shared with his family burn to the ground. He was too busy watching his life burning up in the flames. And he didn't know it at the time, but he was too busy watching his sons' childhood fading away like the dying embers of the fire that had changed everything.

After the fire was out and the firefighters had talked to John in an attempt to find out what had happened, John gathered up his boys and settled them in the car. Neither he nor Mary had any living family that he knew of, so he decided to turn to the only people close enough to not balk at the idea of taking in a father and two young boys who had lost everything. John decided to take what was left of his family to his business partner and friend, Mike Guenther.

Mike and his wife were horrified to hear about what had happened to Mary and ushered an exhausted John, Sam, and Dean into their home immediately. Kathy took the baby from John's tired arms, realizing instantly that he needed to be changed and fed. Luckily, they had a child just about the same age, so she quickly gathered what she needed to take care of Sam. Dean, who was still clinging to his dad's side, barely looked up when Kathy called for him to follow her. When he didn't follow right away, John pried him away from his body and pushed him gently in the woman's direction.

Once Sam and Dean were out of the room, John allowed himself to fall apart. First, it was just a few tears leaking out of his eyes as he tried to maintain some semblance of control. Eventually, though, sobs ripped through him and he had tears streaming down his face, leaving sooty streaks behind as they fell. Mike didn't really know what to say to someone who had just lost their wife so horribly, so he offered John a drink instead.

After almost an hour, Kathy returned with Sam and Dean. The boys were cleaned up and were in clean clothes. John felt an insane desire to laugh when he saw the oversized pink t-shirt Dean was wearing, but he quickly sobered up when memories of Mary flooded his mind, bringing him violently back into the nightmare that was his reality.

John suddenly felt bone-tired and found it difficult to even hold his head upright. Looking over at his boys, he could tell that they were exhausted, too. A few minutes later, the three of them were situated in the Guenther's spare bedroom. Sam was already asleep and Dean wasn't too far behind, but just as John thought his oldest had fallen asleep, he heard Dean's small voice.

"Daddy, where's Mommy?"

John felt his heart break again as he tried to figure out how to answer his son. He spent several long seconds trying to come up with an answer, but his mind was blank. "We'll talk about that tomorrow, Dean, okay?"

"But, Mommy always tucks us in, Daddy."

"I know, Dean, but she can't right now, okay?" John watched as Dean's lower lip started trembling. The boy wasn't one to cry easily, but John had known him to throw a few tantrums in the past. He was hoping this wouldn't be one of those times and was relieved when Dean just closed his eyes and fell asleep.

It was at least three hours before John fell into a restless sleep. In that time, he stared down at his sons, his eyes taking in the smoothness of Sam's baby face and the mop of hair on Dean's head that matched his mother's. He imagined the pain he would feel whenever he looked into Dean's eyes, remembering how they mirrored Mary's almost exactly. He remembered the sound of Mary's voice as she read to Sam and Dean at night. And he remembered how Mary repeated the same phrase to Dean every night, just before she turned out his light….. Angels are watching over you.

He suddenly found himself feeling extremely angry at Mary for lying to Dean. He knew he was being ridiculous, that Mary was in no way at fault for what had happened, but he was still angry. He was angry that Mary's angels weren't really watching over them. He was angry at her for getting their hopes up. And he was really angry that she had left him alone to raise their sons. His sons were to live the rest of their lives without their mother. And he hated that.

John was extremely proud of Dean. The boy was a natural hunter with instincts that far surpassed most hunters even twice his age. The boy was a natural marksman with both guns and the crossbow. His tracking skills were excellent, thanks to time spent with Bobby. He was graceful and lithe, his movements almost dance-like and poetic, and he was thorough and methodical, sometimes to a fault.

But whenever Sam was hunting with them, Dean was a completely different hunter.

When Sam was with them, Dean spent more time thinking about his brother's safety than anything else. He was aware of Sam's positioning at all times and always made sure that he had his brother's back. And because he was so fixated on Sam's safety, Dean cared less about his own safety or in the promptness of following his father's others.

This, of course, was a bone of contention between father and son. The normal sequence of events changed whenever Sam was part of the hunt. Suddenly, the rule-abiding, nearly perfect soldier and son morphed into a soldier that questioned every command coming out of his father's mouth, balancing it against the scale of what was going to keep Sam safe. Every command John sent to Dean was met with hesitation as he thought about his brother.

And John was not happy about that. In his mind, it was a slap in the face that Dean didn't trust him to have Sam's best interests at heart. John knew he could be a right bastard sometimes, but he wouldn't ever do something that would knowingly put either of his sons in danger. At least, he didn't think he would. He didn't set out to be a hard-nosed hunter that put the hunt above everything else, but deep down he wondered if that's exactly what he had become.

And he and Dean had shared some harsh words in that regard. In fact, they had shared more than just words. From the time Sam started hunting, John's need to punish either of his sons had more than tripled. Suddenly, he was taking one or the other of them to task for disrespect or disobedience at least once a week. And more often than not, it was Dean.

John wasn't stupid. He knew that half the things Dean got in trouble for were technically Sam's fault. He knew that his oldest boy would do almost anything to protect his little brother, even if it meant putting his own head on the chopping block. Or his own backside in the line of fire, as it was.

And John didn't know what to do about it. The boys were clever in the way they hid things from him, making it nearly impossible at times to discern the truth. Sometimes, he knew without a doubt who was responsible for whatever had happened. Sometimes, he knew that Dean was taking the blame for his brother's misdeeds. And sometimes, he was okay with that. Sometimes, he found it a fitting and effective punishment to allow Sam to watch his brother get punished for something he had done. Punishing Sam was a challenge unto itself, and sometimes he had to get creative.

There were a few occasions where the truth came out and John found it necessary to punish both boys, but even in those situations, Dean was doing whatever he could to protect his brother. Even if it meant begging his father to not punish Sam or to at least go easy on the boy. Even if it meant taking extra punishment himself. And even if it meant downright lying to his father's face.

And Dean knew that there was nothing John hated more than being lied to, which meant that he was willing to risk anything- even his father's approval- to protect Sam. No matter the cost. No matter the sacrifice.

In fact, John had no doubts whatsoever that Dean would give his very soul to protect his brother. He just hoped it never came to that.

John knew better than anyone that Dean was more than just a brother to Sam. He knew that Dean was his brother's best friend. He knew that he was Sam's confidant. He knew that Dean was Sam's biggest supporter and protector. He even knew that Dean was Sam's provider, more often than not. He was the one that made sure Sam had what he needed for school. He was the one that took care of the youngest Winchester when he was sick or hurt or scared after a nightmare. He made sure Sam had clothes and shoes that fit him, for the most part. He got him to school on time and made sure he did his homework. He made sure the kid took baths, brushed his teeth, and got enough sleep. He taught Sam how to tie his shoes, write his name, clean a gun, and lay down salt lines. He taught him almost everything he knew.

Dean's whole life revolved around taking care of his little brother. And John knew that he should be the one doing these things for Sammy. For both of his boys. He knew that Dean was more of a father to Sam than he had ever been and he hated himself for it.

But, unlike Dean, he didn't have it in him to push everything else aside for Sam. He didn't have it in him to forget about the evil that had wrecked his life all those years ago. He didn't have it in him to sacrifice the fight against evil to take care of his youngest in the way a father should.

He didn't have it in him to do those things, but he knew that Dean did.

Author's note: Well, there you go. Just a little bit of my take on what John thinks of Dean as a brother. I feel like I just hit the tip of the iceberg with this chapter, because we all know that there are so many other ways that Dean proves that he's more than just a brother to Sam.

Thanks so much for reading. I'd love to hear your thoughts on the story so far. And yes, there will be another chapter coming soon. I feel like Dean deserves to have his say in the matter.