Deeks' POV. After 5 x 02, when Kensi drops by his apartment and he falls asleep for the first time since he was tortured.

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Four hundred and fifteen. That is the number of water stains on my ceiling. I started counting water stains thinking it would help me sleep. But hell, now I'm worried I need to replace my damn ceiling if I have so many water stains.

The audio books are certainly a waste of money. What the hell was I thinking? Clench and unclench your buttocks would relax you? Just reminded me how much I need fiber in my diet. Or just anything in my diet. Because not only have I not been sleeping, I haven't been eating either.

My teeth and jaw are still numb, like ghost pain, from the drill that attacked my mouth all those weeks ago. As much as it has destroyed my self worth and my belief in humanity, I still don't regret it. Not for a second. Sam needed me in that moment. And I would do it all over again.

I love those guys. Love Sam, love Callen. Hetty, I love. Eric and Nell, love, love.

Kensi. Yeah. Absolutely. I love her. Fucking love her, man.

But right now at this moment I can't be near them. Can't see them. I badly want to be with them. But I'm ashamed to.

Phone ringing.

Again.

Kensi.

Oh, honey. You're just... turn that off.

Knock on the door. Let's peak at that hole and it's...

Oh.

"Hey" Kensi said as I opened the door for her. Why must she be so beautiful.

"Hey" I said back.

She glides into my living room, Korean food and beer in hand. Three things my poor heart can never resist.

She hands me the yummy yummy heart attack. I hand her a beer. She said she wants to watch a movie with me.

I reach into the bag and felt a soft, sticky object.

"You got me a cronut?" I said.

"Yeah, a few days ago. It's gone bad, just throw it out". Kensi said.

"No" I'm keeping this" I said "Look at it. It's like America and France made sweet love and made a pastry baby".

Kensi laughed. She started telling me of the movie which has Audrey Hepburn I think? And that it had blood and beasts. Or was it breasts? I remember because I joked about it.

The sound of her voice was almost enchanting that I felt a warmth course through my body. She touched my leg as she talked about the movie, and her hand was warm where it fell. I felt my eyes start to ... quiver. Like when you watch too much Netflix and you wait for the next episode and the next thing you know it's six in the morning.

Well... that's what happened.

I guess I passed out.

When I opened my eyes, my head was on her lap. She had stretched me out on my couch, placed my head on her lap, and slept sitting down. My nose was mere inches away from her boob. Which was awesome. Haha.

From where I lay, I could smell her center. I guess she dabs perfume on her chest because it was intoxicating. When I moved a little bit to the other side, it woke her up. I pretended to be asleep, but I could hear her.

"Deeks?" she whispered.

I lied still. She ran her fingers through my hair. I've never felt so much affection, attention, and a third -tion I can't think about because hell, Kensi Blye is running her fingers through my hair. I mean, five years as partners, when did that happen? When was it ok to have her comb my hair with her slender, delicate fingers? And why is it happening just now?

Before I was captured, the last time I saw Kensi, I kissed her. She said I had bad communication skills, that I never say what I mean. I didn't know how else to tell her how much I feel for her. Love her. Want her. Desire her. Every cell in my body just wanted to cup her face and put my mouth on hers.

And now, here I am on her lap, having enjoyed my first good sleep in a while, her fingers combing my hair, and I knew. She must love me too.