The Tale of a Healer

Shennong the toad having his biography written word for word by a novice pig scribe named Jun.

Shennong: "Greetings to all who would read this. My name is Shennong, and I am very pleased to have this opportunity to share with you my life experiences as a healer. To be fairly honest, I wasn't quite ready to have this interview or whatever this is. Sometimes I was too busy with patients or just to shy to talk. Luckily my beautiful wife gave the courage to go ahead and try. In fact here she is right now. Say hello to Jun China."

A female frog appears.

China: "Hello Jun, pleasure to meet you."

Shennong: "And how are you my jade diamond?"

China: "I am good my love."

Shennong: "Say, you didn't break any of the China from China, did you China?"

China: "...that's stupid."

Shennong: "Wha-"

China: "That is a stupid joke."

Shennong: "It's not my fault your parents named you China."

China: "It's not my fault your parents made your face so ugly."

Shennong: "How dare you woman! Why do you always make fun of my appearance? You shouldn't talk since you gained weight. You look like a ball."

China: "At least I don't have warty skin."

Shennong: "Ok you got me there. Anyways can I please continue telling my life story?"

China: "Well it is almost dinner. I'll go now and prepare some food."

Shennong: "All right thanks China I love you!"

China: "I love you too."

Shennong (quietly): "You fat dumpling."

China (angry): "What did you say!?"

Later at a small warehouse...

Shennong: "Okay this is a safe pla- I mean this is the perfect place to continue my tale. I hope that conversation with my wife doesn't appear in this biography. So anyways, I suppose I can tell a bit about my early years. See when I was born, my parents named me Shennong, after the mythical emperor of herbs. I did my best to live up to my name since I was a child. I always wanted to be a doctor. It wasn't easy for my species to get much jobs since we are profiled as being contagious. Apparently our warts would give other people warts. That's not true, it's nothing more than a complete myth. I wanted to prove everyone wrong. So I decided to become a doctor. I think I said that right? Anyways, when I was old enough I took the opportunity to get into medical school. Now it wasn't easy for my species to get-"

China: "Shennong!"

Shennong: "Oh my goodness China, why are you interrupting me!?"

China: "You started to repeat yourself again."

Shennong: "Since when?"

China: "Since you said toads can't get jobs."

Shennong: "Oh you're right. That's the good thing about my wife; she's always there to help me remember things. Now I was kicked out of school before I could even apply. Everyone was so superstitious of me being a toad and all. So I ended up having to teach myself to read. It was very difficult since my parents couldn't read well either. Makes you wonder how we toads survived for so long. I'd like to think it's because of our will to live. Anyways I'm going off track. Now I was able to discover how to identify certain herbs and medicines, but I could not properly apply them the way I want to."

China: "You nearly poisoned your father."

Shennong: "Yes it was a hard ti- China why are you following us woman!?"

China: "I just want to be part of the biography."

Shennong: "That's not true, you just want to find out my dark secrets and use them for blackmail!"

China: "And yet you would tell them to a stranger so he can write it down and make copies?"

Shennong: "None of your business woman, now go back to the hotel."

China: "Bye Shennong."

Shennong: "Bye honey."

Later at the village shops...

Shennong: "Now where was I? Ah yes thank you Jun. After my father got poisoned I ended up running away purely out of embarrassment. I wanted to make a name for myself but we toads get no respect. Besides other people have made greater breakthroughs with medicine while I struggle to convince everyone I don't give warts. Anyways I eventually found myself in this little town, I can't remember the name, and decided to hang out there. Most of the villagers appeared to have nasal problems. That's the inside of your nose by the way. They all kept on sniffling, dripping, and sounded quite stuffy. It was the most annoying thing. I wanted to avoid the whole thing so I went into a bar and had a drink. After that I decided to take a nap in one of the available rooms. But when I got there, there was a recent dent in my bed. And I couldn't help but think who's been sleeping in my bed?"

China: "Oh yeah who's been sleeping in your bed!? I need to know who's been sleeping in your bed!? Because I'll-"

Shennong: "Whoa now hold on China! No one's been sleeping in my bed!"

China: "But you just said, 'Who's been sleeping in your bed?' So you better tell me who's been sleeping in your bed!?"

Shennong: "Honey I just telling them how we first met! You were sleeping in my bed and we argued before deciding to date!"

China: "Oh well that's okay then."

Shennong: "That's what we were talking about woman."

China: "Bye Shennong."

Shennong: "Ok see ya later honey!"

Later at a tea shop...

Shennong: "All right finally I can star-"

China: "Hi Shennong!"

Shennong: "You gotta be kidding me I was just about to start talking about my invention for medicine!"

Later at a small restaurant...

Shennong: "Okay since we're short on time I guess I should talk about my invention of the century. As I was saying, the villagers kept on making weird noises, sniffling, snorting, trouble breathing, and especially noses dripping gooey stuff. That's called allergies by the way. Reminded me a lot about the slime that comes off of slugs. Say did you know those things are completely unintelligent? We toads and frogs would eat them. Good source of protein. Anyways, I was getting real sick and tired of hearing those noises that I decided to investigate what the heck was going on. Apparently some sort of yellow pollen from the flowers was bothering their noses. Once I understood that, I remembered that my family would sometimes have those problems so they would have to use a special mixture made of syrup and some slug slime. I then decided I would invent a special tool that could help these poor people, because I care about their welfare!"

China: "You wanted their money Shennong."

Shennong: "Wha-woman! Why are you hear!?"

China: "I'm hungry."

Shennong: "Then why didn't you make dinner?"

China: "Hotel's don't let me cook."

Shennong: "Well you better eat and then leave."

China: "Afraid I'll spoil your story?"

Shennong: "Grumble."

Later near a huge flight of stairs...

Shennong: "It took a while to come up with the perfect tool. It needed to be able to have a small opening that can go into the nose and allow the allergic person, that's a word I made up you know, yet it had to be easy enough to carry at all times. I got inspiration for it from travelers from India who used those hookah thingy's. Another inspiration is the little smoke pipes people use to smoke those weird grass stuff. It took me a long time, but I managed to create the inhaler. All you had to do was fill the little stick with a bit of slug slime, tree syrup and some other stuff I can't remember and bingo! You got the inhaler! I came up with that name myself. You see you stick open tube into your nose, not all the way mind you, and then you just start sniffing through that nostril. Big deep sniffs, breathe out through your mouth,do this several times and eventually your nasal passages are cleared. It was the invention of the century and I became very popular after that. We toads soon had a better reputation, and then I got married to Chin- CHINA WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?"

China: "Did you really think you can escape me so easily darling?"

Shennong: "I told you a hundred times I was suppose to do this interview alone! You should listen the first time!"

China: "I am your wife. I can choose whether or not I should listen to you."

Shennong: "Okay that is true."

China: "My warty darling is very amazing isn't he?"

Shennong: "Aw honey that's so nice of you. I'm sorry I was mean to you all day."

China: "He also made that fact medicine cream which was actually mud."

Shennong:"Woman! Why would you tell him that!?"

China: "Hehehehehe."

Shennong: "Don't record that Jun!"

Unfortunately for Shennong, the scribe did indeed kept every detail that was told to him. Later that night, Shennong and China were killed during Tai Lung's rampage through the Valley of Peace where they were staying for the night. Crushed by the roof of their hotel, they were eventually found and buried. Shennong's inhaler invention would revolutionize China, with Crane being the number one fan of the invention.

(Say hello, and goodbye to a rather silly healer and his wife. Not too many toads in fanfiction of in the Kung Fu Panda franchise so i decided this would feature a toad healer of sorts. This chapter was meant to explain the inhaler that Crane had in the Legends of Awesomeness episode, "Crane on a Wire.")