Better Angels

Chapter 1

Pain

Come to me, I have a use for you.

Shinji Ikari grimaced and carefully folded the note which he had received 24 hours ago, replacing it in his breast pocket, sitting back and patting it.

"That's all you have to say to me after 13 years?" He whispered, looking up at the ceiling of the repurposed commuter train.

"This is the last stop, all passengers will kindly disembark, thank you." The recorded voice of the announcer came over the intercom.

Shinji narrowed his eyes, gazing through the sweltering heat of the post second impact world, the hue of the setting sun turning his new home into a canvas of orange and black. He drew another message from his pocket, this one a little more… revealing.

Hey there Shinji-Kun, I'll be there to pick you up when you arrive, here's a little something to keep you occupied on the ride here!

-Captain Misato Katsuragi

She always was quite a tease.

"Nii-san!" Shinji yelped.

Yes Shinji, I told you that I would be with you. At least for the first part of this mess. Do you remember everything I told you?

"Yes, nii-san, I remember, she's going to be late, and-" Shinji's thought was cut off by the roar of VTOL engines.

A V-formation of the aircraft swooped overhead, less than 20 meters above the ground. Shinji's eyes followed the majestic craft as they tore past, arcing towards a figure in the distance, a small mountain which was… moving. Shinji's eyes were riveted as the machines unleashed a torrent of gunfire, then a barrage of missiles.

It won't be enough.

The voice in Shinji's head was right, although explosions briefly obscured his view of the angel, it reappeared as the smoke cleared, still lumbering slowly towards the city. Before the aircraft could make a second pass, a blast of energy lanced out from the creature's upraised hand, disintegrating the hull of the leader, leaving its left engine to careen to the side, colliding with one of his wingmates, bringing the other craft down hard in the distance.

It never works.

"Then why send them?" He thought back.

Some of it is to buy you time. Mostly, its so that the JSSDF can claim some credit when the Eva units eventually win the fight.

"But why would they do that, people are dying!" He yelled.

Very little in the world is done without pride on the line Shinji. I suggest you spend some time with the pilots, they can explain why they do what they do better than I can.

Shinji was unsatisfied, but he had learned long ago that he could trust his nii-san. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew it was not healthy to hear voices, but without his nii-san…

You're not crazy Shinji. I've told you what I can, and I hope I have earned your trust enough that you can believe me when I say that what I don't say is only for you good.

"I do trust you nii-san," Shinji replied, "I just… Why did it have to be this way?"

He heard a noise not unlike a sigh in the back of his head.

If I could spare you the pain I would Shinji, if I could trade places with you, I would do so in a heartbeat. There's so little I can do, but you, you can do so much.

Shinji felt warmth around himself and let his fear and pain fade away. He would have been content to bask in that warmth and fall asleep, as he had as a child, but the squeal of approaching tires broke him from his reverie, and the feeling withdrew itself.

She's here

The blue sports car executed a sliding stop, pausing 30 centimeters from Shinji, the passenger window already rolled down, a violet haired beauty leaning over the side giving him another one of those views. Unlike in the picture, she wasn't trying to let him look, but she definitely was not dressed to repel the opposite sex.

"Get in!" Yelled Misato Katsuragi.

In another world, and another time, he would have hesitated. Instead, he threw himself into the passenger seat, tossing his bag into the rear, barely having time to slam his door shut before his future commander peeled out.

"Captain Katsuragi at your service!" She proclaimed, sliding through an intersection as Shinji furiously tried to slam his seatbelt home, "Sorry I'm late, as you can tell, things are a little crazy around here!"

"Katsuragi-san?" Shinji asked.

"Shinji-kun?" She replied.

He held up the picture, raising in eyebrow, "Do you always send such lewd pictures to young men?"

Misato almost missed her next turn, and actually jumped the curb in order to get back on track. The voice in Shinji's head laughed, taking pleasure in seeing the woman poleaxed by the comment. She even slowed down to a sedate (for Misato Katsuragi) pace as her mind tried to shift back into gear.

"His psych profile lied" She thought, "This kid is supposed to be an introvert."

"I ah, wanted to make you feel like you would be welcome." She said, then murmured, "I usually get better responses to those pictures"

"Pictures?" Shinji asked?

Misato's cheeks turned bright red, "Look, if you don't like it, then you don't have to keep it."

Shinji almost dropped it on the floor, but when he looked over at the captain she had a somber gaze fixed on the road ahead, a gaze which he recognized. She looked, lonely.

"It's ah, not unpleasant," Shinji blushed, putting the picture in his backpack, "I'll keep it for now Katsuragi-san. Just remember that I'm only 16."

She smiled, "You could have fooled me."

Out your window, see the VTOLs? N2 mine, find cover.

Shinji's eyes widened, "Katsuragi-san! N2 mine!"

The screech of brakes sounded as she slid the car into the shadow of a nearby building, then reached a hand over, pushing her young charge down.

"Down!" She yelled.

The world went white, and a powerful rumble sent the car skittering into the highway barrier on the opposite side of them. Concussion bounced around and through the car, making Shinji's ears ring and making his stomach roil with nausea. Surprisingly, it was Misato who threw up, albeit out the window rather than on her upholstery.

"I am going to kill whoever authorized that strike!" She growled, wiping her mouth with her sleeve, "Hold on Shinji-kun, we're almost there."

Shinji closed his eyes and stayed quiet, and Misato left him alone for the rest of the drive. When the lift started down, the voice came back.

You should really see this Shinji, it is quite breathtaking.

Shinji opened his eyes, ignoring the fact that Misato was weighing him with her eyes and looked out the window. The Geofront opened out before him, the green grass and sparkling blue lake of a world long forgotten sprawling across that landscape. Shinji couldn't help but gasp and the beauty of it. The world above had a hot season, and a hotter season. Down here, the ambient temperature was mild.

"How?" was all he could ask.

"Unlimited funding and god-like technology." Misato replied, "turns out that several billion yen can net you a lot of quality real estate, even underground."

"B-billion?" Shinji stuttered.

"It might be in the trillions now," Misato shrugged, "Not my department."

"What is your department Katsuragi-san?"

"If you're going to call me out my for lewdness you should just call me Misato." She replied, "and as for what I do. Well, right now my most important job is getting you to where you need to be?"

"What am I supposed to do when I get there?" He asked, knowing full well, "The city is under attack by that… thing."

"Angel."

"Angel." He replied, rolling the familiar name around his tongue, "What am I supposed to do while that thing is out there destroying the city Misato-san?"

"So formal?" Misato raised an eyebrow, "Very well, then I'll just let the good doctor explain it."

Ritsuko Akagi, be nice. She's just a little bit eccentric and is in bed with your father in more ways than one. She'll do her best by you if you let her, and if you can win her loyalty, she might even help you save the world.

"Okay." He murmured in response to both.

The vehicle lift soon stopped, and Misato rushed him past a pair of guards, neither of whom saluted, and on to another elevator, where they piled in. Misato pressed a button and leaned against the wall, frankly appraising Shinji again.

He shuffled uncomfortably, bringing a smile to her face.

"Isn't it rude to stare so openly?" He asked, trying to fight down his discomfort.

She snorted, "So you're telling me you haven't spent any time with that picture I sent you?"

His face darkened, "N-not that way, I would never."

"Never?" She asked, "You sure know how to make a girl feel good Shinji-kun"

Anger flared in his heart, "It wouldn't be right!"

She regarded him for another second, then smiled, "You believe that."

He looked at her earnestly, "With all my heart."

"This kid…" She thought, her stomach fluttering slightly.

She pushed herself off the wall and touched his shoulder lightly, "Things are about to get weird. No matter what happens, I'll be in your corner."

Shinji's cheeks darkened further at the contact, "Th-thank you Misato-san."

She tapped his forehead, "And stop called me -san, it makes me feel old."

I would keep the -san for a while longer.

Shinji agreed wholeheartedly.

The elevator door opened, revealing a cavernous space, poorly lit, and descending far into the darkness below. Nii-san had told Shinji that there would be theatrics, but his stomach still did a somersault when he stepped onto the gantry with Misato. Ritsuko Akagi stepped into his view from beside the elevator where she had been waiting, holding her ever-present clipboard in hand, but focusing her eyes on him.

"Shinji Akari." She greeted him.

He bowed, "Yes ma'm."

She looked him over, "Taller than I would have thought, looks like you won't be able to use a suit today."

"A what?" He asked.

She ignored him, turning away and motioning for him to follow. Misato gave him a reassuring nod, but headed the other way. Pausing momentarily, Shinji felt nervous for the first time since receiving his father's letter. Could he do this, could he pilot, that thing?

It's a her, and you can. I'll be right beside you Shinji.

Shinji almost jumped at the intrusion, still staring after doctor Akagi, "What is it you want me to do?"

The lights on the catwalk above flashed on, and a man with dark hair, glasses and white gloves stood above. The light shone down, illuminating the armored head of Evangelion Unit-01, its eyes dark for now.

"I want you to pilot Eva." His father rumbled.

Ritsuko Akagi turned back to him and beckoned him forward. Shinji didn't moved, transfixed by the sight of the creature, no, the monster that stood before him.

Don't think about her like that! Accept her for what she is, and know that she will protect you

Shinji paused, then moved forward, leaning out across the darkness and touching the purple armor of Unit-01's helmet. The ghost of something passed through that connection, and he felt a shudder within himself.

"Ok," He replied, "I'll treat her like family, but only for you nii-san."

Warmth flooded his body and he stood there, before being suddenly jarred back to the present by the sound of clattering wheels over metal. He looked towards the other side of the gantry and his mouth fell open.

Rei-chan…

The bluenette in the hospital bed was awash in pain, even her empty eyes could not hide that fact. His father said something, but he barely registered the man's voice.

"I will do it." She whispered, trying to prop herself up on her unbroken arm.

Shinji took a step towards her, and the cavern rumbled. Debris hurtled from the ceiling above, and Shinji's instincts kicked in. Ignoring the falling rubble, Shinji took two bounding steps forward, and with a murmured apology, swept the bluenette off of her gurney, throwing them both forward. The rubble smashed through the gantry, taking the bed and one of the nurses with it where a short moment ago Rei had laid.

He heard a weak sob and looked down. Rei had her eyes closed and teeth clenched while tears leaked down her face.

"Get me to the plug." She wept, her empty voice layered by pain, "I will not disappoint Ikari-sama."

"No Rei-chan, I will do it." Rage boiled in his voice as he turned his head up towards his father, tears and fury mixing in his eyes, "I'll pilot it you bastard!"

Gendo Ikari was taken aback for a moment, but then simply nodded, walking away.

Help her.

"I can't." Shinji replied.

Then let me help her.

"How?"

Surrender. Trust your nii-san.

Confused, but willing, Shinji let the warmth of his nii-san envelope him. He looked down into Rei's eyes, and then felt something reach beyond himself. It brushed against the bluenette, and agony rolled across his own body.

Memories of canes, hoses, fists and a variety of household objects flashed through the young man's mind, and he bit down on his cheek to keep from crying out. Crying out was either grounds for more, or encouragement, depending on the mood of his sensei. The steel inside of Shinji Akari bent, but against all odds, he did not break.

The pain faded as rapidly as it had come, and he looked down into the shocked red eyes of the girl in his arms. Her mouth tried to shape words, but he shook his head, quickly rising to his feet and passing the girl off to one of her medical staff. Shinji stumbled and was caught by the blonde doctor.

"Let's get you inside." She said briskly.

"Yes Akagi-san" He replied breathlessly.

"What did you do?" He demanded.

The same that I once did for you when the pain pushed you past breaking. I took some of hers, and you felt it pass through you for a moment.

Nii-san's voice was strained.

"You healed her?"

Hah, not likely. It's more like what you're about to undergo. It's a type of connection which you will be able to do after syncing with Eva for long enough.

"You never told me-"

I have not told you many things nii-san. My time with you has always been limited, and I have shared what I could with you when I could. I was there when you needed me most, and right now I need you to trust me. Will you trust your nii-san Shinji?

Shinji balked, the voice had never spoken this much while he was awake "What is going on?"

They are shifting the paradigm. All is not as it once was, and I have not much longer before all is lost. You must trust me Shinji. I will do what I can from here, although it is little. I have sheltered you in the past, and the future must now rest on your shoulders. I'm sorry Shinji, but there is no one else.

Tears filled his eyes, "Are you leaving me nii-san?!"

I… don't know.

That frightened Shinji more than anything. He did not remember being settled into the entry plug, but the rising LCL brought him out of his fugue state.

"What?!" yelled, trying to keep his head above the liquid.

"Relax Shinji," Came the voice of Ritsuko Akagi, "This is LCL, it will oxygenate your lungs and blood better than air ever could. Just breathe. Oh, and don't mind the taste."

"It tastes like blood," he thought, "I remember it well."

Despite the reassurances of the staff, Shinji held his breath until he passed out. He woke quickly enough when his body took the first involuntary breath of the stuff, and it filled his lungs. His stomach rebelled and his brain tried to cough. A minute later, after realizing he wasn't dying, his body stopped fighting.

"It looks like Ritsuko owes me 1000 yen." Misato's voice chirped over the unseen communicator, "I bet you would have the self-control to pass out before inhaling."

"These women are twisted." He thought.

If only you knew the half of it

Shinji shuddered.

"Locking in A-10" An unfamiliar voice called, "Just try to relax Shinji-san."

She's right, practice the meditation I taught you. Empty your mind and reach out. Your opening mindset is almost as important as the rest of the time put together. Reach out, and when she reaches back, let her in. I know it's all very confusing. Surrender for a moment, and she will serve you.

Shinji closed his eyes and emptied his mind, picturing an empty void inside of himself. He saw lights glitter across his cockpit through his eyelids, and then there was someone else inside the darkness with him. Instinctively he pushed back, afraid, and it hesitated.

Let her in.

"I trust nii-san." He told himself, then reached out to the presence.

The experience was not quite erotic, but having never felt physical affection, it might as well have been for the young pilot. Waves of her swept across his skin, and her essence twined with his, two souls meeting in a place where they could become one. He felt titanic muscles, stiff from sitting too long, try to stretch, but were held back to the miniscule tools of his captors. His eyes opened, and a world of colors beyond description flowed through them into his expanded mind.

"Synch ratio is spiking!" A small voice called, "80, no 95, wait! It's at 120%, that's not even possible!"

"Shinji, can you hear me?" Called a vaguely familiar voice, "Shinji!"

"Cut the link!" Someone else yelled.

"I already did, the A-10 is completely offline!"

"Shinji?" a voice asked.

That voice slammed him back into his body. Disoriented, he emptied the contents of his stomach, fortunately it was just LCL, albeit slightly digested, into the liquid around him. He felt a great sense of loss, but also an overwhelming sense of fear. He had almost lost himself to this… creature.

As he thought it, the presence in his mind withdrew, but not completely.

"Synch ratio is stabilizing at 67%" Someone on the intercom noted.

"Shinji, are you there?" Misato asked.

Shinji looked around confused, then replied, "Yes Misato-san."

"Thank the spirits!" She exclaimed, "What happened?"

"I… don't know." He replied honestly.

You certainly know how to jump in with both feet. But this might also be somewhat my fault. I apologize Shinji, I will try to be more careful with you in the future.

Shinji shuddered again.

"Begin launch sequence!" Misato ordered, "Shinji, we're sending you up. We don't have much time, but we'll try to walk you through this."

Before he could reply, Shinji felt a massive force press down on him, his vision tunneling momentarily as the blood in his brain was forced down into his chest. The encroaching darkness dissolved into stars and the head of his unit snapped back, the ascent over.

"Releasing clamps!" One of the technicians called.

"Wait." Shinji groaned.

Instead of waiting, the clamps released him suddenly, and he stumbled forward onto one knee.

"Shinji, I need you to get up." Came the voice of Misato, "It's coming."

Shinji tried to shake away the abuse his body had received in the past five minutes, but he was feeling sluggish.

UP!

Confusion was swept away by a bolt of urgency in his nii-san's voice, and Shinji's eyes focused. The angel was bearing down on him, fast.

Draw your weapon

"Misato!" He yelled, "I need something to fight with!"

"Deploying prog knife." A technician called through the channel.

Shinji had enough time to tear the weapon free of its sheathe, but as he pulled himself up, a titanic fist slammed into his jaw, sending a bolt of pain through the nerve connections and sending his unit flying backwards. Feedback pain lanced across his body as buildings tore across his back, and Shinji screamed. Coming to a stop, he lay panting.

Roll!

A darker shadow descended on where Shinji lay, and he rolled to the left, crushing more infrastructure beneath his Eva as the angel drove a lance of purple energy where his head had been. Shinji struggled to his feet, punch drunk and confused.

Blade up, aim for the red orb. Always the orb, never let it survive.

The Angel charged again, and Shinji finally pulled himself together. Lunging forward, he went for the heart of the creature. Unfortunately, it batted aside his attack, latching onto his skull with its free arm, raising him up into the air. Shinji kicked ineffectually, the lack of leverage showing as it simply ignored his strikes. Shinji had a moment to wonder why the world had gone purple before excruciating pain punched straight through his left eye and out the back of his skull.

"Cut nerve connections!" Someone in the background screamed.

Somebody else was screaming too, and Shinji realized it was himself after a second strike of the Angel's energy blade punched an imaginary cavity in his skull again.

"It's not responding!"

Again.

"Scramble fighters, get him out of there!"

Again.

When would the pain end?

Again.

NO!

Shinji drew in a breath of LCL as the pain was swept away by a glowing warmth centered deep within his bones.

The knife Shinji, use the Kni-

The screaming started again, but this time it was inside his head, and although spiderwebs crept across the cockpit, and the lance struck again, Shinji felt no pain. A second blow, and the scream went utterly, desperately quiet.

The silence pushed him forward. He grabbed the Angel's arm with his left, then lashed out with the blade in his right hand. The short sensation of falling to a crouch confirmed the complete severing of the Angel's arm. He tossed the bloody stump aside, took his weapon in both hands and drove forward.

Crystalline matter fractured as the blade punch through it. A twist of the wrist sending splashes of red liquid squirting out. The Angel roared and leaped onto him, beginning to glow with a bright light.

Pull in your… AT field Shinji

When it was drawn to his attention, Shinji felt it, a cloak of light and something beyond light expanded out from him. He pulled it close.

The world dissolved into light and fire.

XXXXXX

Shinji walked down the path, hands flowing softly over the heads of grain which lay heavy on their stalks. The pagoda ahead was white trimmed with red, a single figure in a rocking chair turned away from him, looking out at the mountain range which rose above the fields.

"Hello nii-san," He spoke, stepping onto the sturdy planks of the raised platform.

"Shinji…" The figure breathed, "I am glad you have come."

Curious, Shinji moved around to face the figure, then stumbled back, falling to the floor. The old man in the chair had a cavernous hole where the left side of his face should have been.

"Wh- " Shinji began.

A sharp gesture cut him off, "I have… very little time left."

"Does it hurt?" Shinji asked, reaching out.

The man caught his hand, taking it gently and smiling, his wound making the gesture less comforting than it usually was.

"Yes Shinji, but I have grown used to pain. I wanted to talk to you before I had to leave, so I held on until you woke." The man said.

The vista before them dissolved, the combination of dilapidated and new structures that made up Tokyo 3 replacing the fields.

"Tokyo 3," He said wistfully, "The people here are in so much pain Shinji. They carry it on their backs like a bag of bricks, picking up new ones along the way and never setting any of them down. They've become inured to it, and it has warped everything that they are."

"I know I have asked a lot of you in the years we have known each other, but you have always risen to the occasion. When I found you, you were broken, but you've become so much more than that."

Shinji looked up at the man who called himself brother, "I'm still broken nii-san. If I had been able to fight, then this wouldn't have happened!"

The man smiled gently again, "Don't blame yourself for this Shinji, it was always my choice, the same as when I came to you as a child. Never regret the choices that were never yours to make."

"I just wanted to protect everyone, even you nii-san." He whispered, putting his head in his hands.

A moment of silence was followed by an embrace, "Oh Shinji, you'll never be able to protect everyone, especially those who put themselves between you and danger. What matters most is what you do to heal them after they have given their all for you."

Shinji wiped his eyes, "But you're dying!"

The man nodded, pulling himself back into his chair, "Yes Shinji, but that too was my choice. My life for yours. I saw a brief glimpse, a crossroads where I could have saved myself and left you to your fate. I chose the better path. I chose you."

He settled back, "I will always be with you Shinji. I ask that you now go and do for others what I have done for you. Give them back their hope Shinji."

"What about the Angels?" Shinji asked.

The old man shrugged, "They are different from what I remember. They have shifted the paradigm, and you will have to shift to face it. Trust in our training and keep learning. You will need to give it your all if you hope to win."

His face grew somber, "I know it seems like fighting is the only important thing, but if the broken people of Tokyo 3 and NERV cannot be reforged, they will fail."

"I can't" Shinji wept.

"Yes you can Shinji." The man replied, "I have loved you, and I know you have felt the same for me. Share that infinite capacity with others. It will be hard, as hard as killing monsters, but it will save them. It will save you."

The man closed his remaining eye, rocking himself backwards, "I love you Shinji, always remember that. It is my last, and greatest gift."

And he was gone.

Shinji wept.