The Way Back

Chapter 1

Tim Bradford is frustrated. He understands everything that people say to him; he just can't speak. The doctor from the CDC explained what she thinks happened. Getting his head bashed in by a chair typically would not have caused as much damage as Tim suffered to his brain, but combined with the weakened but still live virus in the vaccine, he suffered a bleed. A neurosurgeon was able to seal it off, but it affected his speech. He can't write either. He can nod and point to pictures of what he wants, which activates a speech synthesizer, but that's about it.

The neurologist who visited him in the hospital said there was a chance that with therapy, his brain would rewire enough so that he could speak again, but it would take time and a lot of work. That's why he's in rehab.

At least the staff there doesn't give him the sympathetic smiles he gets from Lucy. They're all about the work. He wouldn't have expected it, but John Nolan doesn't have pity in his eyes either, just determination. After declaring that he knows that Tim will find his voice, he's shown up every few days with news from Mid-Wilshire - explaining that he's going to keep Tim in the loop.

Grabbing her purse to go home, Nell Forrester turns around as John Nolan knocks on the door of dispatch. "Ms. Forrester, can I speak to you for a minute?"

Nell Shrugs. "I was just about to leave, but you can walk me out, Officer Nolan. What can I do for you?"

"For me, nothing," John explains, as he accompanies her through the station. "But I think you might be able to help Tim Bradford."

"How? I let Tim cry in his beer with me, over what happened with his wife, but I'm no therapist. If anyone is good at that kind of thing, it's your friend Chen."

"Lucy tried, but I believe Tim resents seeming helpless in front of his boot. You're not a cop, but you're a colleague, from all appearance, one he likes. I've been bringing him news from the job, arrests, Grey's rants, that kind of stuff. But as a dispatcher, you know everything that goes on. If you tell him about it, he'll feel like he's still part of things, that he'll have something to come back to. After Isabel, being a cop is all he has. He needs to maintain that connection."

"You sound more like a therapist than Chen does, Nolan."

"It's just experience. I went through some bad times when I wasn't sure where I belonged. It's like being adrift at sea with your food and water running out and no land in sight. Tim needs to be able to see the shore, and I think you can show it to him better than any of us can - if you're willing.

Nell smiles, shaking her head. "Sure. Tim can be an underhanded sonofabitch sometimes, but he has a heart. I'll go visit him and see what happens."

John grins down at her. "That's all I'm asking."

John spies Ben looking out at the water from the lawn surrounding the guest house. "Considering going surfing?"

Ben holds up a hand. "No, thanks. I'm having a hard time believing in "'Catch a wave, and you're sitting on top of the world,' or 'Surf City' these days. But I was thinking about trying that new Indian place that just opened up. I could do with a good curry. You want to go?"

John lays a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Sorry, Buddy. The rookie exam's been rescheduled for tomorrow, and I've got to hit the books."

"I thought you knew that stuff inside and out."

"I did, but that was before, bioterrorism, Tim going down and…"

"Jessica?"

"Yeah," John admits. "Coming so soon after what happened to Captain Andersen, that really did a number on my head. I need to make sure I still have everything straight."

"I'll bring you back a doggy bag."

"Thanks. Enjoy your dinner, Ben. It's good to see you getting out there again."

"It's good to be getting out there again."

John presses his fists to his eyes. The spice in the meal Ben brought back for him was an infusion of energy for a while, but he's barely focusing now. He checks his watch. Midnight. He doesn't have to be at roll call in the morning. The test is scheduled for 11:00 am. He could get in a couple more hours of studying and still fit in enough sleep to be alert, but it might be better to do it the other way round and finish going over things in the morning.

There's nothing - or no one - to keep him from sleeping. He and Jessica have barely said a word to each other since she made her claim that Jimmy reached for a gun. That's just as well. At the review, he had to tell exactly what he saw, and it wasn't good for her. It wasn't great for him either. He wanted desperately to believe her, but after putting what happened together with her not warning him to keep Henry away from L.A., he couldn't deny his memory of what happened to himself, let alone the questioner from DHS. His bed is empty, but he's had an empty bed before, first with Sarah and then with Lucy. Right now it's better to concentrate on his job, and for that, doing the best he can on the exam will make all the difference.

To John, the room seems too large for Jackson, Lucy, and him, even if they are at separate tables. Every sound seems to echo, and the ticking of the clock on the wall is audible. Ben finally helped him get the hang of operating the espresso machine in the guest house, so he's awake - wide awake.

Most of the questions are things he'd carefully written on flashcards, much as he'd done for Henry when the boy was growing up. There are a few that he has to consider for a moment, but he spent so much time going over the Rookie manual - especially after he broke up with Lucy, that he can visualize the pages in his mind.

John's finished even before Grey calls time, and sits quietly going over his answers. But he always knew this would be the easy part. The oral exam with the Chief could be another matter entirely. After he stood up for Bishop, it was hard to tell if the chief respected him or decided to do his best to bounce him. He can only hope for the best.

Grey sends the rookies on a lunch break before their individual orals. Lucy and Jackson are picking at taco salads, and John doesn't feel much more enthusiastic about his burger. "I didn't finish," Jackson admits. "When I got to the part about procedures when shots are being fired, I kept seeing myself freeze. And I heard my father's voice in my head about being born to be a cop. I never had a chance to think about being anything else, and now I wonder if I should have."

Nolan reaches across the table, placing his hand on the young man's arm. "Jackson, you had your stumbles, we all did. At least Grey didn't put yours up on the screen at roll call. You learned how to do the job, as Lucy and I did. We were ready for the written we just took, and we're ready for the chief."

Lucy mashes the plastic dome back over her half-finished salad. "I wish I could have talked to Bradford - really talked. He put me through so much, but he was always there for me when it counted. And now he's…"

"He's going to get better," Nolan insists. "He's going to have more help, and he's going to make it back. I really believe that."

Lucy shakes her head. "John, I think you believe in the Easter Bunny."

"I only believed until I was six. And Henry believed until he was seven. Lucy, I've been through too much in my life - and in the last six months - to see things through rose-colored glasses. But I think if anyone can beat the odds, it's Bradford."

Grey appears in the door of the breakroom. "The chief is ready. Chen, you're up first."

John starts to reach for her hand but pulls back. That time is gone.