Two caravan drivers were attacked by a class 1 monster called an earth dragon. It would have eaten them if not for the flash of light coming from inside its stomach. A minute later, the dragon started acting up. He coughed up a lot of blood and writhed around in pain. The men were confused as the dragon fell over to its death. A second later, a sword blade stuck itself out of its belly. A spill of blood later, a man pulled himself out of the dragon's stomach. He was wearing a red suit with black stripes.

"Now, that's what I call a heart attack!" he said. "To quote Ric Flair, 'Wooooo'!"

"Uh, what?" a caravan driver asked.

"What, no thank you?" he asked. "Man, I save you guys and I get no gratitude."

"Um… thank you." The other driver said. "Who are you?"

"The name's Wilson, Wade Wilson!" he said in a Sean Connery voice. "People like to call me Deadpool. So, tell me my good sir, which way to the Imperial capital?"

"You want to go there?" the caravan driver asked. "Well, if you go down the road, you'll reach it. But I warn you, there are people with hearts of monsters in there."

"My kind of town." Wade said. "Thank you. You've been a wonderful audience, but I gotta vamoose. My people will call your people." He walked away with the caravan drivers confused.

Just then, Wade turned to YOU and started talking. "Oh, hey. It's your favorite fourth-wall-breaking, line-crossing Merc with the Mouth in this little anime. Well, technically, fanfic, but semantics. This guy named Dracus6 or something like that requested this, and Epiclot is making it happen. You're probably wondering why I took down the beast instead of the anime's usual Tatsumi. Well, the truth is, I'm taking over. No haters; it's just how this story works. Also, as to why I'm in this Conan the Barbarian setting with a younger look… Well, I'll get into that in the next chapter. Right now, let's get on with the plot."

Later that night, Wade sat below a dimly lit street light playing a guitar he picked off of a dead guy in the gutter.

"Someday, we'll find it," he sang, "The rainbow connection. The lovers, the dreamers, and…"

"Excuse me." A sweet sound said. Wade looked up and saw a little girl smiling on him. "Are you from the country?"

"Was it my jam that gave it away?" Wade asked. "Let me just say, I'm tempted to ask you what you want for Christmas."

"Would you like to come stay at my place?" the girl said. "I'm sure my parents would love to help out a man in need."

"Just feed me snickerdoodles and you've got a deal." Wade said.

"What's a snickerdoodle?" one of the girl's guards asked his partner.

"How should I know?"

The girl, who is named Aria, brought Wade to her mansion at the outskirts of the city. He met up with her parents.

"It's good to see our little girl helping someone in need." The mother said.

"Aw, shucks." Wade said. "You're making me blush. See the red?"

"If I may ask, Mr. Wilson," the father said, "What's with the outfit?"

"Well, it's after Labor Day, and this is the only thing I had that wasn't white." Wade said. "Hey, is it okay if I ask for a couple of things while I stay here?"

"Anything to help." Aria said. "What do you need?"

"First, I need a tent." Wade said. "I'd like to sleep outside. I'm not going to get used to this fancy-shmancy fluffy pillows stuff. Second, I want a fan. Not a fancy one. Just anything that blows wind will do. Also, I'm a bit of a heavy meat-eater, so any piece of ray meat will do good. Lastly, I'd like a shovel because reasons."

"That's… odd." Aria said. "Okay, but one one condition: You get to help me go shopping tomorrow."

"Oh, goody." Deadpool cheered gleefully.

While Aria was in the store picking out new clothes to wear, Wade stood outside her carriage with another guard.

"How was your night, Mr. Wilson?" the guard asked.

"Uneventful." Deadpool said. "But I bet that's going to end tonight. Hey, speaking of royalty…"

"No one was talking about…"

"I bet that's the imperial castle over there." Deadpool looked at the large palace in the middle of the city. "Where the emperor rules over the entire kingdom."

"Not exactly." The guard said. "They don't like me saying this, but the emperor is just a child and incapable of making his own decisions. Instead, all the big decrees are made by his prime minister, Honest, a ruthless, heartless man with no remorse for anything he has done."

"So the prime minister's calling the shots." Deadpool said. "Bet he's got a lot of enemies."

"Yes," the guard agreed, "But mostly Night Raid."

"Night who?"

"Night Raid. An assassin's guild. They attack in the dark and leave no survivors when they target imperial figures."

"Not a lot of Facebook friends, I bet." Deadpool said.

Later that night, Deadpool continued to bunk in his tent in the backyard. Inside the tent, he turns to YOU.

"So yeah, that's pretty much the setting. I bet you all understand by now. Merc with the Mouth ending up in a strange world where monsters roam and humans are even worse. Everything is ruled by a nutty creep. So now, onto the plot."

Deadpool then heard several screams. He peeked outside and saw several figure standing on strings above the trees. Below them, a girl with black hair carrying a katana sliced through several guards.

"Man, they had to attack tonight." Deadpool complained. "Might as well get the whole thing over with."

Deadpool followed the katana girl until she caught up with another guard protecting Aria. She cut down the guard and tried to strike Aria, but Deadpool swooped in at the nick of time blocking it with his swords. The girl jumped back wielding her blade.

"I'm here to play swords and get freaky," Deadpool said, "And I'm all out of darns to give."

"You're not a target." The katana girl said. "Step aside so that I may finish her."

"Hate to break it to you, Samurai Jack," Deadpool said, "But I've got a good thing going on and you and your friends are ruining it. So if you want to kill this girl, you'll have to kill me first."

"All right." The katana girl said without emotion. She charged toward Deadpool who readied his swords as well.

When they first clashed blades, Aria took a step back to the side of the wooden shack she stood beside. She continued to watch as Deadpool and the katana girl continued to cross swords. Eventually, it ended with the girl outmaneuvering Deadpool and running her sword through his chest making Aria gasp.

"Ugh." Deadpool groaned as the girl in front of him removed her sword from his chest. "If you wanted an impaling, all you had to do was ask." Suddenly, he screamed in pain as black glyphs escaped his wound and surrounded his body. He fell forward as the girl he faced continued her way to Aria.

"Time to end this." She said as she held her sword above Aria's shaking head ready to strike. But before she could, she was surprised to hear Deadpool coughing. She turned and widened her eyes to see Wade Wilson slowly get back up.

"Man!" Deadpool said as his wound began to disappear. "I'm telling you, bean burritos do not agree with me. From now on, I'm sticking with my signature chimichangas."

"That's… not possible!" the katana girl gasped. "My weapon, it…"

"Let me guess, it's poisoned." Deadpool said. "Not a bad choice in weapons. But that won't save you if you think you can just pick on little girls. I have a soft spot for them."

"Who are you?" the katana girl asked in both confusion and surprise.

"…I'm Batman." Deadpool responded with a deep, raspy voice.

"Hold on there, slick."

Deadpool turned to see another teenage girl. She was tall with blonde hair and blonde-furred lion characteristics such as ears and claws. She didn't have a shirt on, but wrapped her chest with a black cloth.

"Hot tamales, now, that's a bod." Deadpool said. "So are you a model or famous actress?"

"Name's Leone. That girl who should have killed you is Akame. As you can guess, we're part of Night Raid. And believe it or not, we have a very good reason for being here. You think we're killing innocent people, but we're not. Take a good look."

Leone leaped and punched the door to the wooden shack. When Deadpool looked inside, it was worse than he imagined. The entire interior was filled with dead bodies and gutted corpses.

"This family has a sick habit of taking in country people from the street and torturing them later." Leone explained. "Even the mother has a habit of implanting them with viruses and documenting them in a journal. The guards knew about it and kept quiet, so they were just as guilty."

"Wade, don't listen to them!" Aria shouted. "I had no idea about this!"

"You can stop denying." Leone said. "Our client saw you take his daughter away to be tortured."

Aria was about to tear up, but then became angry.

"SO WHAT?!" she shouted. "THEY'RE ALL JUST COUNTRY BUPKINS AND I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT! THEY ARE NO DIFFERENT FROM SHEEP WAITING FOR SLAUGHTER!"

"Even the children of the cultural elite can be guilty." Leone said. "So—Wade, was it—now that you know all this?"

"'Now'?" Wade asked. "Lady, I already knew about this."

Akame, Leone, and Aria were all taken aback by this. They didn't expect this response.

"You… knew?" Aria asked.

"Well, yeah." Deadpool responded. "You taking me in off the streets? With everything I heard about the capital, I was immediately suspicious."

"You knew… and you're still going to let her live?" Leone asked.

"Who said I was going to let her family get away with it?"

"Leone!"

A few other characters emerged fro mhe trees. One was a man in big, metal armor. There was also a guy with green hair and a dark-green straightjacket, a girl with pink hair and twin-tails, and a girl wearing glasses and carrying a large pair of scissors.

"What are you all doing here?" Leone asked. "This wasn't the plan."

"Leone," the girl with the glasses said, "When I went to find the mother, she was already dead. I found her torn to pieces and forced to swallow a whole bottle of poison."

"What?" Leone asked surprised.

"Nothing like irony, I always say." Deadpool said. "I would have gotten the dad next, but he was unavailable and I had a schedule to keep up."

"You did this?" Leone asked. "I don't understand."

"Well, if you Merry Men wannabes would just let me explain, you will." Deadpool said with a heavy British accent. "You see, I have known since I arrived that this family was corrupted, so I cooked up a plan to get at them. Unfortunately, you all arrived at the worst possible time. Allow me to demonstrate." He pulled out the raw meat Aria's father let him have the other night.

"A piece of meat?" the guy with the straightjacket asked.

"Not quite as big as the one under my belt, but it would do." Deadpool said. "Ever since last night, I have been using a fan to get this smell into the forest."

"I'm afraid to ask," the pink-haired girl said, "But why?"

Suddenly, everyone heard a roar coming from the far side of the trees. A big, black bear emerged with drool dripping from its fangs.

"What… What are you doing?" Aria asked right before Deadpool gave the meat he was holding to her.

"You see, I make it a rule not to kill kids," Deadpool explained, "And I don't exactly have a cyborg assassin from the future to give me a hand, so I decided to hire another assassin: Mother Nature. Sorry, kid, but it's the circle, the circle of liiiiiiiiiife."

At that moment, Deadpool lifted the terrified Aria up like Rafiki lifting Simba and then tossed her to the bear. The bear then pounced on Aria, who screamed until the bear finished her off. The rest of Night Raid just stood there watching the slaughter.

"Well, I guess bear-wrestling isn't going to be on her resume anytime soon, am I right?" Deadpool asked.

"That's… I don't believe it." Leone said feeling intrigued by Deadpool's creative plan.

"Oh, and that's not all." Deadpool said pulling out a handheld button. "You see, in my freetime, I've been digging a tunnel system underneath the mansion and filling it with bombs."

"Bombs?" the man in the armor asked.

"SHAZAM!" Deadpool shouted as he pushed the botton.

Suddenly, the entire mansion in the distance was blown from underneath by a huge explosion of fire. Everyone watched as the shockwave blew a huge gust of wind that shook the surrounding trees.

"Sweet mother of…" the green-haired guy said. "Pal, who are you?"

"Right, time for some introductions." Deadpool said. "My name is Wade Wilson. People call me Deadpool, the Merc with the Mouth. I came to this world on a mission given to me by Death herself, and I'm here to help!"

The members of Night Raid looked at each other… until Leone made a furry lion fist and punched Deadpool in the face making him black out. Not a bad first impression, as the Merc with the Mouth might say.

Author's Note: Any and all comments welcome.