"What happened?" Simon finally asked, after several long seconds. "Are you
going to be all right?"
I gave myself a mental shake. 'Okay, so this is me. But what does that mean?'
"Cecilia?" he brushed her hair back from her face, and looked concerned.
"Yeah Simon?"
"What's wrong?"
"Everything or nothing, right now I'm not quite sure which," I was forced to admit.
"Do you need help?" the principal asked. "You did just faint."
I stood up, shaking a little, but all there for the first time, years, I guess. "I'm going to be fine."
"Are you sure?"
I nodded.
"Just in case, I think I'll send you home for the rest of the day. How do you get to school?"
"I drive."
"Do you think you'll be okay driving?"
"Mr. Baines, I'll go with her. I can walk back to school."
"Simon, that's a very nice offer. So when you come back, see me and I'll give you a pass into class."
"Thank you, Mr. Baines."
As I left, I could hear Mr. Avon and Mr. Baines talking about me in low voices. "Do you think there's anything wrong at home?"
"No, but you never know with teenagers. It's like dealing with a different species sometimes. And besides, there's nothing we can do about it unless she comes to us."
"That's true. At least she seems to be all right now."
"So Cecilia, what's really up?"
"Simon, I don't really want to talk about it. It makes me sound crazy."
"Well, you know if you need help then I'm here-"
"No," I said with finality. "I don't know that. We have the most bizarre, craziest relationship I've ever seen or heard of. It isn't based on anything like it's supposed to be-half the time we don't even like each other. We talked to our parents about having sex? How weird was that? We just, God, Simon I don't know, but I don't know why we do this. I don't think I can do this anymore." I noticed that my head seemed to be nodding crazily on my neck, and I turned my will to holding it in place.
"Cecilia, how can you say that? We're soul mates!"
"Simon, how can we be soul mates? We're juniors in high school. If we were soul mates, don't you think we could have met some other way than me paying you to make my boyfriend jealous, damn; I had no idea what a head case I really was. Think about that Simon-what does it say about you. What does it say about me?"
He seemed, for the first time, to think with something resembling a brain. "Man, I guess you're right. That is kind of strange, isn't it? And my family is weird too"
He took my hand then. "But I don't want to lose your friendship?"
"Do we even have friendship?"
"You know, now that I think about it, I'm not even sure we have friendship," I was forced to admit, knowing that this might lose me my last friend.
"I guess we don't. Huh."
There was an uncomfortable pause as we got in my car, and I started driving. "Cecilia, I do want to still be friends with you. Start being friends with you-okay, that sentence is really bizarre. When you collapsed like that, God, I don't know. I just don't want you to completely exit my life. Even if we aren't dating."
"I think I can handle that."
"Does this mean you're going to date someone else now?"
I thought for a minute, because I hadn't even considered doing that. "No it doesn't. I don't think I'm going to date anybody for a while. At least not until I leave Glen Oak."
"But why not?"
"I think it'll just be easier that way."
"It can't just have been that that led you to faint."
"No it wasn't. But Simon, I don't want to talk about it, and I certainly don't want to talk to your father about it."
"Are you sure-I mean, I bet I could do something-"
"No, sorry, I don't think you could."
"But I feel like I should do something."
I was a little surprised, more so than by his offer of friendship earlier. "This is enough, trust me."
"Are you sure?" he asked.
"Yes," I said. "Trust me."
"Okay." We sat in silence for a while, and then I pulled into my driveway. "Are you sure you're going to be okay?"
"Simon, go back to school I'll be fine."
And when I got back into my house, I knew that would be true. It'd probably hurt and it wouldn't be easy, but I could be fine. And being Cecilia could be fine. What a strange thought.
I gave myself a mental shake. 'Okay, so this is me. But what does that mean?'
"Cecilia?" he brushed her hair back from her face, and looked concerned.
"Yeah Simon?"
"What's wrong?"
"Everything or nothing, right now I'm not quite sure which," I was forced to admit.
"Do you need help?" the principal asked. "You did just faint."
I stood up, shaking a little, but all there for the first time, years, I guess. "I'm going to be fine."
"Are you sure?"
I nodded.
"Just in case, I think I'll send you home for the rest of the day. How do you get to school?"
"I drive."
"Do you think you'll be okay driving?"
"Mr. Baines, I'll go with her. I can walk back to school."
"Simon, that's a very nice offer. So when you come back, see me and I'll give you a pass into class."
"Thank you, Mr. Baines."
As I left, I could hear Mr. Avon and Mr. Baines talking about me in low voices. "Do you think there's anything wrong at home?"
"No, but you never know with teenagers. It's like dealing with a different species sometimes. And besides, there's nothing we can do about it unless she comes to us."
"That's true. At least she seems to be all right now."
"So Cecilia, what's really up?"
"Simon, I don't really want to talk about it. It makes me sound crazy."
"Well, you know if you need help then I'm here-"
"No," I said with finality. "I don't know that. We have the most bizarre, craziest relationship I've ever seen or heard of. It isn't based on anything like it's supposed to be-half the time we don't even like each other. We talked to our parents about having sex? How weird was that? We just, God, Simon I don't know, but I don't know why we do this. I don't think I can do this anymore." I noticed that my head seemed to be nodding crazily on my neck, and I turned my will to holding it in place.
"Cecilia, how can you say that? We're soul mates!"
"Simon, how can we be soul mates? We're juniors in high school. If we were soul mates, don't you think we could have met some other way than me paying you to make my boyfriend jealous, damn; I had no idea what a head case I really was. Think about that Simon-what does it say about you. What does it say about me?"
He seemed, for the first time, to think with something resembling a brain. "Man, I guess you're right. That is kind of strange, isn't it? And my family is weird too"
He took my hand then. "But I don't want to lose your friendship?"
"Do we even have friendship?"
"You know, now that I think about it, I'm not even sure we have friendship," I was forced to admit, knowing that this might lose me my last friend.
"I guess we don't. Huh."
There was an uncomfortable pause as we got in my car, and I started driving. "Cecilia, I do want to still be friends with you. Start being friends with you-okay, that sentence is really bizarre. When you collapsed like that, God, I don't know. I just don't want you to completely exit my life. Even if we aren't dating."
"I think I can handle that."
"Does this mean you're going to date someone else now?"
I thought for a minute, because I hadn't even considered doing that. "No it doesn't. I don't think I'm going to date anybody for a while. At least not until I leave Glen Oak."
"But why not?"
"I think it'll just be easier that way."
"It can't just have been that that led you to faint."
"No it wasn't. But Simon, I don't want to talk about it, and I certainly don't want to talk to your father about it."
"Are you sure-I mean, I bet I could do something-"
"No, sorry, I don't think you could."
"But I feel like I should do something."
I was a little surprised, more so than by his offer of friendship earlier. "This is enough, trust me."
"Are you sure?" he asked.
"Yes," I said. "Trust me."
"Okay." We sat in silence for a while, and then I pulled into my driveway. "Are you sure you're going to be okay?"
"Simon, go back to school I'll be fine."
And when I got back into my house, I knew that would be true. It'd probably hurt and it wouldn't be easy, but I could be fine. And being Cecilia could be fine. What a strange thought.