The Man in the Moon

I remember the day that Jackie Chun destroyed the moon.

That I can remember it at all is nothing short of a bloody miracle. Heck, that anyone can remember it is also nothing short of a miracle. Of course, not many people remember it. No-one seems to remember anything on this planet. Seems every other year there's some evil doer that threatens to destroy the world, or at times destroys the world (don't worry, it's un-destroyed soon afterwards), and no-one seems to care. No-one seems to even know.

But whatever. I remember. I care. I care about the World Martial Arts Tournament, even when monkey boys turn into giant apes and wreck the place. But I care even more when people destroy the bloody moon!

You want an idea of what happens when the moon is destroyed? Well, let's start with the issue of debris. No-one cared as pieces of moon rained down on the planet, impacting land and sea alike. Tidal waves, wildfires, death and destruction…yeah. The kinds of things that you'd think would be reported about. That you think people would care about. I know people were freaking out about the Red Ribbon Army afterwards, but ask yourself – who actually caused more damage? A bunch of incompetents who can't shoot straight, or the world's worst (indirect) mass murderer?

But let's move on. Let's say I believe you that Jackie Chun's lightshow was so powerful that the moon was completely vaporized. Let's say I was just imagining the whole death and destruction thing from lunar debris. Let's say I'm making this up. Okay, fine. But what about the effects of not having a moon?

Well, for one thing, the tides are out of whack. Low tide everywhere pretty much. In fact, no real tides to speak of. So, thanks to Jackie Chun, coastal communities got to enjoy mass starvation as their boats were rendered stranded on the sand. That's to say nothing of the fish that had to relocate. I know, when we think of death and destruction on this planet we think of light shows and evil doers and good doers fighting the evil doers, some of whom used to be evil doers but were made good doers through the power of friendship, but y'know, starvation. Not a pleasant way to go.

And what of the axial tilt? The moon stabilizes Earth's axial tilt, so without it, you can expect it to wobble much more. So, didn't affect us at the time, but it's going to affect us in the future. Like, ice ages. Lots of ice ages. Also hot ages, though granted, that's not really a thing. Basically, Earth's going to wobble more, and we're going to have to endure lots of temperature variations, and life is going to absolutely suck. Like, suck even more than living in a universe where everyone wants to kill us, including gods that want to wipe out the entire universe because of contrived reasons. Yeah, I pay attention to these things – not a fighter, but I am a thinker.

And, something about werewolves (do they exist?), something about Moon Festivals (sad), and something about moon pie (which actually sold over 150% more than it usually did after the moon was destroyed – grief works in funny ways). And, yeah, I get it. There are cultures that have worshipped the moon for tens of thousands of years. What are they gonna do now? Huh? You ever thought of that you bearded geyser? Like, what, you have enough power to destroy a sphere with a diameter of (insert figure here), but not enough power to destroy an overgrown ape? Like, did you think this through? Did you?

Well, maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe the planet Earth has gotten so used to world-altering events that losing the moon is no big deal. Also, I understand that there was a green guy who destroyed the moon again (somehow), while also having a clothes-generating beam (somehow), so heck, what do I know?

Still, I miss the moon. And I remember when it was destroyed.

That's got to count for something.

A/N

You ever read/watch something that requires suspension of disbelief, but then encounter something that requires a whole other level of suspension of disbelief that it breaks your initial suspension?

Reading Dragon Ball and watching Roshi destroy the moon...that's one of those moments.