Disclaimer: I don't own Les Miserables or the characters, and I'm not making money off of this. Blah, blah.
The Love Septagon
Chapter 1
It was a typical day in the Café Musain. Joly inspecting his tongue in the mirror, Jehan was writing poetry, Grantaire was drunk, etc. Suddenly everyone heard a voice saying,
"Yes. . . I love you too, Vestie. . . What's that? Oh, yes. . ."
"Grantaire, stop talking to your invisible friends," said Courfeyrac.
"Um, Grantaire is asleep," said Laigle. Everyone looked up.
"Then who was saying those terribly insane words?" asked Combeferre.
"Your terrific gold stripes brighten my day," said Enjolras. Everyone stared at him.
"Enjolras?!?" exclaimed everyone. Enjolras just sat there, looking down and caressing his vest.
"Huh?" he said, looking up at everyone after a moment. "Did someone say something?" Everyone stared at him.
Suddenly Javert came bursting in, to take the attention off of Enjolras. He was wearing a shirt that had a picture of Jean Valjean, and a caption that read: Have you seen me?
"Has anyone seen Jean Valjean?" asked Javert, holding up another picture.
"No," said everyone, except Enjolras who was back to admiring his vest. Disappointed, Javert sat down.
"I have been chasing him for years, but I have never found him," he sighed. Why is he avoiding me?" Tears began to well up in Javert's eyes.
"There, there," comforted Lesgle, patting him on the back. "I'm sure you'll find him someday." Just then, Marius and Cosette walked in.
"I love you, Cosette," said Marius.
"I love you, Marius," said Cosette.
"I love you, Cosette," said Marius.
"How long do you think they've been doing that?" asked Courfeyrac.
"Probably the last month and a half," replied Bahoral.
"I love you, Marius," said Cosette.
"I love you, Cosette," said Marius.
"Ooh! Who's that dude with the sideburns?" exclaimed Cosette. "He's kinda cute!"
"What?" whimpered Marius. Courfeyrac leaned in closer.
"Ooh!" he exclaimed. "The plot thickens!"
"I need a drink to wash away my sorrows!" sighed Javert.
"Alcohol impairs the brain!" exclaimed Joly.
"Which explains Grantaire over there," muttered Combeferre.
"Um. . . I love you, Cosette?" whimpered Marius.
Suddenly no one had anything else to say, and everything got quiet. No one wanted to break the awkward silence, so it lasted for several minutes.
Then Jean Valjean walked in, and all chaos resumed.
"Jeanny!" screamed Javert. He clapped his hands in glee and began to dance happily. Valjean saw him, but he thought he was a hopeless drunkard.
"I have come to take you home, Cosette," said Valjean sternly.
"No! But then I'll never see sideburn-man again!" protested Cosette.
"I'll grow sideburns, my love! I will do anything for you!" exclaimed Marius. He began to sing.
A heart full of loveA night bright as day
I'm doing everything all wrong!Cosette interrupted here, "Yep." Marius frowned.
"I wasn't finished," he said. Cosette shrugged.
"Side-burn man?" questioned Valjean. "You mean that drunk-" Valjean looked at the happy dancing man closer. "Oh. . . no. . ." he said. Valjean quickly ran out as fast as he could.
"Hey, okay," said Cosette. "Now I don't have to leave my happy dancing sideburn man!" Then Javert noticed that Valjean had fled, and he stopped dancing.
"Nooooo!" he screamed as he ran out after him.
"Oh, darn," said Cosette.