A/N: So, what is this, you ask? Why, it's nothing more than the gloriousness that is called TuckerxSister love! XD second favorite RvB ship (sorry, but the first is always gonna be WashxCarolina, sue me). Takes place in Season 5. Enjoy! :D

Princess in Yellow Armor

Summary: Tucker hated Blood Gulch. He hated every last thing about it. Well, until a girl in yellow armor stopped by.

Tucker let out a groan as Church came up to him, the powder blue soldier pissed off as usual. "Great. What happened now? Actually, no. Let me guess; the Reds have just built an enormous fucking nightclub, are screwing a bunch of chicks, and we're not invited." 'It's just the same shit every day. Nothing awesome or exciting ever happens; just two teams in the middle of a box canyon trying to get each other's flag.'

"No. The Reds just called in a ship and it arrived here," Church replied with a growl. "The ship is bad enough; I don't even want to know what kind of fucking weapons that damn thing has. It could be carrying an entire new squad! Or a Freelancer! Or…" He broke off, and he began to look Tucker up and down. "Wait, when the hell did you wake up!? Aren't you supposed to be in a coma or something after getting impregnated by an alien!?"

Tucker gave a shrug, stretching out his sore legs. "Maybe. But what can I say? I'm a lover; not a doctor. Speaking of doctors, where the fuck is Doc?" 'Probably trying to kill everyone since O'Malley's been stuck in his head for the last number of years.' The purple medic seemed to have the worst case of multiple personality disorder, as he tried (and failed horribly) to not give into the crazed AI's galaxy domination dreams.

"Oh, he's off babysitting for you," Church snorted irritably. "You gave birth to an abomination. It's literally a freak of fucking nature. Doc's refusing to let me near it as I attempted to kill it for you." His leader showing complete and utter disgust for the alien species was nothing new; he had been forced to hold back from strangling the alien Crunchbite (as Caboose named it) when they found out all it could say was 'Blarg' and 'Honk'.

Tucker rolled his eyes, picking up a Battle Rifle. "Dude, you have literally the worst fucking aim out of anyone in the universe. I'm more concerned about Doc's babysitting than you trying to kill my kid." 'To be honest, the only thing I'm actually terrified of is Tex's wrath. That and dying a virgin.'

"What about that ship the Reds got?" Church growled. "And…a yellow guy is coming out. Great; they got a new soldier. But what the hell does yellow armor mean? Knives? Ball-kicking? Low budget sex-change?"

Tucker strained his eyes, and he gave the Blue Team leader an exasperated stare. "Dude, that's a girl…" 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Now the Reds actually do get a girl to fuck. This shit sucks.'

"How the hell can you tell that? Did you somehow enhance your eyesight or something?"

"My sight's amazing, man. It's because I NEVER GET TO USE THE FUCKING SNIPER RIFLE!" the aqua soldier yelled indignantly, brandishing his rifle. "Seriously, why won't you ever let me use it? My aim's much better than yours." 'You can't even hit a rock that's sitting a foot from you; I'm pretty sure I could do more damage with it than you.'

"Bullshit, dude," Church snorted. "My aim is fine. Someone just keeps on fucking with the damn sights on this thing whenever I'm not looking." He was in constant denial that he had the worst aim probably out of everyone in the terrible canyon, and it was obvious to see he wasn't budging on the theory that either Caboose or Tex kept purposely fucking with the sights on the rifle. To be fair, Tex did mess with it once or twice, and God knows what Caboose did with it.

Tucker let out an exasperated sigh, walking away to find Doc. "Oh, whatever…" 'I hate this damn canyon; every day is just a repeat of Church being an asshole, Tex being a bitch, Doc being crazy, and Caboose is still retarded. Don't even get me started on the Reds. It's about time something good happened to me in this hellhole.' There was very little about his time in the Blue Army that he actually liked.

He strode off, and it wasn't long before he found Doc by a tree. The purple medic was talking to a small aqua alien, barely knee-height, and he was attempting to teach it English. "My armor's color is purple. Can you say it? Purple."

Tucker coughed to make his presence known, joining him and his offspring. "You know all these guys can say is 'Honk' and 'Blarg', right?" 'How the fuck did I end up in this inescapable hellhole? I never wanted to have kids; I imagined I would be the typical father who visits his kid every now and then and sends checks to some woman he hates.'

"Honk?" the alien looked at the aqua soldier, and Doc laughed lightheartedly.

"Oh, that's not true. The little guy here is a fast learner; he already knows how to feed properly. Just expose a little bit of skin and he jumps right in. It was really fascinating to see nature at work. I think he's going to be a linebacker when he grows up. Either that or a vampire. Or a vampire linebacker."

"Wait, he fucking drinks blood?" Tucker asked, backing up away from his newborn son. "You know, I'm starting to think that Church is right; kill this fucking thing." Under normal circumstances (or what passed for normal in the god-awful canyon), he would never agree with his leader on anything, mainly to see if he could drive Church to his breaking point faster than either Caboose or Doc. But this was a different animal all together.

Doc stood between the two of them, his purple medical device aimed at Tucker's chest. "Don't make me use this thing on you."

"Oh please. What the hell are you going to do, check my fucking blood sugar?"

"…good point."

"Where the hell is Caboose?"

"Passed out from blood loss."

Tucker tried his damndest to not face-palm, and he bit back a rather irritable insult that would make him sound like Church. "How did you even get Caboose to agree to feed him? The old cookies and glass of orange juice trick? I thought we ate all of the sugar cookies like, two years ago." 'That was the last time I remember us having that in our base. Unless Caboose started ordering crap off of E-bay again.'

"Oh, Caboose apparently ordered them online about two weeks ago," Doc replied cheerfully. "As for the orange juice…well, I don't know about that. I don't know what the hell you guys have in your fridge."

Tucker let out a sigh, trying to jack his memory in an attempt to recall just what the hell they had stashed in there. "I'm pretty sure we have a bunch of chocolate that belongs to the scariest bitch in the galaxy, orange juice, and my secret stash of alcohol that I need to diminish the goddamn headaches this place causes. Other than that, I have no idea." 'I thought Tex was just a ghost. How the hell does she have a chocolate addiction?'

"Are you going to give your kid a name?" Doc asked. "I don't think Honk or Blarg will work as one." For once, the pacifist was correct. Blarg or Honk would make a really shitty name, even though it was technically for an alien that didn't understand English.

The aqua soldier shrugged his shoulders, giving the small alien another stare. "Well, I guess Junior is fine with me. How about it? You like Junior?" 'I'm far too lazy to even make up a proper name for him. Wow, what a shitty parent I make. Be sure to nominate me for 'Dad of the Year'.'

"Honk!"

Tucker let out breath, relieved that Junior didn't attempt to sink those rather sharp fangs into his armor. "Okay, that's over with. Now what? I don't know what the fuck to do."

"Guys! We have a problem!" Church yelled, waving at them from across half the canyon. The fact there was yet another problem in the awful box canyon was not a surprise; it seemed to be all they dealt with recently. Whether it was getting sent into the future by a bomb, impregnated by an alien, or attacked by a douche bag Freelancer, problems were something they had an overabundance of as of late.

Tucker and Doc both stared at each other briefly, their shoulders slumping. "What else is new?" 'Let me guess; the Reds found that stupid asshole of a bomb and are threatening to blow up our base if we don't give them some kind of shitty porn or our malfunctioning tank.'

"Well, you got impregnated by an alien—"

"It was a rhetorical question, asshole. Just wait here and try not to feed Caboose to the alien or give into O'Malley's stupid galaxy domination plans."

"Hate to tell you, but he's inside someone else now," Doc grumbled. "Good thing, too; that guy was really getting on my nerves with all that violence."

Tucker rolled his eyes, not giving in to the irresistible urge to slap him, and walked over to rejoin Church and, to his surprise, Caboose. "Hey guys. When the hell did Caboose wake up?"

"While you were talking with Doc," Church answered irritably. "But we've got bigger issues to worry about now. That fat orange asshole is here with that new yellow guy. I guess they figured out how fucked up our team is."

"Girl."

"Whatever. Just act like everything's fine and we've got everything under control."

"Dude, I've been putting that act on for about five fucking years."

"Hey, Blue guys! We want to give you back your prisoner!" the orange soldier yelled. His voice sounded a little hurried, as if he wanted to hurry it up so he could get back to whatever the Reds did at their base.

Tucker and Church looked at each other, confused. "Wait; why the fuck would they want to give us one of their guys? That makes no fucking sense." 'Is today April 1st or something? Because this seems like a really awful April Fool's Day joke.'

"I don't like it. It's probably a trap."

Tucker rubbed his helmet, and Caboose fell on the ground again from blood loss. "Dude, have you met the Reds? They are not smart enough to pull that off; they can't even figure out how to take our goddamn flag, and we have literally the worst defense of all time." 'All we do is stand around and talk; we've been doing the same shit for five fucking years now.'

"Okay, now normally I would agree with you on that," the powder blue soldier returned. "But this is the orange guy we're dealing with. He's actually pretty crafty when he wants to be. He's a lot like me."

Tucker snorted, looking at the stomach that had now started to bulge a bit on his leader. "What, as in we'll have to put in ear plugs and hide all of our snacks?" 'How did he put on this much weight? He's usually the one running around screaming at us.'

"Up yours, dickhead," Church growled. "I've been under the stress of carrying this fucking team ever since Captain Flowers kicked the bucket."

Tucker gave Caboose a prod with his boot, and sad he wasn't dead, looked back at Church. "Where the hell did you carry us to, the fucking buffet aisle?" 'Stress my ass. The only things he's had to worry about for the last five years are the teamkilling retard and the bitch he calls his ex-girlfriend.'

"What do you want for her!?" Church yelled at the orange guy, ignoring Tucker's remark.

The chubby soldier shook his head, pushing the quiet yellow person. "Nothing! She's one of yours and went to our side of the canyon first! It was an honest mistake! No harm, no foul?"

"What else do you got? We want something else!"

"I'm releasing a hostage! You don't negotiate up from there!"

"Got any money?"

"Fuck you, dude!"

"You got any snacks?" Tucker asked. Church glared at him, growling, and the aqua soldier put his hands up in innocence. "Dude, I'm just asking because I know you wanted to. I bet they have potato chips." 'Judging by the crumbs on the orange guy's visor, I'm going to bet on sour cream and onion. We haven't had any at our base ever since Doc's been around; fucking greedy asshole keeps sneaking into the cabinets at two in the morning to steal every last fucking bag and eat them all.'

"Nope, just the girl! Sorry, but we couldn't find any aliens for you guys to fuck, either!" the Red yelled.

Tucker smirked as the girl made her way over to the Blues' side of the canyon. "That's okay! We can still fuck this one!" The girl let out a loud cheer, and the orange soldier swore in anger and nervousness.

"Fuck! Give her back!"

"No take backs!"

"Oh, what the fuck!?"

Smirking in victory, Tucker looked over at their new and quite curvy addition. "Hey there baby. I heard you fell from the sky. I've always wanted to bone an angel."

The girl looked at him up and down, spotted the sword hilt on his hip, and whistled. "I see you have a rather impressive sword there~. Bow chicka bow wow~."

The aqua soldier grinned as she said his favorite catchphrase, and he moved closer to her. "That I do." 'Finally. It's been way too long. I don't have to worry about dying a virgin anymore.'

The orange soldier stomped away in frustrated fury, and Church snorted before facing them again, giving the unconscious Caboose a prod with his boot. "Alright, now that's over with. We have to show our new addition around."

Tucker chuckled, standing closer to her and brushing against her. "Leave that to me, Church. I got this." Usually, if a new recruit came around, Tucker would be as far from them as possible; Caboose joining the team many years ago definitely wasn't the best thing that happened to them in terms of reinforcements.

But this girl, whoever she was, was damn fine. Her yellow armor highlighted ever supple curve, and Tucker's own armor became painfully cramped as he looked at her body up and down. 'Shit, I already got hard just looking at her.'

"Please don't leave me with the bad leader," Caboose mumbled from the ground. "He's mean…"

Church kicked him in the ribs, seething. "Shut up Caboose."

"Now he's swearing at me…"

"CABOOSE! SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Church screamed, aiming his Sniper Rifle (or at least attempting to) at the blue soldier's head. "Or so help me God, I will shoot your head off!" He fired four times, clearly desperate to (for once) carry out his threat and prove to everyone that he could actually hit something/someone. Sadly, every single bullet hit nothing but the ground and sprayed Caboose's visor with dirt, making the short-tempered asshole even angrier. If that was possible.

"Oh come the fuck on! That was fucking bullshit!" he screamed. "Who keeps fucking with the goddamned sights on this thing!?"

"Ugh. Totally lame," the girl said with a huff of annoyance. "Not hot at all."

Tucker bit back a laugh, and he turned to the yellow girl. "We might as well get introductions out of the way. I'm Tucker; the unconscious guy is Caboose, and the asshole with the Sniper Rifle is Church. So, what's your name?"

"Kaikaina~," the new girl purred. She jerked her head over to the base, turning and making sure Tucker could catch the shake of her hips. "I think the two of us should make our way over there and…'get to know each other better', if you catch my meaning~."

Tucker grinned and began to follow her, looking over his shoulder to give both Church and Caboose the middle finger. "Fuck. Yes." 'Sweet! It's a bad day to be a Red, good to be Blue.' Due to his lack of getting a semi-decent girlfriend, he had yet to even have a good makeout session with a pretty girl.

He stared at her perfect rear, and he was sure he was letting out groans of want as he followed her across the canyon back into base. He wanted, no, needed, her. If he didn't get his hands on this gorgeous babe in the next five minutes, he'd go insane and do something ridiculous like fuck her by his rock.

The usual short walk back to base seemed to take a lot longer than it normally did, possibly because it was incredibly hot or because he had an erection and it was a little painful to walk quickly. One of the two. Either way, it was an agonizingly slow walk back; Tucker could practically feel himself aging with each time his boots sank into the ground.

Kaikaina looked back at him over her shoulder, beckoning to him with a seductive purr. "Come on, Tucker~."

"Shit, wait up!" Tucker gasped, trying his best to keep up with her. His body was still sore following his unwanted pregnancy, and he was much more out of shape than probably anyone on the Blue Team; shit, he was willing to bet a few beers that Doc was in better shape than him. 'Fuck, man. I need to start working out and get rid of this baby fat.'

Kaikaina was waiting for him inside and he finally got to see what she looked like under her armor. Big brown eyes, tanned skin, full lips, and brown hair. About what Tucker figured. He certainly wasn't displeased with what he could see.

Kaikaina smirked at him in a seductive manner, beckoning over to him with a wag of her finger as if to say, 'Come hither'. She wanted him, probably as much Tucker wanted her.

The sword expert of the Blue Team didn't waste any time removing his armor. The heavy alloy fell on the ground with a loud clatter until he was in nothing but his black bodysuit, and the way it clung to his toned frame left very little to the imagination. Especially as Kaikaina's eyes flickered downward to see the outline of his package.

"Oh my, isn't someone very eager?" she asked teasingly, stripping her own armor off. She started off slowly, taking her time to entice him. Tucker's hungry gaze eagerly devoured the sight in front of him, and it was taking all of his self control to not growl in an animalistic manner and take her right then and there.

'Dammit. The one time I finally get to bang a hot chick, she's a fucking tease.' Tucker let out a groan, feeling himself get stiffer under his suit.

Kaikaina noticed the glint in his eyes and smirked. "Heh. Looks like you've gotten all wound up from a simple strip tease, and I'm not even naked yet."

"Goddammit. Less talking, more naked," Tucker said with a dangerous growl.

"Mmm…I love it when I hear someone growl at me. It's kinda hot." Kaikaina grinned and made a display of slowly unzipping her bodysuit. Tucker watched in amazement as two beautiful round breasts bounced out, completely exposing her top half.

"Like them~?" Kaikaina squeezed them and moaned, her hands unable to contain the massive mounds of flesh. "All natural, here."

"Shit baby, are you serious?" Tucker was drinking in the sight of her breasts, and he didn't notice that he was approaching her slowly as if in a trance of some sort. He blinked and found himself only inches away from the brunette's curvaceous frame, and his hands hesitantly reached for her breasts. "Can I?"

"Go on," Kaikaina invited, licking her lips and slipping out of her bodysuit completely to leave herself completely nude. Tucker began to massage the soft mounds, kneading them and circling her finger over her erect nipples. The brunette moaned, and her arms locking around Tucker's neck before she pulled him in for a slow erotic kiss.

Their lips mashed together, and Tucker was initially taken aback by the quiet needy whines Kaikaina was letting out. She obviously had a lot of experience doing this; her earlier cheer when Tucker said they could all fuck her was enough to suggest that she was rather loose when it came to sexual partners. The aqua soldier was willing to place bets that she didn't care whether her partner was male or female.

His dark eyes widened in surprise when he felt her wet tongue circle around his lips, adding a very wet sensation to their kiss. It swirled around greedily, and Tucker managed to trap the ink fleshy muscle by sucking it into his mouth.

He smirked at the weak squeak of surprise Kaikaina let out, and he pulled away before releasing it with a loud wet pop. Her tongue clicked as it was sucked back into her mouth, and she licked her lips. "You're a good kisser. I imagine you've done that before~."

"No, not really," Tucker sheepishly admitted, running his hands up and down her sides before settling on her bare ass. "I kinda just went with the flow." 'Damn, she does have an ass. I could smack this around all fuckin' day and not get tired of it.'

He could feel his manhood throb with desire, aching and pleading to be released. 'Shit. This is getting unbearably tight now.' Part of him wanted to think that the brunette was doing it on purpose. She already picked up that he was getting increasingly more aroused with each second; he wouldn't put it past her to tease him to the point of begging.

She looked down at it and smirked. "Alright, let's see what exactly I'm working with." She fumbled with the zipper of his suit, cursing under her breath the entire time. Tucker managed to make out the words 'fuck', 'shitty', and 'zipper'.

He groaned inwardly. It would be just his kind of ultra shitty luck for the zipper on his suit to suddenly snag right when he's about to get laid. 'Really? Come on. Let this go my fucking way for once. I need this. I think I'm owed some action after giving birth to a fucking alien.'

Even though he could hear Doc talking to Junior outside thanks to Doc not turning his microphone off, he still didn't believe that an alien popped out of him. It just didn't make any fucking sense.

Kaikaina let out a happy cheer as she managed to finally get the zipper undone. The rest of his suit came down, revealing the part of him the brunette most wanted to see, and she stared at it longingly. "Holy fuck. You might be the biggest I've ever been with."

Tucker wasn't too sure how to take that last one. "...is that a…?"

"Bad thing? Eh, it all depends on your perspective, really. Some would call me a slut. Others, experienced. I don't give a fuck either way." The brunette shrugged, reaching down to stroke him.

Tucker groaned out, and his noises were once again muffled by Kaikaina's plump lips on his. Their tongues swirled around each other, both of them vying to claim dominance over the other. Eventually, Tucker won; he pushed her tongue back with his, thoroughly exploring every inch of her oral cavern.

His victory was short lived, however; he went to start massaging Kaikaina's breasts when her grip on him tightened. He groaned into her mouth, and Kaikaina suckled on his tongue before pulling away with a victorious smirk. "Enough foreplay, Tucker. Give it to me. Now."

Her legs opened, inviting him in. Tucker didn't need to be asked twice. He buried himself inside her in one quick movement, a moan of pleasure leave Kaikaina's lips.

She felt amazing around him. Warm, wet, and not painfully tight. The sensation was unfamiliar to him, and the brunette's body shuddered at the entry. She trembled and convulsed, squeezing onto his shoulders, and Tucker gasped for breath. "Did…did you just…?"

"S-shut up." She blushed, getting used to him after a few and moving her hips to meet his. "I haven't had anyone as big as you, and it feels so fucking good. It's been awhile."

Once again their lips met, and Tucker had her back against the cold metal of the interior wall of Blue Base. Her long and toned legs were on either side of his waist as he pushed into her, grunting heavily.

The sound of flesh slapping together and the noises both of them were making were all he could hear, and even those sounded strangely muffed, like they were underwater. The sensation that was going through his body was far too much for him to contain.

It was driving him crazy. It growled at him, urging to go harder. And he did. His hips slammed into hers with reckless abandon, Kaikaina's screams of pleasure the encouragement he needed.

How much time had passed? Mere minutes? Or were they approaching hours now?

With the way daylight savings worked in Blood Gulch, there was really no way for him to tell. Not to mention it almost never got dark for some reason.

He gave one final push into the tanned beauty, and Kaikaina moaned happily as she could feel the surge of warmth through her body. "O-oh fuck~. There's a lot, too~."

Tucker removed himself from her, wiping sweat off of his head with his forearm. His legs felt like Jell-O, and he was too exhausted to do anything, let alone think. 'Holy shit. I just fucked an actual girl.'

He was glad he could rest easier at night knowing he would have at least one story to brag about to Church.

"Worn out?" Kaikaina asked with a smirk, winking at him and trailing a finger down his chest. "I expected as much. You'll get used to it."

"Oh really? I will, now?" Tucker grinned back at her wearily.

"You're goddamned right." She leaned and gave his chest a couple of hot kisses, fingers prodding at his stomach. "We'll be fucking like rabbits on morphine."

"Yeah! Wait…what?" Tucker blinked in confusion and was about to ask how the hell she knew what that was like when she spun around and pressed her perfect rear against his crotch.

"Aww, I knew you had one more in you~."

"Oh, that does it. You're getting disciplined tonight."

"Kinky~."

"You're fuckin' right. Now come here."

Her…eccentricities aside, Tucker believed he finally had the one to help him raise Junior into a respectable alien/man thing.

He had just found his princess in yellow armor.

A/N: I'm not sure why the fuck this one-shot ended up this length. I really don't. I think I got carried away lol. Anyways, tell me what you think, and I shall see you all next time!

-DPLxStrife

C. Strife #5371