He could never accept it.

That was what the young inu youkai thought the day his father left this world. There was no way he would accept the human female and the hanyou pup that had been responsible for the powerful general of the West ignoring his fatal wounds and going into battle to protect them. Those wounds could have healed if he had gone to the palace to rest and be healed.

He knew he was responsible for his sire's death too. If he had pushed aside, for only a moment, his own pride and even the pain from knowing his father had had another family…but he didn't. Probably because he thought, in a far and childish end of his mind, that his father was invincible. That no matter how terrible his wounds were or how weakened he was, he would always come back. However, that night, for some reason, Sesshoumaru had remembered the words his father had pronounced so long ago, when he had been at the brink of death after a battle: "Sesshoumaru…your father is not invincible…" and, not long after, notice of his father's death had reached him…

Incredulity and negation were the main reason for Sesshoumaru to go back to the ruins of that Palace in which the human princess had lived in, and to which his father had run off to that night.

The teen approached slowly, not allowing his need to run and make sure what his nose could already tell him, take over. Those last steps were much harder to take than any other in his young life. He felt his legs falter the moment his eyes fell on the burned and consumed form he recognized as his great father. Touga, the powerful Inu no Taisho and general of the West laid lifless before him.

He heard Totosai when he arrived mentioning something like he wasn't expecting to see him there, but his voice sounded far away. –Leave.- was the only empty word Sesshoumaru pronounced, his eyes never leaving his father's remains. The moment the old smith hesitated, a single crimson glare over his shoulder was enough for Sesshoumaru to instill enough panic for him to flee. The younth turned then back to his father. And, he slowly lowered himseld until he was kneeling beside him. He could feel the ruins' wood pressing uncomfortably against his legs, but his mind was barely registering that. Right then an incomparably deeper pain had started filling his heart.

He was dead.

His head was lowered, his hair covering half his face.

He was dead.

His trembling hands approached his father's body and carefully lifted him, pulling him into a last and broken hug. His eyes stung with yet unspilled tears, but his pain was so great that little could he do to prevent it any longer, so, as the new Lord of the West still embraced his predecessor, thick tears of grief ran down his face, as his body started trembling with soft and silent sobs. –Father…- he called with a hurt and broken voice, but, for the first time in his life, that call wouldn't be answered.

He was dead.

Three days and two nights went by, without Sesshoumaru ever leaving his father's side. He had lowered the body a few hours after huhhing him, and his tears had been spilled until it was no longer possible for him to do so, staying then just there, watching with empty eyes the general's remains, crying without tears or sobbing. He was perfectly aware he would never again see him open his eyes and get up, that he would no longer hear his voice or his laugh, but a part of the young shiroinu couldn't help but think that maybe if he wished it strongly enough, that situation would change.

The third day, a familiar presence, that the boy had started to perceive almost a day ago, had finally reached that Palace's ruins.

-Sesshoumaru.- called a familiar voice, that the youth ignored. The sound of steps approaching reached his ears, but again, he ignored it. Silence.

-Get up, Sesshoumaru.- came that voice again after a seemingly eternal silence. The boy didn't pronounced a word or even seemed to have heard the order, and a little after a hand was firmly put on his shoulder. Sesshoumaru moved his shoulder harshly to get it away, but that wasn't acceptable, for that hand was soon holding his elbow with an iron grip, forcing him up in one pull. Sesshoumaru growled threateningly for being forced to face his mother.

-I will not lose you too, watching how you let yourself be consumed by pain.- said the Lady of the West with a firm and severe voice, watching her only son turn away from her with a hurt and helpless expression.

-He could have been saved…if he hadn't come…if I…if I had helped him…- he started, every word injected with the pain's poison.

-Stop. Your father loved his family more than anything in this world, and that decision was the result of said love. He was perfectly aware of what he was doing. There is no way he would blame you for this.- she said with affection and sorrow in her voice and eyes.

The young Lord of the West seemed at the brink of breaking, but was making a brave effort to prevent it, and one of the soft and warm hands of Irasue caressed his cheek with affection, and when Sesshoumaru looked back to his mother's eyes, he could see unspilled tears shimmering in them. –Your are not the only one who lost him, Sesshou…I too lost my mate…- she murmured, and a lone tear ran down her left cheek. –It's alright for you to cry for him, it's alright for you to vent the pain of the loss, but what it's not alright is that, in exchange for you to hide it, you let your sorrow consume you…- the female told him as she pulled her pup into a maternal hug of mutual consolation, and then, only then, did Sesshoumaru allowed himself to genuinely cry for the death of his father and the person who had become his first love.

The parting rituals for the general were made, and his remains were sealed in a tomb Sesshoumaru knew nothing about.

Five years had passed since then.