Harry Potter And The Great Getaway

Author's Note: this was inspired by Clell65619's "Second Life," where Harry Potter decides to just get away from it all and runs off to Australia. I thought it would be even more fun to send him somewhere even further away...

Chapter 1: Sometimes I've Got to Run Away, I've Got to Get Away

Harry Potter tossed down his butterbeer. This was becoming a ritual – at least once a month, he'd meet with Hermione (almost always on a Friday night), and he'd talk about how unsatisfying his life was. And she'd make polite noises and vague reassurances, then complain herself about how she had so many interesting things she was doing at the Department of Mysteries, but couldn't talk about them. After a few hours, they'd part ways and return to their respective homes.

This Friday, though, was different, Harry thought. For once, Hermione was edgy. She was trying her best to act normal, but every now and then he's see a glimpse of impatience, or excitement, or frustration, or indecision. Something was definitely going on under those bushy curls, but he figured she'd either tell him or not, and there wasn't a damned thing he could do to influence that decision.

After the fifth drink, though, he could almost hear the "click" as she made up her mind.

"Harry, it's been almost six years since we left Hogwarts, and you've done nothing but mope and whinge about things since. As your best friend, it's my responsibility to get you to get off your arse and do something to move on with your life."

"That's not fair, 'Mione. I've been keeping busy."

"Bollocks. You spent three years as an Auror, then got Shacklebolt to give you an indefinite leave of absence. You ran back to Hogwarts and taught DADA for two years, just long enough to prove the 'curse' was broken, then left when you realized you couldn't just go back to how things were. And you've spent the last nine months helping out George at the joke shop when you could be bothered. When do you plan on actually doing something with the rest of your life?"

Harry's eyes flashed. "Do you have any idea what it's like to be a living legend?"

She glared back at him. "Maybe not as well as you do, but I'm passing familiar with it."

He nodded "Fair enough. But there's a reason why all the fairy tales all end with 'they lived happily ever after.' Once the story's over, the rest is all boring. And my legend ended the day Voldemort died. What the hell else is there for me to do? My life peaked at the age of 18. I achieved my life's purpose before I even graduated school. What the hell else is there for me to do?"

"That's a load of rubbish. You could just as easily decide you've already fulfilled everyone else's expectations, and just live the rest of your life for yourself."

"Easy enough to say, but everywhere I go I'm THE Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived, the Savior of Wizarding Britain, the man who survived the killing curse twice." He sighed. "Now I know why superheroes have secret identities. Superman can't be Superman all the time; he needs to be Clark Kent every now and then. But I don't get to take off a cape and put on a pair of glasses. Hell, my glasses are my cape – they're part of how everyone knows me."

"So go away where you aren't as well known. Go to America or Canada or Australia or New Zealand. Just up and move there for a while, live like everyone else where nobody knows who you are. Spend some time as Harry Smith, or Harry Jones, or whatever."

Harry glanced away. "I tried that. Didn't work. Those damned books – there's nowhere in the English-speaking wizarding world where I'm not known, and I really don't want to go back to the Muggle world."

Hermione hesitated, then finally came to her decision. "I might have an answer for you. But you can't tell anyone."

Harry cocked an eyebrow at her. "This has to be good."

"We've got something down at work that we're absolutely not supposed to talk about – even more than the regular stuff – but it could be just what you need. How'd you like to take a vacation on another world?"

Harry snorted. "You mean like Mars or Venus? No thanks – I'd like to come back in one piece."

She sighed. "No, I mean another Earth. An Earth very much like ours, but different."

"And I suppose you have a way to get there? And back?"

"It's a spinoff of the Time-Turner program. So far, we've discovered 957 different Earths, each a little different from ours in some way or another. Some are really bad, but most of them are just as messed up as ours is, just in different ways."

Harry was dumbstruck. Hermione had made the "I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you" joke so many times, he'd finally begged her to stop. He'd reconciled himself to never hearing what she did at her job, and now she'd just dropped this bomb in his lap. "What the hell are you saying?"

"It's something we picked up from the goblins. If you ever really looked at the wizarding world's economy, you'd realize that there's no way in the universe it could work. They tried for centuries to teach wizards basic economics, but it went nowhere. Finally they figured that if they couldn't reconcile wizards to the real world, they'd find other worlds where they could exploit the differences and keep things going well enough here to keep our wizards from complaining too loudly or triggering a centuries-long financial collapse. Gringott's currently has branches on 93 Earths, and they're negotiating on another dozen."

"And you think I could go to one of these other worlds and just live like everyone else for a while?"

"Harry, I think you might actually find another Earth where you might like it better and stay there. As your best friend, I owe you the chance to find out. And considering just who we are and what we did, it's the least Wizarding England owes you to give you the chance."

Harry leaned back in his seat. "This... this is a hell of a lot to take in at once, Hermione. Especially when we're both half-potted. I'm going to need to think about this."

She leaned back herself. "No rush. It's not like you're on a deadline or have anything really pressing to do. But just remember you have the option. And if you like, we can explore the options and kick around some of the details without you actually committing to anything." She smiled wickedly. "In fact, I know precisely which Earth I'd send you to. It's exactly what you need."

"Oh, really? Now you've got me intrigued. Tell me more."

"Oh, Harry," she said winsomely, "I'd love to tell you more, but then I'd have to kill you."