Disclaimer:

I do not own Miraculous Ladybug or any associated content/properties.

Author's Note: This fic is cross-posted on my AO3 (also Interrobanng) where you can find more of my fics. I'm also gonna be way more cautious about the ratings here than on AO3. Thus the mature rating. But this fic isn't really that mature. Also they're aged up enough to be over the legal drinking age in France.

.

.

.

With A Twist

"There's someone else."

Ladybug froze, her pursed lips less than a centimeter from his jawline. Chat had turned his face to the side at the last second before her mouth landed on his. His glowing green eyes were tightly shut and if Ladybug had been in possession of all her wits she might have noticed he was trembling, but she wasn't and she didn't.

Someone else. Someone else. Someone else.

The words echoed in her brain, spinning round and round.

"Huh?" She blinked up at him, still trying to process the fact that I want to kiss Chat and totally unequipped to handle his rejection.

"You said you had someone else so I found…" Chat's voice was thick and heavy, as if the words were anvils in his throat. "And I…I don't want to move backwards…"

"Oh." Ladybug blinked again.

Someone else.

"Right." She began inching away.

He found someone else.

"S-sorry." She said as her entire body turned a shade of red previously unknown to humankind.

He doesn't want to kiss me anymore.

"Don't apologize." Chat muttered in abject misery, still not looking at her.

That was fine though.

If Chat Noir actually looked at her right now, she was certain she would immediately burst into flames. And then she would be dropped out of an airplane and be eaten by giant spiders and chased by clowns and forced to give a Calculus presentation dressed only in Chloe's underwear because this was a nightmare.

"Sorry!" Came her automatic reaction to his request for no more apologies. "B-bye!"

His head snapped around and his conflicted green eyes had just enough time to register the tears swelling in her guilt-stricken blues before Ladybug yoyo-ed away and left Chat Noir shouting her name atop the roof of Notre-Dame.

Marinette refused to leave her room for the next two days. Luckily her parents were out of town for the week, but the scrutiny she received from Alya and Tikki was nearly as intense. She was able to keep Alya at bay by telling her friend that she had a cold, but there was no chance of hiding her shame from Tikki.

"It's not that bad, Marinette." Tikki told her for the millionth time.

"Not that bad?!" Marinette wailed into her body pillow. "I made a fool out of myself in front of Chat! And it was so irresponsible—it's not like anything can happen with me and him! I know how dangerous that would be and no thank you. So I shouldn't care and I don't care but I wish I hadn't been so completely ridiculous about the whole thing. He must think I've lost my mind."

"I very much doubt that's how he sees it." Tikki remarked calmly, a knowing twinkle in her eye.

Marinette shook her head. "What if he thinks I'm desperate? What if he thinks I'm a creep?" She shot up, her mouth forming a horrified 'o.' "What if I'm one of those people who habitually falls in love with platonic friends who are safe and unattainable and I never have a mutually fulfilling romantic relationship due to my inability to break free from my own self-destructive patterns?"

"I…what?" Tikki closed her eyes instead of rolling them. "I think you're spiraling, Marinette. You need to get out of your own head for a little bit."

"Tikki!" Marinette shouted in outrage. "Chat didn't want to kiss me! Could you at least take this seriously?!"

"Wait, I'm confused. Is the problem that you're embarrassed or is the problem that Chat Noir didn't let you kiss him?"

"GAH!"

Alya jumped Adrien after fencing practice.

"What did you do?" She snarled, coming out of nowhere and cornering him in his own locker. He flattened against the metal, grateful that he was still wearing his padded gear which wasn't as good as a magic suit but would have to do in a pinch. At least he had a cup to protect his really important bits.

"Could you be more specific?" He gulped.

"Marinette." Her glare narrowed into poisoned daggers. "She's upset. She won't talk to me about it which means it's not a school thing or a family thing which means it must be a you thing. So what did you do?"

"I-I didn't do anything…"

"Ooo, so close. Wanna try again without reeking quite so strongly of guilt?"

"Alya, I swear, I didn't even know Marinette was upset about something." Adrien said sincerely, forcing thoughts of Ladybug from his mind. "You said she had a cold?"

Alya began to soften (thank god) when she heard the genuine concern in his voice. "That's what she told me, but Marinette never gets sick and when she does it's awful. She's basically useless until she gets better, so I offered to bring her some soup since I know her folks are out of town. She told me not to bother. Which means she's not actually sick which means she's holed up in her room bawling her eyes out and doesn't want me to know about it which means there is a 95% chance it's your fault."

Adrien frowned. "If it's my fault, I don't know anything about it." His brow furrowed and there was a hint of warning in his voice as he asked, "So who are your other suspects?"

Alya smiled dangerously and pulled out a very short list.

On the third day an akuma attacked and Ladybug didn't have a choice.

It did not go well.

Chat Noir seemed like he was trying to act cool and casual but she could feel the tension radiating off him from a half-mile away—which is where she spent most of the battle. She dealt with the main villain while he handled the lackeys and, much to her delight, it was pretty easy to get through the whole fight without saying a single word to him.

But she dropped her guard when she purified the akuma and he used that chance to approach her. She looked up to find him walking towards her with hooded eyes and a strange inscrutable twist in his mask and she panicked. Before he could say a word, she turned tail and ran.

He gaped after her vanishing form for a few minutes until the beeping of his ring forced him to slink home and collapse in a miserable and deeply confused puddle on his bed.

It certainly didn't help that Plagg kept laughing at him.

That night, both Alya and Tikki decided that enough was enough.

Alya called and called and called until Marinette had no choice but to pick up.

"Girl, we're going out tonight."

"Alya, I'm sick—"

"Don't even. I'm picking you up at 9. Nino's getting us into one of the clubs he works at. They've got a photo booth and the best mojitos and the music is good. So you're coming and there's no arguing, got it?"

"Alya…"

"Nope. 9 o'clock. On the dot. You can even wear your pajamas like you did on your move date with Adrien that one time."

"Alya!"

"Ciao bella."

Marinette hung up the phone and rolled her eyes at Tikki, throwing in a skeptical half-grin as if to say what are you gonna do?

She didn't expect Tikki to be on Alya's side.

"This is a wonderful idea, Marinette!" Tikki chirped excitedly. "A night out is exactly what you need!"

Marinette drew back, startled. "I can't go out with Alya and Nino."

"Why not?" Tikki buzzed. "It's not like you're actually sick." You're just throwing a tantrum. She added silently.

Marinette wrinkled her nose. "Being the only sober person at a club isn't my idea of a good time."

"I didn't say you had to be sober." Tikki shrugged. "It's okay to take a night off every once in awhile. We almost never get two akumas in one day. You're too stressed out, Marinette. You need to blow off some steam. Leave me and Ladybug at home and go be a 16-year-old girl having fun with her friends for one night. I promise it won't be the end of the world."

Marinette chewed on her bottom lip and Tikki could tell she was considering it when her phone buzzed.

"Adrien texted you again." Tikki noted dryly.

Marinette cringed and began fiddling with the hem of her pajama pants. "I…I can't talk to him right now…"

"Why not?"

"He's…he'll know I tried to kiss Chat…"

Tikki stared at the night sky through the window in the ceiling up above and prayed to the North Star for patience. "How could he possibly know that?"

Of course, technically he did know and according to her counterpart was able to think about little else, much to Plagg's amusement.

"I don't know but he will." Marinette huffed grimly. "Hell, I'll probably tell him. Get nervous and start stammering and just blather it all out like 'hey there hot stuff wanna go steady oh but there's this package deal with a partner in a cat suit who I get uncontrollable urges around, sound good?'" With a moan, she buried herself in her pillows.

"…Nonsense." Tikki snapped, zipping down so she could poke her Chosen on the nose. "Those words?" Poke. "The words that just came out of your mouth?" Poke. "Non." Poke. "Sensical." Poke. "I can't even…" Tikki heaved an exasperated sigh and rubbed her arm across her tired eyes. "You're overthinking. You need to shut you brain down for a little while and have some fun. Go put on something comfortable, make sure you have cash and get ready for Alya to pick you up."

"But—"

"No buts! You need to stop thinking about this and good music, good drinks and good company are exactly what the ancient goddess ordered. Go out and have fun!"

Marinette was determined to have fun.

She was on a mission.

When she thought about it like that, when she approached the objective of having fun with the same strategic consideration she gave her Lucky Charm, it was surprisingly easy to enjoy herself.

The first step, she discovered, was to say fuck it.

So what if the leather skirt showed a little more skin than she was usually comfortable with? She had made it and she was proud of it and she looked good wearing it so fuck it.

And when Alya came to pick her up and gave a low wolf whistle, Marinette knew she made the right choice.

"Damn girl, you look fly as hell." Alya said approvingly. "Gimme a spin, baby!"

Marinette giggled and twirled, showing off her long legs in fishnet stockings, her mid-thigh leather skirt, and a loose cotton peasant blouse. Simple, fun, comfortable. She wore plain black sneakers because she felt like dancing and she didn't feel like twisting an ankle. So fuck it.

After getting to the club, Marinette quickly decided that mojitos were good too.

Really good.

Music was good, and spinning multi-colored lights were good, and dancing throbbing sweaty pounding bodies all moving together in a cacophony of sound and heat was good.

The bathrooms were bad, but the bathrooms at the café next door were better and the coffee was nice and the second round of mojitos back at the club were best of all.

Before she knew it, Marinette was several sheets to the wind and thoroughly enjoying herself. She threw herself onto the dance floor with abandon, twining her arms in the air and dancing with the spinning lights. At one point someone came to dance with her, and that was fun too—at least at first. It was fun watching him flutter into her space like a nervous butterfly, making eye contact before sliding his hands over her hips. For a moment their bodies swayed together and she enjoyed the thrill of beat and flesh but then he tried to force her to match his steps and she decided it wasn't fun anymore. She spun away and he tried to grab her. She laughed and twisted his arm behind his back and he didn't bother her again.

She enjoyed the shocked expression on his face almost as much as the dancing, but she didn't dwell on it because the sultry thrum of white rum and rhythm was calling her and she returned to her fun with the lights.

A couple minutes after midnight, Adrien got a text from Nino.

The text read:

What you're missing…

And it was followed a few seconds later by a short video clip.

The clip showed Marinette, face flushed and eyes glazed, grinning devilishly at a much larger thickly-biceped fire truck of a man as she gripped his hand and braced her elbow on the bar. Her shirt was askew and someone else's striped silk tie was knotted around her forehead. She pinned the man's arm to the counter with a victorious shout and half the crowd groaned while the other half cheered. Adrien spotted Alya in the background laughing gleefully as she collected euros from the onlookers.

The bartender placed a shot of something cloudy pink in front of Marinette and she threw it down her throat. She slammed the glass on the bar before standing up on her stool and he could see that her tight leather skirt was riding up her thighs.

"Alright!" She roared. "Who's nex—"

Then the video clip ended.

Adrien would have been out the door even sooner, but he had to turn around when he realized he forgot Plagg.

Alya and Nino had returned to the dance floor and Marinette had run out of willing arm wrestling victims, so she enjoyed a quiet moment by herself at the end of the bar, well removed from the mob.

"Drink this." The bartender placed a tall glass of water in front of her with a kind smile. "You'll thank me later."

Marinette smiled back and gulped the water gratefully. The cool sensation sliding down her throat felt amazing and she sighed happily as she pressed the frosty glass against her sweat-drenched brow. "Can I thank you now?"

"I'd prefer later." He winked.

Oh. She hummed thoughtfully. That wasn't what she meant, but flirting could be fun too, right?

She leaned forward and inspected him closely. He noticed her interest and braced his arms on the counter, emphasizing his wiry strength and broad shoulders and drinking her in the whole time.

"You look…" He uttered quietly so no one else could hear. Not that anyone was paying attention to them anyway, so fuck it. "Like a girl on a mission."

Hmm…

He was much older than her and his hair was long and dark but she liked his smile and his eyes were a close enough shade of green.

"Do you want to kiss me?" She asked, more curious than anything else. She felt a tremble of excitement in her belly as his smile brightened.

"Don't answer that." Two strong arms wrapped possessively around her shoulders and she gaped down at the white-knuckled hands clasped over her blouse, wondering when she'd grown an extra pair of limbs. Adrien glared at the bartender over the top of Marinette's head. "Walk away." He advised coldly.

The bartender gave Marinette a quizzical This Guy Bothering You? glance, but she no longer had eyes for anyone other than the tall blonde looming over her.

"Adrien!" She chirped as she leaned into him. "You are the most good!"

The bartended noticed how the girl's playful smile became oozingly sappy and how the boy's cheeks tinged pink even as he tried to incinerate the older man with his eyeballs. He chuckled, remembering when he was their age, and tossed a rag over his shoulder. "Make sure she gets home safe." He said before walking away.

"Ad-Adrien…" Marinette hiccupped and pawed at him. "When did you get here?"

"Just now. I came to walk you home." His whole body softened with fondness and amusement as he gazed down at her. "You ready?"

Marinette pursed her lips and thought about it. She was still having a good time, but after catching her breath and drinking some water she was starting to feel like she might be approaching that space between having a good time and having too much. If she eased up now, she could stay in her sweet spot longer.

"Okay." She decided with a nod, turning on her stool and draping her arms around his neck. "Take me home."

He arched an eyebrow and smirked. "Do you expect me to carry you?"

Her eyes brightened. "Yah! Like a pony!" She nodded eagerly.

His smirk widened. His fingertips rubbed little circles on her back that sent sparks ricocheting through her bloodstream and it was almost impossible to focus when their faces were this close, but for his sake she tried to pay attention to his question. "What day of the week is it?"

"Saturday."

"Where's the capital of France?"

"You're standing in it, hot stuff."

"Who's your favorite superhero?"

"Wouldn't you like to know."

"See? You're not that drunk. You can walk on your own just fine." He heaved her to her feet as she pouted. "Sorry, Marinette." He added with a wink. "I've got to conserve my strength."

"For what?" She crossed her arms as he gently steered her towards the exit. "Posing?"

"It's harder than it looks." He replied easily. "Do you have all your stuff?"

"Yes. Oh! Wait! My purse!"

He paused and turned towards the coat room.

"No. Wait. I left my purse at home."

He glanced at her skeptically. He couldn't remember ever seeing her without the exact same purse attached firmly to her hip.

"You're sure?"

"Uh…yeah. See?" Marinette stuffed her hand down the front of her blouse and pulled out a money clip. "I didn't have room for the cash and my phone, so my phone is in Alya's boobs cuz she's got room to spare."

"Oh." Adrien said weakly. So that's what they're for. "Well, if you're sure…"

"Ah! Alya!" Marinette suddenly whipped around and tripped and he had to catch her around the waist before she fell. "I should tell her…"

"I already talked to her." Adrien assured her. "And Nino. We're good to go."

Marinette sighed dreamily and relaxed into his arms. "Good. I'm having such a good night."

He chuckled as he opened the door and the cool night air washed over them. "I'm glad. You can tell me all about it on the way to the bakery."

"It feels so good to just dance…" She told him as they walked down the dark and mostly-empty street. "And have fun and not think about things for a little while…" She laughed and danced around him, twirling and skipping like a child. He stuck his hands in his pockets and watched her with a besotted smile, but he remained tense, poised to catch her if she tripped again.

"I'm glad you're feeling better." He said as they rounded the corner. "Alya said you were upset about something."

And he and Alya had already ascertained that the culprit wasn't Chloe or Andre the Ice Cream Man. The list of people Marinette had ever publicly argued with was shockingly brief. Andre barely made the cut, since they weren't certain what Marinette had gotten mad about with him in the first place.

He immediately regretted mentioning the subject because Marinette stopped walking so suddenly he almost ran into her. He placed his hands on her waist to steady both of them as she gaped up at him with wide, horrified eyes. His grip tightened slightly with concern as she groaned.

"You're too good." She said mournfully. "It's not fair."

He relaxed. "I'm choosing to take that as a compliment."

"Adrien…" Her expression changed to pure adoration and his mouth went dry as she twined her arms around his neck and started playing with his hair. "I love you."

"That's nice." He snorted, having heard the same thing from Nino when he got plastered enough times to know not to take her words seriously. "I love you too, Marinette."

Hey. An opportunity was an opportunity.

She flicked his nose. "No." She whispered emphatically, lighting a fire under his skin. "I love you…" Her fingers trailed across the side of his face and under his jaw. She tilted his face down as she lifted onto her tippy-toes. "So, so, so much…"

The smell of limes and rum on her breath brought him back to his senses before their mouths collided and he pushed her away, holding her at arms length for a moment as he huffed with frustration and every fiber of his being screamed at him to take what she was offering.

"You're drunk." He croaked, spinning her around and continuing down the street with his hands firmly planted on her shoulders.

"Boo." Marinette grumbled. "No one wants to kiss me."

"That is so not the issue." He muttered darkly.

Then he heard a soft hiccupping sob and it was his turn to stop suddenly and gape at her in horror as dewdrop tears welled in the corners of her eyes.

"It's b-because I'm a t-terrible person, isn't it?" She cried. "Th-that's why no one wants to k-kiss me."

"What?" Adrien wished he could think of something more helpful to say but all he could think was AAAAHHHHHH. "What are you talking about? You're not a terrible person, Marinette."

"I am!" She wailed. "I'm mean and I'm selfish and I don't think about other people's feelings!"

Adrien couldn't help it. He started to laugh. Marinette stopped crying immediately and turned bright poppy red with outrage.

"Why are you laughing?" She stomped her foot for good measure.

"That…" Adrien chuckled, shaking his head. "Is the funniest thing you've ever said." He cupped her chin and pressed his lips against her forehead. She was warm and soft and everything he wanted. "And none of it is true. You're the kindest, most considerate person I've ever met. No one cares more or does more for other people than you. I'm lucky to have you in my life." Even through her haze, she could feel the hunger emanating from his trembling fingertips as he cradled her face. Their eyes met and the rest of the universe vanished for a few seconds. "Marinette, I…"

They both yelped when the screams broke out, shattering their private world and ending the moment in one fell swoop. Adrien glanced between his beautiful intoxicated friend and the direction of the screams and explosions, torn and trapped.

"Oh no!" Marinette exclaimed regretfully. "It is the end of the world! I knew it!"

Adrien cursed and looked around for a safe hiding place. They were near a park—he couldn't leave her there. The bakery was only 10 minutes away, less if they ran—did he have time?

A much louder, closer explosion told him that Adrien did not have time, but hopefully Chat Noir would be able to speed things up.

"Marinette, stay here." Adrien said firmly, pushing her into an alley. "I'm gonna go find help."

"Wait!" He froze as she grabbed the back of his jacket and held on with surprising strength. "Uh…who you gonna get?"

"Chat Noir." He answered, too impatient to be subtle.

"Nooo…" She whined. "Don't get him." She burrowed her face in his spine. "I don't wanna talk to him…"

"…I'm gonna chalk that up to you being drunk." Adrien said tightly, closing his eyes and holding back a sigh as another explosion shook the ground under his feet. "Because if I have to analyze any more weird girl stuff right now my brain is going to explode." He spun around and peeled her fingers off his clothes. "Stay here and wait for Chat Noir. He'll take you home and I'll see you tomorrow." And because he couldn't help himself and because he was pretty sure she didn't mind, he pressed another kiss to her forehead before darting away to transform in the alley next door. He didn't notice the tiny red blob that swooped over his head as he barreled into the street.

It only took Adrien two minutes to transform and get back to the alley, but it was already too late.

"Are you kidding me?" Chat growled in frustration and worry as he glared around at an empty alleyway. Marinette was nowhere to be found.

He didn't have time to search for her either, because the akumatized supervillain was upon him.

"Gimme your Miraculous!" Screeched the supervillain as it turned the corner at the end of the street and spotted Chat. It was one of the weird ones, he noted as he dodged a mess of sticky pink webbing, one of the those You Kinda Had To Be There villains. The akumatized victim looked more or less like a normal nightclub patron, except his skin was orange spandex and he had two huge glue-on googly eyes embedded in a noseless face. His weapon was a can of silly string which squirted a toxic cement that glued unwary victims to the pavement for some mysterious but reliably diabolical reason.

Chat really wanted Ladybug to show up so he could go find Marinette and get her home as soon as possible. In the meantime, he decided to draw the supervillain away from the bakery, hoping that was the direction Marinette had wandered off in. From now on, he was going to be a lot more sympathetic to Alya's frequent rants about how hard it was to keep track of her best friend.

"What's peeling, clementine?" Chat shouted at the villain from a roof a few blocks down the street, jumping up and down and waving his arms. "Did someone pip in your pep?"

It wasn't his best work but it got the job done. The villain rocketed toward him with a furious howl and Chat scampered away, leading him on a merry chase.

Unfortunately, Chat was too fast for the supervillain and they got separated, forcing Chat to turn around and start retracing his steps. He kept one eye peeled for Marinette the whole time. He didn't find her, but he did find Nino and Alya huddled on a street corner and he landed on the sidewalk beside them.

"Hey, have either of you seen—"

"CHAAAAT!" Alya screamed excitedly. "Noir." She added with a burp. "Whatcha doin?"

"Uhh…" Chat looked at Nino, who grinned and shrugged.

"We were cutting lose tonight and the girls got a little carried away." Nino explained and Chat was relieved that at least one of his friends was still on the tipsy side of shit-faced. "We heard screams. Is there an akuma?"

"Yeah." Chat nodded. "You two should clear the area before he gets here, but first—have you seen Marinette?"

Nino frowned. "I thought she went home with Adrien?"

"Yeah, she did." Chat said quickly. "But they got separated when the akuma attacked. He was looking for her when I ran into him." The last thing he needed was Alya thinking he had abandoned a drunk Marinette in the middle of a battlefield—even though that's exactly what I did, oh god, oh god, please be okay Marinette! "I just wanted to pass along the message."

"I'll call her." Alya slushed, pulling Marinette's contact up on her phone. She hit the call button and a few seconds later a tinkling sound emerged from her cleavage. Alya pulled Marinette's phone out of her bra and stared at it as if she'd never seen it before. "Oh no…"

"Don't worry." Nino assured both of them. "We'll find her."

"Who?" Asked a new voice from above.

They all looked up to find Ladybug staring at them curiously from the awning high above their heads. All the tension drained out of Chat's body as soon as he spotted his red heroine. If anyone could fix this mess, it was Ladybug.

It was only when Alya shouted, "Ladybug! Ya have ta' rescue Marmet!" that he realized that maybe including Ladybug and Marinette in the same sentence was the single most stressful and anxiety-producing thing that had ever happened to anyone ever throughout all of history and time.

Ladybug landed on the sidewalk with an uncharacteristically heavy thud. She glared around the darkened street. "They're hurtin' varmints?" She growled, her eyes flashing dangerously. "Animal cruelty is the worst!"

"Yah!" Alya nodded emphatically.

Chat's relief began to twist into concern.

"Ladybug, I'm so glad you're here. We're looking for our friend Marinette." Nino explained. "Have you seen her?"

Ladybug was so confused by this question her eyes crossed. "Market? Maritime? Macaque?"

Suspicion flared in Chat's chest.

"Huh? No, Marinette. You know Marinette, right? Wait…" Nino faltered to a baffled pause. "Do you know Marinette?"

"I know all about Marinette." Ladybug said with an exaggerated roll of her eyes and a saucy tilt of her hip. "I'm a certified Marinette expert."

"Would you excuse us for a minute?" Chat interjected in a sing-song voice before Nino could say 'huh' again. He grabbed Ladybug's limp arm and slung it over his shoulders. She laughed and slumped against him, and by the time they got to the roof he already had an answer to his first question. But he had to ask anyway.

"Are you drunk?"

"I'm not drunk, she's drunk." Ladybug giggled. She stumbled away from him but remained firmly upright, much to his relief. Her mask scrunched up. "Wait, no…that's not right…"

Chat was pretty sure his brain was currently exploding.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" He breathed, shocked, annoyed, intrigued and a little jealous. "I can't believe your kwami let you get drunk. Plagg never lets me drink and Plagg doesn't give a fuck. If it were up to him, I wouldn't even have a secret identity."

"Sucks to be you!" Ladybug laughed, dancing forward and bopping him on the nose with a playful finger. "Being drunk is fun and fun is good."

Chat leaned back, rubbing his nose and leveling her with an exasperated glare. "It isn't fun for your partner, who now has to babysit you and deal with the akuma."

He immediately regretted his irritated tone as her face crumpled.

"You hate me."

Chat stared up at the night sky and prayed to the North Star for patience.

"Of course I don't hate you, Ladybug."

"Then why won't you kiss me?"

For a second her fragile, vulnerable question lit every single nerve in his body on fire and he felt like a willing sacrifice shivering on the brink of a hungry volcano…and then the familiar sounds of villainy and screaming and oh right superhero threw cold water on the whole situation.

"Can we talk about this later?" He managed to say as calmly and evenly as he could while simultaneously biting his tongue.

"No. I won't wanna talk about it later so it hasta be now." Ladybug looked pissed, in both senses of the colloquialism. "Why don't you want to kiss me anymore?"

Chat was realizing that Drunk Ladybug was every bit as confounding and fascinating as Sober Ladybug and, god damn him, he was so screwed.

"Of course I want to kiss you!" He cried desperately, bowing his head because he couldn't look at her and resist temptation at the same time. He grabbed her shoulders to stop her from sashaying any closer and held her at arms length, his clawed fingers trembling with want and need and constant, perpetual restraint. "But…I also want to kiss someone else and…and so do you, right?"

He peeked at her through his bangs and he resolutely ignored the way a tiny greedy part of him shriveled up and died when she gulped and nodded.

Marinette, Marinette, Marinette. He reminded himself fiercely.

Marinette, who was also drunk and vulnerable tonight. Marinette, who unlike Ladybug was lost and alone and probably frightened.

Either that…or she was challenging the supervillain to an arm wrestling match.

Which would explain why he hadn't caught up yet.

It was like a 50/50 chance either way.

"And…with this other person…" He forced himself to continue. "There's no mask…and no one's gonna try and use her against me or me against her…and it's not that I don't want to, because you have no idea how badly I want to kiss you, Ladybug. It's just…"

"We're both superheroes…" He heard her whisper achingly, longingly. "We don't have a choice."

The words weren't any easier to hear the second time around, but at least he understood them better now.

Ladybug frowned thoughtfully. "So…just to be clear…you actually do want to kiss me, right? And you're deciding not to based on your better judgement?"

He let loose a bitter, grating bark of a laugh. Why did she always ask him to do impossible things? "Yes, okay? Obviously."

Why did he always do impossible things when she asked?

"Oh…okay."

"Really? That's it?"

"Yeah, that's what I was mostly worried about anyway, so I think we're good now…" Her bottom lip began to quiver. "I'm sorry for putting you through this, Chat. I'm a terrible person."

"You're not a terrible person, Ladybug." He sighed, pulling her into a brief, friendly, mostly platonic (with a hint of something so much more that neither of them were ready for yet) embrace. "You're just drunk."

She pulled back and smirked at him. "Yeah." She agreed. "But better me than you."

Before Chat could respond he was sandbagged by a glob of magical silly string and pinned to the brick wall across the street. Ladybug gaped at the Chat-shaped hole in the empty air.

"Rude!" She declared before turning to face the arriving supervillain. "We were having a conversation, y'know!"

"Gimme your Miraculous!" Howled the supervillain as he throttled towards her. "Or I'll make you party-hardy in my web of lies!"

I just don't get this guy. Chat sighed internally. Is it like, a club scene thing? An acid trip gone horribly wrong? Is he a dancer? What?

Ladybug took an unsteady step back towards the edge of the roof as the villain raised his spray can. Chat's struggles on the other side of the street increased, but the silly string was too strong and he was trapped.

"Ladybug!" He screamed. "Watch—"

The scream died in his throat as a gooey pink mass exploded towards Ladybug and…

And she Neo dodged under it, braced herself against the roof with one hand and swung her left foot straight up into the villain's crotch with a kick so powerful it flipped both of them into the air and off the roof entirely. Chat's blood ran cold as he watched them tumble to the sidewalk three stories below.

He almost screamed again when the villain landed battle-ready on all fours and she landed in a gut-churning boneless puddle…

But then she snapped her body into a plank and, once again supporting herself with a single hand on the pavement under her shoulder, jabbed the supervillain with pointed toes. Right foot to the shoulder—knocking him upright. Left foot to the gut—sending him flying away from her. Then she spun both legs around in the air, flipped onto her belly and spring boarded backwards onto her feet.

She stumbled and stared dizzily at her hands. They were tightly clenched, two fingers raised in a hooked position like a dragon's claw. "Holy fucking shite…" Ladybug breathed with wondrous rapture. "I have Drunken Fist powers…"

The sound that emerged from her throat started as a pause, then a snort, then a chuckle, then a guffaw and before they knew it Ladybug was cackling as maniacally as any supervillain in the middle of the street where anyone could hear.

"Uh…Ladybug?" Chat interrupted cautiously. "You okay down there, Bugaboo?"

"BOOZE!" Ladybug roared, swinging around and lumbering down the sidewalk like a demanding giant. "I need more booze!"

Chat paled under his mask. "I really don't think that's a good id—"

"Ladybug, over here!" Alya hollered, reaching into her bra and pulling out a nip of whiskey. (How much spare room does she have in there? Chat asked himself semi-hysterically) "I gotchu girl!" She lobbed the miniature plastic bottle with all her strength and Ladybug snatched it out of the air. She drank the entire thing in one gulp and bent over, coughing and gagging as it burned her throat.

"See?" Chat snorted disapprovingly. "That's why you shouldn't…uh…L-Ladybug?"

He trailed to an uncertain halt as she straightened. She swayed from side to side but her feet remained firmly planted shoulder-width apart in an easy, balanced stance. One hooked hand was held out in front of her in a gesture that was halfway between a come hither and a middle finger. The other hook was drawn back against her mouth as she wiped the last trace of vapor away from a drunken leer that was—god help him he was so screwed—pure undiluted confidence.

Adrien had never been particularly interested in the cinema of 1970s era Hong Kong and Nino got twitchy around bad dubs, so neither of them were prepared for what happened next.

Alya and Marinette, on the other hand, were regulars at Kim and Alix's monthly Korean BBQ & Kung Fu Movie Nights.

And to them, the miraculous discovery of Ladybug's hidden alcohol-induced martial arts prowess was (as Alya kept chanting while trying to keep her phone steady as she bounced up and down with glee) the Best Thing Ever.

"Yeeee-OOOWW-eeee-yah!" Ladybug yowled as she slammed the unfortunate supervillain into a street sign and he bounced back straight into her first.

"YEEAAH! DESTROY HIM, LADYBUG!" Alya roared from the sidelines in a startlingly deep voice. "Shove his feet down his throat and rip out his googly eyes!"

"Or find the akuma? Maybe?" Chat suggested weakly from his sticky prison on the wall. "Ladybug? Yes? No?" He slouched and pouted as she continued whaling on the akumatized victim. "Okay. I'll just wait here until you're finished, I guess…"

Eventually Ladybug broke the possessed object by accident and caught the butterfly in her yoyo after Nino reminded her not to let it fly away.

"Miraculush Lady-eep-bug!" She hiccupped.

Free at last, Chat steadied Ladybug as the magical light faded and the victim gratefully fled home. Nino saluted them and began dragging his giggling girlfriend down the street.

"C'mon." Chat heard Nino say. "Let's go find Marinette."

That made him feel a little better. At least someone was looking for her right now, even though he'd much rather it was him.

But first, he had to deal with the other one.

"Are you sure you're okay to get home on your own?" He asked her one more time. "If you're worried about me finding out where you live, we can figure something out. I can drop you off around the corner or shut my eyes or something."

"Snot far." Ladybug shrugged. "And Tikki's with me. I'll be fine. No worries, kitty-cat."

He assumed Tikki was her kwami. If Ladybug's kwami was anything like Plagg, she was in good hands. Paws. Appendages. Whatever.

"Okay. If you're sure." He relented slowly, feeling like a total heel for leaving her (kind of) alone but also much more worried about Marinette's safety than he could ever be about Ladybug's. "But just so you know, I'm going to stay in the area for a little while and if any damsels find themselves in distress, all they have to do is shout my name and I'll be there. No questions asked. Spread the word."

He waited for her nod to show she understood before darting to the rooftops and continuing his search for Marinette. He made a wide loop around the neighborhood to give Ladybug a chance to escape and when he circled back he finally found Marinette very close to passed out on a bench in the park near her house.

"Marinette…" He sighed with relief as he approached her, trying to sound annoyed and unable to sound anything other delighted to see her. "What are you doing out here? Come on, let's get you inside."

"Nooo…" She whined, rolling over on the bench and swatting him with a floppy hand. "Too much fun, sleep now. Go 'way, kitty-cat."

"Sleep soon." He promised, slipping his arms under her prone form and cradling her to his chest. "But you need to sleep on a bed, not a bench."

"I like…" She whispered, her lips brushing against his jugular. "The smell of trees at night."

Oh…

Oh.

Oh how, how, how did she do it?

Out of everything he'd seen and done, how did Marinette Dupain-Cheng manage to be the most magical creature he'd ever laid eyes on?

The world stopped spinning and for a brief moment the rest of Paris fell into a reverent hush and it was just the two of them. A boy holding a girl in the comforting shadows as the stars watched over them and the trees flirted with the breeze and the gentle perfume of almost-summer filled his head with thoughts of lingering sunshine and lilac twilight. He glowed as she snuggled up against him and the golden lamplight hit her face just so…

And he heard a blissful, tender, almost sad but so so happy voice at the bottom of his soul whisper remember.

And he knew he always would.

Knew that if he ever made a quilt out of his life, this solitary moment, this single breath, would get its own square. And he couldn't explain why and it didn't matter.

"I'll leave the skylight open when I go." He promised her hoarsely, his throat closing slightly at the intensity of the love flooding his chest and making him woozy. "That way you'll still be able to smell the trees."

"Okay…" She sighed contentedly. "Take me home."

"As you wish, princess."

He brought her back to the bakery and tucked her into bed. Neither of them noticed the little vibrant chibi who zipped out from under Marinette's skirt and squirreled into the closet. Since Alya still had Marinette's phone, he resolved to contact her as soon as he transformed to let her know Marinette was home safe. Normally he'd be a little more careful about his secret identity around the Ladyblogger, but under the circumstances he figured it was safe. He'd just say that Adrien had bumped into Chat Noir and was passing the message along, same as earlier.

Secure in the knowledge that her parents were out of town, he padded downstairs and filled a glass of water in the kitchen sink. He returned to her loft and eased Marinette into a sitting position. She groaned and blinked at him, bleary-eyed and bone-tired.

"I want you to drink some more water before I go." He explained with a fond smile, lifting the glass to her lips.

"C'mon, Chat, lemme sleep…" She grumbled, obediently sipping the water anyway.

Chat made her drink half the water and then set the glass on her bedside table. He noticed a bag of make up removal wipes and decided that was a good idea.

"Marinette, do you want me to clean off some of that make up for you?" He whispered as he settled her back on her pillows.

"You wanna groom me? Sure…" She mumbled sleepily, her eyes drifting shut. "That could be fun…"

Chat took his sweet time lightly swiping a towelette over each precious eyelid, carefully brushing the liner and shadow out from the innermost corners of her eyes and towards her proud cheekbones. His claws trembled as he moved the smudged cloth down to her lips to unstick the purplish pigment she'd selected for the evening. His breath hitched in his throat and he almost keened when his thumb brushed over her bottom lip and the supple velvet flesh quivered under his ministrations. He clamped his teeth down hard and held back the needy trill just in time. He was loathe to shatter the crystallized perfection of this moment with his noises.

He thought she was asleep by the time he finished but as he pulled away her hand fluttered to the side of his face and her eyes cracked open, tiny twinkling sapphires dazzling up at him from beneath a veil of long feathered lashes.

"I'm sorry for thinking I didn't want to talk to you." She murmured, sweet and sad. "I was wrong. You're a good talker. I should talk to you more often."

"Is that a promise?" He smirked, turning his head slightly and pressing an open-mouthed kiss against the pale flesh on the inside of her wrist. She tasted like salt and other people's cologne and something else he couldn't identify and he filed it all away under a mental list titled How Marinette Tastes. It was a short list. Too short. Good god he wanted to make it longer…

"Careful…" Marinette whispered as she dragged her fingernail along the line where his skin met his mask. His bones turned to jelly and he sank a little further into the mattress. "Are you sure that's what you want?"

He gaped at her for a second, his hand pinning hers to his cheek, and then his smirk returned. "You're dangerous when you drink." He tried to say it mildly, but the rasp in his throat gave away his true feelings.

The corner of her mouth curled up as she snuggled deeper into the covers and began to drift away. "I'm always dangerous…"

His jaw dropped as she started to snore.

Fuck me.

An entire orchestra of warning bells was going off in Chat's head as he dropped her hand like a hot potato and reared away from the bed. Still drunk. He reminded himself. She's still drunk and I'm still wearing a fucking cat suit.

"You'll get no argument from me on that, princess." He inhaled shakily. "Goodnight, Marinette."

He left her skylight open so she could smell the flowering trees across the street all night long.

Mid-afternoon the next day found Marinette back on the park bench where Chat found her, eyes closed and head tilted back as she enjoyed the light drizzle against her skin. The day was grey and rainy and the cool mist was a soothing balm for her hangover.

She felt that, considering she ended up drinking slightly more and of a wider variety than she had originally intended, she got off pretty easy. The stabbing searing pain behind her eyes had faded to a dull throb and she'd only thrown up once early that morning and had felt much better afterwards. Now she just wanted to sit out here in the chill and the hush and not listen to Tikki's increasingly exaggerated play-by-play reenactments of the battle last night.

Marinette was trying to convince herself to look on the bright side and consider the whole thing a valuable learning experience when she heard soft footsteps approach her.

"We can't keep meeting like this."

Marinette squinted up at Adrien as he held an umbrella over her head and smirked.

"Huh?" She quipped brilliantly.

"Never mind." His smirk inexplicably brightened for an instant before fading into a concerned frown. "How are you feeling?"

"Shaky and gross, but okay." She smiled sheepishly at him. "Thanks for helping me out last night. I'm sorry I was so difficult."

"I didn't mind…" He said with a secret twinkle in his eye. He seemed to zone out for a second and then he shook his head and continued. "So you got home safe? I ran into Chat Noir and he said he dropped you off and asked me to let Alya know. Which reminds me…I come baring your phone." He pulled open his saddlebag and began rifling through the contents, frowning when he did not initially find the object he was looking for. "Could you hold this for me, Marinette?" He asked, offering the umbrella. Marinette blinked and swallowed the panicked scream that bubbled up in her throat at the idea of Chat Noir and Adrien Agreste talking together about her.

"Sure." She agreed, taking the umbrella and holding it aloft as he knelt on the damp grass before her and rummaged through his bag with a determined gleam in his eyes.

"I'm relieved you're not too hungover." Adrien kept talking as he searched. "I half-expected to find you camped out in the bathroom with a hot water bottle and a mountain of aspirin."

Marinette shrugged. "I guess I bounce back fast."

He paused and glanced up at her, arching a brow. "You guess?"

"I'm still figuring it out." She winced. "It's not like I do this sort of thing very often."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Probably just this one time, in fact."

Or at least until the next time Ladybug needed to blow off some steam by absolutely pulverizing some villainous punk in spandex.

Adrien leaned back, her phone in his hand, a sly grin stretched across his face. "Well, if you change your mind someday, I don't mind helping you out again." He pushed himself up a little bit and proffered her phone. As Marinette reached for the device, his other hand landed on the handle of the umbrella, covering her fingers with his. "I like you when you're difficult." When she took the phone he caught her wrist and surged upwards a few inches, capturing her mouth with his before she realized what he was doing.

Warm. Soft. Salty copper sweetness. Marinette's eyes remained wide open the entire time even as his drifted blissfully closed. His lips moved slightly against her as if he were whispering something without saying a word. His kiss was as gentle as his fingertips, as his voice when he called her name, as the way he looked at her when he thought she wouldn't notice, and every flutter sent waves of heat scorching through her body. She had just enough time to realize that she never wanted this moment to end when he pulled away and smirked at her, his green eyes dancing with roguish amusement and two roses blooming in his cheeks. Marinette's phone slowly fell out of her hand and plopped down in her lap.

"Wha…" She breathed slowly. "What was that for?"

"No reason in particular. Only…" He looked straight through her eyes and into the deepest parts of her soul as he answered. "I really wanted to kiss you."

"You…wanted…what…huh…I…" Marinette blinked a few times and then the blood drained from her face and she glared at him. "…I cannot believe you did that when I have a hangover…"

Their first proper kiss, and she didn't even get to enjoy it because her skull was filled with cotton and all her joints ached.

Adrien laughed, stood up and added a new entry to his mental list. Marinette tasted like stale toothpaste when she was hungover and it was a sign of how far gone he already was that he found that fact just as adorable as everything else about her.

"You'll have to return the favor someday." He said with a wink.

"Oh, I will." She promised with grim determination. "Just you wait, Adrien Agreste. Just you wait…"

Fin