A/N: Inspired by RWBY Watches Classic Movies by Old Wolf Logan.

Ruby awoke with a jolt and a gasp. She looked around, but couldn't really see anything other than pure darkness. The girl waited for what felt like ages for her eyes to adjust to the darkness, but made no progress, though she was sitting in an admittedly comfortable seat, so she couldn't really complain.

"Hello?" She heard a familiar voice ask. The lights came on rather suddenly, revealing a small movie theater to the silver eyed girl. The person who had spoken had been Blake, sitting just a couple seats away from her leader. Between the two were their other two teammates, groaning and sitting up. The sudden light had woken them both. Ruby looked around and spotted the remainder of team RNJR on Ruby's other side.

"Where the hell are we?" That sounded like Qrow behind her.

"That's a… good question." Ozpin spoke without Oscar beside the birdman. He seemed equally confused as to how he was back in the body he'd had prior to Oscar. The farm boy himself was present as well, sitting on the opposite side of Qrow with Maria. Just beside them was Sun and Neptune, but the rest of their team was apparently absent.

"Is that everyone?" A voice spoke from the front of the room. Ruby turned back to look at the person, but found it to be only a disembodied voice. "Looks like it. Sorry about all this, but I think you could all use a break anyway." The audience stared at the source of the voice, hoping for whoever it was to show themselves. "I usually don't manifest myself in these sorts of things, but I see no other option at this point in time. And I'm not gonna be long either. You're gonna watch a cool movie starring you and the people you know. Why? Why not? That's it from me. Enjoy the show."

"Hey!" Jaune shouted, "wait a minute, you can't just—!"

"Shhhhhh." The voice said, "just accept it. I'll put you back when we're done here."

Jaune just sighed, realizing that there really wasn't a way out other than through.

"I mean," Ruby optimistically said, "it could be really fun!"

"Or we could be shown a compelling drama about the the flaws of mankind." Blake very suddenly said. There was a pause.

"Naw!" Yang said, dismissively waving her hand with a laugh. "I'm sure it'll be some weird movie like The 40 Year Old Huntress, or Airship!"

"Shush!" Ruby yelled, "it's starting!" The lights dimmed but the screen remained black.

"This is the Kuroyuri refugee vessel Nucklavee," a voice called through the darkness,

"That name doesn't work." Ren sourly said.

"We are under assault—The engines are dead, life support failing. Requesting aid from any vessel within range. We are 22 jump points out of Kuroyuri!" The voice suddenly became more desperate and pleading, "our crew is made of families! We have very few soldiers here! This is not a Warcraft. We repeat! This is not a Warcraft."

The screen showed them a broken and flaming spaceship, floating in the vacuum and taking quite a few hits from a much larger ship.

Inside, Arthur Watts could be seen stepping over piles upon piles of bodies.

"I really do hate those guys."

The man they all knew as Cardin Winchester laid on the ground, wounded. He reached out for Watts, as if he would stop him, but lacked the strength. Watts paid no mind to him, stepping over more bodies as if they were pieces of dirty clothing discarded on his bedroom floor.

"Hear me," He monologued, "And rejoice. You have had the privilege of being saved by the Great Witch. You may think this is suffering, no. It is salvation. Universal scales tip toward balance because of your sacrifice. Smile… because even in death, you have become Children of Salem."

"I don't follow." Weiss said.

"Sounds like a ritualistic mass murder." Blake said. "It's crazy talk."

"That's not crazy talk!" Ruby cut in. "This is crazy talk! Hablahshalee—!" Weiss smacked her partner on the back of the head, making the girl shut up immediately.

The camera panned past Watts, showing Roman Torchwick standing beside them, watching Salem's silhouette as she looked out a window into the empty void,

"I know what it's like to lose." She said,

"You really do not." Ozpin growled.

"to feel so desperately that you are right, yet to fail nonetheless." The evil woman reached down and grabbed a very familiar ginger by the neck of her breastplate.

"Nora?" Yang asked, "You got BODIED!"

"You don't know that!" Nora shouted back.

"Looks like you got bodied, Nora." Ruby concurred.

"I'm inclined to agree." Ren said, patting his friend's shoulder. "I'm sure you'll kick her butt later tho!"

"Really?" Nora looked at Ren with the only pair of puppy dog eyes that could ever rival Ruby's.

"Yeah," Ren said, "standard heroic archetype."

Nora struggled feebly as Salem continued. "It's frightening. Turns the legs to jelly. I ask you, to What end? Dread it. Run from it. Destiny arrives all the same. And now, it's here. Or should I say… I AM." She said.

"Wow." Jaune commented. "Full of yourself much?"

"Looks like it." Yang agreed.

Salem held up a golden gauntlet to show that only one of the six slots on the back of its hand was occupied. It was presently occupied by a single, pink gem. She suddenly wrapped her other hand around Nora's head. Blood drooled out of the her mouth.

"Shiny, weapon." Ruby drooled. "I wonder what it does!"

"Probably destroy life on a scale hitherto undreamt of." Ozpin told her.

"Did you seriously just say, 'hitherto undreamt Of'?" Yang asked.

"Is that seriously all you got from that sentence?" Blake exasperatedly asked her partner.

"Pretty much."

"You talk too much." Nora taunted. Salem turned to Roman.

"The Tesseract. Or your sister's head. I assume you have a preference?"

"Sister?" Ren asked, crossing his arms.

"Small resemblance." Maria pointed out. Ren nodded.

"I guess."

"Oh," Roman cooly responded. "I do. Kill away!"

"I really have strong feelings of dislike for Roman Torchwick." Ruby said, crossing her arms with a scowl.

"You mean you hate him?" Yang asked, hoping to simplify Ruby's statement.

"No. Hate's too strong of a word." Ruby said. "Besides, I'm trying to use twelve point words today."

"Do you have the Scrabble point values memorized?" Jaune incredulously asked.

"No." Ruby said, in a clear lie.

"Yes." Yang nodded.

Surprise briefly glinted on Salem's face before she pressed the gem against Nora's head. The gem began to glow brightly, and the normally hyperactive ginger began to scream hoarsely. Roman tried to pretend not to care, but his cool demeanor was slowly cracking as Nora suffers. "All right, stop!" He suddenly shouted. Salem let up, and Nora sluggishly fell away, barely holding herself up on her elbows.

"We don't have the Tesseract," She told Salem. "It was destroyed on Kuroyuri." Roman glanced at her as if he knew something she didn't and lifted his right hand into the air, a blue, glowing cube appeared, balanced carefully on the tips of his fingers.

"You really are the worst brother." Nora told Roman.

The thief slowly walked towards Salem with the item, eyes on Nora. "I assure you, sister… the sun will shine on us again." He told her.

"Your optimism is misplaced, Kuroyurian." Salem simply said.

"Is that the correct way to refer to a Kuroyuri native?" Neptune asked.

"Probably not." Sun boredly told his blue haired friend, not really caring if that was the correct answer. Ren and Nora only shrugged, not adding any real clarity to the question.

"Well," Roman said, "for one thing; I'm not Kuroyurian. And for another… we have a dragon."

"A what?" Weiss asked.

Roman tackled Nora to the ground just as a yellow mass slammed into Salem. The Tesseract fell from Torchwick's grasp and skittered across the floor while Yang gave Salem some equal rights and lefts. Hazel made a move to stop this, but Watts stopped him. "Let Salem have her fun." He told the larger man just as the blonde brawler embedded Salem in the wall of the ship.

"Kick her butt, Yang!" Ruby happily cried, pumping a fist into the air.

"I don't like what Watts said." Qrow skeptically said.

Yang then wrapped her hands around Salem's neck, but the witch slowly pried them away.

"That's not good." Oscar took the role of Captain Obvious this time.

The blonde looked shocked. And Salem began to return the favor of a few hard blows to the stomach and face until she was weak enough to raised above her head and slam into the deck of the ship with a loud clang.

"BODIED!" Nora yelled at Yang, who wouldn't meet the ginger girl's eyes.

Nora flew in seconds later, slamming a metal bar across the witch's face, only to become immediately kicked aside and telekinetically bound underneath a pile of metal by Watts.

"Allfathers," Cardin muttered to himself, "let the dark magic flow through me one last… time." A funnel of light appeared from the other side of the ship, lifting Yang up and shooting her off into space.

"EJECTED!" Ruby added, just happy to be there.

"Where is he sending me?" Yang asked, ignoring her sister and throwing her hands in the air.

"Straight to hell." Weiss jokingly answered.

"Sounds about right." Yang agreed with a nod.

"I thought so."

"That was a mistake." Salem told him. She held her hand out and a glaive was immediately placed in her palm. She drove it through his heart without a second's hesitation, twisting it for good measure as the life slowly left his eyes.

There was a collective gasp among the audience.

"I never really liked Cardin," Jaune said, "But I don't think he deserves that."

"NO!" Nora cried out, "You're going to die for that!" The metal around Nora grew to encompass her mouth. Watts shushed her and kneeled before Salem, holding out the Tesseract for her.

They all fell silent, really wanting to know what the actual hell was going on.

"My humble personage… bows before your grandeur. No other being has ever had the might, nay the nobility, to wield not one, but two Infinity Stones. The universe lies within your grasp." He said. Salem took the cube and crushed it in her hand. Inside was a gem similar to the other one already on her gauntlet, but this one was blue. She delicately blew away the remains of its original cube state and picked up the stone, placing it next to the other gem on the glove. There was a momentary surge of energy, but it quickly passed.

"There are two more Stones on Remnant. Find them, my children, and bring them to me on Haven."

"I'm so confused." Ruby said, resting her forehead on her hands.

"Welcome to every day of my life." Jaune simply told her.

Cinder kneeled. "We will not fail you." She promised. Roman appeared behind them again.

"You say that now…" Ruby quietly and cockily added.

"If I might interject…" he cheerfully offered, "If you're going to Remnant, you might want a guide. I do have a bit of experience in that arena."

"Sellout!" Qrow shouted, cupping his hands around his face.

"If you call failure experience." Salem was wholly unimpressed by his offer.

"Roasted!" Nora yelled.

"I consider experience, experience. Almighty Salem, I… Roman... Prince of Kuroyuri…" he paused and looked at Nora, sharing an almost knowing look with her, "Valkyrie. The rightful King of Torchwick... God of Mischief... do hereby pledge to you, my undying fidelity."

"What an asshole!" Ren uncharacteristically shouted.

Nora squinted and saw that Roman was materializing a small dagger in his hand, hidden from Salem's view.

"I take that back." Ren suddenly corrected himself.

Roman braced himself, and suddenly thrust the blade towards the white haired woman's neck, but it was stopped by one of the stones.

"Now you screwed up!" Sun and Neptune began chanting from the back. "Now you screwed up!"

"Undying." Salem repeated, "You should choose your words more carefully." She twisted the dagger from his hand and tossed it aside, using the her gloved hand to grab his neck and lift him up. His feet kicked and his hands struggled against her grip. His face began to turn a sickly purple as he gave up his struggle.

"That is a deeply disturbing sight," Weiss noted. "His eyes are bulging out of his head."

"He looks like his head is about to pop." Blake said with a disgusted look on her face.

"He's choking." Ruby said, usurping Oscar's starring role as Captain Obvious.

"You… will… never… be… a… god." He told her. She responded by crushing his neck in her hands, killing him and dropping his body in front of Nora.

"Two confirmed dead people now!" Maria bellowed, pulling out a chalkboard and putting down two tally marks.

"No resurrections this time." Were her parting words before she raised the gauntlet and whisked her and her disciples away. Nora was immediately freed from her bonds and visibly distressed by having seen Roman die. She weakly crawled to his body, shedding tears for all that she had just lost.

Then the ship went boom.

They all jumped at the unexpected explosion. Except for Nora, who thought it was beautiful. But Nora's crazy, and she scares me.

The teams watched as the same funnel of light that had carried Yang away minutes ago continued its journey, past suns and moons, until it entered Remnant's atmosphere, barreling down over Beacon.

"A-ha!" Yang shouted, "not going to hell just yet!" She told her white haired teammate.

Ozpin and Port slowly walked down a large, grand staircase. The moustached Of The two was dressed as a monk, and the other in more casual attire.

"I don't like that imagery of Peter in a robe." Ozpin commented.

"Thanks for the additional imagery of him in a bathrobe." Weiss said, gagging.

"I need bleach for my eyes." Yang added. "Because I thought about that because you said that. Thanks, assholes."

"Seriously?" Ozpin asked Port. "You don't have any money?"

"Attachment to the material is detachment from the spiritual." Port quickly responded.

"I'll tell the guys at the deli. Maybe they'll make you a metaphysical ham on rye." Oz wryly told him.

The real Ozpin thought that was way funnier than it actually was.

Port stopped, "I think I have two hundred."

"Lien?"

"Rupees."

"Which is?"

"A lien and a half."

Oz sighed, "What do you want?"

"I wouldn't say no to a tuna melt." He said, just as the two reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Just like old times, eh?" Qrow said, elbowing Ozpin with a dumb grin on his face.

"I stopped falling for that a decade ago." Ozpin dryly said.

"Professor Port has been doing that for ten years!?" Ruby asked. "He told me he lost his wallet and it would be four years before he could get a new one!"

"No," Ozpin said, "he's been doing it for fifteen years and he was merely manipulating the kindest soul at Beacon for free food."

"If he's been doing it for fifteen years," Sun began, "and you stopped falling for that ten years ago, does that mean you fell for it for five years before you caught on?" Ozpin chose to ignore that, rather than destroy his own pride in admitting that he had fallen for such a dumb ploy for half a decade.

Their hands flew to shield their heads as the funnel of light crashed through their ceiling and into their staircase. A cloak flew onto Oz's shoulders, changing his outfit to a blue version of what Port wore.

"You a Jedi or somethin', Oz?" Qrow asked.

The both swiveled around, looking down into the crater to see Yang, whose eyes were slowly fading from red to lilac.

"Salem's coming." She panted, "she's coming." Oz looked over a Port.

"Who?" They both asked.

"I don't know Salem in this one, apparently." Ozpin notes.

Hard cut to a large A, behind the words "The Avengers." The words faded, but the large A stayed. "Infinity War" soon replaced the original title.

"War?" Ruby nervously asked.

"That doesn't bode well." Blake added.